


Don't Let Me Fall

by NuwandaSnicket



Series: Don't Let Me Fall [1]
Category: Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Genre: Ali pov, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Lawrence POV, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Rating May Change, Romance, a bit of angst, first-ish person thoughts about in film events, mention of real life sexual assault, movieverse, so some historical inaccuracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-07-06 17:10:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 93,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15890406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuwandaSnicket/pseuds/NuwandaSnicket
Summary: Lawrence and Ali could not have gotten off to a worse start.  If they ever saw the last of each other, it could not happen soon enough.But some things change.I'm horrible at summaries.  I apologize.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for **gomory** , the only person who commented on my first Lawrence of Arabia work, who asked for more and gave me the courage and inspiration and even the drive to write another one. I hope this lives up to your expectations, lovely. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first two chapters start slowly, but stick with it, it warms up quickly!

From the very first moment Lawrence had laid eyes on Sherif Ali ibn el Kharish, he had hated the man. There had never been any other option, not after he had shot and killed Tafas. 

But it went deeper than that. He just had an air about him. That smile on his face when he told Lawrence he was welcome to the well. The way he borrowed Lawrence’s cup, declaring “I will use it,” with a tone as though he were bestowing some great favor upon the Englishman by doing so. How pleased he looked that Lawrence had heard his name before. But most of all the way he simply refused to be flustered by anything Lawrence said. That insufferable smirk of his drove Lawrence crazy. He wanted to punch it off the Harith's face.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t likely he would ever get the chance. It wouldn’t be very good for English-Arab relations if he went around hitting one of Prince Feisal’s top men. Still, a man could dream.

Things didn’t go much better at their second meeting. At least no one died this time. But for some reason, Ali wasn’t nearly so cordial. He seemed extremely resentful of Lawrence’s presence there. Distrustful, perhaps. Well, Lawrence wasn’t there to please him. Actually, if he managed to irritate Ali now and again, so much the better, in his opinion.

But he had to solve Feisal’s problem. That was the issue, first and foremost. Lawrence sat up all night, wracking his brain. He was vaguely aware that he had two shadows, the boys who had been tailing him the entire trip there, but he had no time to spare for them now. It wasn’t until dawn that he finally had a solution fully mapped out in his head.

“Akaba. From the land.”

Ali was on his feet in an instant, shock in his eyes. “You are mad!” 

Lawrence couldn’t deny that he took great pleasure in the expression on Ali’s face. Maybe the judgement in his voice should have been upsetting but instead Lawrence felt an overwhelming sensation of almost….pride? Was it pride? He dared to do something Ali did not. Yes, he would wipe all traces of the smugness from their encounter at the well right off that bastard’s face.

Ali agreed to the mission, as Lawrence knew he would. Say what you would about the man, he didn’t lack courage, and above all else, he was devoted to Feisal and the cause; Lawrence had to give him that. But he would award the Harith nothing else.

Several days into the journey, Lawrence realized just how over-confident he had been. Ali had been right: the Nefud was worse than anything Lawrence had ever experienced, and this was coming from a man who put out matches with his bare fingers for fun. Yet Ali was unfazed, at least outwardly. While this made perfect sense (Ali had been born in Arabia, grown up here), it still frustrated Lawrence more than he could say.

The crowning failure was when Ali caught him asleep on his camel during the day’s ride. He was rudely awakened by a sharp _thwap_ as Ali hit him with his riding crop. His cheeks burned with humiliation. To be caught sleeping by Ali after all of his boastful words…..it was mortifying. He tried to deny it, but Ali saw right through him, so he gave in and admitted to his transgression, submitting to Ali’s scolding. The smug bastard.

Well, two could play at this game. Lawrence simply refused to let it get to him, doubling down on his casual air, even going so far as to tell Ali that he would wake him up when it was time to resume their travels (that got under Ali’s skin, he could tell). Still, despite all this feigned indifference, he couldn’t hide his relief when they had finally crossed the Sun’s Anvil safely.

Until he realized that Gasim was missing. Then, despite the weakness overwhelming his body, despite the fact that he was on the verge of collapse, he knew he had to go back. This was his fault. He had brought these men here. He was responsible for them. The point was driven home by Ali as he hissed “Gasim you have killed already!”

The words stung. He didn’t want them to be true. He refused to let them be true. So he ignored the screaming pain, the exhaustion, ignored _Ali_ , and turned back towards the Sun’s Anvil.

If there was one thing that made leaving that much easier, it was Ali’s reaction. At Lawrence’s words, his actions, Ali positively exploded. Lawrence couldn’t help but find it a bit amusing, and it gave him the tiny surge of strength he needed to return to the burning heat of the Anvil.

He had truly never doubted finding Gasim, or making it back. What he hadn’t expected was the expression on Ali’s face. The shock, quickly melting away into….respect? He had never thought to see Ali look at him that way. For some reason, it made his heart beat faster, pounding away for no reason he could understand. Then they were face to face, and Ali was smiling as he offered the skin of water. Lawrence had never seen him smile that way. He couldn’t help thinking how lovely it was.

And then Ali offered up his own bed. It seemed impossible, but he did. Lawrence tried to remove his jacket, fingers trembling, but he was so exhausted, and the cot looked so inviting. He collapsed, face first, immediately taking in the scent of Ali lingering on the blanket. He only had time to notice how pleasant the smell was before he fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

**~*~**

 

Waking that night was strange. His body felt so weak and it took a moment to remember why. Then his long ride to rescue Gasim came flooding back, along with the memory of Ali, the way he had looked at Lawrence……those eyes….

He realized with a start of surprise that Ali was a mere foot or so away, and those very eyes were staring intently at him right that moment. It was startling, but not unpleasant. Though not as pleasant as the way Ali’s face was glowing. Ali had never looked at him that way before. There was a softness to his face that had never before been there when he had spoken to Lawrence. To his men, to his camel…..those he cared about, Lawrence realized, with dawning shock. He accepted the food that Ali called for, only realizing as he began to eat just how hungry he was.

“El Aurens…”

His gaze snapped up, astonished to hear that “El”, that term of respect, given to him by Ali. But the smile on Ali’s face was equally surprising.

“Truly, for some men nothing is written unless _they_ write it.”

The words melted his heart. Still, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Not ‘El Aurens’,” he corrected. “Just Lawrence.”

Ali wasn’t deterred by the correction. “El Aurens is better.”

Lawrence had to concede the point, nodding. “True.”

Silence fell between them as Lawrence shoveled as much food in as quickly as possible. God, he was hungry. Ali was still watching him, but for some reason, it wasn’t making him uncomfortable. When at last the Harith spoke up, his tone was curious.

“Your father too, just Mr. Lawrence?” 

Oh God. Suddenly he wasn’t so hungry anymore. Lawrence leaned back against the saddle resting beneath his head. “My father is Sir Thomas Chapman.”

“Is that a Lord?”

“A kind of a Lord.”

“Then when he dies, you too will be a Lord.”

Ali sounded pleased, almost proud. And despite the fact that up until several hours ago, the two of them hadn’t been getting along, Lawrence hated to disappoint him. “No,” he said softly.

“Ah. You have an elder brother.” Ali’s voice was sympathetic. Lawrence could almost laugh at the situation were it not so horribly awkward, so painful.

“No.” He prayed that Ali would just figure it out and let the matter drop.

No such luck.

“But then….I do not understand this….your father’s name is Chapman--”

Lawrence cut him off. “Ali. He didn’t marry my mother.”

Ali was very silent. Lawrence couldn’t look at him, didn’t want to see what sort of expression he was wearing now. “I see.” Whatever that tone was in his voice, Lawrence couldn’t read it.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was a whisper, though he didn’t know why. It was nothing to be ashamed of, yet for some reason, he didn’t want to disappoint Ali.

After several more agonizing minutes, Ali broke the silence, his voice gentle. “It seems to me that you are free to choose your own name, then.”

The words were completely unexpected. Lawrence looked at Ali in surprise. Those dark eyes were smiling softly at the Englishman.

“Yes,” he managed, “I suppose I am.”

Ali smiled. “El Aurens is best.” 

Lawrence could feel the heat rise in his face, warmth flooding his entire body. His heart began to beat so fast he thought Ali would hear it for sure. He wondered if the Harith had any idea what an enormous gift he had just given.

“Alright,” he whispered. “I’ll settle for ‘El Aurens.”

With that, Aurens rolled over, turning away so that Ali would not see the happy tears filling his eyes. But that didn’t stop him from feeling Ali tugging the blanket up over him, tucking him in. A happiness he had never known overwhelmed him, making him feel safe and loved, wrapping him tightly in its warm embrace until he fell into the first truly peaceful sleep he had ever known.

 

**~tbc~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So don't expect chapters nearly this fast. I don't know where the inspiration for a second came from, except maybe for the fact that I've literally been watching this movie at least once a week lately. Because I have no life.  
> And reading Seven Pillars of Wisdom. Which is not loserly, cuz it's an amazing book and T.E Lawrence is amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for _Speeding_Copley_ , for reviewing and replying to my comment. I'm a whore for reviews. :P

To be perfectly honest, right from the very beginning Ali hadn’t known what to make of Aurens. Their introduction hadn’t been a good one, that much was perfectly true. But the way Aurens _looked_ at him…..his blue eyes were hard, pure hatred in them. Ali wasn’t used to that, to someone wearing their feelings so openly. It fascinated him, maybe even more so because Aurens’ voice was so soft, the emotion bubbling just below the surface. Maybe he was trying to keep it all under control because they would both be working for Feisal? Whatever the reason, it was interesting.

Then he called Ali…..what was it…..”silly, barbarous, and cruel”. _That_ wasn’t so amusing. Still, Ali couldn’t help but be intrigued, even more so when Aurens refused his offer of help, that coolness never failing, not even when Ali threatened to take his compass. Ali couldn’t help but respect that. “God be with you, English.” And amazingly, he truly meant the words.

 

**~*~**

 

Meeting Aurens a second time wasn’t as pleasant. However interesting the man may be, Ali didn’t trust British officers, especially when they seemed supportive of the Arab cause. At least this man Brighton made his intentions clear, telling them that the English would not attack Akaba. Aurens, on the other hand, quoted scripture to Feisal, capturing his attention, then went on to contradict everything Brighton said. If it was an act, it was a damn good one. Brighton certainly seemed upset by it. When they all retired for the night, Feisal asked Aurens to stay behind, even after Ali had left. Dammit, did that make him angry. He was burning to know what the Englishman was saying in there. But he would not question Feisal. Still, he watched from the shadows as Aurens emerged from the tent. The man had an extremely pensive look on his face, brow furrowed in thought. 

Ali watched Aurens pace long into the night. He remained up, maintaining a silent watch with those two young boys who had taken such a liking to Aurens ( _God_ knows why), keeping his distance so he would not be seen. Only when Aurens finally stirred in the early hours of the morning did he move, returning to his tent before he could be noticed.

And then Aurens revealed his plan. Akaba. The man had to be insane. Ali felt that already familiar irritation at Aurens’ presumption, the way he assumed crossing the Nefud would be easy. Still, despite that, he couldn’t help but feel a grudging respect growing. The mere fact that Aurens would even dare to attempt the journey was worthy of admiration, even more so when one took into account that he had in fact found his way to Feisal without a guide. Maybe he _could_ make the trip.

So Ali agreed. It was worth a try. They would only be risking fifty men, which was not a large loss to Feisal in the grand scheme of things, and if they pulled it off, the reward would be great. And if he was lucky, he would get a chance to see Aurens suffer a little along the way. Maybe it was petty; he didn’t care.

He got his wish. Aurens hid it well, but it was easy to see that he was suffering. Ali felt a little guilty that he got pleasure out of the sight, but he couldn’t help but be happy that the man would find out for himself: Life in the desert was not easy. One way or another, Aurens would learn that. 

Even better was when he caught the man asleep on his camel. Oh God, was that satisfying. Ali gave Aurens a smack with his riding crop, hitting just a tiny bit harder than he normally would (so who could blame him…..it was hot and Aurens was annoying). The Englishman tried to deny that he had been drifting but Ali simply stared at him levelly.  


“You were drifting.”

“….yes,” Aurens admitted. Oh, it was so gratifying to hear. “It will not happen again.”

“Be warned. You were drifting.” He had to rub it in, he just had to.

The Englishman turned to him, displeasure written on his face, but he knew he had been caught in a bad position and clearly didn’t want to fight. Still, he annunciated every word of his reply, his irritation clear. “ _It will not happen again_.”

Smug, Ali rode off. This trip was proving more enjoyable than he had expected.

 

**~*~**

 

He was relieved when they made it across the Sun’s Anvil, though he refused to let it show. Relieved until he realized that somewhere along the way, Gasim had fallen from his camel, and been left behind. To have made it through the Nefud and only lose one man was good, but not good enough. He felt an overwhelming surge of anger towards Aurens, an anger that only grew when the man insisted he was going back.

“Go back, then! English blasphemer!” He was screaming and he couldn’t quite explain why. “What did you bring us here for, with your blasphemous conceit?” 

He was even more furious at the way that Aurens completely ignored him, simply riding past as he continued to yell. “Go back, blasphemer! But you will not be at Akaba!”

That finally seemed to get Aurens’ attention and he turned. The smile on his face almost made Ali explode. “I shall be at Akaba. _That_ is written. Here.” And he tapped his forehead. With that he turned away again and rode off.

Ali didn’t know that he had ever been so angry as he was at this moment. His entire body was trembling with rage as he watched Aurens disappear from sight. “ _ENGLISH! **ENGLISH!**_ ” 

 

**~*~**

 

After that there was nothing to do but wait. The other men got some much needed rest and refreshment, and watered the camels. Ali could not rest. He sat moodily drawing patterns in the dirt with his riding crop, unable to get a moment’s peace, still fuming. It was an indescribable feeling of rage, so many emotions bubbling inside him. He was furious with Aurens. For bringing them on this trip in the first place, and for leaving them now. 

And yet he was also….afraid? He didn’t want to see Aurens disappear into that desert, never to return. He didn’t want Aurens to die. Somehow, despite all the frustrations and irritations, he had grown attached to the man. The Englishman had been the one to come up with this plan, as crazy as it had been, and despite the odds, had survived the Nefud. To see him die now due to some overdeveloped sense of loyalty to a man he barely knew…..Ali hated to think of it.

A sudden cry split the relative quiet. Ali’s ears pricked up. Looking, he saw Farraj charging down the hill where he had been keeping lookout, stumbling in his hurry and falling, nearly rolling down half of it.

_It cannot be._

But it had to. Only one thing could have the boy that excited. Ali was on his feet in an instant, skin of water in his hand, dark eyes searching and….yes. There they were, Daud and Aurens, with a very tired looking Gasim clinging to his waist. 

Ali couldn’t believe his eyes. He strode through the crowd, knowing how exhausted and parched Aurens must be. Suddenly, he realized that Aurens was looking his way, those eyes locked on him. It made his heart skip a little beat for no reason he could understand. 

Many people were offering Aurens water, but for some reason, he wasn’t accepting any of them. Then he stopped, camel kneeling right beside Ali. Those eyes found him again, those eyes that had struck him so deeply at their first meeting. He realized yet again just how piercing a blue they were.

Smiling, he stepped forward and offered the water to Aurens. Both of them saw it for what it was: a peace offering. His heart raced nervously as he waited to see if Aurens would accept.

He did. 

Pausing, water in hand, Aurens whispered “nothing is written,” in a voice dry from hours spent in the desert, then drank long and deep.

Several men offered their beds to Aurens, but he passed them all. Ali waited to see if he would do the same with Ali’s, but no; this time, he accepted. Ali watched him nearly collapse onto the blanket, briefly nuzzling his face against the rough fabric before he fell asleep.

 

**~*~**

 

It was many hours later when Aurens awoke. Ali was ridiculously happy to see that he wasn’t the only one whose mood had changed. Aurens was much more open with him, even smiling as they spoke, and this time not that smug little smile that made Ali want to hit him.

Then came the awkward revelation about his father. For a moment, Ali was worried that he had overstepped his bounds, that all the progress they had made this day would be lost. Aurens looked so regretful, and for some reason even apologized to Ali. Apologized! As if Ali would think any less of him for having unmarried parents.

When Ali spoke again, his voice was soft. “It seems to me…that you are free to choose your own name, then.”

The reaction was immediate. Aurens’ head snapped up; he looked at Ali in surprise. Ali’s heart was beating so fast, like a small bird, so nervous that he had said something wrong.

But Aurens wasn’t upset. “Yes,” he answered, “I suppose I am.”

Ali smiled. “El Aurens is best.”

The most beautiful expression came over Aurens’ face. It was a smile…small, but it was there, and such an honest happiness that Ali felt he could melt on the spot. “Alright,” the Englishman whispered. “I’ll settle for ‘El Aurens.” With that, he turned away, but not before Ali saw the tears filling his eyes. Still, he knew they were tears of gladness. He had said something right…made Aurens happy. And despite the fact that up until several hours ago, they had been at each other’s throats, that made him happier than he had felt in…..God. How long had it been?

Leaning in, he pulled the blanket up over Aurens (how nice was that name to say now, knowing Aurens had accepted it as his real name, not just the one the Arabs could easily pronounce?). Then, a thought occurred. Moving to the makeshift line they had hung Aurens’ clothes up to dry on, he picked up each piece and threw them onto the fire one by one. An ordinary British uniform was not good enough for El Aurens. He would do something about that first thing tomorrow.

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is probably going to be the format, alternating pov like this. Each may not get a pov for the same "chapter" the way they did for this one, but I felt like they each had their own take on their first meeting. We'll see how it goes in the future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I can tell, "bisht" is the name of the outer robe that Ali gives Aurens when he says "they are good for riding". I may be wrong, but when I researched it online, that is the name I found.

It was strange waking the next day and knowing that things were so different between him and Ali. Strange, but nice. Seeing that smile directed at him for once. Seeing a smile at all. Ali smiled so rarely. Not a full smile, anyway. With his men, his face was soft and open, and sometimes the full smile was there when speaking with Majid, who he was clearly very close with. Sometimes it was there when with his camel, which had actually made Aurens laugh, albeit against his will, since he had disliked the man at the time. The camel would make an unexpected groaning snort and Ali would let out a laugh as though he couldn’t help it, affectionately patting the animal. It was impossible not to smile at the sight. Ali clearly loved the beast, and Aurens had prayed that she didn’t die during the trip. He would feel horrible. Luckily, it hadn’t happened.

But now….now that rare smile was directed at him. It gave him warm butterflies, knowing he was now among the favored few who had earned that sacred smile. “Good morning, Ali.”

“Good morning, Aurens.” He raised a brow. “Did you sleep well?”

“Remarkably.” It was true; Aurens had gotten the first truly peaceful sleep he could remember. Sitting up, he stretched, feeling every muscle strain with the effort. The entire trip had been exhausting, but yesterday had really taken every last bit of strength he had. Then, he was distracted by…well….a lack of something. “….Ali…..what happened to my clothes?”

Ali smiled, but Aurens saw a hint of nervousness in his face. “I have something for you.” Rising, he went to his bag and rummaged through for a minute. When he returned, he held in his hands a neatly folded bundle. It was difficult to discern what it was, but it was clearly fabric of the highest quality, a pure white with beautiful embroidery. Aurens looked up at Ali inquiringly. 

“They are robes…..if you will have them.”

Aurens could feel his heart pounding. “You…..truly?”

Ali nodded, still smiling, but deadly serious. “You would honor us greatly.”

The Englishman reached out and traced the pattern of the embroidery, unable to believe it. “Ali….I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes.”

A smile broke over Aurens’ face; he nodded. “Yes. Of course, yes. Thank you, Ali.”

Ali shook his head. “No, Aurens. Thank _you_.”

 

**~*~**

 

Standing in his new clothes, surrounded by the rest of the men, Aurens would have expected to feel awkward, ill at ease. Instead, he felt as though he had come home. These men felt more familiar to him than those he had lived with for years, worked with in the British army. And this clothing….it was as natural as a second skin, and just as comfortable.

And the way Ali was looking at him…..

“They are the robes of a Sherif of the Beni Wejh.” That smile was beyond beautiful. Ali looked so proud of Aurens. He could feel the flush rising in his face. For the first time, he felt awkward, unsure of how to react to all that pride. He stroked the soft silk of the robes.

“Very fine.” Despite the burning in his cheeks, he couldn’t stop smiling. “Great honor.”

“The honor is to us,” Majid spoke up. “Salaam, sherif.” 

Aurens moved to respond in kind, then paused, turning to Ali. “Is it permitted?”

Ali’s smile became amused. “Surely.”

Aurens returned the salaam, turning circles so he could salaam to all the men, finally making a full circle back to Ali. The Harith’s face was still aglow.

“They are good for riding,” Ali said. He held up a sheer white cloak, or bisht, offering it. “Try!”

Aurens let Ali help him into the robe, feeling a little shiver run through him at the sensation of Ali’s hands running down his shoulders as he smoothed the fabric. He didn’t understand the feeling, so he did his best to ignore it, heading to his camel.

Ali was right; riding in the robes was incredibly easy. They were also much more comfortable in this heat than his uniform had been. 

As soon as he had rounded the corner and was safely out of sight behind a rocky cliff face, he dismounted. The robes were flowing freely in the wind, and he paused to take in the sight of his shadow on the ground. It was too good to resist: he held his arms out to the sides like an airplane and began to run like a child, letting the robes billow behind him.

It was only then that he noticed the man on horseback, staring at him. He screeched to a halt. Of course he would be noticed when he was behaving like a five year old.

The man looked as though he thought Aurens was insane. “…..what are you doing, Englishman?”

Aurens gave a studiously careless shrug, as though what he had been up to was perfectly normal. “As you see.” He resisted the temptation to glance around. “Are you alone?”

“Almost.” His face was dead serious as he studied Aurens. “Are you with that party of dogs who are drinking at my well?”

_Oh no._ “Yours?”

The man fired a single gunshot. “I am Auda Abu Tayi.” Of course Aurens would run into the one man they needed to impress while he was behaving like an idiot. Of course they would make him angry by drinking at his well without permission. _And_ he was armed. This could in no way end well. 

That thought was _almost_ entirely correct. Auda’s “backup” turned out to be only his son, a young boy, which made things considerably easier than if they’d had to deal with an entire tribe.

Still, that did not make the conversation between Auda and Ali any less tense. 

“Harith….Ali…” The exaggerated pretense of not recognizing Ali’s name was so incredibly obvious. Then it got even worse. “Does your father still steal?”

Ali’s face was stiff with anger he was holding back with every ounce of effort. “No.” The word was bitten back sharply. “Does Auda take me for one of his own bastards?”

Aurens sat on his camel, watching the exchange of insults and desperately trying to think of a way to end it before blood was shed. Then, Ali got a bit too smarthmouthed, and Auda’s hands went to the hilt of his sword. “Auda!” The man froze. “We are fifty; you are two. How if we shot you down?”

Ali was staring at Aurens as if he was insane, and honestly he supposed he might be, to ask such a question. He hadn’t even known what he was going to say before he said it. All he knew was that he had to stop Auda from hurting Ali. The sight of Auda going for his sword had sent a panic through Aurens, heart racing in fear. The thought of losing Ali….but he couldn’t think about that now. Now he just had to find the right way to calm Auda. 

Miraculously, it all worked out. They even got an invitation to dine with Auda that evening. Maybe once everyone had a chance to calm down, they could have a much more cordial conversation. Then they could figure out a way to get the man to join their cause.

Aurens glanced at Ali. The Harith was packing up his saddlebags, clearly still unhappy about all that had just passed. Aurens didn’t blame him. He knew firsthand how touchy a subject fathers could be. Somehow, he would raise Ali’s spirits. No matter what, he would find a way.

Still, for the time being, he had to see that there was no more risk of bloodshed.

"Try not to lose your temper, Ali."

He could hear Ali bristle with anger even before the man spoke. "You think Auda is right? I should have just stood there and--"

"I'm not saying that. You have every right to be angry. But please. Try not to get yourself killed? I'm growing rather attached to you."

The apologetic expression that had come over Ali's face at the reminder of Auda's sword quickly faded, a huge smile growing in its place. "Oh?"

Aurens could feel the color rising in his face. "Yes."

"Attached, you say?" God, that tone was so smugly pleased.

"Yes, Ali." The Harith merely laughed at the frustration. The sound was beautiful, flowing over Aurens like silk, taking away all that irritation. "So please....try not to anger Auda?"

Ali nodded, that lovely smile still gracing his lips. "For you, Aurens."

Cheeks burning, Aurens mounted his camel and joined the procession, consciously aware of Ali's eyes upon him as they rode toward Auda's camp and whatever next adventure lay in store for them.

 

**~*~**

 

Dinner with Auda had been interesting, to say the least. Aurens was quickly coming to realize that the best way to make any sort of headway with this man was to push him and goad him until he was nearly at the breaking point, then bring him back down. It was almost like lancing a boil. 

In the end, they got what they wanted. Auda was coming to Akaba.

When it was time to retire for the night, Aurens was pleased to see Ali following him. He slipped off the bisht, removed the keffiyeh. “Well…..some of that could have gone better.”

His words got the desired result: Ali let out a burst of laughter. Aurens smiled to hear it.

“Yes,” Ali agreed. “But we achieved our goal.”

“True.” 

Ali rolled his blanket out beside Aurens, settling down beside the Englishman. Aurens felt that little flutter that was quickly becoming so familiar where the man was concerned. “By the way….where did these robes come from?” It had struck him as unusual that Ali had a spare pair of robes on him, and such ornate ones.

A flush rose in Ali’s cheeks. “Ah….they are my wedding robes.” The words were mumbled, almost inaudible. Still, Aurens heard, and his eyes widened.

“Did you say your wedding robes?”

Ali’s eyes narrowed, immediately defensive. “Yes.”

“Why were you travelling with your wedding robes?” Aurens tried to keep all signs of amusement off his face. Ali looked positively humiliated. Aurens felt bad for him.

“My father sent them to me,” the Harith muttered.

Oh God, this just kept getting better and better.

“What? Why?” A thought occurred, and Aurens couldn’t help but grin. “A hint, perhaps?"

The look on Ali’s face said that this was EXACTLY the reason. "Perhaps," he answered shortly.

Aurens chuckled softly. "Well, I'll try to take good care of them, Sherif. Your bride won't even know they've been worn."

Ali bristled visibly. He opened his mouth as though to retort, but stopped immediately when he saw Aurens’ face. Aurens wasn’t mocking him, wasn’t being mean. There was nothing on his face but a soft smile. Ali smiled in return, that beautiful smile that made Aurens’ heart beat a little faster. "There is no bride, English." For some reason, the term didn’t sound as foreign and insulting as it used to. Aurens stifled a laugh, smiling at the man. 

"There will be." He just knew it. "A girl would have to be mad to turn you down." And he meant it. The more he got to know Ali, he realized how amazing the man was. Even as he thought back on the days they had spent in the Nefud, now that he could see him through eyes not clouded by prejudice, he was noticing details he hadn’t, all the little things about Ali that were so kind and caring. Anyone would be lucky to have Ali for their husband.

Ali hadn’t replied. He was merely staring at Aurens, eyes wide with shock, mouth slightly open as though completely dumbfounded. As Aurens watched, a crimson blush crept into his cheeks. "....I..." But it seemed as though he could find no other words. Finally, he turned away, curling up on his blanket. "Goodnight, Aurens.”

Aurens did his best to hide his smile. “Goodnight, Ali.”

This time, it was his turn to tuck Ali in.

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave reviews and I post faster! If I know people are reading then it makes me want to write.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for **brightsidest** , who left me such a lovely comment last chapter and gave me the spirit to upload this one.
> 
> Seriously, guys, no joke, it really helps me get work done when you comment. <3

For no reason Ali could explain, he watched Aurens sleep long into the night. After their exhausting trip, he should have been ready to pass out. He _was_ tired, but for some reason, he was content to sit and watch Aurens sleep. The Englishman just looked so peaceful, even after the day he’d had. And after all they’d discussed, and the beautiful way Aurens had smiled at him….well, Ali liked to think part of that peacefulness was due to him.

It was nearly morning before he himself dozed off. He didn’t get much sleep, but then, he was used to that. He still awoke before Aurens, smiling to see the man still at rest. He deserved it, after that ride. Even so, he would be awake soon enough. Ali set to getting food and coffee ready.

Sure enough, Aurens awoke not ten minutes later. It didn’t take the man long to notice that his clothes were missing. For the first time since he had decided to toss the uniform, Ali felt a flutter of nerves. Suppose Aurens didn’t want the robes?

Well, it was too late now. He pulled them from his bag and offered them to Aurens. The man looked at him with curiosity, not understanding

“They are robes…..if you will have them.”

The look of wonder that broke over Aurens’ face sent Ali’s heart racing. He didn’t look as though he could believe what Ali was offering him. “You…..truly?”

Ali nodded. “You would honor us greatly.” His smile grew as Aurens reached out, fingertips tracing over the robes, the pattern of the embroidery. He still didn’t look as though he could believe Ali was serious. 

“Ali….I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes,” Ali implored.

Aurens’ gaze rose from the robes, blue eyes meeting Ali’s brown ones. A glorious smile dawned over his face. “Yes. Of course, yes. Thank you, Ali.”

Ali felt as though he could fly. “No, Aurens. Thank _you_.”

 

**~*~**

 

Aurens looked perfect in the robes, as though he were born to wear them. As if he was never meant to wear anything else. Ali thought back to the day they had met at the well and his initial impression of Aurens, the way the man had struck a chord in him. He hadn’t known why then and he supposed he still wasn’t entirely sure why Aurens resonated so deeply with him, but one thing was for certain: Aurens belonged here.

The slight blush in his cheeks was beyond endearing, too, as was the way he paused before returning Majid’s salaam, turning to Ali for approval. “Is it permitted?”

 _God_ , that was adorable. Ali couldn’t hide the amusement from his voice. “Surely.”

Aurens turned circles as he gave salaams to every man, and Ali struggled not to laugh. The man could be frustrating as hell, but he was also too endearing for words. He helped Aurens into the sheer white bisht and watched with a smile as he rode out of sight.

After a moment, he realized Majid was watching him with a little smirk on his face. “What.”

“You like him.”

“Of course I like him.” Ali’s voice was defensive; he couldn’t help it. Majid’s smile grew.

“You know what I mean, Ali.”

Ali scowled. “Mind your own business, Majid.”

“You _are_ my business.” He fell into step beside Ali, heading back into camp. “Do not push me away, Ali. How long have we been friends?”

“Too long.”

Majid rolled his eyes, but by now he was used to Ali’s gruffness, so he simply pushed on. “I have watched you with him these past few days. The two of you have been at each other’s throats. Now when you look at him it is like he hung the moon and stars.”

“Majid, so help me God--”

“I am only saying--”

“What ARE you saying?” Ali stopped, turning to face his friend. Majid smiled softly.

“Simply to go slowly. Your emotions run hot, my friend. I do not wish to see you lose your mind over this man and get hurt.”

Ali felt his anger soften. “Majid…” he shook his head. “Thank you. But I am fine.” Majid raised a brow; Ali’s eyes narrowed. “I am _fine._ ”

Majid raised his hands in surrender, but it was all too obvious that he was trying to hide a smile. “If you insist.”

Then a gunshot sounded. Ali’s head whipped around. “Aurens!”

But there was no sign of him. Instead a young boy was riding into camp. Ali’s heart skipped a beat. Where was Aurens?

There. Riding around the corner behind an older man. Aurens. Ali felt a wave of relief flow over him. Aurens was okay. But who were these other two?

It didn’t take long to find out. 

Auda Abu Tayi. Ali knew they needed him and his men, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it. The Harith and the Howeitat had never seen eye to eye. This day was no different. Immediately, they got off on the wrong foot. It was NOT Ali’s fault, he was very proud to say. The only thing he could be blamed for was ignoring Auda’s order to pour out the water they had taken. Auda had to be the one to insult him and his family, pretending not to recognize his family name. Then, he got dirty. 

“Does your father still steal?”

Ali could feel the heat rising in him, literally burning with anger. “No.” He was using every bit of control he had to hold back the flow of words, all the insults and retorts he wanted to make. He almost succeeded. But when Auda insulted his father again…..he just couldn’t hold back any longer. 

“I knew your father well.” The man turned to leave, and Ali snapped.

“Did you know your own?”

Probably not the best idea. He saw Auda’s hands go to the hilt of the sword and for an instant he truly thought that was it. What a stupid way to go. Feisal would find a way to resurrect Ali just so he could personally kill him for being a complete idiot. But the attack never came.

“Auda!” Both Howeitat and Harith turned to Aurens, still seated on his camel. “We are fifty; you are two. How if we shot you down?” 

Ali’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. In what world did Aurens think that question was a good idea? Auda was going to kill him. Then he realized that was exactly Aurens’ intent: to get Auda so angry with him that it stopped Auda from killing Ali. Despite how scared he was for Aurens, he couldn’t help but feel touched that the man would go to such extremes. But _**God** , Aurens, **really?**_

Somehow, Aurens talked his way out of it, managing to calm Auda down and score an invitation to dinner in the process. Ali would never know how. The man was talented, that much was for certain. Shaking his head, he began packing up to leave.

Aurens came up beside him, voice very quiet. "Try not to lose your temper, Ali."

Immediately, the anger of mere moments before all came flooding back. "You think Auda is right? I should have just stood there and--"

"I'm not saying that. You have every right to be angry. But please. Try not to get yourself killed?” At those words, Ali felt a little wave of guilt and was about to apologize, but Aurens wasn’t finished. “I'm growing rather attached to you."

…..did he just hear what he thought he heard? Ali felt a smile growing. "Oh?"

Aurens shifted awkwardly. "Yes."

"Attached, you say?" He knew he sounded smug, but he couldn’t help it.

"Yes, Ali." 

Ali could only laugh at the frustration in Aurens’ voice. Maybe that was awful, but even in such a state, the Englishman was nothing but endearing. 

Luckily, Aurens wasn’t upset by the laughter. "So please....try not to anger Auda?"

Ali nodded, unable to stop smiling. "For you, Aurens."

Together they mounted their camels and headed out.

 

**~*~**

 

Somehow, Aurens had convinced Auda to join them in the attack on Akaba. Ali was beginning to think the man had a golden tongue. He seemed able to talk anyone into or out of anything. Ali just hoped Aurens never had reason to turn that wheedling in his direction, for he was certain he would fare no better than anyone else. 

He personally had done very well himself, managing to stay calm even in the face of Auda’s insults. So had Majid, despite Auda calling him a tulip. Majid always had been fairly level-headed in that matter. Ali had always envied him. Growing up, Ali had been the one with the quick temper, and Majid had always had to hold him back, to calm him down when he lost control. It was one of the reasons they hadn’t worked well as lovers. Majid knew how to calm Ali down, but he also knew all of his weaknesses, everything that riled him up. It is easy to see how many ways this could go wrong when the two were having a fight. Everyone fights dirty once in a while, even Majid. And with no one to help calm Ali down afterwards…..well, they were better as friends, keeping emotion out of it.

Ali had found Aurens rather…..engrossing….that evening. He didn’t know if Aurens had done it on purpose, but the entire time he had spoken to Auda, trying to convince the man to join them, he had behaved rather…well….Ali wasn’t sure what to call it. He had lain draped over his saddle, fingers dancing along his cup. His voice was very soft as he spoke, words spilling forth like poetry. Once or twice Ali would swear he saw Aurens flutter his eyelashes. Just what was the man up to? Whatever it was, it was damn distracting.

But now it was time for sleep. Without thinking, he followed Aurens from Auda’s tent right to their sleeping quarters. “Well,” Aurens spoke up once they were alone, “some of that could have gone better.”

Ali stared in surprise, but he couldn’t help letting out a sharp burst of laughter. “Yes. But we achieved our goal.”

“True.”

Ali didn’t realize how close he was to Aurens until he had begun to roll out his blanket. He paused, but Aurens was already settled in and had made no objections, so he finished up and stretched out to sleep. The closeness was strange, but the nice kind of strange, and definitely comfortable. 

“By the way….where did these robes come from?” 

Ali felt his face grow hot. “Ah….” God, he had figured he would have to explain this, but he hadn’t been looking forward to it. “….they are my wedding robes.” He mumbled the words, but it was clear that Aurens heard, for his eyes widened.

“Did you say your wedding robes?”

Ali immediately felt defensive. “Yes.”

“Why were you travelling with your wedding robes?” Aurens was clearly amused, though trying to hide it. _God_ , this was so humiliating.

“My father sent them to me,” the Harith muttered.

“What? Why?” Aurens grinned. “A hint, perhaps?"

Ali hated to admit it, but that had been _exactly_ the reason. His father may support an Arab nation, but he did _not_ look so favorably upon Ali's heavy involvement in the fighting. He wanted to see his son settled at home, with a nice woman and several children to carry on the family name. "Perhaps," he answered shortly.

Aurens chuckled softly. "Well, I'll try to take good care of them, Sherif. Your bride won't even know they've been worn."

Ali bristled, mouth opening to retort, but he stopped immediately at the look on Aurens face. There was no mockery there, just a gentle teasing smile. And Ali couldn't help but smile in return. "There is no bride, English."

"There will be." Aurens was smiling at him. "A girl would have to be mad to turn you down."

Ali stared at Aurens, dumbfounded. He could feel the heat flooding his body, knew his face must be crimson. "....I..." But no words would come. Finally, he turned away, his cheeks burning. "Goodnight, Aurens.”

He could hear the gentle smile in the other man's soft reply. "Goodnight, Ali."

Seconds later came a sensation he hadn’t felt in years: a blanket being tugged over him. He hadn’t had anyone tuck him in since his mother when he was a child. It was so strange and unexpected. All his feelings were a jumbled mess inside him. He lay in the darkness, listening to the sound of Aurens’ steady breathing until he fell into a restless sleep full of confusing, if not unpleasant, dreams.

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews make me happy. Reviews make me post faster! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Ali chapters in a row, guys. We'll be back to Aurens next chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Ali chapters in a row, guys. We'll be back to Aurens next chapter! Its a short one because I'm not yet certain how the format of Aurens' time in Cairo is going to work for Ali. So I wanted to start with Ali and give you some of him to enjoy in advance. Hope you enjoy it. <3
> 
> As always, thank you to all reviewers! You are the only reason I'm able to keep writing! <3

They didn’t head out until late the next day. Auda had to spend the entire morning getting his men ready and it was worth it. Ali couldn’t believe the size of the army they had now. Aurens had been right: _“If fifty men came out of the Nefud, they would be fifty men other men might join.”_ His gamble had paid off. They had more than enough men now. For the first time, Ali found excitement stirring in him. They could do it. They could take Akaba.

That night, climbing up the hillside with Aurens, he felt like a little boy again, playing with friends. “Yes. Akaba.” He turned to Aurens. “Tomorrow we will go and _get_ it.”

Aurens was looking at the glittering city; he turned to Ali with a smile. “Do you think we shall?”

By that point, Ali was fairly positive that Aurens could accomplish anything he put his mind to. But he didn’t say that. “Yes. If you are right about the guns.”

Whatever Aurens was about to say was interrupted by a gunshot. In a flash, Ali was racing down the hill. He could see the mass of men, struggling and arguing. A man lay dead, and several Howeitat were holding another man pinned down. It wasn’t difficult to see what had happened. The man they were restraining had to be one of Ali’s. He had no idea what caused the fight but it didn’t matter; the end result was the same. Auda immediately came up to him, gun in hand.

“He killed. He dies.”

Aurens had finally caught up to him and was looking to him for answers. Ali had none to give. “This is the end of Akaba.” And he walked away, unable to bear seeing the look on Aurens’ face, knowing that after all of this work, it would all come to nothing because of him and his men. He heard Aurens call his name and couldn’t help it: he glanced in Aurens’ direction. But that expression was worse than he’d expected. Aurens didn’t look disappointed in him. He looked almost….desperate. Like he was expecting Ali to have the answers. As if Ali weren’t the reason for this entire screw up.

But then Aurens found the solution. Of course he did. And Ali had to agree, because it was the only way to avoid bloodshed, had to agree even though he knew that killing a man would upset Aurens. 

It was even worse than he imagined. Ali had not known that the man responsible was Gasim. The look on Aurens’ face, in those blue eyes, when he saw Gasim’s face…..if Ali ever saw that look again, it would be too soon. And the man didn’t die with one shot. Aurens had to empty the entire barrel. With each gunshot that rang out, Ali’s heart hurt that much more, seeing Auren’s face harden to stone. 

Finally, it was over. Ali watched as Aurens walked away, straight at Auda, never swerving, forcing the man from his path. Auda looked to Ali with puzzlement. “What ails the Englishman?”

Ali felt as though his heart was breaking. “That that he killed was the man he brought out of the Nefud.” 

He managed to catch up to Aurens and attempted to reassure him, but his words did nothing. Aurens was silent for the rest of the night, and that haunted look never left his eyes.

Ali got very little sleep that night.

 

**~*~**

 

Taking Akaba was easier than he ever would have imagined it could have been. Aurens had been right about the guns. Of course he had. The men had swept through the city like a tidal wave. They still were, searching up and down and taking anything that struck their fancy.

Ali glanced out the window to where Aurens was riding along the beach. He wondered if the Englishman was feeling any better. He had masterminded this entire plan…it would be a shame if he got no pleasure from its achievement. 

A vase of flowers on the counter caught Ali’s eye, and he smiled as a new idea struck him. Settling down at the table, he began to weave them together. It didn’t take long. Luckily, Aurens was still by the water when he finished.

The Englishman was taken completely by surprise when the flowers came flying over his head. He looked behind him curiously. Ali smiled.

“The miracle is accomplished.” He gestured to the flowers. “Garlands for the conqueror.”

“Oh.” Aurens smiled faintly and for a moment Ali worried that he was still as low as he had been last night. Then, he jumped from his camel into the water and began fumbling for the flowers. Ali laughed to see it.

“Tribute for the prince…flowers for the man.”

Aurens didn’t seem to know what to say. “I’m none of those things, Ali.”

“What, then?”

Aurens shrugged. “Don’t know.” Holding up the flowers, he smiled. “Thanks.” He looked out over the sea, the setting sun. “My God, I love this country.”

Ali didn’t know if he had ever been happier than at that moment, sitting there with Aurens by the ocean, the cool breeze blowing. Aurens’ face was so open and happy, his smile like the sun. Ali couldn’t help noticing that the sunset made Aurens' blue eyes sparkle in the loveliest way.

He realized that he was staring only when a resounding crash echoed from the building nearby and caught him by surprise. The two men quickly returned to town. 

By no surprise, the place was now a relative wreck. Aurens inspected the wireless set and found it broken. “Ali, get a message down the coast to Yenbo. Tell Feisal to find boats—any boats—and bring the Arab army here to Akaba. Quickly.”

“……and you?”

“I’m going to tell the generals. In Cairo!” Aurens began tucking away papers. “Yes. Cross Sinai.”

Ali couldn’t believe what he was hearing, or the way Aurens was saying it, the absolute flippancy in his voice. “Sinai!”

“Yes.”

He gestured to the two boys. “With these??”

Aurens smiled at him. “They’ll be alright with me.”

As if that was the point. But Ali couldn’t bear to ask the real question. _Why will you take the two boys but not **me**?_

But Aurens caught sight of his face and saw the look there, the disappointment and unhappiness. He reached out and took hold of one of Ali’s cross straps. Ali didn’t even have a chance for it to thrill him like most of Aurens’ unexpected touches did, because he was speaking. 

“Look, Ali. If any of your Bedouin arrived in Cairo and told them we’ve taken Akaba, the generals would laugh.”

The words stung. They were probably made even more painful because Ali knew they were true. But it was even worse to hear them from Aurens. To have the reminder that the British felt this way come from Aurens, who, despite all evidence to the contrary, was in fact British….did Aurens really feel this way as well, deep down?

“I see.” Ali couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice. “In Cairo you will put off these funny clothes. You will wear trousers and tell stories of our quaintness and barbarity. And then they will believe you.”

As he spoke, the smile faded from Aurens’ face, his expression hardening. His voice was soft when he spoke. “You’re an ignorant man.”

It was like being stabbed in the heart. He watched Aurens arguing with Auda, watched him ride off with the two boys behind him, vanishing from sight.

Auda crouched beside Ali. “He said there was gold here. He lied. He is not perfect.”

And Ali said nothing.

 

**~tbc~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for **LifeLover**! Thank you so much for all your amazing notes! This one's for you, lovely! I hope you enjoy it!

Heading out that morning, Aurens felt amazing. Their army had tripled in size. The men were all in good spirits, singing loudly, banners caught high in the breeze. And Ali was at his side. 

They decided to camp for the night and take Akaba in the morning. Aurens climbed up the hillside with Ali, almost laughing at the near-childlike jubilation on the Harith’s face as he pointed to the glittering lights of the city below. “Tomorrow we will go and _get_ it.”

That excitement was infectious. “Do you think we shall?”

“Yes.” Ali’s all too rare smile was directed at Aurens, sending a thrill through him. “If you are right about the guns.” 

Then a shot rang through the valley and before Aurens could say a thing, Ali was off down the hill. Aurens stumbled after him, still not nearly as agile when racing over sand.

By the time he reached the bottom of the hill, he saw Ali and Auda speaking and feared the worst, knowing how they didn’t see eye to eye. But Ali was walking away, leaving Majid to explain. “One of our men has murdered one of Auda’s men.”

An icy fist clenched Aurens’ heart. “ _Why?_ ”

“Theft, blood feud…it makes no matter why.” Majid didn’t seem surprised by the event, but resigned. 

Aurens spun about. “Ali!” His voice was desperate. Ali looked at him, his face carefully blank, but Aurens could see the emotions he was trying so hard to keep hidden. Ali felt responsible for what had happened. One of his men had broken the truce. He blamed himself. Aurens wanted to find a way to reassure him, to tell him he wasn’t responsible for what another man did, but this wasn’t the moment for it, not now, when the two tribes could break into war at any second. He shook his head, forcing the image of Ali’s bitter sadness from his mind.

“I didn’t come here to watch a tribal bloodbath!”

He headed to Auda’s side. The man clearly distrusted Aurens and his intentions, for he immediately spoke up. “It is the law, Aurens.”

“The law says the man must die. If he dies, will that content the Howeitat?”

Auda was silent for a long moment, as though struggling to see the question from every angle, attempting to determine if Aurens were trying to cheat in any way. “….yes,” he answered at last, tone cautious.

Aurens turned away, heading across the valley towards Ali. “Sherif Ali!” Ali turned towards him, face still that careful blank. It hurt. He hated having Ali look at him that way. “If none of Lord Auda’s men harms any of yours, will that content the Harith?”

Unlike Auda, Ali didn’t hesitate. “Yes.” The immediacy of his response pleased Aurens, to know that Ali trusted him enough to rely on his solution without knowing what it was. He finished crossing to Ali and grasped the pistol the man kept tucked into the waistband of his trousers, the one he had taken from Tafas. Pulling away, he raised the pistol. 

“Then I will execute the law! I have no tribe, and no one is offended!” He checked the barrel of the gun to make certain there were bullets, though part of him knew he was just wasting time. He really didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to kill someone, even if it would prevent God knows how many deaths. At last, he looked up, just as the Howeitat released their prisoner. It felt like a blow to the chest. “Gasim!”

The man was crying, face damp with tears as he nodded. The horror faded from Aurens’ eyes as his face hardened. “Did you do it?” He didn’t know why he asked. It would change nothing. The consensus of all the men was that Gasim was guilty. If he accepted Gasim’s word above all the others, there would be war. They couldn’t afford that. But he had to know.

Gasim nodded, an apology on his tear-streaked face. That settled it. Aurens raised the pistol. Gasim threw himself aside, trying to dodge, which only made it worse. One shot didn’t suffice. Aurens kept firing, nearly desperate, until the barrel was empty and Gasim was dead. His heart was pounding in his chest.

Auda was waiting for him, looking softly approving. “Well, Aurens.” But Aurens didn’t stop, merely walked straight by him. After a moment, Ali caught up to him, his voice soft as he tried to provide reassurance.

“It was execution, Aurens. No shame in that. Besides, it was necessary.”

Aurens knew that the words were true, but he couldn’t make himself believe them, couldn’t bear to hear the sweet tone of Ali’s voice, trying so hard to comfort him. Not when, at the moment he had fired that gun, he had felt a thrill run through him, a sort of rush he had never felt before. On some strange level, he had enjoyed killing Gasim. He didn’t deserve Ali’s comfort, his kind words. 

Aurens didn’t speak for the rest of the night.

 

**~*~**

 

Taking Akaba had gone better than Aurens had hoped, and faster. Now the fighting was finished. While the rest of the men flooded the town, looting, Aurens remained on the outskirts, enjoying what peace he could grasp.

Still there was no avoiding the noises of battle still reaching his ears, the shouts of excitement as the men tore the place apart. Aurens looked down at his hand, remembering the previous night, the way he had felt holding the gun. He uneasily rubbed his hand against his robes, as though he could wipe away the blood he had spilled. 

Suddenly, something came sailing over his head, landing in the water. To his surprise, it was a garland of crimson flowers. He looked behind him and there was Ali, smiling at him.

“The miracle is accomplished.” He gestured to the flowers. “Garlands for the conqueror.”

Aurens wasn’t sure what to say. He certainly felt the farthest thing from any sort of hero. Then it struck him that the flowers were going to wash away. Slightly panicked, he jumped from his camel, landing with a splash in the water. He began fumbling for the flowers, desperate to catch them before they disappeared. He could hear Ali laughing at him. 

“Tribute for the prince,” Ali said, the smile evident in his voice, “flowers for the man.”

“I’m none of those things, Ali.” Even so, he could feel the blush creeping up the back of his neck at the compliment.

“What, then?” Ali’s voice was curious.

Aurens shrugged. “Don’t know.” Holding up the flowers, he smiled. “Thanks.” He looked out over the sea, the setting sun; taking it all in, he let out a happy sigh. “My God, I love this country.” 

Aurens was extremely aware of Ali’s eyes on him, watching him. His ears were burning as he flushed under the attention, but he couldn’t deny how happy he was. Alone with Ali like that, there in the fading light…..he wished they never had to leave.

A resounding crash interrupted the moment and they had to rush into the town. Auda’s search for gold had left quite a mark on the place, including the destruction of the wireless system. That didn’t leave them with any other option than to tell the generals in person.

Ali was not pleased with his plan to return to Cairo. The attention focused on Aurens was no longer happy but a desperate façade of anger, attempting to hide the disappointment and loss. He took hold of one of Ali’s cross straps, tugging him closer.

“Look, Ali.” He tried to keep his voice calm and gentle, a simple explanation of fact, nothing more. “If any of your Bedouin arrived in Cairo and told them we’ve taken Akaba, the generals would laugh.”

Clearly it hadn’t worked. Ali’s expression hardened, his eyes narrowing with anger. “I see.” His voice was thick with bitterness. “In Cairo you will put off these funny clothes. You will wear trousers and tell stories of our quaintness and barbarity. And then they will believe you.”

The words hurt. Aurens’ heart ached to think that Ali would ever believe he could do such a thing, would ever cast Ali aside in such a way. His voice was soft when he spoke. “You’re an ignorant man.”

Probably not the right choice of words. He could see that he had hurt Ali even further. But he had no time for this. Now Auda was clamoring for his attention, hollering that he had lied about the gold. He would have to sort things out with Ali when he returned.

With that, he rode from the city without another look behind him, Ali’s eyes boring daggers in his back the entire way.

 

**~*~**

 

It didn’t take long into the journey for Aurens to realize that it would be rougher on Farraj and Daud than he had thought. They had already travelled so far and gone through so much. Now all they wanted was to rest and that just wasn’t possible; not until they had reached Cairo and the generals knew Akaba had been taken.

“Have you slept in beds?” he asked. “With sheets? Tomorrow night, the finest sheets, in the finest room, in the finest hotel in Cairo.” And he meant it. These boys deserved it. 

“Then it shall be so, Lord,” Daud smiled.

It got even worse after the sandstorm, when Aurens lost his compass. It wasn’t a huge loss. He could still find his way easily enough. The only problem was that now he had to be more careful, which would in turn take longer. It was a nuisance more than anything else. He would still get them there in one piece.

That’s what he thought. Until they ran into the quicksand.

He and Farraj were ahead of Daud and didn’t even realize the boy had stepped into the quicksand, even after he started yelling; the wind was sweeping his cries away. By the time they heard him, he was up to his thighs. When they reached him, he was up to his chest. If Aurens hadn’t caught Farraj, he would have run right into the quicksand along with Daud. Aurens had to dive onto him to keep him out. He was at a loss, desperate, not knowing how to save the boy without getting sucked in himself. Finally, he unwrapped his keffiyeh, trying to toss it to Daud. The boy managed to catch hold of it, and Aurens tugged desperately on the end, trying to pull him out. But it was too late. Daud was choking on sand as he sank from view.

Something inside Aurens broke. He had said that the boys would be alright with him. He had sworn it. How could he have been so foolish? And then the words of earlier came back to him: _“Tomorrow night, the finest sheets, in the finest room, in the finest hotel in Cairo.”_

_Daud had smiled at him. “Then it shall be so, Lord.”_ As always, his faith in Aurens had been absolute. And now Daud was dead. He would never get to know the comforts of Cairo, the sweet rest that Aurens had wanted to give him.

Aurens could hear Farraj crying; he wrapped an arm around the boy and pulled him close, offering what comfort he could in the state he was in. But how to comfort someone who has just lost everything?

 

**~*~**

 

Somehow, they made it back, Aurens would never know how. They were like a pair of walking corpses, broken with loss. He was embarrassed at how irresponsible he had become. He should have been taking care of Farraj, comforting him in the face of all he had just lost. Instead, he had allowed his own sorrow to overwhelm him. He had to do better than this, _be_ better than this.

They caught a ride in the back of a truck. When it screeched to a halt and the driver threw the back open, Farraj flew awake with a cry of “Daud!” Aurens felt as though he had been struck. Yes, he had to do better. He must get Farraj inside into a proper room, where he could get a good night’s sleep in a real bed, some real rest.

They were stopped on the way in, officers mistaking him for an Arab. He was vaguely aware of them telling him that he couldn’t bring Farraj to the officer’s bar, but he ignored them. If anyone deserved a cold drink, it was Farraj. 

Unfortunately, he encountered nothing but opposition in the bar as well. As soon as the two of them entered, it fell silent. This in itself didn’t bother him. So long as they could get a drink, he would be happy. But the bartender refused to serve them.

“This is a bar for British officers!”

“That’s alright, we’re not particular.” But Aurens’ reply seemed only to confuse the man more, and definitely didn’t get him the desired drink. It did, however, stir the British officers to action. The secretary came up to him, looking between him and Farraj.

“Are you off your head?”

“No, oddly enough I’m not.” For the first time since they had entered the building, Aurens felt anger stirring. He looked at the men in the room, all the British officers he had known and worked with for years, saw the confusion and irritation and even anger in their eyes. And now they were beginning to speak up, to call out to him.

“Look here, Lawrence, just clear out, will you?”

“Yes, go on, clear out!”

“Oh, go away, Lawrence.” 

All those feelings, that irritation, simply because an Arab boy was in their precious bar. Aurens felt the fury rising within him. How dare they. How _dare_ they.

The secretary turned to Farraj. “We’ll have this one out, anyway.” And he took hold of Farraj’s arm. 

All that fury exploded. Aurens tore the man’s hand from Farraj’s arm and flung it away, glaring at him. He was nearly trembling with rage, vaguely aware that all around him the men were still calling out for him to leave. Then one voice, far more familiar, cut through the others. Brighton. The infernal babbling ceased. Aurens turned his attention to the bartender again. “Lemonade, with ice.”

This time, the man leapt into action, probably due to Aurens’ little display of fury moments before. Brighton came into view and thank God, didn’t start yelling. “Well? Explain yourself.”

“We’ve taken Akaba.”

Brighton didn’t seem to understand, and honestly, Aurens couldn’t blame him. It was fairly beyond comprehension. The man let out a huff, disbelieving. “Taken Akaba? Who has?”

Aurens took a glass from the bartender. It was wonderfully cold. “We have. Our side in the war has.” Aurens handed the glasses to Farraj, watching as the boy gulped it down. Nothing at that moment could have made him happier than to see Farraj getting such enjoyment out of anything. “The wogs have. We have.” He turned to the bartender. “He likes your lemonade.” 

Brighton’s tone was incredulous. “You mean the Turks have gone?” The words finally seemed to be sinking in.

“No, they’re still there, but they’ve no boots.” Aurens struggled to explain as best he could, tried to maintain a calm tone. “Prisoners, sir, we took them prisoners, the entire garrison….” But that wasn’t quite right. “No, that’s not true….we killed some….” The memories were overwhelming. He could not forget the blood, or the blood he had shed the night before. “…too many, really--” He tried to take a sip of lemonade but his hands were shaking almost too badly to hold the glass. “--I’ll manage it better next time.”

Somehow he found himself in General Allenby’s office. Dryden and Brighton were there as well. Aurens was slumped in his chair, exhausted and ill at ease. All he wanted to do was make his reports and get what help he could for the Arabs, and be done with the whole business. Instead, he somehow ended up getting into a drawn out conversation of military tactics. In one way, he supposed it was a good thing. Thus far in the war, the Arabs had been painfully mistreated and misused. The English just didn’t understand the way the Arabs fought, and it needed to be fixed. If he could help fix it, he was willing to discuss some strategy. 

Unfortunately, Allenby wanted to do more than discuss. He wanted to promote Aurens major and send him back. Then, the whole terrible confession came spilling forth in a rush, including the story of Daud. In his heart, he knew that Daud wasn’t his fault, but he still couldn’t convince himself. And Gasim…he couldn’t forget Gasim.

“I had to execute him with my pistol. There was something about it I didn’t like.”

Naturally, Allenby didn’t understand. Aurens felt himself beginning to tremble again. He hated that both Dryden and Brighton were here for this confession. 

“I enjoyed it.”

There was a long silence. He risked a glance at the two men. Dryden’s face showed pity. Brighton looked bewildered and horrified. And Allenby….he was struggling to keep a mask of calm on his face.

“Rubbish.”

And with that one word, Aurens knew he was doomed. There was no way out. 

 

**~*~**

 

Allenby had kept Aurens for several hours, going over discussions on the Arab Revolt, the way they fought. Overall, Aurens had felt very good about it. Allenby had been supportive, and promised them everything they needed. There was only one moment which had given Aurens pause, had made him nervous.

“Arabia’s for the Arabs now,” he had said, and everyone had fallen silent. He looked from man to man. “That’s what I told them, anyway. That’s why they’re fighting.”

Still no direct answer from anyone, other than a mild “oh, surely” from Allenby. Aurens didn’t like that. He leaned in closer.

“They’ve only one suspicion: that we’ll let them drive the Turks out and then move in ourselves. I’ve told them that that’s false, that we’ve no ambitions in Arabia.” He looked at Allenby, studying his face closely. “Have we?”

Again, he got no direct answer. “I’m not a politician, thank God. Have we any ambitions in Arabia, Dryden?”

Dryden gave a little smile, which Aurens didn’t like at all. “Difficult question, sir.”

But Aurens refused to be put off. He would not leave until his question was answered. When he spoke, his words were slow and steady. “I want to know, sir, if I can tell them in your name, we have no ambitions in Arabia.”

Finally, Allenby answered. “Certainly.”

That was all Aurens needed; he relaxed. He could return to Ali with a clear conscience. Oh God, Ali. He had nearly forgotten how badly they had left things. It was time to return to Akaba and make things right.

 

**~*~**

 

Akaba was in upheaval. Ali had definitely gotten his message through to Feisal. The boats had come, and brought with them men and supplies. It was all much needed, but it had sent the town into an uproar.

Aurens only wanted to see Ali, but it was Auda he found. It was probably for the best, for it let him hand over the gold that the man desperately wanted. The smile it brought to Auda’s face made it well worth it. He was a good man beneath all that gruffness, and Aurens liked him. 

Then he ran into Feisal. The smile on Feisal’s face was brilliant, setting his face aglow. “Aurens!”

“Hello, my Lord.”

“You accomplished my miracle after all.”

Aurens couldn’t help but smile. “I thought you said that was blasphemy.”

Feisal laughed. “True. But I owe you many thanks.” He could clearly see that Aurens was antsy; he raised a brow. “You are looking for Ali?”

Aurens rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He was fairly certain it was turning red. “Ah…..yes.”

Feisal smiled. “I believe you will find him next door.”

The Englishman smiled. “Thank you, my Lord.”

 

**~*~**

 

It wasn’t hard to find Ali. He and Majid were the only two people in the building, sitting at the table with their coffee. When Aurens entered, Ali’s eyes widened; he shot to his feet. “Aurens!!”

Aurens shifted his weight nervously. “Hello, Ali.”

Majid glanced back and forth between the two of them, and a funny little smile came over his face. “I will take my leave.” He salaamed Aurens. “Welcome back, Aurens.” Pausing in the doorway, he gave a last look to Ali, gaze very meaningful. “Ali….take care.”

The glare Ali sent Majid’s way was positively dagger-filled. Aurens had no idea what that exchange was about. But he had no time for that, not when Ali was looking at him _that way_.

“Ali? What is it?”

Ali stepped closer, reaching out to trace the embroidery of the robes, fingers trailing lightly over Aurens’ chest. The Englishman shivered at the touch. “You are still wearing them.” His voice was filled with wonder. Aurens felt his heart break all over again at the reminder of how worried Ali had been that Aurens would disassociate himself from Ali as soon as he reached Cairo.

“Of course I am. I never took them off.” He was shocked and horrified to see Ali’s eyes full of shame.

“I am sorry, Aurens. I am sorry I doubted you.”

Aurens was shaking his head before Ali even finished speaking. “You don’t have to apologize, Ali. Not to me. Never to me.” He reached out, fingers brushing Ali’s cheek.  


Unconsciously, Ali leaned into the touch. Aurens stared at him….those dark eyes, the thick dark hair….suddenly his mouth seemed very dry. He swallowed with difficulty. Ali watched the bob of his Adam’s apple.

“Aurens…” his voice was soft, no more than a murmur.

“Yes, Ali?” Aurens could barely whisper the words, breathless. In reply, Ali turned his head, gently pressing a kiss to the palm of Aurens’ hand. Aurens felt his heart skip a beat, then begin pounding fit to burst. Ali looked to him with those lovely, chocolate brown eyes, a soft smile written in them.

“I am glad you are back.” With that, he left, leaving Aurens alone in the room, feeling as if a hurricane had just swept through the place and left him utterly wrecked in its wake.

 

**~tbc~**


	7. Note

Before the story progresses, I wanted to put in a note about the sexuality involved. I know there has been much discussion about Lawrence and his sexuality, with the general consensus being that he was most likely asexual and probably homoromantic. In the film they definitely intended him to be homosexual; it was stated quite clearly by director David Lean.

Because this story is based primarily on the film, it is likely we will see a sexual side to this version of Lawrence. However, I myself am an asexual/panromantic, and would like to take into account Lawrence's ace feelings. As such, I am going to try to find a balance between the two sides of Lawrence, the version we know from 'Seven Pillars' and the one from the film. 

This note might seem unnecessary, but as an ace I know all too well how often aces get erased or told their sexuality is not valid, and I wanted to make certain everyone knows I am not doing this. Honestly, knowing Lawrence was most likely ace makes me prouder than anything to be ace as well, and the last thing I would want to do is to erase that from his identity. Still, I want to keep true to the material of the film, since it is what I have been following thus far. 

He will most likely present as demisexual. It seems to strike the right balance.

I hope everyone understands, and enjoys.^^

<3 Chris, aka Nuwanda


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating is starting to go up. *cue sexy-time music* Honestly though, I'm not perfectly happy with how it's written. My favorite part of this chapter is Majid the Glorious Tulip. I have so much fun writing him. <3<3<3  
> Still, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Artwork is by the amazingly talented verushka146 on instagram! Check out their art, they're amazing! I'm hoping I can commission more in the future, because I cannot express in words how much I love this! <3 <3 <3
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/verushka146/

The time without Aurens seemed interminable. Ali did all he was supposed to, getting through to Feisal and organizing the transportation of the boats and men. As they arrived, he kept everyone and everything in order, which was by no means easy. Luckily he had Majid to help him, or it probably would have been a disaster. Majid was a God-send, and always had been. 

Annoyingly, Majid also knew Ali well enough to know when his mind was elsewhere. “You are thinking about Aurens.”

“I am not.”

As usual, the brusqueness of Ali’s tone did nothing to dissuade Majid. “You are. You have been thinking of nothing else since he left. No, practically since you met him.”

The words burned. Ali glared. “Majid, you need to learn to mind your own business.” Majid opened his mouth, but Ali cut him off. “And do not say ‘you are my business.’”

Majid laughed. “Fair enough.” Ali turned away, satisfied; Majid smirked. “I shall just save that for later, shall I?”

The look Ali turned on Majid was positively murderous. Majid merely laughed. “Come, Ali. I will make us some coffee.”

Grudgingly, Ali followed, even though he knew Majid was most likely not finished with the subject. He was right. Sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in hand, Majid immediately opened up the same line of conversation.

“Your mind has only been half here since Aurens left for Cairo.”

“I thought we had moved on from this topic.” 

“You thought no such thing,” Majid said merrily. Then his tone became more sober. “Ali, since Aurens arrived, you have been distracted by him, and it has not been much of a problem because he has been by your side. But as soon as he left, it _became_ a problem. Half of you left when he did, your mind constantly thinking of him. You cannot allow yourself to become split in two. It is too dangerous.” 

In his heart, Ali knew that Majid was right. That didn’t mean he wanted to admit it. “…Majid….” He took a deep breath, readying himself to answer, to bite back his pride and give in. Then, that familiar form filled the doorway. He flew to his feet, eyes wide. “Aurens!”

Unbelievably, Aurens looked nervous. Ali didn’t think he had ever seen Aurens looking nervous before. “Hello, Ali.”

Majid glanced back and forth between the two men, and a small smile came over his face. He rose to his feet. “I will take my leave.” He paused in the doorway, salaaming Aurens. “Welcome back, Aurens.” Then he turned his attention to Ali, the look in his eyes very meaningful. “Ali….take care.”

Ali gave Majid the fiercest death-glare he could muster up. Majid clearly got the message for he stifled a snicker as he left the room. But Ali couldn’t worry about that, for Aurens was back. Aurens. His eyes raked over that lanky form, taking it in. Aurens still had the robes on, and clearly had kept them on for most of, if not the entire, trip, for they were extremely worn.

“Ali? What is it?”

Ali stepped closer to Aurens, reaching out to trace the embroidery of the robes. “You are still wearing them.” He couldn’t fully hide the surprise in his voice. Fingers trailed lightly over Aurens’ chest, and he could swear he felt the Englishman shiver beneath the touch. 

“Of course I am. I never took them off.” 

Ali felt ashamed. “I am sorry, Aurens. I am sorry I doubted you.” But Aurens was shaking his head before Ali even finished speaking. 

“You don’t have to apologize, Ali. Not to me. Never to me.” And he reached out, fingers brushing Ali’s cheek. 

Unconsciously, Ali leaned into the touch. Aurens was staring at him, and he found he couldn’t break that gaze. Then Aurens swallowed as though with difficulty, the action slow. Ali was captivated by the motion, the smooth the bob of his Adam’s apple.

“Aurens…” his voice was soft, a mere murmur. 

Aurens’ response was barely audible, breathless. “Yes, Ali?” 

In reply, Ali turned his head, gently pressing a kiss to the palm of Aurens’ hand. The skin was ridiculously soft for a man who spent hours riding, fingers long and pale and lovely. He looked to Aurens, looked into those beautiful blue eyes, and smiled softly.

“I am glad you are back.” With that, he headed straight out of the house. 

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The moment he was outside, the full weight of what he had just done hit him and the smile vanished from his face. He had kissed Aurens. His hand, but even so. Kissed. Aurens. _Kissed_ him. 

His cheeks burned; he buried his face in his hands. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He had left quickly, but there had been time enough to see the shock on Aurens’ face. But was it bad shock? Had he offended Aurens? He wanted to know, but not badly enough to go back, not enough to return to Aurens. Ali was a brave man, but not brave enough to seek out this conversation. No, instead he did the most logical thing: he left.

Ali sought out something to keep himself busy for an hour or so. There was still plenty to do around town, preparations to be made to carry on the revolt. Surely he could keep busy until dinner, when he wouldn’t be alone with Aurens.

He promptly came face to face with Farraj. The boy was alone, which immediately struck him as odd. Since Farraj was a child, he had never been without Daud. The two went everywhere together, did everything together. As much as he refused to admit it aloud, Ali had always found it rather adorable. “Farraj.” The boy turned to him, and he was taken aback to see that Farraj looked as if he had aged several years during these few days he had been gone. The playfulness usually worn so openly on his face had vanished, replaced by a solemn sadness. “Where is Daud?”

At the name, a flicker of pain flashed across Farraj’s face, eyes growing shiny with tears. “Daud is dead.”

Ali felt as though he had been struck. “What?” He was about to ask what had happened but the boy looked so anguished, so broken, he simply couldn’t bear to press the issue. “Alright, Farraj. You must be tired, yes?” The boy nodded. “Go to Majid. Tell him I sent you. He will find you some food and a quiet place to sleep.” 

Farraj looked beyond grateful as he salaamed and headed off. Ali watched the boy cross the courtyard to where Majid stood, watched them talk. Majid looked Ali’s way, puzzled; Ali gave a nod. Satisfied, Majid wrapped an arm about Farraj’s shoulders and led him off to Ali’s own quarters, where it was quieter and he could get a proper rest.

“Where is he taking him?”

The sudden voice in his ear startled Ali and he jumped, spinning about to see Aurens beside him. “Aurens.” He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. “You startled me.”

“I’m sorry.” Aurens’ smile was apologetic; he gestured to where Majid had vanished with Farraj. “Where are they going?”

“Ah…to my quarters.” Ali felt embarrassed. “He told me about Daud. Not what happened….I did not want to ask. Just that he died.”

Aurens’ face had become strained at the words. “Yes.”

“Well….I know how close they were. I have watched them grow up. I cannot imagine how he must be feeling. I thought….” 

“….you thought?” Aurens prompted.

“….I thought he could use some privacy.” 

It was silent. Ali shifted awkwardly beneath Aurens’ attention. Finally, he could stand it no longer. “Will you _say_ something, please?”

Aurens couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re very sweet.”

Ali flushed bright red. “I am not sweet!”

“It’s a compliment, Ali.”

Oh. Ali could handle compliments. That didn’t make him blush any less. “I just thought he would rest better if he had some room to himself,” he mumbled.

Aurens was full on grinning now. “Yes. Which makes you sweet. And cute.”

“Aurens—“ Ali warned.

This only made Aurens burst into laughter. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m really not.” He raised a brow. “Miss me?” 

The Harith glared. “You are pushing it, English.”

“I missed _you_.”

And with that, Ali was struck dumb. Face red, he fish mouthed for a moment, fumbling for words. “…is saying I am glad you are back not enough for you?”

Aurens grinned. “I’m needy.”

God help him, Ali couldn’t help but smile back. “Apparently so.” But Aurens was still waiting expectantly. He heaved a sigh, shaking his head. “Yes, Aurens, I missed you.”

The smile softened into something incredibly sweet. “I’m very glad to hear it.”

Ali knew his face was still red. He couldn’t maintain that eye contact, turning away. “So….things went well in Cairo?”

“For the most part, yes. The general is going to give us everything I asked for. Much more money and guns, and possibly armored cars and field artillery.”

Ali definitely doubted the validity of that last one. Brighton had just recently seemed very adamant that the British would not give them artillery. Now things had changed, so quickly? Ali would believe it when he saw it. But Aurens seemed so excited….Ali wasn’t going to say the words aloud.

“I also asked him for assurances,” Aurens spoke up, voice soft. “Promises that England has no interest in Arabia.”

THAT got Ali’s attention. “Yes?”

“I demanded he tell me for certain, that I could swear to you in his name that we have no interest in Arabia. And he said yes. That comes right from General Allenby.”

The words were wonderful to hear, and Aurens was smiling, but Ali could see something in his face. Aurens didn’t fully believe the words any more than Ali did. There was room for doubt in his mind. He had his assurances, his promises, and it was the best he was going to get, but that didn’t stop him from worrying. And Ali loved him for it. He smiled, warm and grateful.

“Thank you, Aurens.”

Aurens looked relieved to see the happiness on Ali’s face. “You don’t have to thank me, Ali. I’m just so glad I can help you in any way I can.” Eyes widening, Aurens rushed to finish “all of you.” Ali struggled to suppress a smile at the hurried way he tacked on the last bit.

“You should tell Feisal,” he suggested.

“Oh!” For some reason, it seemed that this had not yet occurred to Aurens. Deep within, Ali hoped it was because the man had wanted to see Ali before all else. “That’s a very good point.” He offered a smile. “I’ll see you at dinner?”

Ali nodded. “Dinner.” With that, Aurens headed off in search of Feisal. Ali watched him go, a smile on his face. 

“Well.”

It was the second time that evening for Ali to be startled, this time by Majid. Ali prepared himself for another lecture. Instead, his friend smiled at him.

“I may worry about how this man makes you lose your head, but I do love the way he makes you smile.”

Ali opened his mouth to argue that Aurens did _not_ make him lose his head, but Majid’s smile was soft and teasing, and he relaxed. “Thank you, my friend.”  


Majid put an arm around Aurens’ shoulders. “Come. We must prepare for dinner.”

 

**~*~**

 

It had been wonderful having Aurens back at dinner. Not just for the sake of having him there himself, but for the effect it had on everyone. Feisal was in high spirits after hearing Aurens’ news, and after seeing and hearing all that Aurens had accomplished between the journey through the Nefud and then to Cairo and back, he had become something of a legend. Everyone was in good cheer that night. And Ali? Ali had his best friend on one side, and Aurens on the other. Tonight, nothing was going to bring him down.

When they retired for the evening, Aurens didn’t question where he would sleep. Instead, he immediately turned to Ali. “Where is your room?”

Ali felt as if his heart would stop. “Ah….this way….?” 

Aurens seemed to see the question in Ali’s eyes. “Do you mind if I share your quarters?”

It was unlikely anyone could shake their head ‘no’ harder than Ali did. “No, Aurens. Not at all.”

Farraj was sleeping on the lower floor in the building. He actually looked fairly peaceful, for which Ali was grateful. The boy needed it, after all he had just endured. Ali led Aurens up the stairs, extremely aware of those eyes boring into him the entire way.

The room was small and sparse, but it had a real bed in it, which was the reason Ali had chosen it. Actual beds were a rare treat. He offered it to Aurens, who looked at him with surprise.

“Ali….don’t be ridiculous.” He sat down. “There’s more than enough room for both of us.” Aurens patted the bed beside him.

Ali stared, brain unable to comprehend what Aurens was saying. Share….the two of them, share a bed? Sleep that close to Aurens? But the Englishman seemed done waiting for Ali and, with a roll of his eyes, grabbed Ali by the wrist and tugged him onto the bed to sit by his side.

“You could have just asked,” Ali grumbled. Aurens snorted, teasingly bumping Ali’s shoulder with his own.

“We would’ve been sitting here all night.” After a moment, he leaned his head on Ali’s shoulder. For a second, Ali was too startled to move. Then, he hesitantly wrapped his arm around Aurens’ shoulders. With that action, it was as if a dam broke. Aurens sagged against Ali, and the Harith was horrified to hear the muffled sound of tears.

“Aurens, what is it?” He kept his voice soft. “Talk to me, please.”

“Daud.” Aurens’ voice was thick with emotion. “I couldn’t save him.”

The whole story came spilling out, how he and Farraj had moved ahead and hadn’t noticed Daud’s predicament until it was far too late. How despite throwing his headscarf to the boy, it hadn’t been enough to save him. It was clear, so painfully clear, that Aurens blamed himself completely for what had happened.

“Aurens…” Ali felt so utterly helpless, at a total loss for how to comfort Aurens. “You are not to blame for this. No one can account for everything. There was no way to know there would be quicksand. Do you not understand? Not everything is within your control. You are not perfect, Aurens.” He smiled. “Just as close as is humanly possible.”

He was delighted to hear the soft snort of laughter. “Thank you, Ali.”

Ali stroked that golden hair that he loved so much. “No need, Aurens. I am always here, anytime you need me.”

His head still on Ali’s shoulder, Aurens looked up. Their foreheads were now brushing as their eyes met from mere inches away. God, those blue eyes were so lovely. Ali swallowed with some difficulty, unable to help his gaze from flitting to Aurens’ lips. The glance did not go unnoticed, if the way Aurens’ eyes darkened was any indication, heat flickering in them.

“Ali,” Aurens whispered. There was a look in his eyes, a questioning and yet a desire. 

Ali took what might be the biggest chance of his life, all the fighting and battles included. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips ever so lightly against Aurens’. The kiss lasted mere seconds. When he pulled away, he looked at Aurens nervously, trying to calculate his feelings.

The Englishman looked…shocked. But it wasn’t a bad shock. In fact, after mere seconds, a brilliant smile spread over his face, setting it alight, taking Ali’s heart with it.

“That….that was alright?” Ali asked.

Aurens nodded, a hand finding the front of Ali’s robes and tugging gently. “More than alright.”

Ali felt as if he could fly. “Then may I kiss you again?” He was delighted to see a blush rise in Aurens’ cheeks. The man never got flustered; he had no idea why it was happening now.

“Yes. I…” Aurens bit his lower lip in a way that was beyond endearing. “That was my first time.”

Ali’s eyes widened; he felt certain he had heard wrong. “That was your first kiss?” Aurens blushed even redder and yes, it was still adorable, but Ali couldn’t be distracted by that right now.

“Could you not tell?”

 _Obviously not_. “No.” Ali didn’t know what to say. It felt wrong to have taken such a moment from Aurens without his permission. Ali was kicking himself. “I am sorry, Aurens.”

Those blue eyes crinkled, confused. God, how was he so cute? “For what?”

“I should not have taken your first kiss without asking.”

Ali could very clearly see the realization come over Aurens’ face, quickly replaced by frustration and that all too common expression of _God, Ali, how are you such an idiot?_ For once, he was relieved to see it. It meant Aurens was not upset.

“Oh, shut up, you idiot. I’m glad it was you.”

His heart soared. “Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.” Despite the frustration, Aurens was clearly amused. “Now shut up and kiss me again.”

Ali smiled. “Gladly.” He gently framed Aurens’ perfect face in his hands and, leaning in, pressed their lips together in a soft kiss. It was longer than before, though still gentle. This time, it was easy to see Aurens’ inexperience, but it was by no means a turn off. It was sweet, and charming, and only made him want to kiss Aurens more. But first they had to get better situated.

“Come,” he said softly; lying back on the bed, he pulled Aurens with him, tugging the man into his arms. “Are you comfortable?”

Aurens nodded. “Yes.”

“Good.” He stroked a stray lock of blonde hair out of Aurens’ blue eyes, leaning in to kiss his forehead. Instead, the man ducked down and stole another kiss on the lips. Ali laughed. “Greedy.”

“Very.”

“You do not need to steal them, Aurens, I will give you as many kisses as you like.” Ali brushed his thumb over Aurens’ lower lip, loving how soft it was. 

“Promise?”

He chuckled. “Promise.” He didn’t know how far Aurens would ever want to take things and he wasn’t going to push. If it never went farther than kissing, he would be fine with that. Just being beside Aurens, holding him like this? This was far more than Ali had ever expected to have, and he felt impossibly lucky.

He gave Aurens a last kiss. “Sleep, Aurens. There will be plenty of time for kisses, and you are tired.”

The Englishman complained good-naturedly, but complied, nuzzling up beneath Ali’s chin and settling in for the night. He was asleep within minutes. Ali was awake for much longer, hands running soothingly up and down Aurens’ back as he wondered how on earth he had gotten so damn lucky. The stars shone in through the window on the two men as they lay wrapped in each other’s arms on that peaceful summer night.

 

**~tbc~**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for LifeLover and brightsidest. Your kind notes last chapter really made my day, and helped reassure me that maybe I CAN write a sexual side to Lawrence. Here's hoping I'm not wrong.

It was still early morning when Aurens awoke. The sun had barely risen, the sky a pearly shade of pink. For a moment, he was convinced he was still dreaming, because there was no way he was truly wrapped so closely in Ali’s arms. Then memories of last night came flooding back and he flushed with happiness. No, this was no dream.

Aurens propped himself up just enough so he could get a proper look at Ali. The man looked positively lovely. While sleeping, all the cares were washed from his face, every single line of worry smoothed away. For once, he looked completely at peace. Aurens was surprised to notice for the first time just how long his eyelashes were. He looked at Ali’s lips, so full and lush, remembering how they felt against his, and a warmth began to unfurl low in his belly, teasing through him. It was a strange feeling.

Aurens had never felt like this about anyone. It wasn’t just the romance, either, for he did have strong emotional feelings for Ali. That part didn’t seem quite so strange. What had confused him so deeply was the physical attraction. Never in his life had he felt any sort of physical desire for anyone, male or female. When he had first felt these feelings stirring for Ali, he had been utterly lost. By that point he had already moved past the initial hatred he had felt for Ali and they were well on their way to becoming friends, but even so, physical attraction seemed out of the question; it had never happened before. It was only when his feelings moved beyond friendship and he began to truly care for Ali that Aurens realized what these feelings were. He wasn’t content with lying near at night. He wanted Ali to wrap both arms around him, to hold him close…..to kiss him. 

A kiss. Such a small, innocent thing it seemed, but he had never been kissed before. One time a girl tried when he was still a child in school, but he had pushed her away and run off. She had cried and the teacher had scolded him for being mean. But he had never seen the point of it all. Now….now he wanted it more than anything. Looking at Ali, it was all he could think of.

And last night….

Aurens smiled as he remembered that first kiss, so soft, only the barest brush of lips. Ali had been so sweet, asking if it was okay, if he could kiss Aurens again. And then the way he had panicked, thinking he had taken something from Aurens. God, how was the man so perfect? And then with each successive kiss, Ali was so gentle, so careful with him. It warmed Aurens to think of it.

And now…..

….now he wanted more kisses.

Hesitantly, he leaned in and brushed his lips lightly against Ali’s. There was only a moment’s pause, then Ali’s eyelashes fluttered as he blinked awake. It took barely a second for the Harith to realize what was happening and then he laughed breathlessly, breaking the kiss. 

Aurens was momentarily worried by the laughter. “Did I do something wrong?”

Ali immediately shook his head. “No, Aurens. I was just thinking what a lovely way to wake up.”

The words brought a happy flush to the Englishman’s cheeks. “Oh.”

Ali chuckled. “You know, I never thought I would see you blush.” He ran his fingertips along Aurens’ cheek, the skin warm. “It is lovely.”

“Hush.” Aurens caught Ali’s hand in his, pressed a kiss to his fingers.

“No.” Ali bit back a tiny noise as Aurens’ lips teased over his flesh. “….Aurens?”

“Mm?”

“May I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Ali.” 

He was still hesitant. “How is it I was your first kiss? If you do not mind my asking…”

But Aurens sensed Ali’s discomfort. “….you mean how am I this old and haven’t kissed anyone before?” He smiled wryly. This was very clearly what Ali had meant, though he didn’t want to state it; he nodded uncomfortably. Aurens shrugged a shoulder, feeling a little bit awkward as well. How to put into words all he had been thinking of just moments before Ali had woken?

“To be honest with you, I had never wanted to be kissed before. I had never been attracted to anyone. I never even really cared to be touched at all, in any way.”

Ali was starting to look anxious again, clearly nervous he had somehow overstepped and made advances that Aurens didn’t want. Aurens rushed to finish. “Then you came along.” He smiled. “I hated you so much at first, which I think you know. But as we travelled, things got….confusing. I started to like you. And not just like you. I was….attracted….to you.”

A huge grin spread over Ali’s face. “Truly?”

Aurens couldn’t maintain eye contact any longer; he looked away, blushing as he nodded. He was unable to tell Ali the whole truth: that he felt more for the man than just attraction. He wasn’t certain just how deeply Ali’s feelings for him went and there was no way he was going to risk their friendship by confessing feelings the man might not share.

Then, there were fingers cupping his cheek, gently tilting his chin up to meet Ali’s gaze. The Harith was smiling softly at him. “So it is alright if I touch you now?”

The words filled him with warmth, and he couldn’t help smiling back. “I’ll be incredibly disappointed if you don’t.” His eyes widened hopefully. “Kisses too?”

Ali laughed. “If you like.” He wrapped an arm around Aurens, pulling him closer as he murmured “come here.” Aurens obliged. In one smooth movement, Ali had their positions shifted so that Aurens was the one on his back, Ali now hovering over him. Aurens’ breath caught. He stared up into those gorgeous brown eyes, gazing down on him with such affection. Then, Ali’s lips were on his, and he found he couldn’t breathe.

Immediately, Ali pulled away, giving him a quizzical look. “Are you alright, Aurens?” A confused nod. “You are not breathing.”

Oh. Right. 

Ali shook his head. “Breathe, Aurens. Work with me.” 

Aurens nodded, trying to calm his pounding heart. It was difficult, with Ali so near. But he wanted that mouth on his. “Don’t stop.”

He could immediately see the effect those words had on Ali, the flash of heat that flickered through Ali’s eyes. The Harith pressed a soft, fleeting kiss to Aurens’ lips, then another, each one making Aurens that much more desperate. “Open up for me, Aurens,” he murmured, trailing a fingertip along Aurens’ jawline.

Aurens wasn’t entirely certain what Ali meant, but the words alone sent a shiver down his spine; he clutched at Ali’s robes, trying to tug him closer. Ali complied, shifting his weight so he was now effectively on top of Aurens, one knee slotted between Aurens’ legs. Aurens could feel the heat of Ali’s body pressed against his. He let out a tiny whimper. 

Immediately, he felt Ali’s response; the man’s entire body stiffened, hands fisting in the blanket on either side of his head. “Ali?” he asked hesitantly. 

“Aurens.” The word was short, as if Ali was struggling to hold back. 

“What’s wrong?” He was getting worried now.

“….that sound. Please do not make it.”

Oh God. What had he done wrong. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--” but then he caught sight of Ali’s face, the flush creeping up into his cheeks. Aurens may not have any practical, hands-on experience in this department, but he knew arousal when he saw it. A slow smile spread over his face. “….you liked it, didn’t you.” Ali let out a groan, his forehead dropping to Aurens’ shoulder.

“Yes, Aurens, I liked it.”

“Why don’t you want me to make it, then?”

There was a moment’s silence. “….perhaps I like it too much.” Aurens’ brow furrowed in puzzlement. Seeing the face, Ali could feel his embarrassment grow. God, he was really going to have to spell it out, wasn’t he. “You test my self-control, Aurens.”

Oh. _OH_. Aurens could feel the heat creeping into his face, but it wasn’t embarrassment he was feeling. It was pleasure, and more. Desire. “…..is that so bad?”

Ali stared at him, stared until he squirmed uncomfortably. “…Ali?”

“Do not do this, Aurens. You do not understand what you do to me.”

“Then show me.”

Ali appeared taken aback by the abruptness of the answer. Aurens didn’t back down. He smiled, but his eyes were dead serious. He wanted Ali to know that he was certain about this. “Show me,” he repeated.

It was more than Ali could take. With a groan, he leaned in and kissed Aurens. It was still gentle, but claiming, making it incredibly clear that whatever his intentions, whether he felt for Aurens the way Aurens did for him or not, this was still something special. There was more here than just physical desire. Aurens felt a thrill rush through him. His hands found their way into Ali’s hair, delighting at its thickness. He gave it a gentle tug and laughed at the ‘eep’ Ali let out in response.

Ali pulled back to look at him with a smile, raising a brow. “Find that funny, do you?” 

Aurens wanted to say yes, but he found himself speechless. Ali’s voice had grown so low and rough from all the kissing, and the result was ridiculously sexual, stirring places inside him he didn’t even know he had. He whimpered. This time he immediately saw the effect that sound had on Ali, the heat that rolled through those brown eyes. Then, Ali was kissing him, deeper this time. Aurens struggled to move with him, to respond in kind. Some part of his mind worried if he was doing anything right, but it was hard to focus on that when Ali was doing such wonderful things to his mouth.

The Harith pulled away just far enough to whisper to him, thumb tracing over his lower lip, “a little wider, Aurens. Open up for me.” He claimed Aurens' mouth again and this time, his tongue teased along Aurens’ lower lip. The Englishman gasped, immediately understanding Ali’s intentions, and opened to him, opened to let Ali’s tongue delve inside to dance along his. It felt better than he ever could have imagined.

Ali pulled away slowly, nipping at Aurens’ lip, delighting in the low moan he got in reply. Aurens was so responsive. The man was looking up at him, face flushed, eyes half-lidded with pleasure, breath coming in small pants. But now he was looking disoriented, and frustrated. 

“Why are you stopping?” Aurens demanded.

“I wanted to look at you.”

“You can look at me anytime.” Aurens gave Ali’s robes a sharp yank. Laughing, the Harith leaned in but, rather than kiss Aurens’ lips, trailed kisses along his cheek, tracing a path to his ear and nipping gently, loving the gasp that resulted. He continued to lay kisses down Aurens’ throat. 

Aurens let out a long, low moan. “Ali…” In response, Ali picked out a particularly soft spot and nipped. Aurens gasped; his hips bucked upwards. Ali’s leg was still in between his and this brought Aurens’ groin into sharp contact with Ali’s thigh. Neither had been expecting the contact, especially not Aurens. Even more than that, he had never expected such delicious friction. His eyes snapped shut at the amazing sensation. Hands fisting in Ali’s robes, he let out a moan, rocking up again. “ _Ali_.”

Ali was frozen. He hadn’t expected this at all.

The door swung open and banged against the wall. “Ali—OH. Forgive me.” It was Majid. Majid, who was staring at them with huge, shocked eyes.

Aurens should have been horrified and embarrassed, but he was a bit distracted. As it was, he found himself fumbling to scramble out from beneath Ali, who, for some strange reason, didn’t look embarrassed at all. If anything, he looked irritated that Majid had interrupted them. “Yes, Majid, what is it?”

“Ah….Feisal wants to begin making preparations for us to move out.” Majid’s eyes were darting back and forth between the two men. He didn’t really look at all bothered at what he had found them doing, which wasn’t so surprising. Homosexuality wasn’t frowned upon here the way it was in England. He didn’t even really seem surprised, now that he’d had a moment to adjust. Could it be that he had known about Ali’s interest in Aurens? Did Aurens dare to hope…

“Thank you, Majid, we will be down shortly.” Majid nodded and left; Ali turned back to Aurens. “I suppose we should go down.”

Aurens didn’t want to leave the room. He wanted Ali to return to where he’d been moments ago and shift his weight just a little bit more, press down just a tiny bit harder….

“….Aurens?”

He snapped to attention. “Yes?” Ali was regarding him, amused.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“No,” he answered truthfully.

“I asked if you were alright.”

He was surprised. “Why wouldn’t I be alright?” Ali was silent, fidgeting. Immediately, Aurens felt exasperation rising. “Ali, will you please get it through your head, I am not going to change my mind. I want this. I want _you_.”

He saw the fire flicker through Ali’s eyes at that. “Yes?”

“Yes.” He smiled. “Believe me, I wish more than anything that we didn’t have to go downstairs. I’d like to finish what we started.”

Ali groaned. “Aurens, you will be the death of me.”

Aurens laughed. “I certainly hope not.” And, bolder than he would have thought he could be, he leaned forwards and planted a kiss on Ali’s lips. The Harith stared at him with wide, surprised eyes, a smile slowly spreading over his face.

“Someone is learning.” He gave Aurens one more soft kiss. “Come, Aurens. Let us go now. Otherwise I will never let you out of bed.”

Aurens arched a brow. “Would that be so bad?”

Ali laughed, shaking his head. “I have created a monster.”

Smiling, Aurens accepted Ali’s hand in rising to his feet, and together they went downstairs to find Feisal and plan out the next step in the Revolt.

 

**~tbc~**


	10. Gamil Ratib

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/el_snicket/media/5ba248212000009800febace_zps64jzha9g.jpeg.html)

I have just found out that Gamil Ratib, the amazingly talented Egyptian-French actor who played Majid, died last night, September 19, 2018, at the age of 92.

I am certain you can all tell by the way I write of Majid that I am extremely fond of him. The first few times I watched the film, I did not notice him much other than when Auda called him a tulip. But Gamil has something about him, a charisma, and I soon began to notice every appearance he made. He is the first to offer his bed to Aurens when he returns with Gasim, the first to offer salaams. And despite Auda's accusations of him being a tulip, he is one of the twenty men who sticks with Aurens until the end, who is there in that cave near Deraa. He is still there when they ride into Damascus.

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/el_snicket/media/20180920_153821_zps2tdvgohn.jpg.html) [](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/el_snicket/media/5682575_zpsvwtwee2w.jpg.html)

Those eyes are unmistakable, as is that smirk he gets at Auda's raging indignation. Every action is exquisite, graceful. He has a touch of flamboyance at times, but you never doubt his battle prowess. It is all a distinctive character choice, and it is a good one.

Gamil, you were a great talent, and you led a long life. Your health was failing and you said you looked forward to the peacefulness of death. I hope you have found that peace now. Rest easy. 

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/el_snicket/media/1937325B-9C75-477E-8DAC-07A22CFA5293_zpsyefvndhg.jpeg.html)


	11. Chapter 11

All of Feisal’s top men were already assembled in the room when Ali and Aurens showed up. No one seemed bothered that they were only just arriving, so they couldn’t be late, and it wasn’t as if it were a rare thing for them to arrive together (in fact, it was rare for them NOT to do so). Still, something was different this time. There was an undercurrent in the room, as though something had changed. 

Ali blamed it on Majid, who smirked at him when he entered the room. He glared. While he knew no one would be upset about him and Aurens, he also knew that there were others amongst them who would enjoy teasing them, the way Majid was. Auda was one. And this was not something Ali wanted to deal with right now, when they hadn’t even had a chance to explore this…..relationship? Was it a relationship? And now he was starting to get flustered.

He salaamed Feisal. In reply, the man glanced between him and Aurens and raised a brow, smiling. Ali felt himself go crimson. As soon as he was seated, he leaned closer to Majid and hissed under his breath “I despise you.”

Majid let out an extremely undignified guffaw. “I said nothing.”

“Then why is Feisal giving me such a look?”

“He must have read it on my face.”

Ali supposed this wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. Feisal was the most observant person he knew. Still: “I blame you.”

He felt the weight of Aurens’ eyes upon him and turned to see the man looking questioningly at him, concern in his gaze. He gave a reassuring smile, pleased to see Aurens return it.

They focused on the next step of the revolt. The news Aurens had brought with him from Allenby had a definite impact on their plans. More money and arms would help greatly. Ali was pleased to see Aurens was as outspoken as ever. He was also a devious little bastard. He would offer contrary opinions just to set men arguing, which would provide Feisal with a clear view of which men were on which side. Feisal very clearly saw exactly what the Englishman was up to for he sat there watching with eyes sparkling with humor.

In the end, they were taking on the job of cutting railways. Ali, Aurens, and Auda would all be riding together, which still didn’t greatly please the Harith, but he would have to make the best of it. Luckily he would have Majid along to help him keep a cool head.

Oh God, Majid. Ali wasn’t looking forward to the harassment he would surely be facing along the trip.

Even now, as the meeting adjourned and they rose to leave, he could see the smirk on the man’s face, knew that Majid was going to make some sort of comment if he had half a chance. Ali tried to rush from the room but a hand caught the back of his robes and yanked him back.

“Did you honestly think you were getting off that easy?”

Ali scowled. “I rather hoped.”

Majid laughed. “You hoped wrong.” He gestured to the table. “Sit?”

“Majid, we have to get ready to leave.”

“We have several hours before everyone will be packed up.” Majid gestured again, and this time his voice was much firmer. “Sit.” Reluctantly, Ali obliged. “So.” He smiled at his friend, a brow raised. “Things seem to be going well, from what I saw this morning.”

“Yes, about that. Do you not know how to knock?”

Majid rolled his eyes. “Do not try to distract me from the subject at hand, Ali.”

Ali was silent for a long moment, picking at the corner of the table. “He had never kissed anyone before.” 

Majid’s brows shot up in surprise. “You are joking.” A silent shake of the head. “And you were kissing like THAT?”

Immediately, Ali’s face turned red. Majid began to laugh. “It is not funny! I was so worried.”

“Worried?”

“Yes! I did not…” Ali bit his lip. It sounded so silly now, after Aurens had repeatedly insisted that he wanted this. But this was just how Ali was. He couldn’t help worrying over Aurens. Aurens was special. “….I did not want to take anything he did not want to give.”

Majid stared at him for so long that he began to squirm. “Ali.” Ali could tell from the tone of his voice that he was hiding that exasperated amusement he so often got when speaking with Ali. “I obviously cannot speak for Aurens, but I can tell you from my perspective that no one who does not want to be kissed kisses the way I saw Aurens kissing you.”

Ali flushed again, but it was happy this time. “Truly?”

“Truly. Ali…no one kisses that way unless they want kisses very, VERY badly.”

Ali was overcome with happiness. He reached across the table to clasp Majid’s hand. “Thank you, my friend.”

Majid covered Ali’s hand with his own, giving it a squeeze. At that moment, Aurens appeared in the doorway. Ali could not, however, accuse him of Majid’s inappropriate lack of manners, for the door was wide open and therefore there was no need to knock. However, Aurens did look completely taken aback at what he saw, his eyes zooming in right on where their hands were clasped together. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“I will be right there.” Ali pulled his hand free. His eyes met Majid’s. Majid’s face was apologetic; he mouthed ‘sorry’. 

“It’s no rush. I was just wondering where you were.” Aurens watched the two together, a studious curiosity now in his eyes. Ali didn’t like that. God knows what the man was thinking about. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to wait long to find out.

He took Aurens’ hand and led him from the room. He was utterly bewildered at the way Aurens looked around them awkwardly, as though searching for something. He would have to ask about that. In the meantime, he led Aurens to his quarters, upstairs to the bedroom and seated him on the bed. “What.”

Aurens looked at him, confused. “What?”

“What is it. All the way here, you looked around us as if someone were about to jump on you. What is it?”

The man’s cheeks flushed rosy pink. “You…..” He didn’t seem to know how to say it. “…..you’re not embarrassed if anyone knows we’re…..well…..” He gestured helplessly between the two of them.

“What….you mean because I was holding your hand?” Aurens nodded. Ali couldn’t help but smile. “Aurens…..” He sat down beside the Englishman. “No one will care. That sort of thing is not frowned upon here.”

“Yes. Yes, I know. I suppose I’m just not used to it.”

Ali was silent, mulling this over. “….do you not want me to hold your hand?”

“No!” The reply was immediate, bursting forth in a near panic. “I mean, yes! I mean I want you to hold my hand. I like it.”

This time Ali could not have held in his laughter had he been paid all the money in the world. It only got worse when Aurens glowered at him. “I am sorry,” he gasped. “You are just…”

“Don’t say it,” Aurens warned.

“Why not? You said it to me.” Ali pointed out. Leaning in, he gave Aurens a soft, gentle kiss, pulling away to smile. “Cute,” he said softly. “You are cute.”

“Brat,” Aurens grumbled. Ali only laughed.

“Come, Aurens. Let us go and help get things ready.”

 

**~*~**

 

It had been early afternoon by the time they got things on the move, and they had made good progress. All those in their party were fighters and had no difficulty riding fast over long distances. Even so, they would most likely be stopping soon and setting up camp for the night. There was no rush; not on the first day.

Ali was happy to be travelling with Aurens again. Things had ended so strangely that first day in Akaba that he had been worried that he would never have this again. Then Aurens returned and somehow, impossibly, things were better. He had Aurens in a way he hadn’t before.

Ali couldn’t stop thinking of Aurens and his sweet kisses, the feel of their bodies entwined on that messy bed back in Akaba. When he thought back to last night and the way he had been thinking that Aurens might never want to do more than kiss...

True, he still didn't know how far Aurens wanted to take things, but he couldn't help but remember this morning and the way Aurens had rocked up against him, moaning his name so wantonly…

Ali shifted awkwardly in his saddle. He must think of something else, otherwise riding was quickly going to become very uncomfortable. He glanced over at Aurens. The Englishman looked completely content. Somehow, he looked as perfectly at place in the desert as the men who had lived there for their entire lives. It made Ali ridiculously happy.

At last it was time to camp for the night. He was relieved. He wanted nothing more than to eat and settle in with Aurens. The men went to work baking bread. Immediately, he saw the intrigue on the Englishman’s face. 

“You have never done this before?”

A shake of the head. “I never had to. I have always had all my food already made.”

Ali smiled. “Then I will show you.” The smile he got in return, that beautiful smile that made Aurens’ face glow, filled him with joy. He set to making the bread, a very simple process, since it only required flour, salt and water. He showed Aurens how to shape it, to bury it in the coals to bake. It didn’t take long before they were eating.

It was dark out by now. Men were pulling out their blankets, settling in for the night. Ali saw an outcropping of thorn trees, where the sand dunes rose a bit higher. He looked to Aurens and gestured to the spot. “Would you like to take a walk?”

The Englishman smiled. “I would love to.”

Ali had been right: it was a perfect little spot to sit and look at the stars. They lay back together, shoulders brushing. The tension was thick enough to choke on. Neither seemed sure if he should make the first move.

“So,” Aurens spoke up, shattering the silence. He startled Ali just as the man had been about to risk slipping an arm around Aurens. “You and Majid.”

Oh dear. This is what Aurens had been thinking about this morning, the question in his eyes that he had never gotten around to asking. “Yes?”

“Were you two ever…..” Aurens was desperately trying to sound nonchalant, and it was comically charming. Ali propped himself up on an elbow so he could look down into Aurens’ face. He could see the flush creeping up the back of Aurens’ neck, the tips of his ears turning red. It was beyond adorable. 

“Were we ever…..?” he let the sentence trail away, voice innocently curious.

Aurens scowled. “You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you.”

“OHhhhh, you mean were we ever romantically involved!” He feigned surprised comprehension. Aurens was clearly not buying it, if the look on his face was any indication. Ali dropped the act. “We were, once. Not so much from the romance angle as from the physical. But we _were_ lovers, yes. It did not last long. We cannot be more than friends without driving each other insane.” 

“Oh.” Aurens’ voice was very small. Ali risked another look, but his face was a careful blank. 

“…..are you jealous?”

“NO.” The answer was immediate and defensive. Ali was delighted.

“You ARE!”

“I said no!”

“You _ARE!_ ” 

“Ali--” But any protests were silenced as Ali pinned Aurens, capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was far deeper than any they had yet shared and it swept through Aurens, leaving him trembling. He stared up at the Harith, blue eyes dark with emotion, need and desire and something else Ali wasn’t sure of, something that looked a lot like love.

“Ali,” he whispered.

Ali brushed a lock of hair back from those beautiful eyes, softly murmuring “I am here, Aurens. I am not going anywhere.” Now he felt a little guilty for all that teasing. He gave Aurens another kiss, stroking his cheek. “Majid is my best friend, Aurens. He will always be my best friend. But you…” He stopped. What was Aurens, exactly, if not his friend?

Aurens was waiting expectantly. “Yes?”

Ali smiled at him. “You are special. And I will stay here with you as long as you will have me.”

Aurens’ reply was to pull Ali into a desperate kiss. He was still a bit clumsy, unpracticed, but Ali wouldn’t trade it for anything. He buried his hands in that golden hair and pressed close, absorbing every second of it. He didn’t know how much of Aurens he would get, and he was determined to cling to each and every bit. 

When the kiss ended, Aurens looked at him with suspiciously glassy eyes. “Hold me?”

Ali smiled. “Always.”

He pulled Aurens into his arms, felt the brush of Aurens lips on his cheek. They whispered and laughed together long into the night until they fell asleep right there on that sand dune beneath the stars.

 

**~tbc~**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating officially goes up in this chapter. 
> 
> Reviews, please! They keep me motivated. <3<3<3
> 
> This is for LifeLover and brightsidest, my two faithful readers. I love you both! You are what keeps me going!

When they had first arrived at the meeting, Aurens hadn’t been sure what to think. Something had seemed off, that was certain, but it hadn’t bothered him much. What had concerned him was Ali. The man had seemed upset, hissing under his breath to Majid in Arabic. Majid had only let out a burst of laughter, which had done nothing to soothe Ali’s temper. Ali had quickly noticed Aurens’ attentions and smiled at him and, reassured, Aurens was able to focus on the meeting.

Feisal and Ali hadn’t been the only ones pleased by the news from Cairo. It had a large effect on their plans, opening up possibilities they hadn’t had before. Aurens had to admit, he rather enjoyed himself at the meeting, sneakily changing sides every two minutes just to set everyone arguing so it was easy to see everyone’s true colors, to get their honest and unvarnished opinions. Feisal definitely knew what he was up to and was watching him with silent humor in his eyes. Aurens snuck a glance at Ali. The amusement was much plainer on his face; he shook his head at Aurens, and the Englishman had to bite back a laugh.

They were to move out as soon as possible. Aurens rose with the rest of the men and was several steps out the door before he realized Ali wasn’t with him. He was about to go back when Feisal caught him with more questions. It was several moments before he could return. What he saw stopped him in his tracks.

Ali and Majid were seated at the table, Majid clasping one of Ali’s hands in his own. 

Aurens stared, at a complete loss for words. “Oh. I’m sorry,” he managed.

Ali looked completely unfazed. “I will be right there.” He pulled his hand free, his eyes meeting Majid’s briefly. The other man silently mouthed something; Aurens was fairly certain it had been ‘sorry’. 

“It’s no rush. I was just wondering where you were.” He studied the two men. There had been quite a few times since he had met Ali and Majid when he had wondered if the two were, or ever had been, more than friends. More than once the thought had made a weird feeling stir in his gut. Now, for the first time, he realized what that feeling was: jealousy.

Then Ali was taking his hand and that feeling vanished, replaced by butterflies. They increased as Ali led him from the room and out into the crowd of men. Aurens wasn’t used to such a thing. True, he had never held anyone’s hand before, unless one counted his mother when he was a child, but to hold another man’s hand in public in England? It just wasn’t done. He couldn’t wrap his head around the concept that no one here would judge them for this.

Now back in Ali’s room, the man sat Aurens on his bed. “What.”

The word shook Aurens from his thoughts. “What?”

“What is it. All the way here, you looked around us as if someone were about to jump on you. What is it?”

Aurens could tell he was flushed; he could feel the heat in his cheeks. “You…..you’re not embarrassed if anyone knows we’re…..well…..” He wasn’t sure how to say it. Was this a relationship? He didn’t think so. But it wasn’t NOT a relationship, either. There was definitely more here than just the physical. But how to put it into words? He settled for gesturing between the two of them.

“What….you mean because I was holding your hand?” Aurens nodded. Ali smiled, that smile that sent shivers down Aurens’ spine. “Aurens…..” He sat down beside Aurens. “No one will care. That sort of thing is not frowned upon here.”

Aurens felt so silly, because yes, he knew this. It was just so hard to get used to. “Yes. Yes, I know. I suppose I’m just not used to it.”

Ali was silent, as though thinking this over. “….do you not want me to hold your hand?”

Aurens had a moment of near panic. “No!” The reply burst forth. “I mean, yes! I mean I want you to hold my hand.” He felt ridiculously silly at his outburst; his ears burning. Still: “I like it.”

Ali, however, found it hilarious, bursting into laughter. The glare Aurens threw at him only seemed to make it worse. “I am sorry,” Ali gasped. “You are just…”

“Don’t say it,” Aurens warned.

“Why not? You said it to me.” Ali pointed out. Aurens had to concede that he was right. Ali gave Aurens a soft kiss, pulling away with a smile. “Cute,” he murmured. “You are cute.”

“Brat,” Aurens grumbled. Ali only laughed.

“Come, Aurens. Let us go and help get things ready.”

 

**~*~**

 

It hadn’t taken as long to move out as Aurens had expected. They had so many men now, which was fantastic, but an endeavor. They also made incredible time. Traveling with Feisal’s army was so completely different than travelling with the British army. The morale was so much greater, the men laughing and singing together. Aurens loved it. So often during the day he would glance over at Ali, just to reassure himself the man was still there, that this wasn’t all some fantastic dream. Now and then, Ali would sense his gaze and smile back. Aurens would drink in that smile, the look in those beautiful brown eyes. He still wasn’t entirely sure what that look was, what it meant, but whatever it was, he knew it was something special.

They camped fairly early, all things considered. He watched the men taking out the flour, the salt, looking on with interest. Ali noticed immediately. Of course he did. Ali noticed everything. He quickly set to work showing Aurens how it was done. ‘Showing’ wasn’t really the right word. He would explain, but let Aurens do each bit, leading Aurens through the work, his own hands guiding Aurens’ hands as they shaped the dough together. It was incredibly sweet, and intimate in a strange, domestic way that melted Aurens’ heart.

He was pleasantly surprised when Ali suggested taking a walk. It was all so….couple-y. More and more, this seemed like a real relationship. Aurens had never thought that was a thing he would want, but when he looked at Ali, he knew that he did. He wanted all of Ali, not just the kisses they exchanged at night. He wanted all of these precious moments during the day, and more. When Ali took his hand as they walked, a small thrill went through him, and he knew more than ever that this was right where he was meant to be: by Ali’s side.

Even so, as they lay on the sand dune, staring up on the stars, he was too scared to make a move. He simply took in the feeling of Ali’s shoulder pressed against his own, praying that Ali would take the initiative. Then, a memory teased at his brain: Ali and Majid earlier that day, seated at the table where the conference had been held, Majid holding Ali’s hand clasped in his. It was nothing…it had to be nothing. Still, it itched at Aurens, and he knew it would bother him until he asked.

“So,” Aurens spoke up. He felt Ali twitch beside him and realized that the man had been about to slip an arm around him. He silently cursed. Oh well. They would get back to that in a minute. “You and Majid.”

Ali only hesitated for a second. “Yes?”

Aurens, on the other hand, was having difficulty getting the words out. “Were you two ever…..” He was trying his hardest to sound nonchalant, but he was certain he was failing. Ali propped himself up on an elbow, looking down at Aurens. Immediately, Aurens felt the blush creeping into his face, the tips of his ears burning. 

“Were we ever…..?” Ali’s voice was innocent. Aurens wasn’t buying it. He scowled.

“You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you.”

“OHhhhh, you mean were we ever romantically involved!” Again, his reaction was over-exaggerated. He could obviously tell that Aurens wasn’t buying the act, for he dropped it. “We were, once. Not so much from the romance angle as from the physical angle. But we were lovers, yes. It did not last long. We cannot be more than friends without driving each other insane.”

Aurens’ heart fell. “Oh.” At that moment, he felt incredibly small. Ali peered down at him again. He struggled to keep his face blank.

“…..are you jealous?”

“NO.” The answer was immediate and defensive. So what if Ali and Majid had been together once? It was in the past. Besides, Aurens had no true claim to Ali. They weren’t really a couple. Were they?

“You ARE!” Ali sounded delighted.

“I said no!”

“You _ARE!_ ”

“Ali--” But any protests were silenced as Ali pinned Aurens, capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was far deeper than any they had yet shared and it swept through Aurens, leaving him trembling. He stared up at the Harith, breath coming quickly as his heart pounded.

“Ali,” he whispered.

Ali brushed back his hair, softly murmuring “I am here, Aurens. I am not going anywhere.” The words made Aurens’ heart race; he nearly stopped breathing when Ali gave him another kiss, stroking his cheek. “Majid is my best friend, Aurens. He will always be my best friend. But you…” He stopped, and Aurens held his breath as he waited for the rest of the sentence.

Finally, he had to prompt Ali. “Yes?”

Ali smiled at him. “You are special. And I will stay here with you as long as you will have me.”

Aurens felt as though time had stopped. Hands fisting in that dark hair, he pulled Ali into a desperate kiss. He knew he was still clumsy, unpracticed, but it didn’t seem to matter to Ali. The Harith responded just as fiercely as Aurens, burying his hands in Aurens’ hair and pressing close, kissing him deeply, and Aurens melted. 

When the kiss ended, Aurens looked at Ali. “Hold me?” he whispered. His eyes were burning and he prayed the tears didn’t fall, that Ali couldn’t tell. 

If he could, he said nothing, merely smiled. “Always.” He pulled Aurens into his arms and back against the sand. 

Aurens was beyond happy. He pressed a kiss to Ali’s cheek and snuggled close. “You’re comfy,” he murmured. 

Ali chuckled. “Good.” He stroked Aurens’ hair and the Englishman sighed happily at the touch. It was a long time still before they were asleep, but the time was well spent, for they were happy in each other’s company.

Whatever this relationship was, Aurens would take it each day as it came, for he was enjoying every minute of it.

 

**~*~**

 

Blowing up the railways became second nature. The men were very good at it, and very quick. They could get in and out with no trouble at all. Every day was spent on travel, on demolition, every evening around the fire with the men, who were becoming more and more like family. And nighttime? Every night was spent in Ali’s arms.

The sky was shining brilliantly above them, and Ali’s arms were warm around him. It had been a long day, and Aurens should have been tired. He wasn’t. He had been thinking lately about Ali, and them, and kissing, and how he maybe….maybe that wasn’t enough.

Ali hummed as Aurens' lips brushed his shoulder, worked their way along his throat. “Aurens,” he murmured.

“Mm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.”

The Harith chuckled. The sound rumbled low in his chest, and a shiver ran through Aurens. Ali clearly felt it. “Hmm….someone is jumpy.” He trailed two fingers along Aurens’ spine. The Englishman wriggled at the teasing sensation.

“Ali!”

Ali merely laughed. “What is it, Aurens. What are you up to?”

Aurens could feel the heat in his cheeks. He didn’t know how to answer, so he settled for actions. He let one hand run down Ali’s back, trailing over his hip and forward to dance lightly along his inner thigh.

The reaction was immediate: Ali’s head snapped up; he stared at Aurens with huge, shocked eyes. “Aurens!”

The Englishman knew his cheeks must be crimson but he didn’t back down, didn’t break that gaze. “Ali?”

For once, Ali seemed at a loss for words. “You….did you mean to….”

Aurens nodded. “Yes, I did mean to.” He kissed Ali softly. “I want more.”

The disbelief in those brown eyes was overcome as heat flickered in them, desire. Still, there was that ever present concern, the worry that he would overstep his bounds and hurt Aurens somehow. Aurens loved him for that. “Are you certain?”

“Very certain.”

It seemed that was all the willpower Ali possessed; with a groan, he captured Aurens’ mouth. Aurens quickly found himself pinned, relishing in the oh-so satisfying feeling of Ali’s weight atop him. That one leg slipped between his, just like back in Akaba several weeks ago. Oh yes, _this_. He remembered this. Immediately, he rocked upwards, seeking that same friction. _There_ it was. _God_ , it was as good as he remembered. He moaned into Ali’s kiss.

Immediately, he got a much stronger response than last time. This time, Ali didn’t hold back. Instead, he pressed down, giving Aurens that friction he sought. At the same time, his hips rolled down, rubbing against Aurens. The Englishman was surprised to feel Ali hard against him. Then, a wave of heat rolled over him, and his hands grabbed Ali’s waist, trying to tug him yet closer.

“ _Ali_ ,” he moaned.

“Shit…Aurens.” Ali began fumbling at the white robes, shoving them out of the way. Then, as if realizing what he was doing, he paused. “May I?”

Aurens stared at him, dazed with lust and need, unable to process what it was Ali was asking. At that moment, he was fairly certain he would agree to anything. Then, he realized that Ali was asking permission to remove his pants. “Yes,” he managed. “ _God_ , yes.”

Somehow, the two of them managed to get the pants down, Ali tugging and Aurens wriggling. As soon as they were down past his knees, Ali sat back and went to work on his own, shucking them down past his waist. Immediately, he stretched out over Aurens again. The heat of their bare flesh pressed together made Aurens whimper. “ _Ali_.”

“I am here, Aurens, I am right here.” Ali kissed Aurens softly, shifting his weight. The movement brought them even closer, their aching shafts sliding together. At the contact, Aurens gasped, hands gripping Ali’s shoulders hard enough to bruise. Immediately, Ali stopped moving. “Is this okay?” His voice was anxious.

Aurens’ breath was coming in sharp pants. He stared at Ali with huge, disbelieving eyes. For a moment, Ali was about to panic and forget the whole thing. Then, Aurens was nodding rapidly. “Good,” he managed. “S’good. _God_ , Ali.” He was still clinging to Ali as if his life depended on it. It certainly seemed that way. He had never felt anything this intense before. He didn’t even know how he managed those few words. Some vague portion of his mind felt terrible that he was clutching Ali so hard but he was certain he couldn’t ease up if he tried; his entire body seemed to have shut down. “Please….don’t stop.” 

Ali was still studying him, concern in those brown eyes he loved so much. Despite loving that Ali cared so much, Aurens was frustrated. He wanted another taste of that pleasure Ali had given him a mere moment ago. Desperately, he bucked his hips; another zing of pleasure shot through him and he cried out. He was dimly aware of Ali hissing “ _fuck!_ ” and felt vaguely pleased with himself. He looked into those eyes, the concern now replaced by surprise, and repeated himself. “ _Don’t stop_.”

The heat and desire that filled Ali’s eyes sent a shiver down his spine. This time, the Harith listened. A hand slipped beneath Aurens’ leg and tugged it up about his waist. Then, he was rocking forwards, their hips shifting together. Each roll of his hips brought their lengths into contact. Obeying an instinct he hadn’t even known he possessed, Aurens found himself rocking up to meet each thrust.

“That’s it, Aurens,” Ali murmured. “Move with me.”

Every second of this was tearing apart the world Aurens had known and reshaping it into something entirely new. There was something building in him. Something he had never felt before. He stared up at Ali with wild eyes. “Ali,” he managed.

“It is alright, Aurens.” Ali’s voice was soft, soothing. “Do not hold back. Just let go.”

All of that emotion, those feelings, came to a head in an explosion of pure sensation. Aurens was vaguely aware of crying Ali’s name, of clutching at him. When he returned to himself, he was still clinging to Ali. The man was smiling down at him, such a softness in his eyes, a look which, if he dared, Aurens would almost call love. 

He looked up into Ali’s face, those beautiful eyes, and couldn’t help himself: he pulled the man into a fierce kiss. The Harith held Aurens to him, returning the kiss in kind. When they parted, he brushed back Aurens’ hair, stroked his cheek. “That was okay?”

Aurens felt a wave of amused frustration. “Ali….that was _amazing_.”

Ali flushed happily. “I am glad.”

The Englishman shook his head. “I don’t know how you needed to ask.” Then a thought hit him, doubt, and he looked to Ali, panic-stricken. “Did you not think so?”

Ali immediately saw Aurens’ concern and cut him off. “Of _course_ I thought so, Aurens. You know me. I worry about you.”

Reassured, Aurens settled down. “Okay. Good.”

It was Ali’s turn to shake his head. “Really, Aurens. How could you think otherwise?” He kissed the man, a soft, fleeting kiss. “It was _incredible_. _You_ were incredible.”

Aurens was blushing happily. “Really?” Ali was probably exaggerating to make him feel good, but he didn’t care; he liked hearing it. 

The Harith stroked his cheek, smiling. “Truly.” Glancing around them, he grabbed the skin of water they had brought with them. “Let us clean up before bed.”

“Oh.” That was a very good idea. It didn’t take long, though they were careful to use the water sparingly. It was very dark outside now, well past midnight. They had stayed up far later than they should have and would now have to hurry to catch up on sleep.

As they lay curled close together, Aurens couldn’t help thinking back over all their time spent together. So much had changed since they met. So many wonderful changes. Aurens lifted his head from Ali’s chest, taking a peek at him. Those brown eyes were shut, his face relaxed. “….Ali?” he asked softly. There was no response. “Ali?” Still nothing. Satisfied, Aurens dared to speak up. “…..I love you,” he whispered. Content, he lay his head down once more and snuggled closer to Ali. Ali, only just asleep, heard the words as in a dream. Never would he believe he would hear such words from Aurens' lips when he was awake. 

 

**~tbc~**


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For gomory, who I have not heard from in a long time. I hope everything is well with you, lovely! This is still your piece, so I hope you are enjoying it, despite the higher rating.
> 
> LifeLover and brightsidest, you are the best! Thank you for always leaving me your thoughts! <3
> 
> As always, please review! It helps so much!

Ali awoke early, despite the lack of sleep, feeling ridiculously good. For a moment, he couldn’t put his finger on why. Then Aurens shifted against him, making a happy little hum, and memories of last night came flooding back. 

Ali flushed with happiness. He couldn’t believe all that had passed between them. Honestly, he couldn’t believe he had ever had the courage to even ask Aurens for that much. He supposed it had all been in the heat of the moment. So far he had been extremely good about letting Aurens lead the way, and really Aurens had been the one to take the initiative here as well, but the fact that he had asked to remove Aurens’ clothes….

Well, at least he had asked.

With that thought came the realization that Aurens’ robes were still open, chest bare where it was pressed to Ali’s own naked flesh. Unable to resist, he ran his hand over the pale white skin, delighting in its softness. 

Aurens stirred at the touch, letting out a questioning “hmm?” as he blinked awake. Ali leaned in and kissed him.

“Shhh, Aurens. It is not morning yet.”

“Then why are you awake?”

He stifled a chuckle. “I ask myself that very question.” Gently, he stroked the golden hair. “Go back to bed.”

“No.” Aurens rubbed at his eyes, struggling to wake up. “I want to be with you.”

“You ARE with me, fool.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I know what you mean.” He gave Aurens a light kiss. “Did you sleep?”

“Very well.” The Englishman snuggled closer. “What time is it?”

“I am not certain. I have not yet checked.”

Aurens frowned. “Then why are we awake?”

Ali laughed. “I told you to go back to sleep!”

“I don’t want to; I’d rather talk to you.”

The Harith shook his head with a smile, wrapping his arms tighter about Aurens. Memories of last night filled his head, the feelings of Aurens against him, beneath him, in his arms…..then something poked at his brain as if from the depths of a dream. Words whispered in the darkness. But were they real or had he imagined them as he slept? “Aurens, last night as I was sleeping--” he stopped, suddenly self-conscious.

“Yes, what?” Aurens was curious. Ali could feel himself blushing.

“Nothing.”

“No, what?”

“Nothing, really. Just I thought I heard….” He couldn’t make himself ask. It seemed so stupid. But now Aurens was propping himself up on an elbow so he could look Ali in the eyes. Reluctantly, he finished. “….I just thought I heard you say something else, is all.” 

Silence. Then: “….oh?” Aurens’ voice was very soft, as though he had trouble getting the word out. “What did I say?”

Ali dared to sneak a look at the other man and was taken aback. Aurens’ cheeks were flushed and he looked almost….scared. “….I am not sure.”

“Oh. Okay.” Aurens looked so relieved that Ali couldn’t help but laugh.

“Goodness, Aurens. No need to look so relieved. It was just a dream.” He paused, looking at the Englishman calculatingly. “….was it not?”

Aurens swallowed with some difficulty, but managed a nod. “Yes.” 

With that, Ali knew for certain that whatever it took, he would remember those words. In the meantime, he took Aurens’ hand in his and pressed a kiss to it. “Come, Aurens,” he said softly. “We have a while still before we must get up. Let me hold you.”

All signs of worry vanished from Aurens’ face as though they had never been there. Smiling, he melted into Ali’s arms, snuggling close. Leaning in, Ali kissed him. There were so many things, so many words that he wanted to say. Words he didn’t know how to express. He would figure it out eventually.

For now it was enough just to hold Aurens in his arms.

 

**~*~**

 

It was late the next afternoon before they camped again. Aurens rode like an Arab now, able to stay awake long hours, rocking in the saddle as though he were born to it. Ali was both proud and yet saddened that the man couldn't get the sleep he needed and deserved.

He was glad when they reached camp. Despite how well Aurens hid it, Ali knew he was sore and tired. Luckily, they could attend to both needs. There was a reason they had rested so soon. This place was home to a natural springs, fresh clean water, perfect for a relaxing bath.

Ali took Aurens' hand, startling him. "Come, Aurens. Follow me." He led him up the rocky hill face and into a dark little cavern. Several twists and turns later, they emerged back outside into the sunlight. They were now surrounded by greenery, so out of place amongst the usually stark desert. And there, the shining, frothing pool of water lay hidden.

Aurens' eyes widened in surprised joy. "I can't believe it," he breathed. Ali was delighted to have brought that happiness to Aurens.

"Come," he said, gently undoing the catches on Aurens' robes. The Englishman's breath caught at the touch, sending a thrill through Ali. With trembling fingers, Aurens set to work undressing Ali, starting with the keffiyeh and working his way down. Graceful hands pushed the dark robes from Ali's shoulders, but didn't stop there. It was as if once he started touching Ali, he couldn't stop, fingers roaming his chest, greedily taking in every inch of bare flesh. Ali never took his gaze from Aurens' face, unable to stop watching the way Aurens' eyes were devouring him as though he couldn't get enough. 

"Aurens?" he managed, voice rough. Aurens snapped to as from a trance, staring at Ali in surprise, face flushed. Ali was finding it difficult to breathe. "Shall we get in the water?"

The rosy color in Aurens cheeks was not from embarrassment but desire, and it was _doing things_ to Ali. The Englishman nodded. "Yes."

The two men finished undressing. Ali noticed Aurens sneaking glances at him and couldn't help but smile, stifling a chuckle. "You do not have to peek, Aurens." But the words had the opposite effect, Aurens spinning away from Ali in embarrassment. Nevertheless, Ali continued, stepping closer, arms slipping around the man's waist as he whispered in his ear. "You are free to look."

"I know," Aurens managed.

Ali brushed a featherlight kiss against his cheek, murmuring "I like it when you look." 

Immediately he felt the change, the shiver that ran through Aurens. Goosebumps had broken out over his shoulders, all that ivory skin. And yet....Ali smiled. "I never realized you blushed so far down." He teased a fingertip down Aurens' spine. The result was an immediate yelp.

"ALI!" His tone was indignant. The Harith laughed. Aurens risked a look over his shoulder, and this time the blush on his face was definitely partial embarrassment. When he saw the grin on Ali's face, he scowled. "You're terrible."

Ali stole a kiss. "Come into the water with me," he wheedled.

"You're a brat. I should leave you here."

"Possibly, but you will not."

"How do you know?”

"You care for me too much."

The words made Aurens flush even more, which pleased Ali. Maybe Aurens cared even more than he knew. Those unremembered words teased at his mind yet again. He shoved the thoughts away. This was what mattered. Here, now. "Come." 

This time, Aurens obeyed without complaint, following Ali into the water and slipping right into his lap. Ali laughed. "What, no more insults? No complaints?"

"Shut up or I'll rethink this."

Another laugh; he stroked Aurens' cheek. "Fair enough. I will remain quiet."

Aurens arched a brow. "Really? I'll believe that when I see it."

"Oh, and _I_ am the brat?"

"What happened to being quiet?"

Ali opened his mouth to retort but before he could, Aurens captured his lips in a kiss. There was no way Ali was going to object to that. Wrapping an arm around Aurens' back, he tugged the man further into his lap. Aurens did his best to be accommodating, spreading his knees so he could properly straddle Ali's lap. The Harith gasped as their hips came into closer contact. "Aurens!"

"Mm?" He nipped Ali's lower lip.

Ali bit back a moan. "This is not the best place for this, Aurens."

"Oh?" Aurens was not to be deterred. As Ali's lips were denied him, he simply kissed along his jawline, down his throat. "Why is that?"

Fuck, the man was learning all the tricks, wasn't he. He groaned. "Water....want to keep it clean." Then Aurens bit down and he knew he was a goner. He slipped his hands beneath Aurens and scooped him up, turning to deposit him on the edge of the pool before pressing into a desperate kiss. Aurens let out a surprised but pleased sound. Ali broke away to hiss " _fuck_ , Aurens." The Englishman cocked a brow at him. "The things you do to me." He didn't wait for a response, though he was aware of the man's breathless laughter. Instead his hand slipped between them, finding Aurens' arousal. That stopped the laughter short as the man gasped. Immediately Ali felt those graceful hands that he loved so much clutching at his hair; Aurens' legs wrapped tight about his waist, trying to pull him closer. He complied, stepping as close as he dared. 

Ali ran his fingers over the head of Aurens' shaft, the stickiness there, and back down. This time, they glided slickly over the smooth skin. He rocked forwards in frustration, wanting more sensation, more of Aurens. The other man clearly felt it too, for he whined, hands moving to Ali's hips and tugging. "Please," Aurens managed.

Ali bit his lower lip, trying to contain the surge of emotion that hit him at that one word. He released Aurens, which earned a whimper of frustration. Hesitantly, he rocked in closer, their hips bumping together. The reaction was immediate, Aurens crying out, his fingers digging into Ali's flesh. Encouraged, he wrapped his hand around both of them, giving a slow, smooth stroke. Aurens let out what could only be called a sob. " _Oh!_ " He buried his face in the curve of Ali's throat, clutching at his shoulders. "Ali, _please_."

Ali kissed the top of his head. "Good?"

"Oh _God_ , Ali, don't stop."

That was all Ali needed to hear. He set up a steady rhythm, hand stroking the two of them together. He loved the way Aurens' hips bucked up into his hand unconsciously, as though he had no control over them, as though he were so completely overwhelmed by pleasure that he just couldn't help himself. The fact that he could make Aurens feel this good? Ali couldn't ask for anything more than that.

Then Aurens was coming, heat splattering Ali's hand as he cried out Ali's name in a way that sounded very much like love. Staring down at that beautiful face, wracked with pleasure, hearing his name on the lips he loved so much, was all Ali needed to push him over the edge. He spent himself, his seed mixing with Aurens'. 

He sagged against Aurens, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. Slowly he realized that Aurens’ hands were in his hair, that the man was pressing kisses to his forehead, murmuring his name like a mantra. He looked up to meet those brilliant blue eyes and was struck dumb by the softness in them, the sheer emotion. He couldn’t hold back, he leaned in and seized a kiss. “You are _wonderful_.”

Aurens laughed, the sound surprised and delighted. “Thank you?” Ali couldn’t help but blush. He felt silly; the words had come out of nowhere. But at that moment, he’d had to say them. He felt as though if he hadn’t said them, he would have…..what? Ali wasn’t entirely certain, but he knew it wouldn’t have been good.

But he couldn’t think about that, for now Aurens’ focus had shifted and he had taken Ali’s hand in his, examining it. It was wet with their combined seed. Ali said nothing, curious to see what Aurens was thinking. Then, the Englishman leaned in and lapped at the mess with his hot tongue.

Ali felt as though he were going to pass out on the spot. “Aurens!”

“Mm?” 

“Do not DO that!”

“Why not?” Aurens only looked at him for a moment before that oh-so-infuriating grin spread. Sometimes Ali hated how easily Aurens saw through him. “Like that too, don’t you.”

Ali scowled. “You can be such a brat.”

Laughing, Aurens wrapped his arms around Ali’s neck and kissed him. “I assume this is where you tell me that we have to stop.”

The Harith couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement. “Can you not just relax and enjoy your bath?”

“Mm….I suppose so.” With one last kiss, Aurens sank into the pool, though Ali was happy to note that he remained firmly seated in Ali’s lap.

"So,” Ali began, as his hands found their way to Aurens’ shoulders, kneading gently, “it has been a rather busy two days.” Aurens’ happy hum of agreement made him smile. “Is this sort of physical activity going to be an everyday occurrence?"

"One can only hope," Aurens replied lightly. Ali laughed; Aurens smiled up at him. "Do you disagree?"

The Harith smiled. "I am certain I could live with it."

Aurens swatted his arm. "Well geez, don't let me put you out."

"No no, it is a good arrangement."

"Only if you're sure. I'd hate to be a bother." Aurens' tone was dry. 

Ali cupped his chin, firmly pulling him into a soft, deep kiss. He kissed Aurens until there could be no question of his intentions, of his feelings, pulling away to look him in the eye. "I am certain."

Aurens was staring at Ali, eyes wide at the kiss that had swept through him. "Oh." He didn't seem to know what else to say.

Ali stroked his cheek with a smile. "I should be so lucky."

At those words, Aurens flushed red, the color hot against Ali's hand. "....I...." Somehow he found words. "So would I."

Ali didn’t know how he could be happier; he pulled Aurens into his arms and they relaxed together in the warm water. He ran his hand through those golden locks, combing them out.

Aurens sighed happily. “I wish we could stay here forever."

Surprised, Ali looked down at him. “….would you stay with me, if you could?”

There was a moment’s hesitation; Aurens glanced up at Ali, a flush to his face. “….would you want me to?”

Ali didn’t get a chance to respond, for suddenly there was Auda, like the world’s biggest cock-block.

“So, there you two are!” he boomed. 

Ali’s heart came crashing apart as Aurens slid from his arms. Of course. He still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the public displays of affection, and being seen naked in each other’s arms was not going to be comfortable in any way. Especially not in front of Auda. “Yes, Auda, we are just finishing. You are welcome to the water.” Gathering up their robes, he followed after Aurens, doing his best to clothe them as fast as possible and cursing Auda for ruining what could have been a very nice moment. 

Aurens had actually mentioned staying there with him. Had he truly been serious? But there was no way to ask about it now, not after that, and not until they were alone again. Besides, Auda had so entirely broken the mood. Ali would have to find a way to repair it before he could even think about broaching the topic again.

Aurens stopped a little before they reached camp, stopped so suddenly that Ali very nearly crashed into him, spinning to face Ali. “I’m sorry.”

Ali was lost. “Sorry?”

Aurens nodded. He looked flustered. “I shouldn’t let it get to me when people see us….I don’t care that they know, you know that, right?” Ali nodded. “He just caught me by surprise and I don’t like…..I don’t like people seeing me….” He was getting seriously upset now. But Ali thought he understood.

“You did not want him to see you undressed.”

“Yes. I mean I didn’t. I mean it has nothing to do with you, Ali. I want you to know that. I’m not ashamed of you.”

Ali shook his head, reaching out to cup Aurens’ cheek. “Silly. You worry too much.”

“Oh, _I_ worry too much?”

The words rang true, and Ali had to laugh. “Fair point.”

Aurens glanced around them, the fires of men cooking, many of them casting furtive glances their way. “Ali?”

“Yes?”

There were nerves in those blue eyes, but they were determined. “….may I kiss you?”

Ali felt a thrill rush through him, that Aurens actually wanted to kiss him here in front of all the men. “You never need to ask me, Aurens.”

The feel of those lips on his was absolute perfection. He didn’t try to pull Aurens closer, didn’t demand anything more than Aurens was comfortable with, but he committed every detail to memory. _Perfect_. When it was done, Aurens fumbled for his hand, linking their fingers, and smiling, they walked the rest of the way to camp.

Majid was seated by a fire, at work making food. He raised a brow at Ali, smirking. “I thought about cat-calling, but I decided to be nice.”

“Quite a first,” Ali replied dryly. Aurens was looking at Majid distrustfully after that last comment, so Ali gave him an encouraging smile and, reluctantly, he sat. 

“Did Auda join you at the pool?”

“Yes.”

“I am sorry.” Majid’s voice was regretful. “I tried to stop him, but there is only so much one can do without resorting to the physical or indeed causing trouble between the tribes.”

“Thank you, Majid, for anything you did. We accomplished what we wanted.” Ali saw Majid open his mouth to reply but he glared and the man got the point: Aurens was not yet ready for Majid’s sense of humor. 

“You are welcome. Have you eaten yet? Aurens?”

“Not yet.”

“Well there is plenty here.”

The three of them settled in for dinner, and for a while everything was going very well. They had cooked together and were relaxing with their food. Majid was being incredibly charming. He had reined in his sense of humor just enough to not offend one who didn’t know him well while still retaining his charisma. All in all, they were having a fantastic time.

Then, Auda returned.

“So, Aurens, Ali.” God, how did he always talk so loud? “You two had a good time up there, I take it?”

Aurens’ face had gone white as a sheet. Ali leveled Auda with a look that should have been obvious to most anyone as Stop Talking Now. “We enjoyed our bath, yes. I take it you enjoyed yours?”

Auda ignored the attempt to change the subject, laughing. “Bath? Yes, clearly a bath is what you were up to, that was obvious from the mess you left on the rocks--”

Ali was furious. Honestly, how anyone could stand this man, he didn’t know. And now Majid was chortling. 

“Really, Ali? I try so hard to give you privacy and you go and make a mess anyway? I thought I raised you better than this.”

That seemed to be the last straw for Aurens. He was on his feet, face now crimson. Unlike Ali, however, he had some self-control and didn’t yell at anyone. He did, however, have a few choice words for Majid. “Some friend _you_ are, mocking him this way, openly.”

“Aurens--”

“No, Ali, no.” Glaring at Majid, he left, heading off into the darkness.

Auda stared after him in confusion. “What is wrong with Aurens?”

Ali wanted to smack him. He probably would have if Majid hadn’t tugged him away. “Let me go.”

“No.”

“I must go to Aurens.”

“He needs a moment alone.”

Ali had to concede the point. “…..how are you right about that?”

“I am always right.”

He scowled. “You are NOT always right. If you were always right, you would not have made him storm off in the first place.” 

Majid grinned. “Yes, about that.” 

Ali stared. “How are you smiling right now? Look at that idiotic smile on your face.”

“I am _smiling_ because I think you finally found a good one this time.”

“…….oh.”

“Yes.” Majid’s smile grew at the dumbfounded look on Ali’s face. “For him to jump to your defense like that, over something so silly…..he truly cares for you, Ali.”

The Harith felt an overwhelming sensation of warmth flooding him, filling him with happiness. “….I….”

Majid laughed at Ali’s complete inability to form a coherent sentence. “Will you stop sitting around here? Go find him. And apologize for me. Not that I will ever stop teasing you.”

Ali rolled his eyes. “The world would end if you did.”

Laughing, Majid gave him a push. “Go!”

 

**~*~**

 

Aurens had found his way to the opposite end of the camp. It wasn’t that surprising. They usually slept on the fringes. It was the only way they got any semblance of privacy. Still, this time they had no tent, no supplies….Aurens had headed out with no plan, just a heart full of emotion. 

“Aurens?”

Aurens looked up at him. “Are you upset?”

“What? No! Why would I be upset?”

“Because I yelled at Majid.”

Ali felt a wave of amusement; he moved to Aurens’ side and sat beside him. “Aurens, I yell at Majid all the time. He is used to it. And before you ask, no, he is not upset either. He actually said to apologize.”

Aurens was surprised. “Really?”

“Really. Though honestly he is not sorry. He did not say that part, I just know it. He is sorry he upset you, not sorry for making fun of me.” But now Aurens was beginning to look upset again; Ali rushed to continue. “Aurens, Majid is my best friend. We make fun of each other.”

“I guess,” Aurens grumbled.

Chuckling, Ali wrapped an arm around Aurens, pulling him close. “He told me….” For a moment he hesitated, nervous. Finally, he decided to just go for it. “…..he told me just now that he thinks I finally found a good one.”

Aurens looked shocked. “You…..really??”

Ali nodded. “He said if you are that defensive of me, you must care for me.” He waited with baited breath for Aurens’ response.

He didn’t have to wait long. Aurens dove on him, hands cupping his face as he kissed Ali with all he had, breaking away to gasp “I do.” He was breathless. “I do care for you.”

Ali’s heartbeat was racing; he pulled Aurens into another kiss, eyes pressed tightly shut against the burning pinpricks of tears he could feel struggling to escape. “Oh, Aurens,” he managed, pressing kisses along his cheek, nuzzling into his throat. He never wanted to move from this spot, never wanted to let Aurens out of his arms. “You are so perfect.” He loved the man’s breathless laughter. 

“Hardly that.”

Stubbornly, Ali shook his head. “Perfect for _me_.”

Aurens’ smile was clear even in his voice. “Alright. Perfect for you. Now will you come out of hiding so I can kiss you?”

Smiling, Ali obliged, giving Aurens a gentle, lingering kiss that left them both a little dizzy. “Come,” he said softly. “Let us go to bed.” Taking Aurens’ hand, they turned back towards camp. "But do not get upset with my friend,” he admonished. “He is going to tease me. That is what friends do."

Aurens sighed. “I’ll try. No guarantees.”

Ali smiled. “That is all I can ask.”

They set up their tent together, close to where they had been cooking. Immediately, Majid poked his head out of a nearby tent. “Will we be neighbors? Should I make sure my tent flap is down so I do not see or hear anything inappropriate?”

“Majid,” Ali warned, “I just got finished asking him to _consider_ liking you. Must you counteract that by being your normally abrasive self?”

“Do you not mean charming self?”

“No I do not.”

“Glorious?”

“No.”

“Effervescent?”

“Majid.”

Aurens leaned out of their tent. “Majid, I’m taking Ali to bed now. You will most likely not hear anything, for we got up to a great deal today, but feel free to roll your tent flaps down anyway, just to be safe. Have a good night!” With that, he tugged Ali into the tent, both vanishing from view.

Once inside, Ali stared at him in complete and utter shock. “You…” Aurens merely returned his gaze as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Ali finally burst into laughter. “You are mad.”

“Mm….maybe so.” Aurens stroked Ali’s cheek. “Ali?”

“Yes, Aurens?”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

The words, echoed from earlier, made Ali laugh, even as he slid an arm around Aurens’ waist, pulling him in closer. Their bodies now aligned, Aurens leaned in, brushing Ali’s lips in a gentle kiss. It was the first of several, and though they didn’t lead to anything further than kisses, Ali had to concede that the tent flaps may have been a good idea.

It was only later, lying there with Aurens asleep in his arms, that it came to him. Earlier that night, when they were in the pool, Aurens had been saying his name, again, and again, and again. He had looked up at Aurens, at the emotion in his eyes, and been struck dumb with feeling. He had wound up saying “you are wonderful” but that was a far cry from what he had been thinking. Those words had come out only because he’d had to say _something_ , and Ali had felt as though in that moment, if he _hadn’t_ said something, he would have told Aurens that he loved him.

He loved Aurens.

Ali looked down at Aurens. The man was sound asleep, his head pillowed on Ali’s chest. He seemed as happy as could be. Did he want….could he want Ali to love him? Would he want to know? That very day he had sounded as though he might be willing to stay with Ali. But would he want that if love were part of the deal? Should Ali even try to tell him?

Ali had never been in such a predicament before. He had never been in love before.

Then he realized that he was not just thinking of loving Aurens but being **_in_** love with him. He may not have ever been in a true relationship with someone, but he knew enough to know there was a difference between the two, and a big one. Where did he and Aurens fall on the line? He gave it some thought for several moments.

Yes, he was in love with Aurens.

But what if Aurens didn’t love him?

He looked down at the man, that face he knew so well and loved so much, and an ache ran through him. He couldn’t bear to lose this. He just couldn’t. He was going to lose Aurens someday anyway, when the war was over, unless Aurens did somehow decide to stay. There was no way Ali was going to risk scaring him off and losing him that much sooner.

For now, he would cherish what he had, cherish every single moment, hold onto what he had, and watch. Watch for any sign that Aurens might return his feelings. If that seemed the case….

Ali stroked Aurens’ hair, his cheek. Gently, he kissed his forehead. “Sleep well, my love.” 

_I will hold you as long as I can._

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for use of the term "cock-block". I could not think of a more appropriate term that properly expressed the sentiments I wanted to express. So it remained in the chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For LifeLover, brightsidest, and Alienor. Alienor, you get a particular note because this chapter touches largely on Seven Pillars and I know you're familiar! <3
> 
> I think this is actually my favorite chapter yet. I hope you enjoy it, too. <3
> 
> As always, notes are HIGHLY APPRECIATED!
> 
> PS- I apologize for the term "exploder". That is what Lawrence called it and I decided to stick with that term. It sounds weird to me but what do I know? The internet wasn't much help.

They embarked early the next morning. Even so, Ali and Aurens found time to visit the spring again. They always were early risers. Others were awake as well, but they said nothing, even Majid, though he did give them a knowing smile. Still, somehow Aurens didn’t mind it so much. Maybe because he knew now that Majid approved of him, despite the fact that the man teased so much.

Nothing had happened in the spring, at least nothing physical. Nothing beyond kissing. Ali had held him close and kissed him, his hands working out all the knots and tension in his back. Aurens didn’t know how he had gotten so lucky in finding Ali. The man seemed to always know what he needed. He never pushed Aurens, understanding that while the Englishman could, and often was, eager to explore and try new things, he was still unexperienced and often hesitant as well. Ali waited for Aurens to make the first move and never asked for more than he was willing to give. It was part of what had made Aurens fall in love with him. For Aurens knew that now. He was in love with Ali, truly in love with him.

He glanced over at where the man rode beside him. It was late at night, and they had been riding for four days with practically no rest. It put him in mind of their journey across the Nefud. Thus far they hadn’t been pushing themselves to extremes, but this time there was a train they wanted to catch badly and they were determined to do so. It left little time each evening to do more than force down a tiny bite of food and collapse into each other’s arms for sleep. For once, Aurens didn’t mind. The physical side of their relationship had progressed rather far fairly quickly, and while he didn’t regret it at all, he definitely wasn’t ready to go further; not yet. This was all still incredibly new to him and while he wouldn’t trade it for anything, he wanted to take it slow. Luckily, he knew Ali didn’t mind. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the man. Ali must have felt his gaze, for he turned. Caught, Aurens jumped, flushing. Ali clearly sensed his embarrassment and laughed.

“What is it, Aurens.”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Are you tired?”

“Not too much,” he fibbed.

Ali knew he was lying. Of course he knew. Ali always saw right through him. “We will rest soon.” His smile changed, that smile that was just for Aurens, that was so private and intimate and always made it feel as if it were only the two of them, no matter how many others were there. “Then I will hold you.”

A rush of happiness thrilled through Aurens. “I look forward to it.” And he did. For no matter if he was asleep within seconds, he always slept so much better when he was in Ali’s arms.

When they finally camped that night, Aurens was dismayed to notice that Ali was coughing. “Are you sick?”

“Of course I am not sick.” But in that tone of indignation was a hint of congestion.

“You are.” Aurens put a hand to the Harith’s forehead. “You have a fever. How are you sick? What did you do?”

“Is it not enough that I am sick without you giving me that accusatory tone?”

“Oh, so now you admit that you’re sick?”

“…..no.”

Aurens shook his head, trying not to smile. Ali was so damn cute, even when he was being frustrating. “Well, you are. Now go lie down. I’m going to make you some tea and you’re going to sleep.”

“Do not baby me.”

“I _will_ baby you.” He took Ali by the shoulders and guided him away from the camels. “March.” He was aware of Majid watching with amusement, of Ali scowling at his friend, and he did his best not to laugh. It took several minutes (and much complaining) but he got Ali set up by the fire, tucked in for bed with a cup of tea. After ensuring the man had drunk the entire thing, he pulled Ali into his arms, which was unusual. Normally, it went the other way around.

“This is different.”

Aurens stroked the messy black hair. “Bad different?” Ali chuckled, and the sound rumbled deep in his chest. God, Aurens loved that sound.

“No, Aurens. Not bad at all.”

Aurens kissed his forehead. “Good. Now sleep.”

Ali truly must have been exhausted, for he was asleep within minutes. Aurens stayed up, stroking his hair, smiling down at his sleeping face. Then, Majid spoke up, startling him.

“You take good care of him.”

Aurens didn’t know what to say. He still felt self-conscious around Majid. Avoiding eye contact, he simply remained focused on Ali, giving an awkward shrug. “I try to.”

“You succeed.”

Despite his embarrassment, the words pleased Aurens. Still, he kept his eyes on Ali, lightly touching his forehead, frowning at the heat. “….does he get sick often?”

There was a hesitation. “…..no.” Immediately, Aurens began to worry. Majid rushed on. “But do not worry. He is strong.”

Aurens had to smile at that. “Yes. I know.” He brushed a lock of dark hair back from Ali’s forehead, eyes soft with love as he smiled down at the man. Unbeknownst to him, Majid was smiling as well as he watched the two men, so happy for his best friend to have found someone who cared for him so much. 

 

**~*~**

 

It took another two days before they had reached their final destination, though they made some side stops on the way to cut telephone lines. It wasn’t much, but it did some cursory damage. But finally, they reached the railway.

Ali’s fever still persisted, which had Aurens mad with worry. It wasn’t helping that it had been raining. At night he wrapped the Harith up doubly tight in blankets, even as Ali insisted he wasn’t cold. Finally, the day they arrived, the rain let up. Aurens was relieved. It would make their job much easier, and also hopefully allow Ali to recover. Even so…

“Ali, maybe you shouldn’t come.”

The look Ali gave him was positively murderous. “Aurens, if you think for one moment you are making me stay in camp--”

“I’m just saying--”

“--you are wrong.” 

“I’m just trying to take care of you!” he protested.

“You are treating me like a child, is what you are doing.” Ali was clearly completely fed up with being babied. 

“….Ali…”

But the man simply shook his head, turning his back on Aurens. The Englishman felt terrible. “Ali…” He moved to Ali’s side, gently reaching for him. “I’m sorry,” he softly apologized. “I know I have no right to try to keep you here. I just….I worry about you.”

At those words, he felt the tension go out of Ali’s shoulders. After a moment, the Harith turned to face him. “I know you do, Aurens. And I appreciate it. I do. But I cannot stay here while you go to fight.”

“We aren’t fighting!” Aurens protested. “We’re blowing up a train!”

“And you do not think there will be fighting involved?” Aurens said nothing, for he knew Ali was right. “Aurens….I am coming with you.”

There was really nothing else to say, for Aurens had always known deep down that he was fighting a losing battle. Still…. “…..will you at least let me rig the charges?”

“No, Aurens! You need help with that. _God_ , how are you so frustrating?”

Aurens couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer exasperation in Ali’s voice. “You’re the one who chooses to spend time with me,” he pointed out.

“God knows why.” But he was smiling now, which was good. Aurens had wanted to argue that someone else could help him but he knew that it was no use; Ali would not be persuaded, and he did not want to see that smile vanish. Leaning in, he gave the man a kiss.

“Come,” he said softly. “Let’s go blow up a train.”

 

**~*~**

 

For a while, things seemed to be going well. The land leading to the bridge had almost no cover, so they had to spend hours laying the wires and then smoothing the sand so there was no sign of either the wires themselves or the tracks they made while laying them. It was a nuisance, but nothing they couldn’t handle. Then, all they had to do was wait.

The waiting was the hard part. That day, it was hours before a train came. Hours out in the damp air. Hours of Ali refusing to go back to the tent where it was at least somewhat drier and he could bundle up. Aurens was ready to strangle him. 

Finally, mid-afternoon, they heard a train coming. Aurens was relieved. They could blow up the damn train, finish this whole bloody business, and get Ali to bed. He rose to go down the hill to set off the bomb but immediately felt someone snatching at his robes. Ali. Of course Ali.

“Why do _you_ have to go,” Ali demanded.

“Why did _you_ have to come out in this horrible weather?” Aurens shot back. Yanking his robes free, he headed down the hill without another word. 

Unfortunately, the only place they could hide the exploder was in a tiny bush, only about a foot high, just near the tracks themselves. It wasn’t much in the way of cover, but it would have to do. He crouched down by the bush, waiting for the train to come into view. Finally, it appeared. He could see the first ten trucks or so filled with troops. As usual, he waited until the engine was over the mine and then pushed down on the handle of the exploder.

Nothing.

 _Fuck_.

Aurens sawed up and down on the handle several times, but still nothing. It was only then that he realized the true gravity of his situation. He was sitting on a flat bank of sand with nothing but a naked little scrub of a bush beside him, which he was only just realizing how damn small it truly was. The thing probably reached from his wrist to his elbow, if that. It managed to hide the exploder, but it definitely didn’t hide him. And he was face to face with over ten cars of Turkish troops, all of whom were now staring right at him.

Well, there was only one option: act casual.

Sitting cross-legged on the sand, Aurens gave a smile and a wave, as if he were just a general passerby and totally belonged there. Just your average Bedouin out for a stroll, taking a rest by the train tracks. The troops looked somewhat bewildered but not suspicious, per-say, and didn’t seem to notice just how nervous his smile was. At least none of them shot at him. Even so, once the train was out of sight, he heaved a sigh of relief. Immediately, he jumped to his feet, burying the wires and, grabbing the exploder, ran up the hill. He didn’t even have a single second to register that he had made it over the hill before Ali yanked him into his arms.

“You little idiot!” The words were hissed almost angrily, but there was fear in them, desperation. “What were you _thinking?!_ ”

Aurens was at a loss. “….I…..what?” 

“You could have been KILLED! Why on earth did you just SIT THERE??”

Aurens was vaguely aware of Majid gently taking the exploder from his hand, probably afraid that if he did not, it would get broken from the way Ali was clutching Aurens, shaking him. “Uh….I couldn’t really do anything else.”

“That is not the point!”

By now Aurens was completely confused. “Then what IS the point?”

Ali didn’t seem to know what it was he was trying to say any more than Aurens did. “I…..” He fumbled for words and found none. “You could have _died_.”

“I didn’t.”

“I do not care.”

Aurens raised a brow. “You don’t?”

Ali scowled. “That is not what I mean, and you know it.”

The Englishman laughed. “I know.” He smiled. “Kiss me?”

“I am sick.”

“I don’t care.” Aurens pulled Ali into a kiss. As soon as their lips touched, Ali offered no further objections. It was immediately clear to see just how scared for Aurens he had been. He kissed Aurens as if it was their first kiss, and their last. It was deep, and desperate, and when it was done, Aurens was trembling. He looked into Ali’s eyes, hands gripping his shoulders tightly in an effort to steady himself.

“I cannot lose you,” Ali whispered. His eyes were glistening; Aurens realized with a shock that he was on the verge of tears. He felt as if he would melt. 

“You won’t.” Gently, he stroked Ali’s cheek. The man leaned into the touch, seeking that comfort; his eyes slipped shut as he took a deep, ragged breath, trying to settle himself.

“Aurens? Ali?” It was Majid. Ali opened his eyes to pay attention to the conversation, but made no sign of moving away from Aurens’ touch. “We have men working to fix the problem.”

“Thank you.” 

“There is a Turkish patrol out right now sweeping the hill where they saw you,” Majid continued. _Well, fuck_. Clearly Majid saw Aurens’ nerves, for amusement registered on his face. “Do not worry; they have shown no sign yet of discovering the wires, and if they do, we can take care of them.”

“Yes, but it will mean giving up on the mission.”

Majid shrugged. “There are worse things.”

Aurens had to concede the point. “So we fix the machine and replace it once the men are gone, then try again tomorrow.” Majid nodded. “Sounds good.” He glanced at Ali, who still didn’t look entirely settled. “I’m going to get this one to bed.”

“Aurens, do not talk about me as if I am not here.”

“Fine, I’m going to take you to bed, is that better?”

“No, because it is not for the reason I would like you to take me to bed.”

Immediately, Aurens turned fuchsia. Majid burst into laughter. Fumbling for words, Aurens finally gave up and muttered “come on,” grabbing Ali by the hand and dragging him away.

He shoveled Ali into the tent with an order to get changed and then went back outside to make some tea. When he returned, he found Ali in dry clothes, sitting very subdued on his blanket. “Did I upset you, Aurens?” His voice was soft, timid.

“What? No. When?”

“When I teased you just now.” But before Aurens could answer, Ali was rushing to continue. “You know I do not mind moving slowly, yes? I am happy with what we do. I would be happy doing nothing, if you had never wanted to even kiss me. Just holding you would have been plenty for me.”

The amusement Aurens had felt at the rush of words vanished as Ali continued. Now he was just stunned. “You…..really?”

Ali nodded vehemently. “I simply want to be with you, Aurens, in any way that I can. I was only teasing right now. Holding you…knowing that you care for me….that is more than I ever could have asked for in my life.”

Aurens felt as though his heart were going to pound right out of his chest. He wasn’t sure how it happened but he found himself on his knees, crawling into Ali’s lap as he kissed the man with everything he had. He felt as if he might cry at any moment. To spend his whole life thinking he would never want physical contact, never want love; only to find that he did, and to be fortunate enough to have the person he loved return those feelings? What were the chances? He didn’t know that anyone could calculate them.

True, he still wasn’t certain to what degree Ali returned his feelings, but the fact that he cared enough for Aurens to respect his wishes, to acknowledge his sexuality and feelings and never push him or ask for too much…..that was caring. That was truly caring.

The words of love were on the tip of his tongue, wanting to come out so badly. But the moment was so beautiful, so perfect. Aurens was afraid of ruining it. So he bit them back, instead kissing Ali again, breathlessly. “You’re _amazing_.”

“And _you_ are going to get sick.”

Oh. That sobered him up. “You should be sleeping.”

Ali groaned. “Yes, mother.” Aurens laughed.

“Oh, shush. I think you’ve exerted yourself enough for one day.” He lay back, holding open his arms. “Come. I’ll hold you.”

“Mm.” Ali snuggled into his arms. “That makes it all worthwhile.”

Aurens chuckled, kissing his forehead. “Sleep.”

As in the past few days, it didn’t take long for Ali to fall asleep. That was the only good thing about him being sick, he actually got some real sleep for once. This time, however, Aurens wasn’t far behind, falling into a contented sleep filled with happy dreams of Ali holding him close, whispering words of love. He didn’t know just how close tonight that dream had come to coming true.

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who haven't read Seven Pillars, these events really happened, though all dialogue is mine. I couldn't handle the image of poor Lawrence trying to act casual while the train rolled by. X-D 
> 
> And yes, poor Ali was sick at the time. He doesn't actually feature much in Seven Pillars (or the character Ali was based on, anyway) but he was around for this episode and he was indeed ill.
> 
> Anyway, I want to try to fit in a few of my favorite of Lawrence's adventures to fill out the story, so here you go. Bentley will be here soon. Enjoy. Or don't. He's kind of a dick.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For, as always, LifeLover and brightsidest. Waiting on your reviews every day keeps me going.  
> And Alienor. Thank you as well. The three of you are awesome. <3
> 
> As always, notes are greatly appreciated! <3
> 
> One direct quote is taken from 'Seven Pillars'. All the rest is mine.

Ali hated being sick. It happened so rarely that it always struck him as a completely new experience and made him utterly miserable. Majid would tease him horribly (what else was new?) for whining, which he had to admit, he kind of did. When every cold felt like the first one, it was hard not to whine. Not that he would ever complain in front of the men….just Majid. Even though he knew Majid would make fun of him, it was Ali’s right as a friend to make Majid’s life miserable by persistently complaining to him, just like it was Majid’s right to make his life a constant misery by relentlessly harassing him on a daily basis.

Still, this time he had Aurens around, and for some reason, he felt the need to put on a brave face. He had no idea why….Aurens would never judge him for being sick. Even so, he tried to hide his coughing. Not that it helped. Aurens noticed immediately.

“Are you sick?”

“Of course I am not sick.” But he couldn’t hide the congestion in his voice, couldn’t cover up his coughing.

“You are.” Aurens put a hand to Ali’s forehead. Ali tried to duck away from the touch, knowing that he was warm and not wanting to Aurens to find out, but he didn’t succeed. “You have a fever. How are you sick? What did you do?”

He couldn’t help feeling a bit indignant. “Is it not enough that I am sick without you giving me that accusatory tone?”

“Oh, so now you admit that you’re sick?”

_Oops_. “…..no.”

But he wasn’t getting out of that one. Aurens shook his head, trying not to smile. Ali knew the man was thinking how cute he was. On one level he felt grumpy. He still wasn’t used to being thought of as cute, even though he knew it was a good thing. On the other hand, at least Aurens was amused and not irritated with him. “Well, you are. Now go lie down. I’m going to make you some tea and you’re going to sleep.”

“Do not baby me,” he said crossly.

“I _will_ baby you.” Ali jumped as Aurens grabbed him by the shoulders and began guiding him away from the camels. “March.” He was all too aware of Majid watching with amusement, and he scowled. Not that it did any good. Majid never took his glares seriously, and being bossed around by Aurens was not going to help. No one bossed Ali around. Ever. Not since they were in their early teens. Sure, he took orders from their superiors, like Feisal, but no one bossed him about the way Aurens was doing now. Majid would be teasing him about this for the rest of his life. 

It took several minutes (and much complaining on Ali’s part) but eventually he found himself seated by the fire, wrapped up in more blankets than he needed, with a cup of tea in hand.

“All of it,” Aurens ordered. “Drink all of it.”

“Aurens, you are being ridiculous.”

“Be quiet and drink your tea.”

Ali heaved what had to be the tenth sigh in the last five minutes. “Fine. God help you if _you_ get sick.” As he drank the last of the tea, he heard Aurens laughing.

“Fair enough.”

Ali displayed the empty cup. “Satisfied?”

“Very.” Aurens took the cup from him and set it aside, then tugged Ali into his arms. “Now, sleep.” 

Ali was caught completely by surprise. Usually he was the one to hold Aurens. “This is different.” He felt those graceful fingers that he loved so much carding through his hair. 

“Bad different?” That cultured British voice was soft, and somewhat hesitant. Ali chuckled.

“No, Aurens. Not bad at all.”

Aurens kissed his forehead. “Good. Now sleep.”

And despite the cold, the sickness rumbling through him, he quickly fell soundly asleep in Aurens’ arms.

 

**~*~**

 

The next few days were horrible. Ali’s cold persisted, as did an unexpected rainstorm. He could have dealt with it on his own, but he could tell that Aurens was worrying about him, and that was unacceptable. He didn’t want to be the cause of Aurens’ distraction. 

When they finally reached their destination and the rain let up, Ali was relieved. Then, Aurens had the audacity to suggest he remain behind at camp. All of his frustration of the past few days exploded. It was the first time he had truly gotten upset with Aurens since that fight in the Nefud.

But then Aurens reached for him, a gentle hand settling on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” His voice was soft. “I know I have no right to try to keep you here. I just….I worry about you.”

Ali felt all the tension, all the frustration, leave him. He could never stay upset with Aurens, especially when faced with words such as that, words proving that the man cared for him. He turned to face Aurens, melting all over again when he saw the worry in those blue eyes. “I know you do, Aurens. And I appreciate it. I do. But I cannot stay here while you go to fight.”

“We aren’t fighting!” Aurens protested. “We’re blowing up a train!”

 _Oh, for God’s sake…_ “And you do not think there will be fighting involved?” As Ali expected, Aurens said nothing. Clearly, he knew that Ali was right. “Aurens….I am coming with you.”

Aurens was silent, chewing his lower lip in thought. “…..will you at least let me rig the charges?”

Ali was ready to explode with exasperation. “No, Aurens! You need help with that. _God_ , how are you so frustrating?”

Luckily, Aurens didn’t get upset, merely laughed. “You’re the one who chooses to spend time with me,” he pointed out.

Ali shook his head. “God knows why.” 

Smiling, Aurens leaned in and kissed him. “Come,” he murmured. “Let’s go blow up a train.”

 

**~*~**

 

Things got incredibly dull for a very long time. It took a great deal of time to set the wires, which was fine, for it also took a great deal of attention to detail to make sure they were well hidden. It was the waiting that was interminable. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad were it not for the stupid cold. As it was, he had to deal with Aurens giving him looks every time he coughed, looks which were clearly imploring him to go back to the camp and bundle himself up in the tent. Once or twice the Englishman opened his mouth, but Ali silenced him before he spoke with a simple “ _no_ , Aurens.” After two hours, both men were thoroughly grouchy.

Finally, the train came, and Ali was relieved. The emotion was short-lived, however, for it was Aurens who rose to his feet to go detonate the bomb. Panicked, Ali grabbed the back of his robes. Aurens looked back at him questioningly. 

“Why do _you_ have to go,” Ali demanded.

“Why did _you_ have to come out in this horrible weather?” Aurens shot back. He gave a huge yank, pulling his robes free, and headed down the hill.

Ali’s heart was pounding. There was no concealment down there save for a tiny little bush, big enough only for the exploder, not for the person doing the actual detonating. Aurens would be in clear view of the train and everyone on it.

The first ten cars rolled by, stuffed with soldiers. Soldiers who were staring at Aurens. “What is he waiting for??”

Majid’s hand rested on Ali’s shoulder, clearly meant to be reassuring. “He is waiting for the engine, you know that.”

Ali did know that. They had done this so many times by now. Still, that was the last thing he was thinking of at this moment. He just wanted Aurens to blow up the damn train and get the hell out of there. Finally, after what seemed like ages, centuries, the train was in place. Ali waited for the explosion.

Nothing. 

His heart was racing. “What is happening.”

Even Majid looked nervous, which wasn’t helping in the slightest. “Something is wrong.”

Ali was beginning to panic. “Why is he not getting out of there??” For Aurens wasn’t moving. He was sitting by the bush, as casual as could be, waving at the train. Ali took a step, about to rush to Aurens’ side, but Majid grabbed him.

“Do not.”

“He needs help!”

“He is fine. If you go out there, you will definitely get him killed.”

That halted Ali in his tracks; he froze, watching Aurens with eyes wide with terror as he waited for the train to pass. Finally it was out of sight and Aurens was on his feet, running back to them. He had barely crossed the hill before Ali grabbed him, pulling him into a crushing hug. 

“You little idiot!” He was probably holding Aurens far too tight but he couldn’t have controlled that if he tried; he clung to the man, terrified, desperate. “What were you _thinking?!_ ”

Aurens seemed totally lost. “….I…..what?” 

“You could have been KILLED! Why on earth did you just SIT THERE??” He held the man at arm’s length, giving him a shake as though he could shake out an explanation, shake some sense into him, shake in some understanding of just how Goddamn loved he was and how much his death would have utterly destroyed Ali.

It didn’t work. Aurens still looked bewildered. “Uh….I couldn’t really do anything else.”

Ali was frustrated beyond belief. “That is not the point!”

By now Aurens was completely confused. “Then what IS the point?”

“I…..” Ali fumbled for words and found none. “You could have _died_.”

“I didn’t.”

“I do not care.”

Aurens raised a brow. “You don’t?”

How was the man so _frustrating?_ Ali scowled. “That is not what I meant, and you know it.”

The Englishman laughed. “I know.” He smiled. “Kiss me?”

“I am sick.”

“I don’t care.” Aurens pulled Ali into a kiss. As soon as their lips touched, Ali offered no further objections. He couldn’t. He had been so utterly terrified for Aurens. Seeing him sitting there as the train passed, stuffed with so many men, any of whom could have killed him with a single shot…..the thought made his heart ache and he held Aurens that much closer. He kissed Aurens deeply, and desperately, and when it was done, he looked into Aurens’ eyes, holding him as close as he could.

“I cannot lose you,” Ali whispered. His eyes were burning with tears, and for once, he wasn’t concerned about hiding them.

Aurens’ voice was soft as he answered, “you won’t.” Gently, he stroked Ali’s cheek. Ali leaned into the touch, not just wanting that comfort but _needing_ it; his eyes slipped shut as he took a deep, ragged breath, trying to settle himself.

“Aurens? Ali?” It was Majid. Ali opened his eyes to pay attention to the conversation, but refused to move away from Aurens’ touch. “We have men working to fix the problem.”

“Thank you.” 

“There is a Turkish patrol out right now sweeping the hill where they saw you,” Majid continued. Ali was only half registering the words. Aurens was safe; that was all that mattered. “Do not worry; they have shown no sign yet of discovering the wires, and if they do, we can take care of them.”

“Yes, but it will mean giving up on the mission.”

Majid shrugged. “There are worse things.”

Ali definitely agreed with that statement. Losing Aurens would have been worse. Much worse. 

“So we fix the machine and replace it once the men are gone, then try again tomorrow.” Majid nodded. “Sounds good.” He glanced at Ali. “I’m going to get this one to bed.”

Ali felt that familiar wave of irritation rise. _So we’re back to being babied, are we_. “Aurens, do not talk about me as if I am not here.”

“Fine, I’m going to take you to bed, is that better?”

“No, because it is not for the reason I would like you to take me to bed.”

Aurens immediately turned bright red in that way Ali loved, where he blushed all the way to the tips of his ears. He muttered “come on,” grabbing Ali’s hand and dragging him away as Majid laughed.

Ali quickly found himself shoved into their tent with an order to get changed, and immediately he began to worry that he had overstepped with his last joke. Generally he did very well with not asking Aurens for too much or making any move that the Englishman was uncomfortable with. Had that joke gone too far?

Aurens returned and gave him a cup of tea, which he obediently began to drink as Aurens changed.

“Did I upset you, Aurens?” 

Aurens was taken aback. “What? No. When?”

“When I teased you just now.” But before Aurens could answer, Ali was rushing on. “You know I do not mind moving slowly, yes? I am happy with what we do. I would be happy doing nothing, if you had never wanted to even kiss me. Just holding you would have been plenty for me.”

Aurens looked completely stunned. “You…..really?”

Ali nodded vehemently. “I simply want to be with you, Aurens, in any way that I can. I was only teasing right now. Holding you…knowing that you care for me….that is more than I ever could have asked for in my life.” And strangely enough, it was true. Ali had never been a very romantic being. He’d had a fling or two, mainly when he was younger, but mostly things had been about the physical, fulfilling basic needs now and again. He had assumed that if love was meant to happen, it would happen, which he had been told was stupid; if you wanted it bad enough, you had to work at it. Well if anything proved that theory wrong, it was this. Aurens had stumbled into his life and they had aligned so randomly, so perfectly. And it _was_ love, he knew that. The thought tonight of losing Aurens….but he wouldn’t think about that again, he _couldn’t_. 

But then Aurens was crawling into his lap and kissing Ali with everything he had. It caught Ali by surprise but he certainly wasn’t going to complain. He was still so Goddamn relieved that things hadn’t taken a bad turn tonight, so glad to be holding Aurens in his arms. 

Aurens pulled away, breathless. “You’re _amazing_.”

Ali couldn’t help but laugh, reminding “and _you_ are going to get sick.”

He could immediately see the thoughts click into place, see Mother Hen Aurens returning. “You should be sleeping.”

Ali groaned. “Yes, mother.” Aurens laughed.

“Oh, shush. I think you’ve exerted yourself enough for one day.” He lay back, holding open his arms. “Come. I’ll hold you.”

“Mm.” Ali snuggled into his arms. It was still new, and different, and while he preferred holding Aurens, it was a nice change. “That makes it all worthwhile.” He heard Aurens chuckle, felt soft lips brush his forehead.

“Sleep.”

 

**~*~**

 

Ali awoke to find Aurens smiling down at him, fingers running through his hair. “Your fever is gone,” the Englishman murmured. “Do you feel better?”

Ali sniffed experimentally and was pleased to find that the last of his lingering congestion had indeed vanished. “Yes.” The smile that lit up Aurens’ face almost felt better than being over the cold. He leaned in for a kiss. “Now you had better not get it.”

Aurens laughed. “If I haven’t caught it by now, I don’t think I will.” He raised a brow. “Feel up to an early start?”

Ali nodded enthusiastically. If they could get this train business over and done with, he would be relieved. Yesterday’s events had thoroughly terrified him. He never wanted to feel that sort of fear again.

Unfortunately, life with Aurens provided terrors aplenty. 

The man insisted on being the one to detonate the bomb. Ali had been so positive that he could prevent this, but Aurens was a tricky bastard. He seemed to have conned Farraj into providing a distraction at the moment the train showed up so that Ali’s attention would be elsewhere until Aurens was already several steps down the hill and there was no way to call him back. He tried, he really did, but Majid grabbed him again.

Ali glared at him. “Were you in on this?”

“Hell no. Do you really think I would want to face you at your angriest?”

Ali had to concede the point. He stared down at Aurens, heart pounding. Majid was still clutching his shoulders as though afraid Ali were going to run off at any moment. “You can let go, Majid, I am not going to go after him.”

“That is not what I am afraid of.”

“Then what?”

“I am afraid you may pass out and I will have to catch you.”

Ali wanted to laugh but he wasn’t entirely sure that Majid was that far off. He certainly _felt_ as though he might pass out. “You fixed the device?”

“Not me, but yes, it is fixed. Do not worry, Aurens will be fine.”

Majid was half right. The device worked perfectly. A huge explosion went off, the bridge blowing up and taking the train with it. Unfortunately, the explosion was so great that Aurens went flying as well.

Yesterday, Ali had thought that he had known the true meaning of terror. It was nothing compared to what he was feeling right now. It was a good thing that Majid was holding onto him, for Ali swayed on his feet. “AURENS!”

Majid’s grip tightened. “Ali, you cannot go out there, they are going to begin shooting--”

“Let me go!” He wrenched free, stumbling over the hill. “Aurens!!” 

Further down the hill, surrounded by soot, pieces of twisted metal, and broken bodies, Aurens sat up. A wave of relief hit Ali so hard that he almost lost his balance. Sure enough, the Turks began to shoot, and the Arabs were returning fire. He prayed that Aurens would remain down and not make himself a target but of course the man never did the sensible thing. Instead, Aurens struggled to his feet and began hobbling towards him. The Englishman seemed to be muttering something.

After what seemed an eternity, Ali reached him. “Aurens!” 

“Oh, I wish this hadn’t happened.”

Ali wasn’t certain he had heard correctly. “….Aurens?”

“Oh, I wish this hadn’t happened,” Aurens muttered.

Oh, God, how bad off was he? Ali gripped Aurens’ shoulders, a hand cupping his face. “Aurens. Aurens, speak to me.”

Blue eyes looked up and focused, seeming to finally register Ali. “Ali?”

“Yes, Aurens, it is me.” He slipped an arm about Aurens to support him. “Come, we must get out of range.” They would be walking straight back into the gunfire of their own men, but Ali trusted their troops not to shoot them.

His trust was well-placed. They made it back safely. Majid looked scared to death, which would have made Ali feel good under normal circumstances. At the moment, he was too damn terrified. If he had thought yesterday was bad, it had nothing on right now. He had gotten Aurens back to safety, but he still had no idea how badly he was hurt. He looked Aurens over, taking in the multiple lacerations, some of which looked dangerously deep. His clothes were torn to shreds. Ali could already see bruises forming. “Goddammit, Aurens.”

“What?”

“Do not give me ‘what’.” He looked to his friend. “Majid, I am taking Aurens back to camp.”

Majid nodded. “I understand.”

“Ali, I am fine,” Aurens protested.

“Shut up.”

“Ali--”

“I said shut up!” Then a thought hit him. “Can you ride?” 

Aurens looked offended. “Of course I can ride!” Still, he winced when he took a step, and Ali’s heart ached. 

“Come. I will help you .” Carefully he helped Aurens to mount the camel, climbing on behind him and wrapping his arms about the man’s waist. Together, they rode back into camp.

“I still think this is ridiculous,” Aurens grumbled as Ali helped him down from the camel. “I’m perfectly able to fight. _OW!_ ”

“Oh, of course you are. You cannot even get up or down from a camel on your own.”

“Shut up.”

“No.” Ali only watched Aurens limp for three steps before, without a word, he scooped the man into his arms, bridal style. Aurens yelped in surprise.

“Ali! Ali, put me down!”

“No.”

“Ali! I can walk perfectly fine!”

“Stop lying. You are injured.”

“I can still walk!”

“Shut up.” Ali ducked into the tent and carefully set Aurens down. “Now, let us get you undressed and we shall see just how bad it is.” He had no idea how he was managing to sound so calm. Inside, his heart was still pounding. As gently as he could, he began to undress Aurens. Even though the Englishman tried to hide it, Ali noticed every wince of pain, and it made his heart ache. It was even worse when he finally got the clothes off and saw the full extent of his injuries. Aurens was riddled with cuts and bruises from metal that had hit him during the explosion, as well as several marks where bullets had grazed him. That sent a cold shudder through Ali, knowing just how close he had come so many times to losing Aurens. Grabbing the skin of water from nearby, along with a clean cloth, he set to cleaning the wounds.

“What did you do to yourself.” He tried to make his voice as steady as possible, but he could tell it was shaking almost as bad as his hands. 

“I didn’t do anything!” Aurens protested.

“Could not just let someone else detonate the stupid bomb.”

Aurens was silent for a long time. Clearly the point had hit home. “I had to do it.”

Frustration was rising again. “You did not!”

“Yes, I did!”

Ali was getting angry now. “There are hundreds of other men out there, Aurens.”

“And only a handful of them are trained to use the explosives! Me, you--”

“Yes,” Ali interrupted, “Me.”

“Oh, so I should have let _you_ go out there?”

“After what happened yesterday?” Ali didn’t have to think twice. “Yes.”

“ _Nothing_ happened yesterday!”

“You could have been killed!”

“No one even shot at me!” Aurens protested. 

Ali growled in frustrated anger. His emotions were reaching a boiling point. “You are so Goddamn annoying sometimes!”

“Oh?” There was a challenge in Aurens’ eyes. “Then why do you stay with me?”

“BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!” The words burst forth before Ali even realized he was saying them. He froze, eyes huge, staring down at Aurens in horror. He had not intended to let those words slip. He wanted to save them for the right moment, and when he said them, he wanted to say them right, not shout them like that, in the heat of the moment, and certainly not in that angry tone of voice.

Aurens was looking up at him with eyes wide with shock. His lips moved, but nothing came out. Finally: “….what?” he managed weakly.

Ali wasn’t certain what that reaction meant, but he knew one thing: he wasn’t going to back down, wasn’t going to take the words back. He may not have intended to say them but he meant them, and he would stand by them. He swallowed with some difficulty. “I love you,” he said. “I have been in love with you for some time.” Aurens still said nothing, still just stared at him, so he continued. “For the first time in my life…I feel as if I know what it is to truly love someone.” He winced. That sounded so silly. He rushed on. “To know that I am content just being beside you, not needing more, just your presence. You make me…. _happy_. In a way I have never known before. I feel as if all I need is to see your smile, every day, to be happy for the rest of my life. And yesterday, when you were in danger…and again today, when I saw you injured…” Just the thought sent a shiver through him. He shook his head. “I cannot describe to you the terror I felt.” Unconsciously, he grasped Aurens’ hand. “The thought of your death scared me more than anything else in my life thus far. I cannot lose you, Aurens. So please…do not leave me. Even if this is too much and you do not want my love, please. I will be content to keep things as they are, so long as you are by my side. I will not pressure you for more, I swear. Just so long as you are by my side.” 

The words ended in a rush; he was clutching Aurens’ hand between his, eyes imploring. Then he realized that throughout his rush of words, Aurens hadn’t tried to say a single thing, merely stared at him with those wide blue eyes. “…Aurens?”

Immediately, he found hands grasping his hair, tugging him into a fierce kiss. For a moment, he was too startled to respond. Then, happiness flooding him, he cupped Aurens’ face in his hands, responding in kind. At last, they needed to breathe, separating; Ali looked questioningly down at Aurens.

“I love you,” the Englishman gasped. “I have been in love with you for weeks.”

Ali’s heart began to pound. “You--” That memory tickled at his brain again, words whispered in his sleep. “You told me. That night while I was sleeping, you told me you loved me.”

Aurens flushed pink. “Yes,” he whispered. “But I didn’t realize then just how deeply I love you. Ali, you have unlocked something in me which I never knew was there.” Taking Ali’s hand in his, he placed it on his chest, over his heart. Ali’s heart beat faster at both the words and the action, a shiver running through him. “I never thought I would want anyone, romantically or physically. You broke down all my doors, and did it all gently, with patience. You never push me or ask for anything. You wait for me.”

Ali cupped Aurens’ cheek. “Because I love you.”

The Englishman smiled. “And it made me love you that much more.”

Ali couldn’t help it; he stole another kiss. Aurens clearly didn’t mind, for he pulled Ali closer, deeper. Breaking away, Ali laughed breathlessly. “What.” Aurens smiled. “What’s so funny.”

“This was not entirely how I intended to confess my love to you,” Ali admitted.

Aurens laughed. “You mean you didn’t plan to yell it at me?”

“No,” Ali tried to glare, but he was smiling. Nothing would take away his smile tonight. “But it ended better than I could have hoped, so I suppose it does not matter.” He gently ran a hand down Aurens’ chest, lightly tracing one of the wounds. “Are you in much pain?”

The man winced slightly, but shook his head. “Not too bad. Only a little.”

“You should try to get a little sleep before dinner.” He could see that Aurens was about to object, so he cut him off. “I will stay with you.”

“Promise?”

He smiled. “Promise.” Stretching out beside Aurens, he offered his arms, and the Englishman gladly snuggled close. Ali kissed his forehead. “Sleep well, my love.” 

He could practically feel the happiness radiating off of Aurens. “I love you,” the man murmured.

Ali smiled. “I love you, too.”

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another event from 'Seven Pillars'. Poor, poor, Lawrence. The image of him walking back repeating "Oh, I wish this hadn’t happened” is just classic. Poor guy.
> 
> Someone commented that they can't picture this as film Lawrence because Peter O'Toole is too tall to be carried, but Omar Sharif is only three inches shorter than O'Toole, so it's totally feasible. <3 I do my research. :P


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that there is so little new content in this chapter and so much of just Aurens' pov of last chapter. Most of the new stuff I want to write is stuff I want to write from Ali's pov to begin with, so you'll get a new one soon, I promise. This is just a connecting chapter to tide you over, cuz Aurens' pov needed to be told. The big "I love you" is too important not to tell both sides. 
> 
> As always, LifeLover and brightsidest, this is for you. <3

Aurens’ plan went off without a hitch. Farraj managed to keep Ali distracted long enough for him to get down the hill. All that was left to do was to set off the bomb. Easy enough.

That’s where everything went to hell. 

The bomb went off with a massive explosion, and Aurens found himself flying through the air. His mind went curiously blank before he landed with a thud. Then, the pain began to set in, a harsh, screaming pain all over his body. He knew he should be concerned about that, worrying about what sort of injuries he had sustained, but his mind could only think wildly of Ali. He knew that if he wasn’t on his feet and up the hill fast enough, the Harith would be coming to get him, heading straight into the line of fire.

Aurens struggled to his feet, and a stab of pain surged through his right foot. Dizzily, he shoved it back. He had to make it up that hill. Fighting to focus on something, anything, else, he began to mutter to himself. “Oh, I wish this hadn’t happened.” He began struggling up the hill, fighting hard for every step. All the way, he kept repeating “oh, I wish this hadn’t happened.” The words helped keep him focused on something besides the pain currently wracking his body.

Unfortunately he didn’t move fast enough, for there suddenly he found Ali holding him, calling his name. “Aurens! Aurens, speak to me!”

He was completely taken aback. He had gotten so lost in his own world that Ali’s presence before him was startling. “Ali?”

“Yes, Aurens, it is me.” Ali slipped an arm about Aurens and together, they made it back up the hill towards the safety of their own men. Unfortunately, Ali was clearly panicking over Aurens’ condition. He insisted on taking the Englishman back to camp immediately. Despite Aurens’ best protests, he quickly found himself shoveled onto a camel with Ali behind him.

The instant they were back at camp, Ali helped him down from the camel. Aurens couldn’t lie to himself, he was hurting. Every step was painful. Apparently he couldn’t lie to Ali, either, for after only a few steps, the man scooped Aurens into his arms.

“Ali! Ali, put me down!”

“No.”

“Ali! I can walk perfectly fine!” He shoved at Ali’s arms, trying to squirm free, despite the additional pain it caused, but it was no use; he couldn’t escape.

“Stop lying. You are injured.”

“I can still walk!”

“Shut up.” Ali ducked into the tent and carefully set Aurens down. “Now, let us get you undressed and we shall see just how bad.” 

It was clearly no use fighting. Aurens submitted meekly as Ali began to undress him. He tried hard to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t help wincing at the aching. It was easy to see the pain that his discomfort was causing Ali, and that just made it all the worse. Finally, the clothes were off. He couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

At last, he got a look at the injuries. Metal had hit him during the explosion, leaving cuts and bruises. He was surprised to see that he had also been grazed by several bullets. That sent a shiver down his spine. He yelped as Ali began to clean the cuts with water.

“What did you do to yourself.” 

“I didn’t do anything!” Aurens protested. _What kind of unfair question…_

“Could not just let someone else detonate the stupid bomb.”

Aurens was silent for a long time. He didn’t want to contest Ali’s point, for he knew that if the positions were reversed, he would be feeling the exact same way. “I had to do it.”

The look on Ali’s face was one of pure frustration. “You did not!”

“Yes, I did!”

Ali was clearly getting angry now. “There are hundreds of other men out there, Aurens.”

“And only a handful of them are trained to use the explosives!?” Why could Ali not understand? “Me, you--”

“Yes,” Ali interrupted, “Me.”

Oh no, Ali was not getting away with this one. “Oh, so I should have let you go out there?”

“After what happened yesterday? Yes.”

Now Aurens was getting angry. “ _Nothing_ happened yesterday!”

“You could have been killed!”

“No one even shot at me!” he protested.

Ali growled, that noise that usually was so sexy but right now was a sound of pure anger. “You are so Goddamn annoying sometimes!”

“Oh?” Aurens refused to back down. “Then why do you stay with me?”

“BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!” The words burst forth in a rush. Then Ali froze, eyes huge.

Aurens must have looked much the same, staring up at Ali in shock. His lips moved, but nothing came out. Finally: “….what?” he managed weakly.

Ali simply looked at him for a moment, and Aurens began to get nervous. Then the man spoke up. “I love you,” he said. “I have been in love with you for some time.” Aurens said nothing, just stared at him. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “For the first time in my life…I feel as if I know what it is to truly love someone. To know that I am content just being beside you, not needing more, just your presence. You make me…. _happy_. In a way I have never known before. I feel as if all I need is to see your smile, every day, to be happy for the rest of my life. And yesterday, when you were in danger…” Ali looked as if the thought alone were causing him pain. “….and again today, when I saw you injured…” He shook his head as though he could shake the thought away, force it from his mind. “I cannot describe to you the terror I felt.” He grasped Aurens’ hand between his, sending a shiver through the Englishman. “The thought of your death scared me more than anything else in my life thus far. I cannot lose you, Aurens. So please…do not leave me. Even if this is too much and you do not want my love, please. I will be content to keep things as they are, so long as you are by my side. I will not pressure you for more, I swear. Just so long as you are by my side.”

Aurens stared at him. His heart was pounding. Could he really be hearing this correctly? Ali loved him? Was _in_ love with him? Ali wanted Aurens around, no matter what. Even if Aurens didn’t want him, if he didn’t want love or a relationship, Ali loved him so much that he would be content just having Aurens by his side, in his life in any way he could. He loved Aurens that much. Aurens didn’t know how to react to that. He simply stared wordlessly at Ali, at a loss.

His silence seemed to be getting to Ali, for the Harith was beginning to look nervous. He shifted beneath Aurens’ gaze. “….Aurens?”

Unable to find words, Aurens dove forwards, pulling Ali into a desperate kiss. For a moment, he was worried when Ali didn’t respond. Then hands cupped his face, and Ali was kissing him just as fiercely. When they separated, Aurens was breathless. 

“I love you,” he gasped. “I have been in love with you for weeks.”

“You--” realization was dawning on Ali’s face. “You told me. That night while I was sleeping, you told me you loved me.”

Aurens immediately blushed. “Yes,” he whispered. “But I didn’t realize then just how deeply I love you. Ali, you have unlocked something in me which I never knew was there.” Taking Ali’s hand in his, he placed it to his chest, over his heart. It was pounding. “I never thought I would want anyone, romantically or physically. You broke down all my doors, and did it all gently, with patience. You never push me or ask for anything. You wait for me.” 

Ali cupped Aurens’ cheek. “Because I love you.” 

Aurens smiled. “And it made me love you that much more.” He didn’t know that he could ever truly express his feelings to Ali, truly tell the man how much that patience meant to him. Ali kissed Aurens again, but it was brief, for he broke away, laughing. “What.” Aurens smiled. “What’s so funny.”

“This was not entirely how I intended to confess my love to you,” Ali admitted.

Aurens laughed. “You mean you didn’t plan to yell it at me?”

“No,” Ali tried to glare, but he was smiling. “But it ended better than I could have hoped, so I suppose it does not matter.”

Aurens’ heart was beating so quickly, like a hummingbird. So of course it was now, when he felt as awake as could be, that Ali suggested he sleep. He knew the man was right, that after this afternoon’s adventures, he could use some sleep, but that didn’t mean he wanted to. Still, Ali was going to stay with him, and hold him, and that made it all worthwhile. 

When he felt Ali’s lips brush his forehead, heard the words “sleep well, my love,” he felt as if he could fly.

“I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too.”

 

**~*~**

 

When Aurens awoke, Ali’s chest was still firm beneath his head, arms still wrapped around him. The sound of hushed whispering filled the tent.

"It is getting late." It was Majid. 

“I will not move him.” Ali's voice was stubborn, even when whispering. Aurens wanted to laugh, even as Ali’s determination to stay by his side made him melt a little inside.

“I know.” Majid's tone was very patient. “I simply wished to let you know that we are preparing dinner.”

“Thank you.”

Aurens raised his head. “Ali?”

“Aurens!”

Majid was immediately apologetic. “I am sorry. I did not mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine. I really didn’t need sleep. Ali made me.”

The man laughed. “That sounds like him.” He gave a little bow of the head. “I will leave you.” The tent flap closed behind him.

Aurens looked up at Ali. The man was regarding him with anxious brown eyes. “Are you feeling alright?”

Aurens couldn’t help but smile, shaking his head. “I’m fine.”

“You are not.”

He sighed. “Fine. I’m as good as I’m going to get considering the circumstances. Better?”

“No, but I will take it.”

“You’re ridiculous.” He shifted, testing out his body. He definitely was sore, but it wasn’t too bad. “Majid said something about dinner?”

“Yes. I believe we are also going to discuss our next move.”

“Well, we should get out there then, shouldn’t we?”

Aurens sat up, and Ali helped him into some clean clothes. Then, Ali hovering nervously beside him, he rose to his feet. Immediately, his right foot buckled beneath him and he cried out. “Ow! Dammit!”

“Aurens!” Ali caught him. “What is it?”

“My right foot.” Aurens shifted his weight onto the other side. “I think I may have hurt it a bit worse than I thought.”

“Here….let us get you out by the fire where we can get a better look.” For it was nighttime now, and the tent was dark.

Aurens accepted Ali’s help, slipping an arm about the man’s shoulders. Together, the two made their way slowly outside to the fire. Majid watched them with concern.

“Is everything alright?”

“Aurens hurt his foot.” Ali sat Aurens down and crouched before him. Gently taking Aurens’ foot in hand, he examined it by the light of the fire. “It looks as though you broke a toe.”

“That’s all?” Aurens was surprised. It felt much worse than that. He looked down and indeed, his big toe was a terrible purple color.

Ali seemed amused by Aurens’ reaction. “Aurens, a broken toe can still be extremely painful. Especially that one.”

Aurens had to concede the point, since he was indeed in pain, but he didn’t want to admit it. It seemed silly to be in such a state over such a little thing.

“You will just have to take it easy for a day or two.”

He sighed. “Fine. As much as I can.”

Ali smiled. “Knowing you as I do, I could not ask for anything more.”

Majid joined them by the fire, setting food before each of them. “So.” He sat down, his own plate in hand. “We have had a message from Auda.”

“Oh?” Aurens’ attention was immediately caught. “What did he say?” The man had left just before this mission to go and collect more men. They had planned to meet up as soon as possible.

“He wishes to join up again. He suggested we meet at Azrak.”

Aurens turned to Ali. The man still wasn’t Auda’s biggest fan, though he tried his best, for Aurens’ sake. “Azrak?”

Ali nodded. “It would make a very satisfactory camp. It would also be a good place for you to recuperate.”

Aurens sighed but said nothing. He knew there was no point in objecting; Ali wouldn’t listen. “Okay, then. Let’s do it.”

“Excellent.” Majid smiled. “We can leave first thing tomorrow, if that works for you?”

Aurens nodded his agreement before Ali could object and say he needed more rest. “That’ll be fine.” He glanced at Ali. The man was shaking his head.

“Sometimes I think you are more trouble than you are worth, Aurens.”

“Nonsense.” Leaning in, Aurens gave Ali a kiss. “You love me.”

If the words surprised Majid, he showed no sign, merely smiled as he continued to eat. Ali shook his head, his smile rueful.

“Lord help me, I do.”

“No help for you now.”

Laughing, Ali shifted closer so he could wrap an arm around Aurens’ waist. The two men sat there by the fire with Majid, laughing and talking happily long into the night.

 

**~*~**

 

Annoyingly, it rained again on the way to Azrak (Majid assured Aurens that it was that time of year), and though Aurens worried that Ali would get sick again, the man stayed healthy. Aurens was relieved. 

Azrak had a rundown little castle, which was a nice change from sleeping outside on the ground, or in tents on the rare occasions when they would be camping in one place for more than a single night. Aurens and Ali quickly set up quarters in the southern gate-tower. They intended to keep the building as a base for as long as they could, possibly even stationing men there even when they were not directly in it themselves, so they set some men to work repairing the roof with brushwood and palm-branches.

Aurens smiled as he surveyed the building. “It will make a nice little temporary home.”

Ali stepped in behind him, wrapping his arms about Aurens and nuzzling his throat. “It will.”

The Englishman melted at the sensation, sighing happily. If only they had a permanent home. The thought poked at his mind, at a memory he had almost forgotten. Ali’s words that day in the spring, asking if Aurens would want to stay with him. Did Ali _want_ him to stay there forever? It certainly seemed it, especially after that confession of love, the way Ali had begged Aurens not to leave him. Even so, Aurens was tempted to ask. He almost did, but he didn’t know if he could bear hearing the answer, could stand to risk the answer being ‘no’.

Ali kissed his neck again, and again, moving up until his lips lightly brushed Aurens’ cheek. “What are you thinking about,” he murmured.

 _Everything._ “Nothing.”

If Ali knew that the words were a lie, he didn’t say. He merely ran his fingers through Aurens’ hair, gently guiding the man in his arms until Aurens was facing him. Cupping the Englishman’s face, Ali gave him a soft kiss. “I love you,” he said.

Aurens couldn’t help but smile. Eventually he would ask. For now, he was happy with what he had. Happy simply being here with Ali, knowing that he was loved. “I love you, too.”

 

**~tbc~**


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those who always review. I just lost my grandfather and then my cat Frank who I've had for almost fifteen years, and it's been a very hard two weeks. Going back and reading your kind words really helped me out.
> 
> As always, LifeLover and brightsidest, this is for you.

Normally, Ali hated sitting in one place for more than a day or two. He itched to be on the move, to be riding. Now, however, he honestly couldn’t think of anywhere else he would rather be than Azrak castle. 

It might be worn down, but the men had managed to make a tidy little home of it, and he and Aurens had a room to themselves. At the end of a day of discussions and planning, they could retire to their quarters. It was not just private; there was something incredibly….domestic about it all. Ali adored it. He had never thought he would want anything like a traditional home, but lying with Aurens at night, curled together in a real bed, not on the ground on a blanket beneath the stars, he found himself thinking that yes, he could grow used to this.

Of course that was when the man showed up.

“Bentley,” he said. “Jackson Bentley.” He had a letter with him, from Feisal, no less. “I write for the _Chicago Courier_.”

Ali was reading the paper over Aurens’ shoulder; he looked up at the American, eyeing him distrustfully. “And you come from Lord Feisal?”

“Sure do.” His smile was insufferable, cocky and plastic and fake as can be. “I’m here to follow along with the troops. Take a few photos for some articles back home.”

Ali didn’t trust the man at all, trusted him even less than the British. He especially didn’t like the way Bentley was eyeing Aurens. There was a look in the man’s eyes, a greediness, which Ali didn’t like at all. “And Lord Feisal has agreed to this?”

“Sure did.”

Ali didn’t particularly care for his casual manner, either. But if Feisal had given permission, there was nothing he could do. 

Aurens had finally finished perusing the man’s letter. Seemingly satisfied, he refolded it and gave the man a smile. “Very well, Mr. Bentley. We’re still waiting on a companion of ours before we leave Azrak. Till then, perhaps you will remain here with us?”

“I’d be honored.”

“Wonderful. We’ll find you some quarters.”

And Ali would make certain these quarters were far from those he shared with Aurens. The last thing they needed was the man discovering their relationship. _He_ wouldn’t care, but he knew Aurens wouldn’t want it known, and he doubted the Englishman would think to make the arrangement. “Majid?”

“Yes?”

“Mr. Bentley needs a room. Would you find one for him, please?” He watched as Majid led the man away. He jumped when Aurens’ hand landed softly on his shoulder. “What.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Ali turned away.

“You’re grumpy.”

“I am not grumpy.”

Aurens arched a brow. “Then what is that tone of voice?”

Ali couldn’t argue with that. His voice was irritable and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. “I do not like him.”

The Englishman seemed surprised. “Bentley? What’s wrong with him?”

Ali shrugged uneasily. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was about Bentley that bothered him. The man just rubbed him the wrong way. “I do not know. I just do not.”

Aurens laughed. “You’re being silly.”

The Harith scowled. “Am I? Did you stop to think about the fact that, with him around, we will not be able to touch each other casually the way we do now?”

That brought Aurens up short. “Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.”

Aurens was silent for several moments as he mulled this over. At last he spoke up. “….well…..” It was clear he was desperately trying to find a solution. “…..he won’t be here for long.”

“Oh?” Ali’s tone was sarcastic. “Did I overlook something? Did you two make plans that I missed?”

Aurens gave Ali’s backside a sharp smack, making him jump; indignant, the Harith swatted his shoulder. Aurens laughed. “Calm down, Ali. Outsiders don’t last in the desert.” He seemed to realize his mistake immediately. “Well….me.”

Ali smiled. “You are special.”

Aurens’ answering smile made his face glow. “I love you.” Ali couldn’t be upset, not when greeted with that smile, with those words.

“I love you, too.” 

 

**~*~**

 

Having Bentley around was about as irritating as Ali had expected. The man clearly wasn’t interested in the Arab revolt so much as he was interested in Aurens. He followed the Englishman everywhere, never letting Ali and Aurens have a moment alone. At least, he tried. Luckily, they had Majid. Seriously, the man was a blessing, and Ali thanked God for him every single day. He was amazing at running interference and managing to distract Bentley long enough to let the men slip away. He had also thus far kept the American from discovering the location of the men’s room, or in fact that they shared a room at all. 

It was early morning still, and the two men were milking every moment alone together. Ali had thus far refused to let Aurens leave the bed. Not that Aurens was trying very hard.

“Mm…” he nuzzled along the smooth skin of Aurens’ shoulder. “How is your foot doing?”

Aurens wiggled his toes experimentally. “I think it’s just about better.”

“Hnn.” Leaning in, he gave Aurens a gentle kiss. “….good.”

Aurens smiled. “Yes. Good.”

Aurens’ robes had been discarded much earlier, lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. Ali was taking advantage of these circumstances to allow his hands to wander, tracing over all the smooth planes of his chest. The Englishman let out a happy hum in reply, even more so when Ali began kissing down his throat. “Feels nice,” he murmured.

“Good.” Ali moved downward, trailing kisses over his chest. “I love your skin.”

Aurens immediately blushed. “I’m too pale.”

Ali frowned at the words. “You are not. You are lovely.”

“Ali,” he began, but Ali put his fingertips over Aurens’ lips, hushing any protestations.

“You are. Absolutely lovely.” Dark eyes wandered over Aurens, drinking in the sight of him and only making him flush that much more. Ali smiled. “Besides, I like that you are pale. It makes it easier to see when you are blushing.”

“Ali!” Aurens’ voice was indignant. Ali only laughed.

“You turn pink all the way down….here.” And he laid a fluttering kiss just beside Aurens’ jutting hipbone. 

This time, Aurens’ voice was none too steady. “…. _Ali_ …”

“Mm?” Another kiss, just below his navel. Aurens was having trouble taking a steady breath.

“….don’t stop?”

Ali took a deep breath; he reached for the catches on Aurens’ pants…

A resounding knock sounded on the door. “Ali? Aurens?”

He let his forehead fall to Aurens’ stomach with a groan. “Majid!” Then a thought hit him and he shot up. Normally where Majid went, Bentley wasn’t far behind. “Are you alone?”

“Of course I am alone!”

Ali cracked the door open just enough to see Majid’s face. “What is it?”

“Auda is here. He wishes to start the meeting. I have stalled as long as I can.” His tone was extremely apologetic. “Farraj is running interference while I collect you.” He glanced at where he knew Aurens was still in the room. “I suggest you come separately.”

As much as he hated it, Ali knew Majid was right. “I will be right there.” He shut the door, returning to Aurens’ side. The Englishman did not look at all happy. Ali was rather pleased to note the physical effects his recent efforts had had on Aurens. Still, it didn’t do them much good, since they had to get up and go downstairs. “I will go down now. You take a few moments to…” he cast a suggestive glance at Aurens’ current state of arousal.

Aurens glowered. “Yes, thank you, Ali, I am very aware that I need to calm down before I join the general public. Thank you for pointing that out. May I remind you whose fault that is?”

Ali laughed. “No, Aurens, no need. I am quite proud of my work.”

“Yea, I bet you are.”

God, Aurens was too cute. Ali leaned in, murmuring “I will take care of it later.” Gently, he kissed Aurens on the cheek.

“That doesn’t do me any good right now.”

“Sorry.” Another kiss, and another, making his way down Aurens’ throat. Aurens let out a little noise of objection, even as he leaned into the kisses.

“Ali….this isn’t really helping.”

Oh. Right. Ali pulled away before things went too far and both of them ended up in a state. “Sorry, Aurens.”

Aurens gave him a somewhat rueful smile. “I forgive you.”

Laughing, Ali got dressed. Before he left, he returned to the bedside and, leaning in, he gave the man a brief, chaste kiss on the lips. “To be continued.” With that, he exited the room, shutting the door behind him.

Majid was waiting for him in the hall. Shaking his head, Ali joined his friend to head downstairs.

“You have the worst timing.”

“Do not blame me; blame Auda. He was wondering where you two were and his commentary was beginning to sound a bit suggestive. I was worried that the American would take notice.”

That sobered Ali up. “You are right. Thank you.”

“Of course. I am always here for you, Ali, you know that.”

Ali was overcome with a wave of affection for his friend. Majid may tease him mercilessly, but there was no better friend around. “You are wonderful. How did you keep the two of them occupied?”

“Farraj is keeping Bentley company when I cannot. Auda is holding court in the meeting room. I gave Farraj strict orders to keep them apart.”

“Do you think he can handle it?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ali realized how stupid they were, a point which was driven home by the look Majid gave him. “I know, I know. A silly question.”

“Indeed.” They had almost reached the meeting room. Majid glanced at Ali. “So?”

Ali looked his way, not understanding. “So what?”

“So I have been going out of my way to give you two time alone.”

That really didn’t explain things any further, and Ali was still lost. Then he saw the look in Majid’s eyes, the hint of a smile. “…I am not giving you any sort of details about what we have been up to, Majid.”

Majid made a noise of disappointment. “Nothing?”

“No.”

“Not one little tidbit?”

“No!” Ali could feel his face flushing. He walked a little faster, but Majid increased his speed to keep pace with him.

“You always do.” His tone was curious.

“I know. But Aurens--” Ali broke off, flustered. But he didn’t have to finish.

“Aurens is special.”

Ali looked at Majid, surprised. The man, normally so jovial, was smiling at him with soft understanding Again Ali was overwhelmed with gratitude for Majid and how wonderful he was.

“Yes,” he said softly. “He is.”

Majid nodded. “I understand.”

Ali clasped Majid’s hand in his own. “Thank you.”

Auda poked his head out into the hallway. “Ah, Ali. There you are. Where is Aurens?”

“I do not know, Auda.” Ali was as polite as possible as he kept up the façade that he had come from a different direction than Aurens. “I am sure he will be here momentarily.”

Sure enough, Aurens rounded the corner, and it was all Ali could do to keep from walking to him and kissing him. But Bentley was nearby now as well, and that wouldn’t do at all.

Time to start the meeting.

There would be plenty of time for kisses later.

 

**~*~**

 

The meeting had lasted longer than Ali would have liked, mainly because they’d needed time to fill each other in on what had been happening since they had been apart before they made new plans. Auda was as annoying as Ali had remembered, but he was starting to adjust to that irritation. Maybe by the time the war was over, he’d be able to deal with Auda without any problem whatsoever, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath.

Throughout the entire meeting, Bentley had lurked in the hallway, trying to get a good look. He seemed fascinated by Auda, who was even louder and more annoying than he himself. Ali would wager that Bentley was excited to have an Arab around who was friendlier than Ali. He would be disappointed when he found out what Auda was really like.

At last, the meeting was done. Ali was relieved as they began to file into the hallway. 

“By the way,” he murmured to Majid, “thank you for keeping this man away from me.”

“Of course. I told you, all I can do to help.” Honestly, what a Godsend. “But I hope he leaves soon. He is annoying.”

Ali snorted. “On this we agree completely.” 

“So!” Auda’s voice was unnecessarily loud. “Where is my room? Is it near Ali’s and Aurens’?”

Oh no. Ali looked at Majid with terror in his eyes. Bentley was looking between him and Aurens. “You two share a room?”

Majid immediately jumped in. “Aurens, I am sure you can show Lord Auda to his room, yes?” 

Aurens readily complied. “Come, Auda, follow me.” Luckily Auda offered no objections, happily following Aurens down the hallway.

Ali knew exactly what Majid was doing. The best solution right now was to separate Ali and Aurens to avert any suspicion of them being a couple. Majid naturally knew that at this particular moment, if Ali was alone with Auda, he would most likely take a swing at him. Ali had little patience with Auda at the best of times; right now, there was no way being alone together could end well. The best thing to do would be to send Aurens.

That didn’t mean Ali had to like it.

The rest of the night was spent trying as hard as could be not to appear too clingy. Bentley didn’t seem suspicious, but they didn’t want to take any chances, either. Still, both men were relieved when they were able to retire to the privacy of their room (separately, of course).

“I hate this.”

Curled close together in bed, Aurens looked up at Ali. “Hate what?”

“This. Him. Having to pretend we are not a couple.”

Oh. The Englishman sighed. “I know. I agree. But it won’t be much longer.”

“How do you know?”

“Because it can’t be.”

At the flippancy of that reply, Ali levelled Aurens with a dark look. Aurens couldn’t help but laugh. “Ali….don’t worry so much. He just came to get some photos for his paper.”

“So?” 

“We head out tomorrow. As soon as he gets a few good shots, he’ll be gone. It’ll probably only be a few days.”

“Do you really think so?” Ali was unconvinced, but hopeful.

“In this heat? With the kind of long hours we pull and the intense fire we’re under? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

And Aurens sounded so confident that Ali couldn’t help but be reassured. “A few days. I can handle a few days.”

 

**~*~**

 

"I could _kill_ you."

Aurens was surprised. "Me? What did _I_ do?"

"You said he would be gone within a few days."

"And how is that _my_ fault?"

"You are far too charismatic and charming."

Aurens laughed. "That’s why you love me."

Ali smiled. "One of many reasons."

"Oh?" Aurens had that look in his eyes, the one Ali loved because he knew he had put it there, that Aurens had never looked that way for any other person before him, a heat and a desire. "Tell me some others?"

Ali couldn't help but laugh, despite the answering need that was rolling through him. "Later, my love."

Aurens groaned. "I hate later."

"As do I. But we are in plain view, and we do not know who else might be watching." His tone made it very clear who he meant by "else."

Aurens made another noise of dissatisfaction, but he nodded agreement. "Later."

“Major Lawrence!”

Both men turned at the sound of the by now familiar voice. Bentley snapped a photo; Ali blinked at the flash and scowled. Aurens saw that look and turned to the American. “Mr. Bentley, in the future, please ask before taking photos.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware that you minded.”

“I don’t. But I don’t believe you asked Sherif Ali whether or not he does.”

Bentley’s gaze slid to Ali as though seeing him for the first time. “My apologies, Sherif Ali.”

Ali gave a stiff nod. It was going on three weeks of this gentlemen and Ali had had more than enough of him.

“I think we’re done for the day.” Aurens turned to Ali and gave him one of those lovely smiles, a smile which would look normal to most anyone but which Ali could read for what it was: soft and full of love. “Shall we?”

Ali was more than ready to head out. It had been too many days since they were truly alone. They had spent the past few nights sleeping on the ground beneath the stars, and that provided no privacy at all. If it had been just their men, Ali would not have cared, but the damned American was always there, and they couldn’t be too careful.

They were still not too far from Azrak, and would return now and then to restock supplies and spend a couple of days. They returned again tonight. It would only be a night or two of respite. Still, Ali would take it while he could, for the privacy that the bedroom afforded them was something he cherished.

Once more in their secluded bedroom, curled up in that familiar bed of theirs, Ali felt at home. Strange how this place had become so familiar so quickly, especially to someone who had never liked being in one place, had never wanted a home. But here, with Aurens? Ali could think of nowhere he would rather be.

 

**~tbc~**


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit short, so I'm sorry, but it felt good where it was. Hope you enjoy it anyway. It's also a bit racier than most of them.... >.>
> 
> As always, LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, this is for you! Thank you for all your notes and for your kindness after the troubles I've had lately. <3

It had been over a month. Over a month of dealing with Bentley. Aurens was going out of his mind. He wished there was a way to get rid of the man, but Feisal had given his permission, so there was really nothing to be done. They just had to deal with him.

Then it got worse. Brighton showed up.

“Brighton!” Aurens was shocked. He rose from where he had been seated with Ali and Majid, deep in conversation about the next day’s plans. “What are you doing here?”

Brighton looked distinctly ill at ease in the entirely Arab camp. “Allenby wanted a progress report.”

“Ah.” Aurens realized it had definitely been a while since he had sent one of those. “Well, it’s a good thing you caught us. We’re heading out in the morning.”

“I see.” Brighton glanced around the group of men and nodded a small bow in Ali’s direction. “Sherif Ali.”

Ali gave the barest nod of acknowledgment. Aurens fought to suppress a smile. He wagered Ali was even less pleased than he was to have Bentley around. Possibly. “Yes, well, we’ll be getting an early start. Why don’t we get you settled in so you can rest up a bit before dinner?”

Majid didn’t even hesitate; he immediately rose, guiding Brighton off to find a spot for him to set up camp.

Aurens turned to Ali. As expected, the Harith had _The Look_ in his eyes, that dark look of irritation and frustration. Aurens bit back a laugh at the sight of it. Ali was clearly not amused. 

“And how long are we to be saddled with HIM?”

“I have no idea.”

Ali scowled. “You are so helpful.”

“Hey, _I_ didn’t invite him!” Aurens protested.

“I know, I know.” The Harith sighed. “I just hate not being able to touch you.”

Aurens’ heart melted. “I know.” And he reached out, caressing Ali’s cheek, not caring who saw. Those lovely brown eyes widened in shock at the action, and a smile curved over his lips.

“I love you,” Ali murmured. “So very much.”

Aurens smiled. “I love you, too.”

 

**~*~**

 

They set out early the next day, just as Aurens had said, and reached their destination by noon. It didn’t take long at all to lay the explosives. By this point, they had this down to a science. The waiting was always the hard part; neither Aurens nor Ali were very patient men. Majid always provided a perfect distraction, for somehow he never seemed to lose his good humor, continually cracking jokes and keeping all of their spirits up.

Finally, the train arrived, and Aurens set off the detonation. The resulting explosion was enormous, sending debris flying sky high. Almost immediately, bullets began flying. It was deafening. Aurens tried to call for a ceasefire, but no one could hear. Finally, he ran down the embankment, not even giving a thought to his own safety. As soon as the shooting ceased, however, he realized what a stupid move that had been. Ali was going to give him hell for that when they got back to camp later. Oh well. There was no time to think of that now. They had a job to do.

The men ran down the hill, swarming over the train like an ocean wave. Aurens smiled to see them as he walked along. He was all too aware of Bentley watching him and he knew he had better do something photograph-worthy.

He couldn’t deny that he sort of hammed things up lately. Bentley loved it, and Aurens was hopeful that the man would get his photos and leave. So he climbed up on the train and gave a wave.

That’s when he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder as a bullet hit him. It sent him spinning from the train and he hit the ground hard, his shoulder stinging. Wincing in pain, he grasped his arm. Luckily, it didn’t look bad. Rising slowly, he glanced about for the shooter. He wasn’t difficult to spot. Aurens’ felt a little ache in his chest. The man was young, only a boy, really. He looked up in terror as Auda came up behind him and ended his life with one swift stroke of the sword.

“Jimminy!”

The sound of Bentley’s voice behind him made Aurens’ skin crawl. But the American wasn’t done.

“Never seen a man killed with a sword before!” 

Bentley sounded far too intrigued by what he had just seen. Killing shouldn’t be amusing, it should be a necessity. Aurens wanted to hit the man. He could barely restrain himself, his voice very tight as he replied. 

“Why don’t you take a picture.”

Bentley clearly didn’t notice that Aurens was upset. “Wish I had.”

God. If Aurens stayed there any longer, he really _would_ hit the man. He was relieved when Auda reached them.

“How is it with thee, Aurens?”

Aurens was actually rather touched at Auda’s concern. Then Auda saw Bentley’s camera and realized the man had taken his picture. He promptly grabbed it and smashed it. That immediately cheered Aurens up and it was all he could do not to grin. Still, that left him explaining Auda’s actions. 

“He thinks these things will steal his virtue.” He tapped the broken camera, relishing in its destruction all over again. “He thinks you’re a sort of thief.”

The American looked pensive, thinking the matter over. Finally, he looked up at Aurens. “Alright if I take your picture?”

 _If it gets you out of here._ Aurens gave a slight shrug. “Alright.”

“Okay.” Bentley discarded the broken camera, pulling forth another. “Just walk.”

Aurens did as was told. He knew Ali was probably worrying about him so he headed for the front of the train, but he was immediately mobbed by the troops. He couldn’t see Ali. Only one thing for it. Aurens scaled the side of the train, clambering onto the roof. He could hear the men beginning to cheer his name, a resounding chorus of “Aurens! Aurens!” But his eyes were scanning the crowd. After what seemed an eternity, they settled on Ali, who looked relieved to see him alive and in good condition. 

Now that he knew he had put Ali’s fears to rest (as much as could be—he knew Ali wouldn’t be truly satisfied until they were back at camp and Ali had looked over every inch of him), Aurens let go. Bentley wanted a show, and Aurens would give him one. He walked across the train, letting his robes flow in the breeze. He had no way of knowing that his hair was glowing in the sun, shining a brilliant gold. Reaching the end of the train, he gave a little spin, holding his arms out so that his robes billowed around him. He was aware of Bentley nearby, snapping away furiously.

After what seemed an eternity, he jumped down. All he wanted was to rush into Ali’s arms. But he couldn’t. Not with both Bentley and Brighton around. And then Brighton had the audacity to scold him about the way he ran the army, telling him that his men were abandoning him.

They _were_ running low on men, and Aurens knew it. After each train they took, the men would loot it and many would leave with the treasures they found. They probably had around 170 left. Some would come back, Aurens knew it, but Ali was right: they wouldn’t see many of them return until next year. But he wasn’t going to think about that right now. Now all he wanted was to return to their tent and crawl into Ali’s arms. 

Once inside, he suffered through Ali fussing over him, stripping him of his robes and examining the wound he had gotten that day. After it was cleaned, he arched a brow at Ali. “Satisfied?”

“Very.” Ali began to strip his own robes. Aurens felt desire stirring in him. Turning, he laced the tent flaps shut, tying little knots. Behind him, he heard Ali huff a laugh.

“What are you doing, Aurens?”

Finished and satisfied with his work, Aurens turned, moving over to Ali and kissing him. “Making damn certain no one comes in here tonight.”

Ali’s brows shot up at the tone in Aurens’ voice. “Oh?” His own voice had grown somewhat breathless. “Have plans, do you?”

“I do.” Aurens crawled into Ali’s lap, hands cupping his face as he kissed him deeply. Ali was surprised by this turn of events (Aurens so rarely took control) but in no way upset. It was incredibly sexy. His arms wrapped around Aurens, hands trailing up and down his back.

“Mmm,” he hummed into the kiss. “I like them so far.”

Aurens laughed. “Good.” He ran his hands over Ali’s already bare chest, loving the feeling of his soft skin, his strong muscles. The Harith bit back a moan, knowing he had to keep quiet so no one would know what they were up to.

“Aurens…”

“Shh...” Aurens trailed kisses down his chest.

“I know.” But then Aurens did something so completely unexpected that Ali couldn’t have kept quiet for anything: he flicked open the catches on Ali’s pants, simultaneously pressing a kiss just below his navel. “ _Aurens!_ ”

“SHH!” Aurens was immediately back in Ali’s face, pressing two fingers to his lips. Ali was staring at him with wide, shocked eyes.

“You….” They had never done this before. Ali had done this for Aurens, and the Englishman had definitely enjoyed it, but he had never wanted to ask such a thing from Aurens. But now Aurens was offering. “…..are you certain?”

Aurens nodded, and there was no trace of doubt in his eyes. “Very certain.”

Ali’s heart was beating so fast that he thought it was going to pound a hole in his chest. He didn’t know what to say. “I--” 

But it seemed that Aurens was done listening to Ali stammer. “Shh.” He kissed Ali softly, guiding him to lie back against the pillow. He gently tugged Ali’s pants down past his hips and then that mouth was on him.

Immediately Ali stuffed a fist in his mouth to bite back the moan that threatened to escape. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. He had never planned to ask this of Aurens, and he hadn’t known if the man would ever offer. If he had, Ali thought it would be far in the future. And oh God, his mouth was so hot and wet, swallowing him whole. There was no way he could last. He ran his hands through Aurens’ soft hair, clenching fistfuls of it as pleasure coursed through him, driving him mad. It wasn't long before he felt that telltale pressure building in him. “Aurens…. _Aurens_ \--” he tried to warn, but the man wouldn’t stop, and Ali had to bite down on his fist to stifle the cry of Aurens’ name as he came.

He promptly found Aurens in his lap, kissing him hungrily, almost desperately. A hand fisting in Aurens’ golden hair, Ali responded just as fiercely. He slipped his other hand between them to find Aurens’ aching shaft. Aurens whimpered at the touch and buried his face in the curve of Ali’s throat. It only took a couple of strokes before he came, biting down on Ali’s shoulder to muffle his cries.

Ali wrapped his arms around Aurens, holding him close as they both caught their breath. Aurens was panting against Ali’s shoulder, which somehow felt amazing. The Harith traced patterns across Auren’s bare back; gently, he trailed kisses along his neck, over his shoulder. “I love you,” he murmured. “That was _amazing_.”

Aurens pulled back to look at him, cheeks flushed both from their recent activities and with pleasure at the words. “Really?”

Ali nodded, smiling as he brushed a lock of hair out of those brilliant blue eyes. “Truly.”

Aurens responded by kissing Ali so fiercely that they toppled back onto the blankets, Ali laughing into the kiss.

“I love you,” Aurens said breathlessly.

Ali smiled, stroking Aurens’ cheek. “I love you too. More than anything in the world.”

Aurens snuggled into the crook of Ali’s arm, head resting on the Harith’s chest, as was customary. Ali kissed his forehead. “Sleep well, my love.”

The words sent happy butterflies through the Englishman, as they always did. “I love you,” he repeated.

Ali couldn’t help but chuckle. “I love you too, ridiculous man. Now sleep. You had a difficult day.”

Aurens smiled, but Ali was right: he _was_ tired. He snuggled closer to Ali, allowing his eyes to slip shut. It wasn’t long before both men had fallen into a deep sleep.

 

**~tbc~**


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I'm really wary of this one. The sexiness finally happens and even though I know some ace people have sex (I am one) and the Lawrence in this piece isn't strictly ace, it still felt weird to write and I don't know that I will ever be fully satisfied.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, as always, this is for you.

The days went by, and still Brighton and Bentley tagged along. Aurens supposed it could be worse, but it could also be a lot better. Still, Ali was coping far better than he had been when the American had first arrived. The only difficulty was finding time alone. Every night, they stole away to their tent, making certain the flaps were tied securely, and spent the entire night in each other’s arms.

As every day went by, Aurens was finding himself opening up more and more. He no longer felt nervous about any part of their intimacy: he craved it, everything Ali had given him, and more. Unfortunately, he dared not ask Ali for more, not when Bentley and Brighton were still so near.

The day was fiercely hot, even more so than usual. They had just destroyed another train and now they were camped out for a short rest as the men looted. Aurens was sitting beneath the shade of an awning, scrawling some poetry. He had always liked to write in his free time. Being out in the desert didn’t allow much time for that, but he really didn’t regret it, since what free time he did have was spent with Ali.

Ali….

If Aurens were really honest with himself, the thought of going further than they had _did_ make him a bit nervous. No matter how much he wanted it, it was still a huge step. He stared at Ali from across their makeshift camp, worrying his lower lip. 

As Aurens watched, he saw Bentley stoop and pick up the book Ali had been reading, eyeing it curiously. It was a children’s book about politics that he and Aurens had been reading together. Ali wanted to go into politics and Aurens had been teaching him. 

“You going to be a democracy in this country?” Bentley was eyeing Ali with amusement, and Aurens felt anger filling him. “You going to have a Parliament?”

But Ali wasn’t ruffled by the man’s attitude, shooting back “I will tell you that when I _have_ a country.”

Aurens felt pride fill him. Ali was so smart. He had answered perfectly. The Englishman watched as Bentley handed the book back, saying “You learn quick.” But then Aurens heard the pride in Ali’s voice as he replied.

“I have a good teacher.”

Aurens felt warmth flood through him, an overwhelming love. He wanted nothing more than to run to Ali and pull the man into his arms, to kiss him. Damn Bentley. Then the reporter was rising and walking his way. Aurens quickly turned his attention to the notebook in his lap, resuming his writing. Bentley sat before him.

“How’s the hurt?”

_As if you care._ “Fine.”

“Before I return to the fleshpots, which I shall be very glad to do…”

_Then why haven’t you done it before now?_

“…may I put two questions to you straight?”

“I’d be interested to hear you put a question straight, Mr. Bentley.” Aurens tried to keep his tone free of emotion, but he knew that he sounded like a smartass. Luckily, Bentley didn’t seem offended, merely amused. He continued.

“One: What, in your opinion, do these people hope to gain from this war.”

That was easy. “They hope to gain their freedom.”

Bentley stared at Aurens as if he were insane. The Englishman glanced down at the paper Bentley was holding as if to inquire why he wasn’t writing and repeated the word, annunciating “ _Freedom_.”

Bentley started writing. “...they hope to get gain their freedom.” He shook his head, wry amusement on his face. “There’s one born every moment.”

Aurens stiffened, eyes narrowing. “They’re going to get it, Mr. Bentley. _I’m going to give it to them_.”

The American stared at him, taken aback. He opened his mouth as though to say something, possibly make a joke, but the dark determination in Aurens’ gaze stopped him dead.

“And the second question?” Aurens’ voice was deadly soft.

“….oh.” Bentley seemed to have lost track of what he had been about to say. “Well…I was going to ask….” Shaking himself, he regained his professional attitude. “What is it, Major Lawrence, that attracts you personally to the desert?”

That was perhaps the easiest question of all. Aurens gazed at him levelly, answering distinctly “it’s _clean_.”

Again, Bentley looked at him as though he were crazy. “Well, now that’s a very illuminating answer.” That same amusement in his voice. 

Of course Bentley wouldn’t understand. He _couldn’t_ understand. He was too blind to understand, to see how these people were so unlike Americans, Englishmen. They weren’t tainted by the machinations of government and all the backstabbing and power grabbing greed that went with it. The Arabs were purer than anyone Aurens had ever met. He didn’t know how everyone seemed too blind to see that.

But Bentley was leaving now, and Aurens was relieved. Then it got even better. 

“Lawrence,” Brighton adjusted his cap awkwardly, still ill at ease in the desert, out of his element when not surrounded by his own troops. “I’ll be leaving with Mr. Bentley.” 

Aurens felt as though Christmas had come early. “Oh?”

“Yes. You can handle everything here.”

The Englishman wanted to retort that he’d been handling things without Brighton just fine all this time, but he didn’t want to start any trouble; he just wanted the man out of there. “Yes, sir.” He saluted, watching with joy as the car carrying the two men vanished from sight. When he turned, Ali was looking at him with eyes wide with happiness.

“They are gone?”

Aurens nodded affirmation. “They’re gone.”

Without another word, Ali was on Aurens, yanking the man to him so their bodies collided, pressing their mouths together in a bruising kiss. Aurens pressed closer, clinging to Ali and kissing back hungrily. It had been too long since they could be open this way, too long since he could kiss Ali without worrying about who might see.

At last Ali broke away, breathless. He cupped Aurens’ face in his hands, leaning their foreheads together. “I love you so much,” he whispered.

Aurens was struggling to catch a breath. “I love you, too.” He was about to pull Ali into another kiss when he heard an ‘ _ahem_ ’ nearby. It was Majid, who was grinning at them.

“I am sorry to separate the two of you…”

Ali was glaring. “Now is not the time, Majid.”

“I was simply going to suggest that before you get too out of hand, you may want to take things to your tent?”

Oh. That was a good point. As much as Aurens was loving being able to touch in the open this way, he wanted more, and the sort of more that required privacy. A flush rose in his cheeks as he recalled the kind of ‘more’ he had been thinking of lately. Silently, he took Ali’s hand in his and gave a small tug.

Ali looked questioningly at him. He tugged again. “Come.” 

Ali gave no further objections, obligingly following Aurens to their tent. Once inside, however, the calm façade vanished. Aurens immediately grasped the front of Ali’s robes and dragged the man to him and into another fierce kiss. Ali had no objections. His hands roved over Aurens’ shoulders, down his back. Yes, Aurens liked where this was going. He went to work at Ali’s robes, feverishly working at the catches.

Ali broke from the kiss to help, shrugging the robes off his shoulders, letting them fall to the ground. Right away he began divesting Aurens of his own robes. Those took longer, because Aurens was attempting to simultaneously remove Ali’s pants.

“Aurens…” Ali laughed breathlessly.

“What.”

“Stop.”

“No.” But then Aurens hesitated, glancing up at Ali. “Do you not want me to take them off?”

“No! That is not what I meant. You can if you wish. Just…” He huffed a laugh. “I cannot take your robes off while you are doing it.”

“OH.” Aurens grinned sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Do not be.” Ali smiled, pushing the white robes off Aurens’ shoulders. “I enjoy your enthusiasm.” The words made Aurens blush, his pale skin flushing pink, which only made Ali’s smile grow. “You may continue, if you wish.”

That was all Aurens had to hear. He made quick work of the fasteners on Ali’s pants. But then, unbelievably, he slid to his knees, tugging the slacks down with him. 

Ali’s eyes widened. “Aurens.” His voice was no more than air. 

The Englishman placed a soft kiss on his hipbone, on the soft skin just below his navel; he lay back on the blankets and smiled as he reached out to Ali. “Join me?”

Ali needed no further invitation. He dropped to his knees beside Aurens, cupping his face and kissing him. Aurens hummed happily into the kiss. This was good. This he was used to. Still there was that trace of nerves at the back of his mind. He pushed it aside. “Ali…my pants.”

Oh yes. The Harith carefully pulled down the white slacks and discarded them. Immediately he stretched his body over Aurens’, one knee between the other man’s. Their hips rolled together and he bit back a groan before remembering that now he didn’t have to hold back. Who cares who may hear them? “ _Aurens_.”

“ _Yeah_ ,” the Englishman breathed happily. He rocked up to meet Ali, loving that pressure, the feeling of Ali’s length against his own. But he wanted more, and no matter how nervous he may be, he was going to ask for it. Taking Ali’s hand in his own, he guided it down in between his legs to press lightly against his entrance.

The gasp was audible; Ali looked at Aurens with wide, shocked eyes. “Aurens…” His dark eyes roved over that beautiful face, searching for any hint of doubt. “….are you certain?” 

Aurens may have been nervous, but he wanted this; he was positive. He nodded, face dead serious. “Very certain.” Ali still stared at him, silent. Aurens had to laugh, reaching out to stroke the Harith’s cheek. “Ali….I want this. I promise.”

The laughter, the smile, seemed to have reassured Ali. Leaning in, he kissed Aurens softly. “Alright, my love.”

The next few moments were….strange. It wasn’t unpleasant, just different. The thing Aurens was conscious of more than anything was the look in Ali’s eyes, the concern that he was going to hurt Aurens in some way. At last he couldn’t help but laugh, cupping the man’s face.

“Ali…relax.”

“I cannot help it.”

Smiling, Aurens leaned up to kiss him. “I know. And I love you for it.” Then a surge of pleasure shot through him, like fireworks, and he cried out. His hands clenched on Ali’s shoulders, digging in. “ _FUCK!_ ”

“Aurens?” The feeling faded as Ali withdrew, clearly afraid he had hurt Aurens, and desperately, Aurens clutched the man tighter.

“No no, please no, do that again.” He was pleading pathetically and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. He had never felt anything like that.

Something clicked into place in Ali’s eyes. It wasn’t just a heat, or desire. This was absolutely lustful. Immediately that sensation came again, and Aurens positively _sobbed_. “ _Ali_.” He dug his fingers into the man’s shoulders with bruising force. “ _Please_.”

It seemed that Ali didn’t have the willpower to resist in the face of Aurens’ pleading. Aurens whined as the fingers withdrew and he lost that amazing pressure, but then Ali was above him, tugging one of Aurens’ legs up about his waist.

“Are you ready, Aurens?” Again that nervousness returned to his face. Aurens grabbed a handful of hair and yanked him into a rough kiss that left them both a bit breathless. Ali stared down at him in surprise. Aurens smiled.

“Does that answer your question?”

An answering smile curved over the Harith’s face. “Alright, Aurens.” Then he was pressing forwards and Aurens couldn’t hold back his moan. He knew he was probably hurting Ali with how tight he was gripping him, but he had to hold onto something, anything. This feeling was so intense.

After a matter of seconds, seconds which felt like forever, he felt Ali settle against him, fully sheathed. He looked up at the man, breath coming quickly, eyes wide. He was overwhelmed. 

Ali brushed a lock of blonde hair back from his sweat dampened forehead. “Are you alright, Aurens?”

Aurens held up his hand and Ali took it, slotting their fingers together. “Move.” 

Ali did as he was told, hips canting, and Aurens let out a low moan, his grip on Ali’s hand tightening. Reassured, the Harith set up a steady rhythm. Aurens clung to him, a mess of sensation. This was better than the feeling of a few moments before. This was like nothing he had ever felt. A fullness. Not even that. Knowing it was Ali that was filling him….it was like the missing puzzle piece. Finding Ali, having Ali love him, be with him….he was finally complete.

Then Ali hit that spot again and his nerves sang. He buried his face against the curve of Ali’s throat, practically crying. “ _Ali_ …”

“It is alright, my love.” Ali kissed his temple, and those graceful fingers wrapped around Aurens’ long-neglected shaft. Aurens came almost instantly, Ali’s name on his lips. He was in a state of sheer bliss, aware of Ali above him, murmuring to him. “You are so lovely. Oh, Aurens, my love, my love…” And then the cry of his name as Ali followed him over the edge. 

Aurens reached up, hands tracing Ali’s face as if to memorize it. Ali turned into Aurens’ hand, kissing it. He looked down at Aurens, brown eyes scanning his face anxiously. Aurens realized Ali was trying to determine whether or not the Englishman had any regrets. He smiled, cupping Ali’s face in his hands. “Thank you.”

Ali visibly relaxed as he saw that Aurens wasn’t sorry about what just happened. Then the words sank in and he got That Look, the exasperation. “You do not need to thank me.”

“I do. That was _wonderful_.”

Ali rolled his eyes, but he was clearly pleased. He flopped on his side beside Aurens and opened his arms. Aurens curled close, snuggling into them. “On this we agree.”

Aurens glanced up at him. “I was okay?”

The Harith looked down at him, startled. There was a hint of nerves in those blue eyes. Ali shook his head. “Now I _know_ you are a fool. Aurens, you were _perfect_.”

The worry vanished, Aurens’ cheeks flushed happily. “I love you.”

Ali kissed him. “I love you, too. More than anything in the world.”

As always, the words filled Aurens with a happiness he had never known. Still…. “….we should probably get back out there, shouldn’t we.” It was only midday, after all.

The Harith shook his head stubbornly. “No.”

Aurens was surprised. “But--” 

“No buts. It has been months since I have had you all to myself. We are not leaving this tent until dinner. And God help the man who tries to make us.”

Aurens laughed. “Dinner, huh.”

“Yes. Dinner.”

“Well, then.” Aurens rolled over until he was looming over Ali, pinning him. The Harith stared up at him in surprise; Aurens smiled down at him, a smirk on his face. “I think I have a few ideas of how to pass the time.”

“Oh?” Ali returned the smile, heat in his eyes. “Show me.”

 

**~tbc~**


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last bit of respite before things go downhill on the road to Deraa. I felt that the big lovemaking scene was too important to not have it be told from both sides. It's a bit more graphic from Ali's side....
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! I'm back, and will hopefully get things out quickly, no matter how much it depresses me. Also, I got some gorgeous artwork done, which is posted in chapter 8. It's seriously phenomenal and I'm obsessed with it, ridiculously so, and I hope to commission some from this artist in the future. It's seriously just the best. I can't rave about it enough.

The afternoon was fiercely hot. Ali was glad to be done with the day’s job, content to let their men loot the train while he sat back and watched. He felt no need to take part. He already had everything he needed.

Nearby, Aurens sat beneath a makeshift awning, scrawling away on the notebook he always carried with him. Thus far he had refused to let Ali read any of his writing. Indeed, he got horribly embarrassed if Ali even brought it up. Sooner or later, Ali would get it out of him.

It was then that Ali noticed that the damned American had discovered the book that Aurens had been using to help Ali learn politics, and was examining it with curiosity. “It is for children,” Ali said. Bentley looked up, startled. Ali sank gracefully to the ground before him. “I have set myself to learning it.”

Bentley studied the book’s cover, the childlike drawing. “What are you learning from this?” 

“Politics.” Ali was very proud of himself for keeping his emotions in check. So far.

The reporter looked up. “You going to be a democracy in this country?” There was amusement plain in his eyes, in that stupid smile on his face. “You going to have a parliament?”

The words were dripping with mockery. Still, Ali swallowed his anger. Majid would be proud. Aurens would be proud. Ali simply gave the barest hint of a smile and replied “I will tell you that when I _have_ a country.”

The American laughed, but this time there was no mockery in it. Ali was surprised, but pleased.

“Did I answer well?”

Bentley shook his head, but it was in amusement, not denial. “You answered without saying anything. _That’s_ politics.” He handed over the book. “You learn quick.”

Ali felt pride swelling in him as he thought of Aurens. “I have a good teacher.” He knew that politics held no interest for Aurens, no interest at all. Yet the man was willing to devote his time to teaching Ali all that he knew. They would stay up late at night, or sometimes discuss matters over breakfast, and Aurens would answer every single question that Ali eagerly put to him. Sometimes when he got bored of the subject, he would turn it into a game. For every question Ali got incorrect, he had to surrender a kiss. They didn’t do that very often, though, because once they began, somehow Ali always seemed to start getting everything wrong…

He watched where Bentley had gone to sit with Aurens. Whatever they were discussing, it hadn’t pleased Aurens. The look on his face wouldn’t read as annoyed to most people, but Ali knew him. He knew that look. Aurens had been handling all of this so well, Bentley being there with all his questions and photographs, and Brighton judging Aurens’ every move as if he knew better. If Brighton were given the chance to deal with the Arabs alone, no Aurens, he would find himself the center of complete chaos in five minutes flat. The man was a complete imbecile. 

Then, to Ali’s utter disbelief, he saw both Bentley and Brighton getting in a car together. Could it be? Could they really be leaving? It seemed too good to be true. But now the car was driving away, vanishing into the distance, and Aurens was turning to him, joy on his face.

Ali looked at his love, eyes wide with hope. “They are gone?”

The Englishman nodded. “They’re gone.”

Nothing else needed to be said. Ali grabbed Aurens, pulling the man roughly to him and kissing him hard. Aurens pressed closer, clutching at his robes as he kissed back desperately. It had been too long. Too long since they could touch this way, out in the open with no worry who might see, who might judge them.

Breaking away, he held Aurens’ face in his hands, hands which were nearly trembling from the love threatening to overwhelm him. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” 

Before they could begin again, Majid interrupted, as usual, recommending they go to their tent. He had a very valid point. Ali wanted more of Aurens than he could have out in the open. The tent was a very good idea.

Inside, Aurens was a man with a mission. Ali was almost too astonished to move as Aurens set to work unfastening Ali’s robes, struggling to get them off. Ali had no objection to helping him, but he had to laugh when Aurens refused to let up, trying to take Ali’s pants off at the same time that Ali worked to remove Aurens’ robes. After some laughter and a bit of finagling, they managed it, and then Aurens was lying back on the blankets, reaching up for Ali. The Harith accepted his hand, immediately going to his knees besides Aurens and kissing him. Within moments, they had the white pants discarded and Ali stretched his body over Aurens, gloriously flesh to flesh. He rolled his hips to meet Aurens’ and momentarily bit back a groan before realizing he no longer had to. True, the men would tease them (Majid would do so mercilessly) but who cared? He rocked forwards again and this time his moan was definitely audible. “ _Aurens_.”

“ _Yeah_.” Aurens’ voice was a breathless whisper. His hips rocked up to meet Ali and it was good, so good. Then he took Ali’s hand in his. The Harith stared at him, curious. But when Aurens guided Ali’s hand between his legs, Ali felt his heartbeat stop. 

“Aurens.” He stared at the man, eyes wide with shock. This was such a huge move. He had wondered before if Aurens would ever want to actually make love, and to be completely honest, he would have been fine if the answer was no. To be greeted with this, completely out of the blue? He realized his heart had started beating again, and not just beating, pounding. “…..are you certain?”

Aurens’ face was dead serious as he nodded. “Very certain.”

Ali stared at him, silent. His eyes roved over Aurens’ face, searching for any hint of doubt. He was taken aback when Aurens burst into laughter. The Englishman reached out, stroking Ali’s cheek. “Ali….I want this. I promise.”

The sound of that beautiful laughter, the sight of that lovely smile, coupled with the surety with which Aurens spoke, reassured Ali. He leaned in and gave Aurens a soft kiss. “Alright, my love.”

The next few moments were some of the most terrifying of Ali’s life. Aurens was so special. The last thing Ali wanted to do was hurt him. He went as slowly as possible, gently stretching him open, preparing him for what was to come. He was so intent on what he was doing that he was completely surprised when Aurens began to laugh again, cupping his cheek.

“Ali….relax.”

“I cannot help it.” Really, he didn’t know how Aurens couldn’t see that. Did he not understand how precious he was to Ali? Aurens was Ali’s everything. He wished he had the courage to tell him that, but words had never been his strong suit. Someday, he would find a way. For now, he would have to continue to _show_ Aurens how much he cared, through all his actions.

Luckily, Aurens seemed to understand on some level. He leaned up and gave Ali a kiss. “I know. And I love you for it.” Then he gave a sudden cry, hands clenching Ali’s shoulders hard enough to hurt. “ _FUCK!_ ”

Panic shot through Ali. “Aurens??” He began to withdraw, terrified he had hurt Aurens, but the Englishman only clutched him tighter.

“No no, please no, do that again.” His voice was pleading, and realization set in. Ali hadn’t hurt Aurens. He had found just what he was looking for. That special spot that would give Aurens the sort of pleasure he deserved. Gently, he sought it out again, and it wasn’t hard to tell when he found it. This time, Aurens didn’t cry out, or even moan. No, he positively _sobbed_ Ali’s name, digging his fingers into Ali’s shoulders with bruising force. “Ali, _please_.”

That was all that Ali could handle. Lying Aurens back, he settled between the man’s legs, tugging one of them up about his waist.

“Are you ready, Aurens?” He couldn’t help but ask the question. Now that they were truly about to begin, those nerves were returning. But then Aurens grabbed a handful of Ali’s hair and yanked him into a rough kiss that positively took his breath away. He stared down at the Englishman in surprise. Aurens only smiled up at him.

“Does that answer your question?”

Ali couldn’t help but smile in return. “Alright, Aurens.” Then he was pressing forwards and he could say nothing more. That tight heat was just too much to handle. He had to pause before he was fully in, biting his lip to gain control over himself. Luckily, Aurens was still gripping his shoulders with bruising force, and the pain was helping to ground him. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he slid the rest of the way in, settling against Aurens. 

It was overwhelming, such a barrage of sensation. It had been too long for him, too long since he had been with anyone, and in all honesty, he had never been with anyone he had loved. He loved Majid, yes, but as a friend, a brother. Even when they had been lovers, when there had been traces of romantic feelings, they had never come CLOSE to this. _Nothing_ came close to this.

He looked down at Aurens. His breath was coming quick, those blue eyes were shut tight. Then they flicked open, looking wildly up at the Harith. There was so much sensation in them, a flood of emotion. But he wasn’t upset, or in pain. Ali could read that much. He brushed a lock of blonde hair back from Aurens’ sweat dampened forehead. “Are you alright, Aurens?”

In reply, Aurens offered up his hand and Ali took it, slotting their fingers together. “Move,” Aurens ordered, voice breathless.

Ali complied, his hips canting gently. Even that gentle motion elicited a low moan from Aurens, and he gripped Ali’s hand tighter. Reassured, Ali set up a steady rhythm, each roll of his hips going a little bit harder, a little bit deeper, searching for that place inside Aurens that made the man fall to pieces. He knew he found it when Aurens melted into him, face buried in the curve of his throat as he practically cried “ _Ali_ …”

“It is alright, my love.” Ali kissed his temple, his free hand slipping between them to wrap around Aurens’ shaft. Aurens came almost instantly, and his cry of _“Ali!”_ was more beautiful than any sound the Harith had ever heard. He stroked Aurens’ hair, murmuring to him. “You are so lovely. Oh, Aurens.” 

He had no idea how they had found their way here in such a short amount of time, how they had made it here from the day they met at the well, made it through that initial hatred to find their way into each other’s arms, but he did know one thing: Aurens completed him. Without Aurens, he was nothing. This man was what he had been searching for his entire life without even knowing it. To have Aurens in his life was everything. To have Aurens’ love? That was beyond. 

Those beautiful blue eyes blinked up at him, slightly disoriented with the desire of his recent climax, but still so full of love, and an overwhelming sense of emotion came over Ali. “My love….my love….. _Aurens--!_ ” He came with the man’s name on his lips, crying out and not caring who heard. Aurens was his love, his life. Let the whole world know it.  


It took several moments for him to come down from his high. He was only aware of Aurens’ hands cupping his face, tracing it. He turned into one, kissing it as he had that day back in Akaba. Then, those worries hit him again and he looked anxiously down at Aurens, scanning his face, trying to find any trace of regret.

The Englishman only smiled. “Thank you.”

Ali felt an overwhelming sense of relief that Aurens had no regrets. Then the words sank in and relief was replaced with frustration. “You do not need to thank me.”

“I do. That was _wonderful_.”

Ali rolled his eyes, but he was positive he wasn’t hiding his happiness. Rolling over, he offered his arms up to Aurens, who happily snuggled into them. “On this we agree.”

“I was okay?”

The question completely took Ali aback; he looked down at Aurens, startled. The Englishman was looking up at him with a hint of nerves in his eyes. Again frustration rolled through him. “Now I _know_ you are a fool. Aurens, you were _perfect_.”

The happy flush that the words brought to Aurens’ cheeks filled Ali’s heart with joy. “I love you.”

Ali kissed him. “I love you, too. More than anything in the world.” 

For several moments, there was a peaceful, contented silence as they just lay close together, bodies entwined. Then, Aurens spoke up. “…..we should probably get back out there, shouldn’t we.”

That was the last thing Ali was doing. He shook his head. “No.”

“But--”

“No buts. It has been months since I have had you all to myself. We are not leaving this tent until dinner. And God help the man who tries to make us.”

Aurens laughed. “Dinner, huh.”

“Yes. Dinner.” Not a chance anyone was making him move

“Well, then.” Ali was caught completely by surprise as Aurens rolled over, pinning him. The Harith stared up at him in surprise; Aurens smiled down, a smirk on his face. “I think I have a few ideas of how to pass the time.”

“Oh?” Ali returned the smile, heat in his eyes. “Show me.”

 

**~*~**

 

True to his word, Ali kept Aurens in the tent until dinner. Not that the Englishman minded. They kept plenty busy, and made up for all the time they’d lost while the damned American had hounded them with his presence.

Still, Ali somewhat dreaded emerging from the tent. He knew that the moment they did, there would be catcalls and teasing from the men. Mostly Majid. But in the grand scheme of things, he didn’t care. Aurens was what mattered. Always Aurens.

Taking the man’s hand, he stepped out of the tent and into the light of the setting sun. Immediately, they were greeted by whoops and hollers. He threw his best, most evil glare in the direction they were coming from, and immediately all fell silent. Still, he could feel his cheeks burning. He wasn’t used to being teased by anyone but Majid and Aurens. 

_Aurens…_

The Englishman hated this sort of attention. Ali looked to him immediately, and was surprised to see just how well he was handling it. True, he was bright red (blushing all the way to the tips of his ears in that way that Ali loved), but he didn’t have that petrified look he got where it was clear he was ready to flee. Still, Ali squeezed his hand. Aurens looked to him, and Ali smiled reassuringly. Some of the tenseness left Aurens’ shoulders, and he smiled back.

They reached the fire where Majid was waiting. _Oh Lord_. This was where the biggest problem was sure to come from. The man smiled up at them, a very normal, friendly smile. Ali wasn’t fooled. He had known Majid too long.

“So,” Majid began conversationally, “did we have a fun time in our tent?”

“Majid…” Ali warned.

“It _sounded_ fun.”

“Majid, I swear to God…” Ali could feel his face getting red. 

Clearly Majid noticed it, for he grinned, gesturing. “I thought only virgins blushed.”

Ali was ready to explode, but then, to his shock, Aurens burst into laughter. He stared at the man in disbelief. True enough, Aurens was blushing as well, but he was still laughing. Majid looked as surprised as Ali was, but then he grinned as he took in the pink flush on Aurens’ cheeks.

“I guess virgins _do_ blush.”

Aurens struggled to catch his breath and then shot back “wrong again, Majid. Sorry.”

Ali couldn’t believe what he had just heard. For Aurens, that was incredibly sassy. He stared at the Englishman, stunned. Aurens looked his way and gave him a tiny smile. Ali couldn’t help but smile back, shaking his head.

Majid, on the other hand, looked puzzled. Then, realization dawned on his face. He looked from Aurens, to Ali, and back again. Aurens flushed even more and his shoes suddenly became incredibly interesting. Ali simply stared defiantly at his friend. The grin that spread over Majid’s face was positively delighted. He had known that Aurens was a virgin. Back in Akaba, Ali had told Majid that he had been Aurens’ first kiss. Now Majid knew _exactly_ what had transpired these past few hours. 

“ _Well!_ ” He sounded as though he had just received the most amazing gift. “I suppose you _did_ have a fun time in the tent! My congratulations.” 

Ali’s face felt as though it were on fire. “Majid, I swear to God--”

The man only laughed. “Oh, relax, Ali. You should be used to me by now.”

“Yes. I should. But somehow your brand of annoying is something one never fully adjusts to.”

Majid let a hand flutter to his heart as though he had been physically injured. “You _wound_ me.”

Ali rolled his eyes. “Stop being an ass. Now, may we join you for dinner or are you going to continue to be obnoxious?”

Majid grinned. “I shall do my best.”

“……to be obnoxious or to not be?”

“I guess you will find out, will you not?”

Ali sighed, but he couldn’t help smiling. “I suppose we will.” Reaching out, he took Aurens’ hand again and gave it a gentle squeeze. The Englishman smiled at him. His cheeks were still flushed a lovely shade of pink, but he didn’t look at all upset. Clearly he was by now used to Majid. Ali was happy. This could all work out. _They_ could all work out. And maybe, just maybe Aurens would stay there in Arabia with him.

For now, he was content with what he had: Aurens next to him as they ate, at his side in battle, and in his arms at night. 

For now.

As for what the future might hold…..

Ali glanced at where Aurens sat beside Majid, holding his own, barb for barb. He remembered the days when Majid’s words would have sent Aurens running. The Englishman had adjusted not just to the desert climate, but to all aspects of life here. He _belonged_ here. Here, with Ali.

Somehow, Ali would convince him of that. 

 

**~tbc~**


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting to the really angsty stuff now. Which means I'm rewatching the second half of the film over and over and it's so depressing.  
> Equally depressing is the knowledge that in not too long, I'll be finished with this piece. I've enjoyed it so much.
> 
> As always, LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, this is for you, as well as Storia_Historia. <3

After that wonderful afternoon together, it was as if everything had changed, and yet nothing. Certainly it wasn’t as if either had needed sex to prove the full extent of his feelings. But somehow, having crossed that final line, the last of Aurens’ inhibitions had fled. He no longer held any reservations about touching Ali in front of the men, even Auda. A little thrill would rush through Ali every single time Aurens pulled him close, kissing him softly without a care who saw.

Then, Brighton returned. God, would they never be rid of this horrible man?

It turned out he was only there with news from General Allenby, thank God. They were stuck with him overnight, but that was it. Still, Ali was irritable all the next afternoon as the officer lingered while they took another train. He knew that Brighton was watching Aurens, judging him, and it made him furious. No matter what Aurens did, it was never good enough for Brighton, and it drove him crazy. Aurens was a hundred times the man Brighton would ever be.

The train was carrying a car full of horses, and that was it for Auda. Auda, who had all year been searching for something he considered honorable. He was thrilled with the horses, and even the scathing insults that Brighton hurled at him, calling him a deserter and a scoundrel, couldn’t stop him from leaving.

Losing Auda was a huge blow. His troops made up half their army. Brighton was quick to point this out, but Aurens didn’t want to hear it, and brushed it off. Ali was less certain. Aurens always seemed to think they were invincible. Sure, the men would come back eventually, but for most of them, it would be a long time. Without Auda, they were down to so few.

Brighton left shortly after, swearing he would be reporting to General Allenby. Ali looked at Aurens.

“What,” the Englishman asked. Ali simply shook his head. “ _What_ ,” Aurens repeated, a bit of a bite to his voice that time. Clearly he was more upset than he was letting on.

“You.”

“What? I don’t own these men. They’re free to come and go as they please.”

“Yes, I am aware, Aurens.” Ali kept his voice calm and patient. 

“Then what is it?” Aurens spun to face Ali, and now that frustration was evident on his face. Ali reached out and softly cupped his cheek, stroking it gently.

“You must face facts, my love. As much as I hate the man, he is right: we are running out of men.”

Ali could see the despair that Aurens was trying to hide. Then, the Englishman swallowed it down, replacing it with determination. “We’ll carry on north, as we said.”

Ali knew better by now than to argue with Aurens, and honestly, he didn’t want to. In all this time, he had never seen the Englishman fail at anything once he had put his mind up to it. Ali might be having doubts because of the dwindling army, but if Aurens thought they could do it, Ali would trust in him. He nodded. “North.”

At that one word, Aurens’ face broke into a smile, that beautiful smile that Ali adored and couldn’t help wanting to kiss. So he did. It was only supposed to be the barest brush of lips, but Aurens slipped an arm about his waist and pulled him in closer. The Harith made a noise of surprise but had no objection, hands running up Aurens’ back and beneath the keffiyeh, pushing it off so they could fist in that golden hair that he loved so much. 

Aurens laughed breathlessly when they separated. “Was that really necessary?”

“What….this?” He gently tugged a handful of the golden locks, and with a laugh, Aurens nodded.

“Yes. That.”

Ali nodded. “Very necessary.” He ran his hands through the soft hair, fingers gently massaging the Englishman’s scalp. Aurens’ eyes slid shut at the sensation, and he moaned in pleasure.

“ _God_ , that’s good.”

The Harith smiled. “I will do more when we reach our tent?”

For the first time that day, he saw a trace of relief, of relaxation, in Aurens’ eyes. “Oh, please?”

Smiling, Ali leaned in for another kiss. “I promise.”

 

**~*~**

 

Ali collapsed against the blanket, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. What had started as a simple massage had become much more. Aurens was extremely persuasive. Ali had quickly found himself flat on his back with one very enthusiastic Englishman pinning him and kissing him until he was dizzy. In no time at all, clothes had been discarded and he was pressing into Aurens, watching the blue eyes go half-lidded as he let out a deep moan of pleasure. 

Now finished, the two men lay side by side, panting to catch their breath. Ali looked to Aurens, taking in the sight of him. Every time was like the first, seeing this gorgeous stranger standing by his well, blonde hair glistening in the sunlight, blue eyes glowing. Only these days, they never glared the way they had then. Now they showed nothing but love.

Reaching out, Ali pulled Aurens to him. The Englishman had no objections, simply snuggling closer, pillowing his head on Ali’s chest. “I love you,” he murmured.

Ali kissed his forehead. “I love you, too.” They were silent for a long time, content to simply hold each other and nothing else. Finally, Ali spoke up. “We move out tomorrow?” 

He could feel Aurens nod. “North.”

“Alright.” Slipping two fingers beneath Aurens’ chin, he tilted his face up and gave him a soft kiss. “Get some sleep, my love. You will need it.”

Aurens managed a smile, though Ali could see that some of the stress had returned to his eyes at the thought of moving out. Ali traced his brow, his cheek, wishing he could soothe all those worries away. It definitely worked to some extent, for Aurens relaxed, the smile nothing but happy once again. “I love you,” Aurens whispered.

“I love you, too.”

 

**~*~**

 

They headed out early the next day, and for a while, things continued as usual. They had the act of blowing up the railways down to a science. Unfortunately, it was far more difficult afterwards if there was anyone left to fight, since their numbers were now so few. If things kept going as they were, soon they would be unable to do more than just destroy the railway. They wouldn’t have enough men left to fight the soldiers on the trains. 

Aurens knew this; Ali could tell. Still, he didn’t let it show to the rest of the men. He kept up his usual brave face and stoic attitude, and kept pushing north. But the men kept leaving, and soon they were down to only a handful. Yet Aurens persisted.

That’s when everything really went to hell.

It was just an ordinary train job. They had done countless ones by now. It was second nature. Only somehow, this one went wrong.

Farraj had been setting the explosives. He had been holding the detonator in the waistband of his trousers. When it came time to set it, somehow, the detonator had vanished. He ran to fetch another, tripped and fell, and there was an explosion as the lost detonator went off.

Majid gently opened Farraj’s shirt, examining the wound. “He cannot ride, Aurens. Look.”

The words were a blow to the face. Anyone who was too injured to ride was never left alive. If they were, they would be captured by the Turks and tortured horribly. To have this happen…..to lose Farraj now, as well as Daud….

Aurens tossed his pistol to the ground. Majid looked at it, then shook his head and backed away. Ali knew what this was costing Aurens, and he wanted to take up the pistol himself, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had watched Farraj grow from near infancy. The thought of killing him…..he just couldn’t do it.  


Aurens practically collapsed to the ground beside Farraj, picking up the discarded pistol. The boy’s breath was coming in pained gasps as he looked to Aurens. “Daud will be angry with you.”

Ali could see the tears in Aurens’ eyes. “Salute him for me.”

The shot went off, and they ran up the hill to the waiting camels. Aurens was silent as they rode along, and Ali knew he needed some time to himself. Finally, he spoke up. “What will you do now?”

Aurens’ voice was barely audible. “Go north.”

“…..with twenty?” Ali’s voice was gentle, but still it was too much, and Aurens broke.

“What would you recommend me to do, Ali?” Aurens’ voice was desperate. “What would you _recommend??_ ”

And Ali had no reply.

 

**~*~**

 

So they continued onwards. It had Ali worried. The men were beginning to talk. Rumors were flying. Why was Aurens so determined to go north with so few men? Was he really here for the Arabs, as he had professed? Or was it all for the English?

Ali was dismayed when Majid told him of the rumors. “He would not…..he would _never_.” Majid’s face remained expressionless, and Ali felt a pang of true worry for the first time. “You….you do not believe these rumors, do you?” Majid said nothing, but a hint of reluctance came into his eyes. “Majid….” Ali was dismayed. “You know Aurens. You know that he would never do such a thing.”

“Yes. I like to think that I know him. But Ali, it is hard not to wonder when he keeps pushing us this way, when there is no chance of us achieving the goals he sets for us.”

And as much as he hated to admit it, Ali knew that Majid was right. The tasks that Aurens was setting before them were becoming increasingly more difficult, almost impossible. Sooner or later, the remaining men were going to leave out of sheer frustration. “I will talk with him.”

Still, he did not bring the subject up. Truth be told, he kept putting it off. He really didn’t _want_ to tell Aurens of the men’s doubts. Aurens, who had always had the total trust and love of all the men, ever since the day he had brought them safely through the Nefud. Ali knew that this was going to come as a complete shock, and would crush him. So he put it off, and in the end that just made things so much worse.

They were all hidden in a little cave not far from Dera’a. It was freezing cold, everyone huddled around a fire. Ali and Aurens had sequestered themselves in a separate part of the cave, a flimsy blanket hanging between them and the rest of the men. It wasn’t much, but it gave them the illusion of privacy.

The Harith watched as Aurens hung up newly washed clothes before the fire, wiping his hands on a cloth. He had been at it for some time, and Ali had the feeling he was purposefully taking more time than was necessary, delaying a conversation that he expected not to be happy with. Finally, he finished.

“Now may I speak?” 

“Yes.” Aurens’ tone was normal, but he still didn’t look in Ali’s direction.

“Aurens, one more failure, and you will find yourself alone.” Immediately, those blue eyes turned their gaze in Ali’s direction and the Harith resisted the urge to sigh. “I do not include myself.”

“I do not include the others.”

Frustration was rising. Ali moved to Aurens’ side. “So _say_ they love you. The more reason to be thrifty with them! Give them something that _can_ be done! But you…no, no, they must move _mountains_ for you, they must walk on water!”

Aurens turned at last to Ali. “That’s right. That’s _right_.” Now emotion was showing on his face, a mixture of irritation and frustration. “Who are _you_ to know what can be done? If we’d done what _you_ thought could be done, we’d be back in Yenbo now and nowhere!” 

Without meaning to, Ali had stirred all of Aurens’ emotion, which had clearly been simmering just below the surface, to the boiling point. It really wasn’t that surprising; honestly, the surprising thing was that he hadn’t exploded long before now. And despite the anger, Ali knew that it was not he who Aurens was upset with, only the situation.

Aurens practically stumbled to his feet. “Whatever I ask them to do _can_ be done, that’s all. _They_ know that if you don’t.” Pausing in the doorway, he turned to look back at the Harith. “….do you think I’m just anybody, Ali? _Do_ you?”

Ali stared at him, caught completely by surprise, but before he could answer, Aurens had headed into the other room. He was shocked by the question, such an un-Aurens-like thing to ask. True, the man was occasionally given to moments of ego (the joke he made to Brighton about only being killed by a golden bullet) but he never meant any of them. Ali could only attribute this to Aurens’ current mental state, his frustration and desperation. But he couldn’t sit here thinking about this, he had to get in the other room and help Aurens face the others.

He stepped in behind Aurens just as the man asked “who will walk on water with me?”

There was no answer. Ali could almost feel the change in Aurens, knew that the man realized Ali was right and the men were in no mood for euphemisms. “Who will come with me into Dera’a?” he asked.

No one looked at him, not even Majid as he replied “Dera’a is garrisoned. Will you take twenty against two thousand?”

“I’ll go myself if I have to.”

“Why.” Still no one looked at him.

“Because I told the English generals the Arab Revolt would be in Dera’a when they would be in Jerusalem.”

Ali winced. That was definitely not the right thing to say. It was practically confirmation that he was there for the English. Indeed, Majid turned at last to Aurens, eyes narrowed. 

“Or perhaps you are here for the English generals?”

Ali could feel Aurens stiffen, sense his hurt, his shock, his indignation. “Who says this?” No one answered. Aurens turned to Ali for his answer.

Ali’s voice was soft. “Rumor.”

Aurens didn’t seem to know what to say. He spat on the ground.

Majid pointed. “That is not an argument.”

By now, aggravation was present on Aurens’ face, which was paler than usual. “Oh, argument!” He looked around the room at all of them. “This afternoon, I will take the Arab Revolt into Dera’a, while the Arabs argue.” He turned to leave, but was stopped by Majid.

“Aurens.” At Majid’s voice, Aurens’ stopped dead, though he didn’t turn. “Can you pass for an Arab in an Arab town?”

At the question, Aurens finally turned to face them, and the icy look in his eyes barely disguised the hurt which Ali knew was there. “Yes. If one of you will lend me some dirty clothes.”

With that, he headed past the partition back into the other half of the cave. Ali gave Majid an imploring look. The man gazed levelly back at him. Frustrated, Ali turned and followed Aurens. The Englishman was kneeling by the fire, checking his damp clothes.

“Well, _that_ went well.” Ali tried to keep his tone light, but he knew he failed miserably. Nothing about this situation was in any way amusing.

Immediately, Aurens stopped what he was doing and turned to Ali. “And you? Do you believe these rumors?” He was trying so hard to school his features but it was too easy to see the desperate fear on his face.

Ali was shocked. He felt a stab of pain shoot straight to his heart. “Oh, Aurens,” he murmured. Going to his knees beside Aurens, he slipped an arm around the man’s waist, pulling him close; his free hand cupping Aurens’ cheek, he leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. “No.” He gently stroked his cheek. “You are my life, my world. I would never believe such a thing of you.”

Aurens stared in surprise, and Ali was horrified to see tears welling up in his eyes. Then the man dove in and stole another kiss, arms wrapping around Ali and pulling him in with crushing force. “I love you so much,” the Englishman breathed. 

“I love you too, Aurens.” Ali carded his fingers through that soft golden hair that he adored. “And I will come with you to Dera’a.”

“Are you certain?”

Ali nodded. “I will always follow you, my love. Anywhere you go, I will follow.” He smiled. “Besides, I must keep you safe.”

Aurens laughed, and Ali was relieved to hear it. “I can keep myself safe.”

The Harith smiled. “I know. But you cannot forgive me for wanting to make certain. If anything were to happen to you, I could never forgive myself.”

Aurens’ blue eyes were glistening with tears, but this time they were happy ones. “I love you.”

Ali gave the man a soft kiss. “I love you too, Aurens. More than anything in the world.”

 

  
**~tbc~**


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: this is Dera'a, and the rape is described fully. I took from both the film and 'Seven Pillars' for this, and it is graphic. This was the most difficult thing I have ever written, for I have been molested twice in my life. I hope if anyone else reading this is in the same situation, you know that Aurens' thoughts are wrong and the person doing the violation is fully at fault. I still have difficulty dealing with all of this sometimes, but it's important to remember.
> 
> Also, please keep in mind that the ending WILL eventually be happy, because yea, this chapter is a roller coaster ride.
> 
> As always, this is for LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, and Storia_Historia. And for dumedipaoli.

The men fought on, despite their dwindling army. Aurens still had Auda, and Majid, and of course Ali. With Ali at his side, he felt invincible.

When Brighton returned, he thought he was going to explode. Luckily, the man was only there with a message, and only stayed for the night. _Un_ luckily, he was there to see Auda depart, taking more than half their army with him. The men exchanged some not very cordial words over that. Aurens was well aware of Ali’s eyes on him, silently imploring him to keep his temper, but he couldn’t help it; he was sick to death of Brighton judging him and the way he ran the Arab army. He knew what he was doing.

Brighton finally left, swearing he would report Aurens’ smart-mouthing to General Allenby. Still, Aurens could feel Ali’s eyes on him. He turned at last. “What.” The Harith shook his head. Aurens could feel irritation rising. “ _What_.”

“You.”

“What?” Aurens was fed-up. “I don’t own these men. They’re free to come and go as they please.”

“Yes, I am aware, Aurens.” Ali was clearly being careful to keep his voice calm and patient, but Aurens was at the breaking point. 

“Then what is it?” He spun to face Ali, at a loss, ready to explode and hating himself for it. Ali reached simply reached out and softly cupped his cheek, stroking it gently.

“You must face facts, my love. As much as I hate the man, he is right: we are running out of men.”

Aurens swallowed down the despair that was threatening to overwhelm him. There was no time for it now. He schooled his features with determination. “We’ll carry on north, as we said.” 

A tiny part of him worried that today would be the day that Ali gave up on him, but he needn’t have. Ali’s trust in him seemed to be unshakeable. The Harith simply nodded, agreeing “North.”

Aurens didn’t know what he had done so right to deserve Ali, but he made every effort to show the Harith just how much he appreciated him when they reached their tent. He let all the thoughts of battle plans and British generals slip from his head and concentrated on the man in his arms, worries slipping away as they made love. It wasn’t until afterwards, when Ali asked “We move out tomorrow?” that Aurens even remembered the war at all, and some tenseness returned to his shoulders.

He gave a nod. “North.”

“Alright.” Ali slipped two fingers beneath Aurens’ chin, tilting his face up and giving him a soft kiss. “Get some sleep, my love. You will need it.”

Aurens managed a smile, but now thoughts of tomorrow’s plans had returned to mind and had brought stress with them. Clearly Ali could see this, for he gently traced Aurens’ brow, his cheek, trying to soothe all those worries away. The mere action, the knowledge of what Ali was trying to do, made it work to some extent. Some of the tension eased from Aurens’ shoulders, and his smile was nothing but happy once again. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.”

 

**~*~**

 

Everything went downhill from there. Aurens had been so certain that if he remained positive, he could hold the men together. This just wasn’t the case. More and more kept leaving, and it was getting increasingly difficult for them to get the job done. Soon they would have no army at all.

He kept a brave face on, but he was certain Ali saw right through it. Ali had always seen through all of his bravado, his posturing. There were no illusions between the two of them.

That’s when everything went horribly wrong. A detonator misplaced, a trip and a fall….Aurens ran to Farraj’s side but it was too late for him to do any good.

Majid looked up from the wound. “He cannot ride, Aurens. Look.”

It was like a punch in the gut, a slap in the face. To have this happen…..to lose Farraj now, as well as Daud….

Aurens couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t do it. He tossed his pistol to the ground. Majid looked at it, then shook his head and backed away. Why oh why could no one else do this for him?

Aurens practically collapsed to the ground beside Farraj, picking up the discarded pistol. Farraj’s breath was coming in pained gasps as he looked to Aurens. “Daud will be angry with you.”

Aurens’ eyes filled with tears. “Salute him for me.”

Pulling that trigger was the hardest thing Aurens had ever had to do in his life. He cast aside the pistol and ran up the hill after the others, never looking back at what he had been forced to do.

He was silent as they rode along. Luckily, Ali knew how to read him, and understood that he needed some time to himself. They were silent for a very long time. Finally, the man spoke up. “What will you do now?”

Aurens’ voice was barely audible. “Go north.” 

“…..with twenty?” Ali’s voice was gentle, but still Aurens broke.

“What would you recommend me to do, Ali?” His eyes were burning with tears. “ What would you _recommend??_ ” 

 

~*~

 

By the time they’d made it to the border of Dera’a, the entire mood of the group had changed. No one spoke any longer. There was no casual chatter. All was silent. Aurens was determined to find a way to raise the men’s spirits. He would do it if it killed him.

Huddled together in a small cave, he washed his clothes out and hung them up by the fire. He knew Ali was waiting to speak to him, and he desperately wanted to avoid the conversation. If he could sense the mood of the men, he could much better sense Ali’s, and there was something very serious about it today. Something he didn’t like.

But finally he had no more clothes to wash, and he could put off the conversation no longer.

“Now may I speak?” 

“Yes.” Still Aurens couldn’t bring himself to look in Ali’s direction. He wasn’t certain what he would see there, what expression would match that serious tone of voice.

“Aurens, one more failure, and you will find yourself alone.” 

At that, he glanced Ali’s way, raising a brow ever so slightly in challenge. He could tell that Ali was having difficulty biting back a sigh, maybe even resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“I do not include myself.”

“I do not include the others,” Aurens replied calmly.

Immediately, Ali moved to Aurens’ side. “So _say_ they love you. The more reason to be thrifty with them!” His voice was low and pleading. “Give them something that _can_ be done! But you…no, no, they must move _mountains_ for you, they must walk on water!”

Aurens at last turned his full attention to Ali. “That’s right. That’s _right_.” He couldn’t help the emotions that were rising, irritation and vexation. “Who are _you_ to know what can be done? If we’d done what _you_ thought could be done, we’d be back in Yenbo now and nowhere!” 

He wasn’t upset with Ali, only the situation, but he couldn’t help the way his emotions were coming across. It was all so frustrating. Didn’t Ali understand how hard he was working, how hard he _had_ worked all this time, to win Feisal’s war? Didn’t he see how much they had accomplished? 

Aurens practically stumbled to his feet. “Whatever I ask them to do _can_ be done, that’s all. _They_ know that if you don’t.” Pausing in the doorway, he turned to look back at the Harith. “….do you think I’m just anybody, Ali? _Do_ you?”

Aurens didn’t know why he had said that; he regretted it immediately. The words had somehow spilled forth. He was just so _frustrated_ at Ali’s seeming lack of trust in him. How long had they been together now? Hadn’t he always pulled through? Had he ever failed Ali? Why couldn’t the man just _trust_ him? But he couldn’t take it back, he couldn’t. Turning away, he headed into the other room.

The men were grouped close together, huddled for warmth. “My friends,” he spoke up, “who will walk on water with me?”

There was no answer. He immediately sensed that the men were even more irritable than usual. Maybe Ali was more correct than he thought. He spoke plainly, “Who will come with me into Dera’a?” 

Still no one looked at him, not even Majid as he replied “Dera’a is garrisoned. Will you take twenty against two thousand?”

“I’ll go myself if I have to,” he replied. 

“Why.” 

“Because I told the English generals the Arab Revolt would be in Dera’a when they would be in Jerusalem.”

At those words, Majid turned at last to Aurens, eyes narrowed. “Or perhaps you are here for the English generals?”

Aurens stiffened at the words, overcome with shock and hurt. He shoved the feelings down in place of another feeling: indignation. “Who says this?” There was no answer. He turned to Ali.

The Harith’s voice was soft. “Rumor.”

Aurens didn’t know what to say. He spat on the ground.

Majid pointed. “That is not an argument.”

Aurens was overcome with so many emotions: anger, frustration, desperation, all of it covering up the largest emotion of all: hurt. “Oh, argument!” He looked around the room at all of them. “This afternoon, I will take the Arab Revolt into Dera’a, while the Arabs argue.” He turned to leave.

“Aurens.” At Majid’s voice, Aurens’ stopped dead. “Can you pass for an Arab in an Arab town?”

At the question, Aurens finally turned to face them, casting an icy glare in their direction, hoping it hid the pain he was feeling. “Yes. If one of you will lend me some dirty clothes.”

With that, he headed past the partition back into the other half of the cave. Kneeling by the fire, he began to check on the state of his damp clothes. Ali appeared from behind the partition.

“Well, _that_ went well.” Ali was clearly trying to keep his tone light, but he failed miserably.

Immediately, Aurens stopped what he was doing and turned to Ali. “And you? Do you believe these rumors?” He was trying so hard to keep his face free of emotions but he had a feeling he was failing. Did Ali believe he wasn’t there for the Arabs? Did he think that Aurens was just an English puppet? Fear was racing through him like a wild thing.

Ali looked shocked. “Oh, Aurens,” he murmured. He dropped to his knees beside Aurens, and slipped an arm around the man’s waist, pulling him close; his free hand cupping Aurens’ cheek, he leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. “No.” He gently stroked his cheek. “You are my life, my world. I would never believe such a thing of you.”

Aurens was caught completely by surprise at the action, and he simply stared at Ali. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Ali, to have found such a man who loved him and trusted him unconditionally. He couldn’t help it: he dove in and stole another kiss, arms wrapping around Ali and pulling him in with crushing force. “I love you so much,” he breathed. 

“I love you too, Aurens.” Ali ran his fingers through Aurens hair. The Englishman sagged against him; it felt so good. “And I will come with you to Dera’a.”

At that, Aurens pulled away to look anxiously at Ali. “Are you certain?”

Ali nodded. “I will always follow you, my love. Anywhere you go, I will follow.” He smiled. “Besides, I must keep you safe.”

Aurens couldn’t help but laugh. “I can keep myself safe.”

The Harith smiled. “I know. But you cannot forgive me for wanting to make certain. If anything were to happen to you, I could never forgive myself.”

The words brought tears to Aurens’ eyes once more, but this time they were happy ones. “I love you.”

Ali gave him a soft kiss. “I love you too, Aurens. More than anything in the world.”

The two men settled in for a nap, curling up together beneath their warmest blanket. Aurens was still unable to get past the thought of how fortunate he was to have found this man, who had such faith in him. Then he remembered his words of earlier…. _'do you think I’m just anyone’_ ….and felt a huge wave of guilt. Ali trusted him. He was a fool to have doubted that trust for even an instant.

“Ali?”

“Mm?” The man sounded half asleep.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Now he was awake. “Why are you sorry, love?”

“For earlier. When I asked if you thought I was anyone. I was worried that you didn’t trust me.”

“Is that what you thought?” Ali’s voice was filled with amusement. Aurens couldn’t help but give his chest a swat.

“Shut up.”

“No. That is ridiculous. Aurens, I trust you with my life.”

“I know. I just…..” he didn’t know how to explain so he settled for a helpless shrug. “I’m sorry.”

Ali kissed his forehead. “Little fool. You do not need to apologize.” Aurens opened his mouth to object, but Ali closed the matter by capturing his lips in a kiss. “Now, get some sleep. We have a busy afternoon ahead of us, and we have been riding all night.” He softly stroked Aurens’ hair. “I love you.”

Aurens couldn’t help but shake his head at Ali’s methods of shutting him up, but he obeyed and objected no further. “I love you, too.” 

Laying his head down on Ali’s chest, he settled in, and very quickly, both men were sound asleep.

 

**~*~**

 

As soon as they entered Dera’a, Ali regretted their decision to come, Aurens could tell. It wasn’t just garrisoned, it was completely taken over. The streets were almost deserted. The two of them stuck out like a sore thumb. But Aurens knew Ali would never leave him.

A car was driving down the road towards them. Aurens made certain not to move out of the way until it was practically on top of him, honking the horn loudly. Then, he leapt for safety.

Ali looked at him as though he were crazy. “Madness! What are you looking for?”

“Some way to announce myself.” 

He moved on, but was aware of Ali casting his eyes to heaven, imploring “be patient with him, God,” and Aurens couldn’t help but smile.

A large puddle spanned the road and he stepped into it. It was just deep enough so that, as he walked, it looked as though he were walking on water. His words of earlier came back to him and he laughed as he walked through it. He knew that behind him, Ali was shaking his head in amused exasperation, despite his worry. 

That’s when the three officers appeared. Their attention zeroed onto Aurens immediately, and Ali’s nerves grew.

“Do you not see how they look at you??” he hissed at Aurens.

“Peace, Ali,” he chided calmly. “I am invisible.” He was fairly certain that if Ali didn’t explode from nerves he would do so from exasperation with Aurens’ lack of them.

A sudden cry of “halt!” came from behind them.

“Walk on,” Aurens instructed softly.

“Halt!”

“Walk on.”

But they got no further, for someone grabbed his shoulder. “You!” They spun him about. “And you!” Ali stopped and turned, and the Turkish sergeant looked the two of them over appraisingly. Then he shook his head at Ali. “No.” He looked to Aurens and smiled almost knowingly. “ _You_.” 

With that, the soldiers cast Ali aside, shoving him off down the street. Aurens had barely a moment to see the panicked terror in Ali’s eyes before he was being dragged off down the street to the Turkish headquarters.

He found himself in a lineup with several other men, none of whom looked anything like him, and was completely at a loss. Clearly they weren’t trying to capture him, T.E Lawrence, for this was not a lineup of potential British soldiers. What on earth was he here for?

There was the Bey, though, at the front of the room. He was seated at a table with his head in his hands. Finally, he rose and came as though to inspect them. He paused before each man in turn, examining them slowly. Aurens, who had no idea what all this was about, didn’t know how to react. After looking each of them over, the man turned as though to head back to the table. But halfway there, he stopped and turned, pointing straight at Aurens. Coughing, his voice was almost too low to be heard. 

“ _You_.”

Lightening quick, the other men were hustled from the room, leaving only Aurens with the Bey confronting one another. He was all too aware of the remaining five soldiers closing in around him, effectively trapping him. 

“You have blue eyes,” the Bey said.

The statement caught Aurens completely by surprise, and he had no answer.

“I say, you have blue eyes.”

That stirred him to action, remembering he had a part to play. “Yes, Effendi.”

“Are you Circassian?”

“Yes, Effendi.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-seven, Effendi. I think.” He forced a deferential smile, but it came easy. This man was making him nervous.

“You look older.” Still those eyes roved over Aurens, as though he were an object, not a human being. “…..you have had a lot of experience.” He turned to his sergeant. “It is an interesting face.”

The officer didn’t answer, simply stiffened to attention. This didn’t seem to surprise the Bey; rather, it seemed expected. Still, he sighed as turned his attention back to Aurens. 

“I am surrounded by cattle. He wouldn’t know an interesting face from a sow’s belly. I have been in Dera’a now for three and a half years. If they posted me to the dark side of the moon I could not be more….isolated.” Pausing, he glanced at Aurens. “….you haven’t the least idea what I’m talking about, have you?”

“No, Effendi.”

Something was different that time. Aurens didn’t know if maybe he answered too quickly or what it was, but something changed in the Bey’s expression, a sharpening of the eyes.

“….have you?”

Aurens said nothing, having no idea what it was that the Bey was getting at. The man seemed disappointed. “No, that….that would be too….lucky.”

Before Aurens could figure out what it was this man was talking about, hands were reaching out and pushing off his bisht with almost a cold, clinical air. Then he removed the keffiyeh, slowly, almost gently, as Ali might do. Aurens was unsettled, an uneasy feeling stirring in his stomach. He didn’t like this, didn’t like it at all.

Then, the mood changed completely. With one sharp yank, the Bey tore open Aurens’ thobe and let it fall to the floor. He was too shocked to move as the Bey’s eyes began to rove over his naked flesh. Aurens couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so exposed. 

Looking him over, the man noticed a mark on Aurens’ shoulder, a recent injury, and prodded it with his finger. “Where did you get that?”

“Oh…” he gave a helpless smile. “It’s old, Effendi.”

The Bey looked it over. “No, no, this is recent. You are a deserter.”

“No, Effendi!”

“Yes, you are a deserter. But from which army?” Aurens waited, wondering where the man was going with this. “Not that it matters at all. A man cannot be _always_ in uniform.”

Aurens didn’t like the sound of that. It was too suggestive for his taste. He was certain he knew now where this was heading. Terror was rising in him. It only got worse. The Bey began to finger Aurens’ pectoral muscle between his thumb and forefinger. “…..your skin is…very fair.”

With that, any question about what the man wanted was answered. Aurens may be after information, but this was one thing he would not endure to get it. Maybe before Ali he could have let some man touch him, kiss him, but not now. How could he ever allow such caresses again, loving Ali as he did? He kneed the man in the groin with all the strength he possessed, sending him tumbling back onto to the floor in pain.

Immediately, the two soldiers behind Aurens grabbed him with crushing force, and the sergeant punched him, sending him reeling. The two soldiers beside the Bey rushed to help him up, the sergeant as well. The man rose to his feet, his gaze furious as he looked at Aurens. Aurens stared back defiantly. He didn’t care what happened, this was one thing he would not allow.

The man’s voice was ice cold as he spoke. “Beat him.” 

Aurens barely had time to see the man heading up the stairs into the other room before three of the soldiers were grabbing a bench from the wall and his two captors were dragging him to it, laying him down on his chest. Releasing him, they moved to take hold of his legs while a third man took his wrists, stretching his arms up above his head hard enough to hurt.

The sergeant came up beside him, whip in hand. He smiled down at Aurens as he tapped it against the bench, taunting him with what was to come. When Aurens didn’t react, he frowned. Turning away, he moved to the nearby table and gave the whip a good hard whack to display its strength. The sound echoed in the chamber, and for the first time, Aurens felt a hint of fear. 

The man holding Aurens’ arms stretched them further above his head, tighter, smiling at him, at the pain they were about to inflict. Aurens met his gaze levelly, determined not to cry out, not to show any pain. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. 

At the first hit, he succeeded in keeping a straight face, and the man looked at him, puzzled. The second strike was different, and he flinched, despite his best efforts. The man smiled. Aurens felt an overwhelming sense of hatred for him. The smile only grew as a third strike made him shiver with the pain. Then the slight sound of coughing came from behind them and cold terror shuddered through Aurens. He tried to look over his shoulder, wanting to see what was behind him. Was the Bey there? Was he watching, waiting for his turn? Waiting to strike a blow of his own? Or something much worse? But the sergeant smacked the whip against the bench, loudly demanding Aurens’ attention once more, and he shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain and the sound of that coughing, the knowledge that somewhere behind him was a man who wanted to do God knows what to him.

At some point, he lost count of the number of hits. His back was singing with pain. He felt his eyes burning with tears but somehow managed to blink them back. Still, the man holding his arms saw them and called out to the others. It seemed that this had been what they were waiting for, for the beating stopped and he was dragged from the bench and tossed to the floor. He lay dazed, unable to even focus his gaze on any one thing. The men above him were nothing but a blur.

Then the sergeant was on top of him, fingers fumbling at his pants, and panic shot through him. “ _No!_ ” He shoved at the man, trying to push him off, and got a kick to the ribs for his efforts. Doubled over, he gasped for breath as his pants were discarded. “No,” he managed. “ _Please_.”

But his words fell on deaf ears, for the man wasted no time in forcing his way inside with one sharp thrust. Aurens cried out as much in distress as in pain. He feebly pushed at the man again, and received another slash of the whip. This did nothing to dissuade him from fighting. This was the thing he had feared more than anything else. Quickly, he found two of the other soldiers pinning his arms to the floor and he was too weak to break free from them.

Finally, the tears fell. He could feel hands on him, trying to coax him to life, and another wave of disgust filled him. He pressed his eyes tightly closed, trying to shut out the entire experience. Then, to his horror, he felt his body responding. “ _No_.” He tried desperately to fight free, even though he knew it was hopeless, screaming as they kicked him yet again but refusing to stop. This was the worst thing he could have imagined. Ali didn’t deserve this. He couldn’t do this to him. The tears fell uncontrollably, and he heard the men laughing at him. At last Aurens broke. He began to plead, promising to tell them anything, anything at all, if they would just _stop_ , but all his begging was in vain.

The man spent himself, and the disgusting sensation was almost enough to kill off any sense of arousal Aurens felt. But still they refused to stop teasing him, coaxing pleasure from him. He shut his eyes as tightly as he could and thought of Ali: that beautiful smile, the way he kissed Aurens so gently, the soft look of love in his eyes when he said _‘I love you’_.

He came with that image in his mind, and hated himself more deeply than he ever had before.

The soldiers seemed finished with their fun. Aurens curled up as tightly as he could, sobbing. The physical pain was nothing to what he felt in his heart. He was only vaguely aware of the men in the room. Now that they were done with their fun, they weren’t paying much attention to him, simply talking and laughing. Then one knelt and pushed him over on his back.

“ _No_ ,” he moaned, begging. He didn’t think he could take any more. But the man only began to clean him up with a wet cloth. He was rough about it, and it hurt, but Aurens was so relieved that there was no more torture that he couldn’t care. 

Once clean, he found himself being hastily dressed. Then, the men began leading him up the stairs towards the room the Bey had retired to. Aurens began struggling anew, though feebly, for all his strength had left him. “No!”

It was no use. He soon found himself in the Bey’s bedroom. The man was seated at a desk, looking over some papers. He rose when they entered, moving to look Aurens over. It wasn’t difficult, what with the thobe being torn, to see how much damage had been done. He turned an icy glare on the men, who withered beneath it. “You went too far.”

“Apologies, sir.”

The Bey removed the bisht and thobe for a closer examination and for a moment, Aurens was terrified that he was going to be raped again. The Bey walked a circle around him, taking in the marks on his back, the slowly purpling spot on his side where he had been kicked, and raised his eyes to the men. “You’ve spoiled him.” He gave a wave of his hand. “Get this trash out of my room.”

As relieved as Aurens was to be spared, the words stung. Trash. That was what he was now. Nothing but trash. They had used him as they pleased, and he hadn’t been able to help but respond, even though he had loathed it. 

He was barely aware of the men hastily dressing him, dragging him through headquarters and to the front door. It only really hit him what was happening when he was thrown out the door and landed face first in a puddle of muck.

Almost immediately, Ali was at his side. “Aurens!” His voice was frantic. “ _Aurens!_ ”

Aurens could say nothing. He didn’t deserve Ali’s attention, his love. Not after how he had just been used. Not after what he had just done. Despite the desperation in Ali’s voice, he couldn’t bring himself answer. He could only turn his head away, face in the muck, where he belonged. 

_Trash._

 

**~tbc~**


	23. This Nearly Was Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really, REALLY sorry, but this is probably as depressing as the last chapter LOL. It's Ali's POV during the rape and him comforting Aurens after, plus the parting, and it came in at a whopping 21 pages in Word, so it's a lot to handle.
> 
> The title came from one of the songs on my alawrance playlist, 'This Nearly was Mine', from the musical 'South Pacific'. You can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8Yru8dT7fQ  
> It is also depressing af, but super beautiful. Lyrics are in the endnote (changed to be masculine rather than feminine), in case you don't want to listen to the actual song, but you should.
> 
> As always, LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, for you, though I don't know if you want a dedication on something so damn depressing LOL. I love you guys!

They had barely crossed into the Dera’a before Ali realized what a monumental mistake they were making. The streets were absolutely deserted, barely a man in sight. The two of them could not be more obvious, and Aurens, with his pale complexion and blue eyes, would stand out like a newborn camel amidst the flock of adults. And Ali realized then that, despite how much Aurens had learned in his short amount of time here, how well he had adjusted to their ways, he was truly still so new to it all….a newborn. No, more than that. No matter how Arab he may seem, Aurens was English. And he was impossibly obvious in this deserted Arab town.

“Aurens, please, let us go back,” Ali begged. 

Aurens just seemed amused. “Ali, we’ve barely looked around.” He continued down the street, and Ali followed helplessly.  


A car was driving down the road towards them. Ali moved to the side of the road, but Aurens stayed just where he was until finally, it was right on top of him. Ali was about to reach out and grab him, his heart pounding, when Aurens finally leapt for safety.

Ali thought his heart would pound a hole through his chest. “Madness! What are you looking for?”

Aurens, on the other hand, was completely calm. “Some way to announce myself.” 

He moved on, serene. Ali couldn’t handle this. He cast his eyes to heaven, imploring “be patient with him, God.” Today, they could use all the help they could get. It would do well to have God on their side.

He looked back in time to see Aurens walking across a large puddle, shallow enough that it looked as though he were walking on water. The Englishman’s head tipped back as he laughed. Ali knew Aurens was thinking of the words he had spoken earlier. It _was_ rather funny, or would be in any other situation not so dangerous, and he couldn’t help shaking his head in amused exasperation, despite his worry. 

That’s when the three officers appeared. Their attention zeroed onto Aurens immediately, and Ali’s nerves grew.

“Do you not see how they look at you??” he hissed at Aurens.

“Peace, Ali,” Aurens chided calmly. “I am invisible.” 

A sudden cry of “halt!” came from behind them, and Ali’s heart leapt into his throat.

“Walk on,” Aurens instructed softly.

“Halt!”

“Walk on.”

But they got no further, for someone grabbed Aurens. “You!” They spun him about. “And you!” Ali stopped and turned, and the Turkish sergeant looked the two of them over appraisingly. Then he shook his head at Ali. “No.” He turned to Aurens and smiled almost knowingly. “ _You._ ”

With that single word, Ali felt terror like none he had ever known. He had hardly a moment to look at Aurens, see the uncertainty in his eyes, before the soldiers were shoving him off down the street and dragging Aurens away. 

Ali followed at a safe distance, watching Aurens get herded into the Turkish headquarters. All was silent for several moments and then with a shout, several men came running out, scattering in all directions. Silence fell again, and he crept as closely as he dared. There was a sudden outburst which he couldn’t decipher, and then a pause. Suddenly came a sound he recognized: the sharp _thwack_ of a whip. They were beating him. Those soldiers were beating Aurens. Ali felt combined anger and desperation stirring in him and it was all he could do to restrain himself from running into the building. He knew that it would do no good. He wouldn’t be able to stop them. He would just succeed in getting himself captured or, more likely, getting both of them killed. 

The beating seemed to go on forever. When it finally stopped, he was relieved. Then he heard Aurens cry “No!” and terror filled him. What could they be doing in there, what were they doing to Aurens?? 

The cry came again, only this time it was fainter, as if Aurens were in pain, as if they had hurt him somehow, but it was no less desperate. “No, _please_.” 

Ali’s heart was breaking; his hands clenched around the wooden post, clutching it hard enough so the wood would bite into his flesh, needing something to ground himself. The men were laughing, laughing at Aurens’ pain. He wished he could block the sound out. He didn’t want to hear it. But if Aurens had to suffer, Ali would endure this with him. _I love you, Aurens_ , he thought, wishing that somehow the words would reach the other man. _I love you with all my heart._

The laughter was fading away, and Ali prayed they were finished. He was certain he could hear Aurens crying. Not just crying: sobbing. Then the man cried out again, voice filled with terror. “No!” 

Ali didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t sit still and let Aurens endure this any longer. But what use could he alone be? Did he dare leave Aurens long enough to return for Majid and the others? He paced, distraught with the dilemma. 

Then from behind him came the unmistakable sound of a door opening. He rushed to look and yes, the soldiers were there, dragging Aurens forward and tossing him out. The man didn’t even try to catch himself, simply crashed to the ground, flat on his face. 

Ali ran to his side. “Aurens!” Aurens made no answer. Ali’s heart was racing, terrified. “ _Aurens!_ ” 

The Englishman simply turned his face away, into the muck. It was almost as if he wanted to be left there, alone. Ali slipped his arms beneath Aurens, supporting him. “Come, Aurens,” he said gently, in a tone that belied the terror throbbing through him. “Let us get you back.” 

**~*~**

By the time they reached the cave, Aurens was no more responsive than he had been when he first emerged from the Turkish headquarters. He was beyond subdued as Ali gently led him into the cave and past the others into their private room. He sat the Englishman down, immediately noticing a wince of pain. He had thought he spotted one when Aurens had mounted the camel back in Dera’a. He was positive of it this time. That wasn’t good. 

“I will be right back,” he said softly. Aurens made no response. Ali stroked his hair, and tried not to be hurt when he flinched. It was only natural after what had just happened, he told himself. 

In the other room, Majid raised his brows at Ali. Despite the sour mood he had been in, he clearly didn’t like what he had seen. Concern was etched on his face. “Is Aurens alright?” 

Ali shook his head. “No. I need water. Water and food.” Majid immediately moved to comply. “And bandages.” 

There was an obvious pause as that final word sank in, but just barely. Gathering the requested items, Majid looked up at his friend. “….what happened?” His voice was timid, as though he didn’t know if he should be asking the question. 

Ali looked at the curtain beyond which Aurens was waiting. “….I am still not entirely certain. But what I do know was not good.” He looked at the items in his arms. “Thank you.” With that, he returned to the other room. 

Aurens hadn’t moved. He didn’t even look up as Ali entered. The Harith sat before him and took the water in hand. Wetting a cloth, he reached to wash the muck off Aurens’ face. Again, the Englishman turned away. 

“Aurens.” Ali made certain to keep his voice soft and patient. “You must let me clean you up.” 

There was a long silence as Ali waited, as Aurens said nothing, did nothing. Finally, he turned, silently giving his permission. Relieved, Ali gently began to clean the mud from his face and hair. It didn’t take too long, which was fortunate, for what he really wanted to do was get a look at the injuries he knew Aurens was hiding beneath his robes. Saying a silent prayer, he reached out to remove the bisht, and Aurens yanked away. 

“No!” It was the first thing he had said since he had emerged from that terrible place. He sounded terrified. Ali’s heart ached. 

“Aurens, you must let me see.” 

The Englishman clutched his robes tightly shut with one hand, shaking his head fiercely. His eyes were wild with fear. 

“Aurens…” Ali reached out, wanting to touch Aurens, to stroke his cheek, reassure him it was all okay….but he stopped. He knew that wasn’t going to be at all helpful right now. After all he had just endured, Aurens did not want to be touched. He bit back a sigh of frustration at not knowing how to help. Looking to Aurens, he gave the softest, most reassuring smile he could. “Please. Let me help you.” 

Aurens simply looked at him for a very long time, fear in his eyes. Ali could see just how very scared he was, and it was beginning to frighten him. What exactly had happened to make Aurens so spooked? What could be so terrible? 

At last, the Englishman released the death grip he had on his robes. Ali was relieved. “Thank you.” Reaching out, he carefully removed Aurens’ bisht. Already he could see marks on the bare skin that was exposed by the torn thobe, and anger stirred in him at the men who had done this. He shoved the feeling down. “Come, Aurens,” he said softly. “Arms up.” 

Aurens was clearly reluctant, but he complied, lifting his arms so that Ali could tug the thobe up and off. Immediately he saw just what he knew would be there: brilliant red slash marks from the bleeding gashes left by the soldier’s whip. But the lower portion of the robes was stained as well, a crimson blossom just around Aurens’….. 

Ali’s confusion vanished as realization sank in with all the force of a kick to the head. He looked up in horror. Aurens was deliberately avoiding his gaze. “Aurens.” The man said nothing. “Aurens, turn around.” 

That stirred a response, the man stiffening up. “No.” Ali noticed that he also had whip marks on his chest, and his entire left side was purpling, as though someone had been kicking him. Of course they had. But he couldn’t focus on that right now. 

“Aurens.” The Englishman was trying to look defiant but he was broken, so broken. Ali dared to reach out, the barest touch of his fingertips to Aurens’ cheek. “Please. Let me see.” 

Aurens’ beautiful blue eyes filled with tears, and Ali’s heart shattered into a million pieces. “Oh, Aurens.” He risked another touch, softly, lightly cupping the man’s cheek, and was amazed when Aurens allowed it. “Please. Please, my love. Let me look.” 

Aurens squeezed his eyes tightly shut as if it would stop the flow of tears, and nodded. He rose to his knees, rather unsteadily, and Ali quickly reached to steady him. 

“Here.” He would not make Aurens do this. “Let me.” Rising, he moved behind Aurens to take a look. He could barely hold back the sharp hiss when he saw what they had done to Aurens’ back. It was a mess of gashes and welts, the flesh torn and bloody. He would need to clean and wrap that. But first… 

Crouching down, he got his first look at Aurens’ backside, and an impossible aching filled him. His pants were stained with blood, and it was all too clear what had happened to him. Those men…those disgusting bastards had raped him. To do this to anyone was unforgiveable, but to someone like Aurens, who didn’t even normally like sex, who had only taken to it because he had fallen in love with Ali….Ali couldn’t handle it. 

He didn’t say anything, simply reached for the water and the cloth and began to gently wash Aurens’ wounds. When Aurens cried out in pain, he felt his heart ache. “I am sorry, my love. I am trying to be gentle.” 

“I know.” Aurens’ voice was so soft that Ali could barely hear it, but any response was an improvement, and he was relieved. He continued to clean the wounds until all were washed and wrapped. Now came the hard part. He moved in front of Aurens again, daring to stroke his cheek once more. The man allowed it. 

“Aurens, my love. You must let me see.” 

For a moment, Aurens looked at him, confused. Then comprehension dawned in those blue eyes and he jerked away from Ali’s touch. “No.” 

Ali had expected this. “We must take care of _all_ your wounds, Aurens.” 

Aurens was emphatically shaking his head, eyes pressed tightly closed as though he could shut out the entire conversation, all the memories. Ali was patient. “Aurens,” he said. He attempted another touch, and Aurens allowed it, opening his eyes to look at Ali. “We must do this.” 

Those blue eyes stared at Ali, half defiant, half desperate. Finally, defeated, he let his head fall, giving a nod. 

“Alright.” Ali gave a soft smile. “Turn around, love.” 

Immediately, Aurens was on his guard again. “No!” The objection surprised Ali and he stared at Aurens. The man flushed. “I don’t…it’s too…” 

Realization sank in. Aurens didn’t want to be on his hands and knees, naked and exposed, so soon after what had just happened to him. Ali nodded. “I understand.” 

Relief crossed Aurens’ face. “Thank you.” The words were barely more than air. 

Ali stroked Aurens’ cheek. “On your back, then?” Aurens was clearly nervous, but he gave a sharp nod. Ali smiled. “Alright.” He leaned in for a kiss and Aurens abruptly pulled away. A sharp pang of hurt stabbed through him. Immediately, he chastised himself. _This is not the time to think about yourself._ Then he saw the guilt in Aurens’ eyes and understood. 

Aurens didn’t think he deserved kisses. For some reason, he blamed himself for what had happened in that room. He didn’t think he deserved Ali’s kindness, his love, deserved _Ali_. One way or another, Ali was going to get that stupid thought out of his head. 

He stroked Aurens’ hair with as much tenderness as possible, smiling softly, making certain Aurens knew he wasn’t upset by the refused kiss. “Lay back.” 

Aurens obeyed, reluctantly removing the blood stained pants, nerves present in every inch of his face. Ali shifted to take a look at his injury, but Aurens’ legs were firmly locked together, whether on purpose or instinct, he didn’t know. “Aurens.” 

“I’m sorry.” There was an almost frantic panic on the man’s face. 

“Do not be sorry.” He knew that while Aurens hadn’t wanted to be on his knees, being on his back certainly couldn’t be comfortable either. It was far too submissive, too similar to the rape. But at least this way he could see it was Ali above him, not any of those men. “Hey.” Blue eyes looked wildly up at him. He gave a comforting smile. “Just look at me. Focus on me.” 

That seemed to reassure Aurens, and some of the panic faded from his face. He gave a jerky nod. “Okay.” 

With that, Ali finally got a good look at the damage that had been done. Clearly the men had done nothing to prepare Aurens, for the skin there was torn and bleeding. 

Ali quickly took a moment to glance up at Aurens. The Englishman was watching him, and amazingly looked calmer than he had before, though his breath was definitely faster than usual. “Are you alright, my love?” 

In response, Aurens reached out and Ali took his hand. He could do this. He only needed one hand for what he had to do. 

At the first touch of the cloth to the injured flesh, Aurens cried out and gripped Ali’s hand tightly enough to hurt. Ali looked up at him again, making eye contact as he murmured “it is alright, Aurens, I am right here.” 

“Ali…” the name was almost whimpered, and Ali’s heart ached. 

“Almost done.” As gently as possible, he cleaned up all the blood, though he knew it most likely would continue bleeding for a few days. _Bastards_. With that, he set the cloth aside and moved up to Aurens. “You did so well, love, so well.” 

There were tears in those beautiful blue eyes. “Ali.” 

He didn’t dare try for another kiss. Somehow, he knew it was too soon for that. Instead, he brushed a kiss to Aurens’ forehead. “You are so good, Aurens. You are so beautiful.” He knew that Aurens no longer believed the words, and was determined to repeat them until he did. “I love you so much.” 

The Englishman was crying. Heart aching, Ali pulled Aurens into his arms. “I know you think you are ruined, Aurens.” He felt rather than saw the surprise that the comment elicited. “I know you too well by now not to know your thoughts. But you _will_ listen to me: You. Are. Not. Ruined. You are wonderful, and beautiful, and I love you more than my own life.” Gently he tilted Aurens’ chin up so he could look the man in the eye. “You are my life, Aurens. You are my everything. I do not know what I would have done if I had lost you.” 

At that comment, Aurens’ eyes welled up with fresh tears. He turned away. “You don’t know what I’ve done.” 

Ali felt nothing but shock at that statement. What on earth could Aurens have done during this entire escapade that he could think was his fault? He thought over the beating, the rape….and thought he knew. Of course. Leave it to Aurens to blame himself for something he had absolutely no control over. 

“Aurens, you are being ridiculous.” The Englishman opened his mouth to object but Ali didn’t give him the chance. “If you are talking of what I think you are talking of, you had no control over it. It is a natural, physical reaction. Do not tear yourself apart over something you could not control.” 

Aurens was staring at Ali with wide, shocked eyes. Ali smiled. “Really, Aurens. I know the way the men talk, but truly, even you are not perfect.” 

Aurens didn’t smile at the joke, as Ali had desperately hoped, but he _did_ look less upset. The tears stopped falling. Ali couldn’t be certain, but he thought he might have convinced Aurens that he was at least not to blame. That was victory enough. He would take it. 

“Come,” he said. “Let us get you into some clean clothes and then you can get some sleep.” 

**~*~**

Ali hadn’t slept much that night, waking often from sheer worry. Any time he _did_ sleep, his dreams were filled with nightmarish thoughts of what those men had done to Aurens. His Aurens…..to think of anyone hurting him… 

If he had slept little, Aurens hadn’t slept at all. Ali may have convinced Aurens of his innocence (he hoped), but he had failed desperately in the sleep department. The Englishman had lain awake for over twelve hours now, staring blankly into space. Ali had tried, every time he awoke, to lull Aurens to sleep, but it had done nothing. He hadn’t known how to go about it, either, for he didn’t know exactly how much Aurens wanted to be touched. He had dared to stroke his hair, and it was accepted, as was a kiss to the forehead, but he didn’t know if he should try to cuddle Aurens, as he used to. When they had gone to sleep, he had simply laid close, facing Aurens, so that the man would have the knowledge that Ali was near and the comfort of his body, if he wanted it, and be able to snuggle close if he wished. But Ali had no desire to attempt to pull Aurens close and end up traumatizing him further. 

So here it was, late afternoon, and Aurens was staring into the fire, unblinking. 

“Sleep.” 

The man didn’t react at all. It was truly worrisome. 

“Sleep!” Ali repeated, more forcefully that time. Aurens didn’t show any sign of responding. Ali was beginning to panic. He needed help. He needed to talk to Majid. 

In the next room, the others were clustered close, speaking in hushed tones. At Ali’s entrance, a silence fell. He looked to Majid. “May I speak with you?” 

Nodding, Majid rose and joined him, the other men moving further away to give them their privacy. “How fares Aurens?” 

Ali could feel emotion welling up, threatening to choke him. “Not well. Majid, I….I do not know what to do.” 

Majid was silent for a moment. “May I ask what happened?” 

Immediately, Ali shook his head. “I am not at liberty to share. It is Aurens’ story, and I am not going to betray him by telling it.” 

Majid nodded. “I understand.” 

As always, Ali was overcome with gratitude for his friend. Still, he needed help. “But he will not…..he will not sleep, he will not eat….he has barely spoken since we returned. I am afraid to touch him for fear that he will break.” He was aware of the hysterics that were rising in him, the burning of tears in his eyes, and was shocked. Never in his life had this happened, not since he was a child. It took his love for Aurens to bring true tears out of him. 

He could tell that Majid was surprised as well, though he hid it better, sympathy on his face, as well as thoughtfulness as he pondered the situation. “Ali. Aurens is a fighter. He will get through this. You will get through this together. He just needs time.” 

Ali took a deep breath. “Time.” 

“Yes. Just be patient with him. But truly, you do not need to come to me for advice. You know Aurens better than anyone else.” 

“But I have never taken care of anyone--” Ali began to protest but, laughing, Majid interrupted. 

“You have taken care of all of us over the years. And Ali, Aurens is not just ‘anyone’. He is different.” That was a point Ali hadn’t even thought of, but Majid was so right. “I am certain you know best what he needs.” 

Ali was overwhelmed with gratitude for his friend. Taking his hand, he squeezed it gratefully. “Thank you.” With that, he returned to the other side of the partition. 

He was unsurprised to see that Aurens hadn’t moved at all. But Majid was right: he could deal with this. He knew Aurens. “Come, Aurens.” He crouched beside the man, daring to gently lay a hand on his arm. “Time to get up.” It would make more sense to sleep, but if he was awake, they may as well get food into him. 

Aurens allowed the touch, so very gently, Ali took hold of his shoulders and guided him into a sitting position. The man’s face was still blank, dead. It broke Ali’s heart. Still, it filled him with determination. He was going to fix this, mend Aurens’ broken spirt, no matter what it took. Going to the food, he handed a tin to Aurens. “Eat.” Sitting, he took a few bites of his own food, hoping maybe a casual attitude would prompt a reaction. 

Aurens made no real response. Certainly he didn’t begin to eat. He had actually set the food down in his lap. But Ali wasn’t giving up so easily this time. He crouched before the Englishman, shoving the food at him and repeating much more forcefully this time “eat!” 

And, amazingly, Aurens gave his first real response: he looked at Ali. Ali put all the meaning into his words that he could, begging Aurens to understand. “You have a body, like other men.” _You need this. Please_. 

Aurens simply stared at him for a moment, silent. At last, he took the food and began to eat. The wave of relief that hit Ali was so great that it almost knocked him over. 

“Good. Then sleep.” 

**~*~**

It worked. He didn’t know how, but it worked. Maybe Majid was right. Aurens finished eating and almost immediately fell asleep. Not just that, he fell asleep with his head in Ali’s lap. Ali couldn’t believe it. He stared down at Aurens with eyes wide with shock. Then, tears began to fall. Tears for all Aurens had suffered, tears of happiness that maybe, just maybe he would be able to recover. He softly stroked the blonde hair, fingers barely brushing it to as not to wake him up. 

Aurens woke up a little later and ate some more, and fell quickly back asleep, this time clutching Ali’s pillow. Ali was now feeling greatly relieved. He kept telling himself not to feel too good too quickly, but it was hard not to feel optimistic, at least not about the two of them. Aurens showed every sign of wanting to be with him, despite what happened. It didn’t matter if it took a long time. Ali could be patient. It didn’t even matter if Aurens no longer wanted any physicality. So long as Aurens could still love him and want to stay with him. That was all Ali needed. 

The Englishman awoke early the next morning. Pushing himself up from the covers, he blinked up at Ali. 

Ali smiled. “Better?” 

“Much better. You were right.” 

He _did_ sound better. Ali was so happy. Then Aurens threw back the covers and he couldn’t help but sigh. “Rest, rest. Can you not learn?” 

“Oh, I’ve learnt alright.” What was that tone of voice. Ali did not like it. “I’m going, Ali.” 

A stab of fear shot through Ali, ice cold, chilling him to the bone. Everything he had been afraid of all this time, now coming to pass. For a moment, he sat frozen. “Why?” 

“Why?” Aurens’ eyes were staring into space, lost. “Heavens…” 

" _ **Why??**_ " The word was sharp, angry. He didn’t want to be responding this way but he couldn’t help it. But Aurens wasn’t getting upset. 

“I’ve come to the end of myself, I suppose.” 

“And the end of the Arab Revolt?” He knew it sounded harsh, but again, it couldn’t be avoided. Not even touching on the part where Aurens was leaving him, how could the man so suddenly abandon their cause? 

“I’m not the Arab Revolt, Ali.” For the first time, some emotion seemed to be showing. “I’m not even an Arab.” 

Immediately, Ali shot back. “A man can be whatever he wants.’ _You_ said.” 

“I’m sorry. I thought it was true.” 

“You _proved_ it!” He was getting desperate, frantic. Aurens couldn’t leave, he _couldn’t_. Unfortunately, it was all coming across as anger. 

Aurens pulled his robes open and took his skin in hand. “Look, Ali. Look.” The paleness of his flesh, that lovely white flesh that Ali adored. “That’s me. What color is it?” For the first time, frustration was evident in his voice. “That’s _me_ and there’s _nothing_ I can do about it.” 

“A man can _do_ whatever he wants. You _said!_ ” But Ali knew he was fighting a losing battle. On some level, Aurens was right. He may fit better with the Arabs than the English, but he would never _be_ an Arab, no matter how much he might want to. Yet even so, he was accepted here, loved here. Why could he not _see_ that? 

Aurens was silent. Maybe he understood this as Ali did. “He can. But…” His voice took on a tone Ali had never heard there before, cheerless and dour and joyless and so utterly unlike the Aurens that Ali knew. “…he can’t _want_ what he wants.” He touched his own flesh again. “ _This_ is the stuff that decides what he wants.” 

And Ali knew then for certain that Dera’a had damaged Aurens more severely than he had imagined. All he had learned of himself in his time in the desert seemed to have vanished. He now thought of himself just as the English spoke to him, as Brighton and Allenby and all the rest did. As some unexceptional foot soldier, an ordinary man. Not even that. These men treated Aurens like dirt. _Less_ than ordinary. Aurens would never be like that. Aurens was exceptional. Aurens was…..Aurens was _everything_. 

His voice was very serious as he spoke to Ali now. “You may as well know. I would have told them anything. I would have told them who I am. I would have told them where you were. I _tried_ to.” 

So it wasn’t just the sexual encounter and the pleasure the Turks had managed to force from him. He had tried to give Ali and the others up, and he thought that unforgivable. “So would _any_ man,” Ali told him. He had been there. He had heard that beating, heard what came after. He couldn’t begin to imagine going through all of that and not breaking. 

This did nothing to reassure Aurens. “Well, _any_ man is what I am.” He began to pack. “And I’m going back to Allenby to ask him for a job that _any_ man can do.” 

“Allenby is in Jerusalem!” Jerusalem. It seemed _continents_ away, _galaxies_. 

“I’ll make easy stages.” 

“You?” Ali couldn’t keep the disbelief from his voice. Aurens never did _anything_ the easy way. 

“Oh yes. Easy stages.” Aurens looked at Ali, at the trouble on his face, in his eyes, how upset he was. “Look, Ali. I think I see a way of being just ordinarily…..happy.” 

Ali was silent. He didn’t know what to say. While he wanted above all else for Aurens to be happy, he couldn’t bear the thought of life without the man. And also, though he hated to admit it, it hurt to think that Aurens could so easily be happy without him. 

Getting no reply, Aurens picked up the sheepskin cape and hood that Ali had been wearing. “Can I take this?” 

Ali wanted to say no. “It is not clean.” Anything, any reason to keep Aurens a little longer. 

“No. But it’s warm.” That smile, that smile Ali loved. He broke. 

“And these?” Ali gestured to the other Bedouin nearby. “Having led them here? Have you no care for _them??_ ” He was all too aware of the fact that, when he said ‘them’, his hand had gone to his chest, his heart. _Have you no care for **me?**_

He didn’t think it had escaped Aurens’ notice, either. For a moment, true heartache flickered in those blue eyes. But the man still didn’t flinch in his resolve. “ _You_ lead them. They’re _yours_.” For the first time, he acknowledged the other men in the cave, calling to them “trust your own people!” And then, voice much softer, almost beseeching, he said to Ali “and let me go back to mine.” 

Ali had no response. He didn’t know _what_ to say. He felt hysteria rising in him. He turned away, rising to his feet. He had no idea where they were taking him but he followed blindly, stumbling along until he was outside the cave. The wind was cold and biting on his face. Seconds later, he felt Majid join him, but the man said nothing. He was grateful. Majid always had known him best. The man knew when he needed to talk and when he just needed silent comfort. 

At last, Ali managed words. “I do not know what to do.” 

Majid was quiet, contemplating. “…..you could go with him?” 

A somewhat hysterical laugh escaped. “ _You_ heard him. He wants to be with _‘his people’_.” 

He felt the sigh rather than heard it. “You know Aurens better than anyone, Ali. You know he does not truly feel that way.” 

Ali _did_ know that, but the words stung, they _ached_. _They_ were Aurens’ people. _He_ was. He, Ali, should be the one Aurens needed most. Maybe that was selfish, but Aurens was the one Ali needed. Why did it not go both ways? 

“I cannot go,” he said. “Feisel needs me. Anyway, what would I do in Jerusalem? Be another Arab for them to make fun of? An Arab Aurens would not even be able to associate with without mockery?” 

Majid was silent, knowing the truth of it. No, if there was any hope for the two of them, it was here, in Arabia. 

A soft sound came from behind them, and they turned to see Aurens exiting the cave. “Um….I suppose it’s okay if I take a camel?” 

Ali’s eyes roved over him, taking all of him in and trying to commit every detail to memory, not knowing if it would be the very last time he saw the Englishman. At the lack of reply, Aurens looked between them. Majid cleared his throat. 

“Yes, Aurens, that is fine.” 

“Thank you.” Aurens looked uncertainly to Ali. The Harith could feel his eyes burning again with tears. He was shocked to see that Aurens looked as if he were in much the same situation. Why should he be, when he was choosing to go? “Well…..I wish you all the best of luck.” 

Ali didn’t need luck, he needed Aurens. The man was about to turn away and leave, leave forever. Panic shot through Ali. “Aurens!” 

Aurens turned back, a question on his face, and then Ali was on him, kissing him desperately. It was as if it was their first kiss as well as their last. It was for every kiss in between and every kiss that might never be. When they parted, both of their faces were wet, and it was impossible to tell whose tears were whose. 

“I love you, Aurens,” Ali whispered. “And I will always be here, should you need me.” 

Aurens stared at Ali, blue eyes glistening with tears. “I….” words seemed to fail him. “I love you.” 

With that, he clambered onto his camel and didn’t look back. 

Ali sank to the ground, watching Aurens vanish from sight. The tears began to fall until he was crying freely. Majid put an arm around his shoulders and he gratefully leaned against his friend, sobbing. The cold wind blew hard, washing his tears away, but the pain remained. 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_'This Nearly Was Mine' ___** _ ___  
> 
> 
> _One dream in my heart; one love to be living for._  
>  _This nearly was mine_
> 
>    
>  _One man for my dream; one partner in paradise._  
>  _This promise of paradise: this nearly was mine._  
>   
> 
> _I'll keep remembering kisses from lips I've never owned._  
>  _And all the lovely adventures that we have never known._
> 
>  
> 
> _Close to my heart he came, only to fly away._  
>  _Only to fly as day flies from moonlight._
> 
>  
> 
> _Now, now I'm alone._  
>  _Still dreaming of paradise._  
>  _Still saying that paradise once nearly was mine._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Written By  
> Oscar Hammerstein II & Richard Rodgers


	24. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another long angsty one. I apologize that there's so much film dialogue in it but I needed the showdown between Aurens and Allenby and yea, that's a lot of screen dialogue.
> 
> On a side note, this is obviously about 3/4 way done and I'm REALLY not looking forward to saying goodbye to it. One person has already requested a little drabble attached to it, so if anyone else has any requests, I'd love to do side pieces related to it. Any little side adventures that might have happened during their journeys. So if you have something you'd like to see, send it my way. I'd love to keep this going in any way possible.
> 
> As always, LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, I love you guys! <3
> 
> Oh and yea, I may have taken the title from Linkin Park. Another song on my playlist and it literally came on as I was putting the finishing touches on my upload and I thought wow, that's really fitting for this chapter.

It was late at night. Aurens stared at the dim embers of the fire. He had to look over Ali’s shoulder to do so. The Harith was asleep, though clearly just barely. For once, his face wasn’t peaceful, as it usually was when he slumbered. No, his brow was creased, face troubled. It wasn’t hard to guess why. Aurens had seen his face earlier, when Ali had seen….when he had seen….

It was hard to even think about what the soldiers had done to him, more difficult still to think about having to let Ali see him that way. He knew that Ali would never judge him for what had happened, but oh, how he judged himself. He had been so certain that he could handle himself in Dera’a, had walked in without a worry. How he loathed himself for it now. The unmitigated gall of it all. What audacity. What _hubris_.

Aurens was certain that the look in Ali’s eyes when he realized just what the men had done would never leave his mind. That expression of horror….it was permanently burned into his memory. But the man was so very patient, so understanding. He wasn’t even offended when Aurens pulled away from his kiss. The Englishman flushed in shame. He just couldn’t….he didn’t deserve Ali’s kisses. Not after the way he had been ruined.

But Ali even understood that. Somehow he knew what Aurens had been thinking, even understood what had happened…..that the men had forced Aurens to…to….another wave of revulsion filled him and he shuddered as he remembered yet again how he unwillingly climaxed to their ministrations. 

But Ali had somehow figured it out, and insisted it was not Aurens’ fault, that Aurens was not to blame, not ruined. That he was still beautiful, and loved. His blue eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t handle the words, couldn’t believe them. He didn’t deserve someone so good. Didn’t deserve Ali. If anything, the gentle words only proved that.

The man in question shifted suddenly, brown eyes blinking awake and focusing on Aurens. They looked dismayed to find the Englishman still awake. “Still no sleep, Aurens?” Aurens gave the barest shake of the head. Ali gently stroked his cheek. “Try harder. Relax. Close your eyes and relax.”

Aurens obeyed, letting his eyes shut. Moments later, he heard Ali’s breath even as he fell asleep again.

Aurens opened his eyes.

 

**~*~**

He got no sleep that night, or into the morning. He could tell Ali was frustrated and he felt terrible, but he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t. The images in his head were bad enough; he was terrified of what dreams would haunt him. 

Midday Ali finally left the room and Aurens felt both terror and relief. The few minutes of respite would give him some reprieve from the guilt he felt from disappointing Ali by not sleeping. Still, he felt safer with Ali there, reassured by his presence. 

The Harith wasn’t gone for long, though, only a handful of minutes. When he returned, he crouched beside Aurens, coaxing him to sit up. This was different. But it was only to attempt to get some food into him. Rather insistently. Aurens had no appetite, and simply set the dish of food in his lap, but Ali wasn’t having it. He shoved the dish into Aurens’ hands, insisting “eat!” 

Aurens looked at Ali. Those brown eyes were pleading with him, and his heart ached. Ali loved him so much, despite all that had happened. He knew Ali wasn’t upset about the rape, but didn’t he see, didn’t he understand, that if Aurens hadn’t been so conceited, so convinced of his own infallibility, none of this would have happened? 

But no, the man looked at him with eyes full of beseeching love. “You have a body, like other men.” 

And God help him, Aurens couldn’t say no in the face of all that love. Nodding, he accepted the food and began to eat. 

“Good. Then sleep.” 

So Aurens ate. As he did, Ali shifted nearer, slowly sidling closer and closer until their shoulders were bumping. If he thought he was being sneaky, he was wrong, but somehow, Aurens found he didn’t mind so much, not even when he felt an arm wrap around him. Fingers began to card gently through his hair. It was incredibly soothing, and he felt himself growing more and more tired. He was vaguely aware of Ali carefully taking the dish from his hands and that was the last he remembered before he fell asleep. 

When he woke up his head was in Ali’s lap. The Harith was smiling down at him, still stroking his hair. He flushed immediately. He hadn’t meant for this to happen, hadn’t meant to get so close again so quickly. He wasn’t what Ali needed; _he_ knew that, even if Ali didn’t. 

“Hungry?” 

Aurens realized with surprise that yes, he was. He accepted the food Ali offered and as he ate, he thought. Things couldn’t continue as they had, that was clear. He wasn’t only thinking of himself. It had gone very wrong in Dera’a, but it could have gone a lot worse. Suppose it had been Ali that had gotten taken, rather than him? He had put the man he loved most in the world in horrible danger. And not only that: he had almost betrayed the entire Arab revolt. Or what was left of it at this particular moment in time. As those men beat him, he was begging, pleading for them to stop. He had tried everything, including offering up the location of Majid and the others. What kind of leader does that? No leader at all. He wasn’t meant to be here. He never had been. He was an archaeologist, for God’s sake! He was supposed to be in a library somewhere, or studying digs and dusty relics, not leading a revolt. How on earth did he end up here? 

_Because you wanted to help_ , a voice whispered, _and you’re good at it_. 

_Was_ , he corrected. _**Was** good at it._ But he was feeling overwhelmingly sleepy, eyes falling shut despite his best struggle to keep them open. This time, he didn’t let himself curl up close to Ali. He crawled onto their sleeping blankets. Still, he allowed himself the comfort of holding Ali’s pillow close, for it had become painfully clear that there was only one solution: 

He had to leave. Tomorrow. 

****~*~** **

He awoke early the next morning. Pushing himself up from the covers, he blinked up at Ali. 

Ali smiled at him, and his heart ached. He was about to break the man. “Better?” 

“Much better. You were right.” He threw back the covers and could hear Ali sigh. 

“Rest, rest. Can you not learn?” 

“Oh, I’ve learnt alright.” _God_ , had he learned. His heart already ached at what he was about to do, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the other man, even as Ali knelt by him, helping him dress. “I’m going, Ali.” 

All was silent. Ali sat frozen. “Why?” 

“Why?” Aurens looked into space. There were a million answers to that question, and he didn’t know if he could share any with Ali. The man would fight them all. “Heavens…” 

“ _ **Why??**_ ” The word was sharp, angry. Aurens struggled to keep his face expressionless, his voice emotionless. 

“I’ve come to the end of myself, I suppose.” 

“And the end of the Arab Revolt?” Ali’s voice was harsh, and another stab of pain shot through Aurens. 

“I’m not the Arab Revolt, Ali.” For the first time, some emotion was breaking through. He couldn’t help it. This hurt. “I’m not even an Arab.” 

Immediately, Ali shot back. “A man can be whatever he wants.’ _You_ said.” 

“I’m sorry. I thought it was true.” 

“You _proved_ it!” 

Aurens pulled his robes open and took his skin in hand. “Look, Ali. Look.” His skin was pale, so pale. “That’s me. What color is it?” All of his frustration was bubbling to the surface. “That’s _me_ and there’s _nothing_ I can do about it.” 

“A man can _do_ whatever he wants. You _said!_ ” Ali was so upset, his voice fierce and angry, and Aurens completely understood, but he couldn’t give in, he couldn’t. 

“He can. But…” These men needed a real leader, someone who wouldn’t betray them. And Ali…..Ali needed someone he deserved. “…he can’t _want_ what he wants.” He touched his own flesh again. “ _This_ is the stuff that decides what he wants.” 

Ali was silent. Aurens looked him square in the eye, speaking very seriously. “You may as well know. I would have told them anything. I would have told them who I am. I would have told them where you were. I _tried_ to.” 

Ali didn’t seem to think this was a very serious argument at all, didn’t even take a moment to ponder it, immediately replying, “so would any man,” and Aurens was reminded all too clearly that Ali had heard the entire thing. He turned away. 

“Well, _any_ man is what I am.” He began to pack. “And I’m going back to Allenby to ask him for a job that _any_ man can do.” 

“Allenby is in Jerusalem!” 

“I’ll make easy stages.” 

“ _You?_ ” The disbelief was beyond evident in Ali’s voice. Under normal circumstances, Aurens would have laughed, but this situation was anything but funny. 

“Oh yes. Easy stages.” Aurens looked at Ali, at the trouble on his face, in his eyes, how upset he was. “Look, Ali. I think I see a way of being just ordinarily…..happy.” 

It broke his heart to say the words. He knew that no matter what, he would never be happy living a life that didn’t have Ali in it. But he also knew that if Ali didn’t think that he could be happy, _Ali_ would never be happy. And Ali needed to move on. Ali needed to move on and find that woman that he was originally meant to wear those white robes for, to have that family. Or to find another man, one who deserved him in all the ways that Aurens didn’t. 

The Harith was silent, simply staring at Aurens, but everything about his face said that he didn’t believe a word he was hearing, didn’t _want_ to believe them. Getting no reply, Aurens picked up the sheepskin cape and hood that Ali had been wearing. “Can I take this?” 

Ali’s face hardened. “It is not clean.” Somehow, even those words sounded angry. 

“No. But it’s warm.” _But it’s yours._

“And these?” Ali gestured to the other Bedouin nearby. “Having led them here? Have you no care for _them??_ ” Only, when he said ‘them’, his hand had gone to his chest, his heart. 

The meaning was all too clear. _Have you no care for **me?**_ Every fiber of Aurens’ being, body and soul, was aching. But he refused to let his resolve break. “ _You_ lead them,” he said softly. “They’re _yours_.” For the first time, he acknowledged the other men in the cave, calling to them “trust your own people!” And then, he spoke softer, only to Ali, beseeching, “and let me go back to mine.” 

That was it. The final nail in the coffin, and he knew it would be. Aurens had always felt much closer to the Arabs than the English. He had never, ever referred to the English as his people. To do so now was like a complete denial of his kinship with the Arabs, and he knew it. 

Ali had no response. He looked as though he didn’t know _what_ to say, and a sort of hysteria seemed to be growing in his eyes. He rose to his feet and, turning away from Aurens, he left the cave, half stumbling as though he were blind. 

Majid rose to follow him, glancing at Aurens on his way out. The Englishman was shocked that the expression was not one of hatred but confusion. 

His heart was aching. He had never felt such pain. His hands were shaking as he packed his few things. It was as if they belonged to a different man. When he rose and went to put on Ali’s cloak, he felt tears fill his eyes, and for a moment he brought it to his face, inhaling its scent, that scent that was purely Ali. He would never have this again. 

Aurens forced back the tears. Ali was outside the cave and he couldn’t face the man with tears in his eyes. It would go against everything he had just said. 

Saying goodbye to the men was difficult, for they had travelled together for a long time and knew each other well, and on top of that, all of them were now unhappy with him. It was a battle to hold himself erect as he exited the cave. But that was nothing on facing Majid and Aurens outside. 

“Um….I suppose it’s okay if I take a camel?” He looked to the men, and _God_ , the way Ali was looking at him. The man’s eyes were roving over him as though they were drinking him in, trying to memorize every detail. He felt tears welling up and forced them back with everything he had, turning to Majid so he wouldn’t have to see that look in Ali’s eyes. 

“Yes, Aurens,” the other man answered, “that is fine.” 

“Thank you.” Aurens looked uncertainly to Ali. The Harith’s eyes were shining as though he were about to cry as well. Aurens had to leave and he had to leave now, or things were about to get incredibly messy incredibly fast. “Well…..I wish you all the best of luck.” He turned away before the tears could fall, but a cry came from behind him. 

“Aurens!” 

_Don’t turn back, don’t turn back, don’t turn back…._

Aurens turned back, and immediately Ali was on him, kissing him desperately. It was the most passionate kiss they had ever shared, as if Ali was kissing him for everything they had ever had, and everything they might have had. Aurens couldn’t help it: he felt the tears begin to fall. When they parted, Ali’s face was wet with tears as well. 

“I love you, Aurens,” Ali whispered. “And I will always be here, should you need me.” 

With that, Aurens felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. “I….” words failed him. “I love you.” 

If he stayed any longer, he wouldn’t be able to leave. If he stayed any longer, he would break completely. He clambered onto his camel and didn’t look back. 

****~*~** **

Reaching Jerusalem sent an overwhelming wave of relief through Aurens, while at the same time making his stomach feel sick and uneasy. He tried to force the feeling away, immediately spotting a pair of men walking together and calling out to them. “Hey!” If he could settle in right away, that would be best. Force the old memories out of his head. “Mind if I join you?” 

They seemed surprised to see him, which made sense. He was still supposed to be in the field. “Oh! Honored, sir.” The three walked together and for a moment Aurens was relieved, thinking this would be easy. But almost immediately, they asked him what was going on in Arabia. Arabia. Just what he wanted to forget. 

“Nothing much. Wrong time of year.” He desperately changed the subject. “What’s doing here?” 

“We’re settling in alright, sir. We’ve built a squash court.” 

“Jolly good.” Was this really all that went on here? Squash courts? Luckily, they had reached his destination. He had to check in with Allenby before he did anything else. “Well, I have to go up there.” He tugged at his ill-fitting uniform. He hadn’t worn one in so long that he’d had to borrow one from someone else when he arrived. “It’s borrowed,” he explained. “Someone pinched mine.” 

“Bloody wogs.” 

Immediately, Aurens’ face went stone-cold; he couldn’t help it. It was an automatic reaction to that term, that horrible term that these idiots couldn’t seem to avoid using. Why were they all so stupid and prejudiced about the Arabs? He forced a smile. “Yes...probably. Jolly good about the squash court.” 

Nodding, they separated. Still, as he turned to leave, he heard the men passing by the outside window saying “lays it on a bit thick, doesn’t he?” 

Aurens’ indignation was fought by a feeling of desperation. He didn’t belong here. He wanted to so badly but he’d barely been here for ten minutes and already it was clear, so painfully clear, that he was utterly unlike these men. He forced the thought away. Right now he had to see Allenby. 

Several clerks were outside Allenby’s office and looked incredibly excited to see him, which was a nice change from the encounter he’d had downstairs. “Good to be back.” 

“I’ll believe you, sir,” one teased. 

“No, really, it is,” he insisted. If only he could make himself believe it. 

Brighton was in the next room, and told him to go right into Allenby’s office, but once inside, he stopped short, for there was Feisal. One of the last people he would expect to see. 

“Aurens!” The man sounded so pleased to see him. Then there was a pause, and something about his tone changed. “….or is it Major Lawrence?” 

Aurens wanted nothing more than to salaam Feisal as he would have done any other time. But he couldn’t. He was leaving that life behind, and he had to make a clean cut. He saluted. “Sir.” 

The disappointment that registered on Feisal’s face was immediate, and Aurens was overwhelmed with guilt. “Ah.” Feisal turned away, back to Allenby and Dryden. “Well general, I will leave you. Major Lawrence doubtless has reports to make, about my people, and their weakness. And the need to keep them weak, in the British interest.” He paused by Dryden. “The French interest too, of course. We mustn’t forget the French, now.” 

Aurens was overcome with confusion. What on earth was Feisal talking about? 

“I’ve told you, sir, no such treaty exists!” 

“Yes, general, you have lied most bravely. But not very convincingly. I know this treaty _does_ exist.” 

“Treaty, sir?” Aurens had to ask, he _had_ to. He had a sinking feeling creeping up on him. Feisal looked at him for a moment, sizing him up, then turned back to Allenby and Dryden, gesturing to Aurens. 

“He does it better than you, general.” And his tone became somewhat bitter, the words stabbing into Aurens like daggers. “But then of course, he is _almost_ an Arab.” With that, he swept from the room, leaving all in silence. Aurens turned to the other men, eyes lost, demanding answers. 

Dryden looked somewhat disbelieving at Aurens’ naiveté. “You really don’t know?” 

He spread his hands helplessly, but that sinking feeling was growing, concern and fear with it. He had a feeling he might have been part of a much bigger picture, and not a good one. 

Allenby, on the other hand, looked mad. He held up a paper in one angry fist. “Then what the devil’s this?” 

Once again, Aurens felt exhaustion, frustration. “It’s my request for release from Arabia, sir.” 

“For what reason?! Are you _sure_ you haven’t heard of the Sykes-Picot Treaty?” 

Aurens shook his head. “No.” Anger was rising at the term alone. “I can guess.” 

“Don’t guess.” Allenby looked to Dryden. “Tell him.” 

As usual, Dryden was calm, even if no one else was. “Well now, Mr. Sykes is an English civil servant and Monsieur Picot is a French civil servant. Mr. Sykes and Monsieur Picot met and they agreed that, after the war, France and England should share the Turkish Empire. Including Arabia. They signed an agreement---not a treaty sir, an agreement---to that effect.” 

During the explanation, anger was bubbling up inside Aurens. Not just anger: rage. He didn’t know how he was containing it. “There may be honor among thieves but there’s _none_ in politicians.” 

As always, Dryden kept his cool, even when insulted, even smiling at Aurens as he replied “and let’s have no displays of indignation. You may not have known, but you certainly had suspicions. If we’ve told lies, you’ve told half-lies. And a man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truths. But a man who tells half-lies _has forgotten where he put it_.” 

The words stung, they _ached_ , because they were true. Back after taking Akaba, Aurens had demanded assurances from Allenby that the English had no interests in Arabia. Allenby had given those assurances, and Aurens had returned to Ali and Feisal, bursting with happiness that he could give them the man’s word. But he had known, deep down, that Allenby’s word counted for nothing. He just hadn’t wanted to admit it because he had wanted so desperately to believe that he could deliver Arabia for Ali, for Feisal, for all of them. He wanted to give them this gift more than anything. 

Aurens forced down his pain, struggling to speak. “The truth is I’m an ordinary man. You might have told me that, Dryden.” He turned his attention to Allenby, moving to the desk, determination rising. “And I want an ordinary job, sir. That’s my reason for resigning. It’s….. _personal_.” 

Allenby looked as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “….personal?!” His tone was incredulous. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Personal?! You’re a serving officer in the field! And as it happens, a damned important one! Personal?! Are you mad?!” 

“No, and if you don’t mind, I’d rather not go mad.” He was beginning to tremble with the effort of holding himself together, his voice strained. “That’s my reason too.” 

Allenby was silent for a moment, clearly trying to think of how to explain this to Lawrence, as if the man was some sort of skittish colt he needed to subdue. “Look, Lawrence, I’m making my big push on Damascus the 16th of next month and you are part of it. Can you understand that? You’re an important part of the big push?” 

Aurens’ anger was rising. “I don’t _want_ to be part of your _**big push!**_ ” His fists clenched tight, slamming on the table. 

Allenby tried another tactic. “What about your Arab friends? What about them?” 

All the men Aurens had known these many months flew through his head: Daud, Farraj, Auda, Feisal, Majid….Ali. _Oh, Ali_. His heart, his very soul, ached. _God_ , he had betrayed them all. He hadn’t meant to, but he had done it all the same, through his idiotic hopefulness. He should have known, he should have thought it through and not given them hope. How could he ever return and face them, see their faces fall and the hope in their eyes die when they realized how he had lied?? 

With that, Aurens broke, utter despair and fury in his eyes as he cried “I have _no_ Arab friends! I don’t _want_ Arab friends!” 

The words alone hurt to say. It felt like a denial of Ali, the denial Ali had thought would come back in Akaba. But how, how could he ever go back to Arabia now? 

Allenby seemed at a loss. “What in hell _do_ you want, Lawrence?” 

“I’ve told you. I just want my ration of common humanity.” 

“Lawrence.” Dryden’s voice from behind him caught his attention and his head whipped about, frustrated and angry and fully ready to turn the fight on Dryden if the man should offer any objections of his own. But there was actual concern on the man’s face. It quickly faded into a smile, which Aurens was much more used to. “Nothing. Sorry I interrupted, sir.” 

“That’s quite alright. Thank you, Mr. Dryden.” At Allenby’s words, Dryden left. The entire interaction left Aurens confused, even more so when Allenby came around his desk and took Aurens by the arm, guiding him towards the terrace. “There’s blood on your back.” 

Panic shot through Aurens, hand flying to the scourge marks on his back. Yes, his uniform was wet with blood. 

“Do you want a doctor?” 

“No.” The reply was immediate. Aurens didn’t want anyone looking at him, no one else knowing about what happened. This wasn’t something he was ready to discuss. But Allenby was Allenby, and so he pushed. 

“Tell me what happened.” 

He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Allenby guided him down onto one of the patio chairs, sitting across from him. 

“Why did you _really_ come home?” 

Of course the man wouldn’t take no for an answer. He never did. Aurens forced a tight, thin smile. “Alright. I realized I don’t have what it takes to be a leader.” 

There was a silence as Allenby simply stared at him. “Of all the ridiculous things I’ve ever--” 

“It’s not ridiculous.” 

“Why would you say such a thing?” 

“Because it’s true.” 

“Does this have anything to do with what happened to your back?” 

“ _I told you I don’t want to talk about that!_ ” The words were fierce, but this time Allenby pushed on. 

“Because these things happen in war.” 

Aurens said nothing, simply looked away. With a sigh, Allenby rose to his feet and paced. Finally he spoke up. “Look, Lawrence, I believe your name will be a household word, when you’d have to go to the war museum to find who Allenby was.” Aurens didn’t reply. He had that same sinking feeling that he’d had after Akaba, when he’d told Allenby that he’d enjoyed shooting Gasim. He had tried to get out of being sent back and Allenby hadn’t taken no as an answer. He was getting that feeling again, that feeling that there was just no way out of this. 

“You’re the most extraordinary man I ever met.” 

He looked up at Allenby, eyes burning. “Leave me alone.” 

The man seemed surprised. “What?” 

“ _Leave me alone_ ,” he annunciated the words. 

“That’s a feeble thing to say.” Allenby sounded almost disappointed. Why couldn’t he just understand, why couldn’t he leave things well enough alone. 

“I know I’m not ordinary.” 

But Allenby interrupted, naturally. “That’s not what I’m saying.” 

Aurens broke. “Alright! I’m extraordinary.” He looked at Allenby. “What of it?” If that was what Allenby wanted to hear, that was what he would say. But the man would never truly understand. He thought Aurens was extraordinary because he led the Arabs the way he did, that it made him some great warrior. That was nothing special. The Arabs were people, like anyone else. The English just didn’t see that because they were prejudiced and would rather insult them than take a minute to get to know them. No, the extraordinary thing about Aurens was that he was willing to learn, to meet different people and adapt to their ways of living and not judge them. It was only by doing this that one could possibly lead an army the way he did. A man like Allenby could never understand. To him, it seemed like Aurens had some sort of special gift. That was why he thought Aurens was extraordinary. 

And right now, after everything that had happened and all the ways he had failed, even saying he was anything _close_ to extraordinary made Aurens feel sick to his stomach. But if it would end this conversation, he would endure it. 

But it didn’t. Allenby carried on. “Not many people have a destiny, Lawrence. A terrible thing for a man to flunk it, if he has.” 

Slowly but surely, Aurens was becoming positive that Allenby was going to win this argument, and all that rage was becoming dulled. It was difficult to care about the fight when he knew he was going to lose. “Are you speaking from experience?” 

Allenby seemed almost caught off-guard by the somewhat snide tone, pausing halfway into his chair. “No.” 

Aurens leaned closer, a cold smile on his face. “You’re guessing, then.” His tone turned deadly. “Suppose you’re wrong.” 

“Why suppose that? We both know I’m right.” 

And with that, Aurens gave in. He should have known there was no point in fighting Allenby. “Yes.” 

“After all—“ 

Aurens didn’t listen, rising from his chair. “I said, yes.” He pondered the matter for a moment, thinking what it would take to get all the Arab army together again, to get them into Damascus. “The 16th?” 

“Can you do it?” A hesitation, then, “I’ll give you a lot of money.” 

He turned sharply to Allenby. “Artillary?” 

“I can’t.” 

Aurens looked away. He had known that but he had to try, all the same. “They won’t be coming for money, not the best of them. They’ll be coming for Damascus.” He turned Allenby. “Which I’m going to give them.” 

Allenby seemed uncertain, but he recovered quickly, rising. “That’s all I want.” 

Aurens’ face seemed to darken, though he still had a small, bitter smile on his face. He stepped closer. “All you want is someone holding down the Turkish Right. But I’m going to give them Damascus. We’ll get there before you do. And when we’ve got it, we’ll keep it. You can tell the politicians to burn their bit of paper now.” 

Allenby was no longer at all amused, but Aurens was correct, it was what he wanted. “Fair enough.” 

All traces of a smile vanished from Aurens’ face. “Fair’? What’s ‘fair’ got to do with it? It’s _going to happen_.” His voice was determined in a way that brooked no argument. “I shall want quite a lot of money.” 

“All there is.” 

He shook his head. “Not that much.” Turning, he walked away, his mind already furiously working away, planning. “The best of them won’t come for money.” His mind went to Ali, that smile he loved so much, the man he loved and treasured above everything else in the world. The best person he knew. “They’ll come for me.” 

He could do this. He could still give Ali Damascus. 

****~tbc~** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm tired of being what you want me to be_   
>  _Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface_   
>  _I don't know what you're expecting of me_   
>  _Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Can't you see that you're smothering me?_  
>  _Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control_  
>  _'Cause everything that you thought I would be_  
>  _Has fallen apart right in front of you._
> 
>  
> 
> _I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._  
>  _Become so tired, so much more aware._  
>  _By becoming this all I want to do_  
>  _is be more like me and be less like you._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Linkin Park


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still more angst. Gonna be angst till the last chapter and the epilogue. Sorry, but if you know the movie then you know that's how it is. Except there's no happiness at the end, so at least you've got that to look forward to lol
> 
> Again, if you have any little drabble ideas you'd like, toss them my way. I can't guarantee they'll be written because it depends on if I can get the plot bunnies to work with it, but I'll do my best!
> 
> As always, LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, you guys are the best! <3

After Aurens left, Ali had finished crying outside the cave and then, rising, pulled himself together and went in to face the men. Previously, the two of them had shared the job of leading the men. Now he had to do it alone, and he would not show weakness. But on the inside, he was a wreck.

They had returned to their old base at Azrak castle to camp out in safety until they figured out their next move. Ali didn’t know how long it would be. They had so few men now and everyone’s confidence was shaken. Aurens had been the only one convinced they could keep going as they were. And as for him, Ali….without Aurens….all of his confidence was gone. Aurens made him feel as if they could accomplish anything, take on the world. Now even getting out of bed in the morning seemed to require all of his effort.

It had been nearly a month, and things showed no sign of improving. He sat in his room—their room—and stared into space, wondering yet again how everything had gone so horribly wrong.

A knock came on the door, and then Majid peeked in. “Ali?” He received no answer, which he seemed to expect. When Ali was in this state, not much would stir him. But his message this time was different. “….Aurens is back.”

Immediately, Ali’s head snapped about, brown eyes huge with a whirlwind of emotion: shock, excitement, wariness, hope. He was on his feet in an instant. “Where?”

Downstairs, Aurens was in the room they had used for meetings, standing with his back to the door. As desperately as Ali longed to see his face again, even just the sight of that familiar form filled him with happiness. “Aurens.”

“Ali.” There was a moment’s hesitation as the Englishman continued to stare out the window. After what felt like ages, he turned, and Ali was taken aback. Aurens seemed to have aged in the few weeks he had been away. Despite how hard he was clearly trying to school his features into a firm, determined expression, he looked exhausted, frayed around the edges. Even so, Ali was so happy to see him. He would fix whatever was wrong, ease the pain from him. He moved closer.

“I am glad you are back--” but Aurens interrupted.

“Allenby is making his push on Damascus on the 16th. We have to get there before him and take it first.”

Ali was momentarily hurt that Aurens hadn’t listened to him, hadn’t even given him a chance to speak, but then the businesslike tone of voice hit him, the words themselves sank in….and he realized something much bigger was wrong. “Before him?” His voice was quiet. “Why before him?” 

Aurens was silent. He wouldn’t meet Ali’s gaze, and that was all the answer Ali needed. “They have no intention of giving us Arabia….do they.” There was no answer, simply silence, but he could swear he saw emotion growing in those blue eyes, something he couldn’t quite read. He dared to move closer. "Aurens….what happened in Jerusalem?”

The words clearly struck a chord, for Aurens stiffened. Then he let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Nothing. Just the Sykes-Picot Treaty.”

That wasn’t good. “The what?”

Aurens was still desperately trying to look expressionless, professional, even though Ali knew the man was feeling anything but. He pushed a piece of paper towards Ali and the Harith picked it up with shaking hands.

It outlined all the plans that the English and French had for Arabia after the war, and it was as bad as he could have expected. Wordlessly, he looked up at Aurens. 

For a moment the veneer of the warrior, that heavy facade of professionalism that Aurens had been wearing like a shield since he had returned from Jerusalem, cracked, and a shadow of the man Ali knew and loved was there. "I didn't know, Ali," he whispered brokenly. "Please, you have to believe me. I _didn't know_."

Ali's heart was breaking. "I know you did not, Aurens." He reached out for Aurens, wanting to touch him, to offer comfort. Suddenly a look came into those blue eyes, as if Aurens had remembered himself, and he snapped to attention, turning away.

"Thank you." 

Ali's heart sank, for Aurens’ voice was professional again. But it was still soft, and if Ali was right, there was an undercurrent of true gratitude, of pain and loss. And after what he had just seen? His Aurens was still in there, he just knew it. Still, it was going to take all of his persistence to break through. “I’m off to find Auda and the others.”

Ali felt panic filling him. “So soon?” He had just gotten Aurens back, he couldn’t lose him again, he _couldn’t_. 

“I have to collect all the troops again. We cannot take Damascus with just this handful of men.” 

“So send out messengers. They will answer.”

“I can’t. I must go myself.” Aurens still wasn’t looking at him. “This is important.”

_And I am not_. “You cannot even rest one night? You only just returned.” 

Aurens shook his head. “It’s going to take a lot to get all the men returning, especially when Damascus offers no immediate reward, as the trains did. Allenby authorized me to offer money to each tribe.” And now he was very clearly avoiding Ali’s gaze. “I have money for you, if you wish it.”

A pain like no other stabbed Ali’s heart. “I do not want your money, Aurens. I will follow you anywhere. You know that.”

He thought he saw a tear fall to the tabletop. Aurens turned away completely, facing the window again. “Thank you.” Yes, his voice sounded suspiciously choked up. Ali felt sorrow fill him. It was hard to be offended by the offer of money in the face of those tears, the obvious guilt and grief filling Aurens. He couldn’t forget their parting outside of Dera’a. He knew how Aurens felt for him, even if the man was concealing it. 

Ali stepped up behind him. “You do not need to thank me.” He dared to lay his hands on Aurens’ shoulders, desperately wanting to soothe away all the pain he felt radiating off the man. But Aurens shrugged the touch off, stepping away.

“Don’t, Ali.”

“Why?”

“Just don’t.” He wouldn’t look in Ali’s direction. Ali’s heart ached at the refusal, but he could see the pain in Aurens’ face.

“Do not push me away, Aurens. I know you feel what I do.”

The man was unresponsive, but Ali was certain he saw another tear fall. He waited, not daring to attempt another touch. But there was no response. “Aurens--”

The man stirred to action, as though if he heard any more, he would shatter. His voice was unsteady, as though he were on the verge of a breakdown. “I’m off to see Auda.” He shouldered the pack he had left on the table. “Meet me at Wadi Rum in two weeks’ time?”

Somehow, Ali managed a smile, nodding. “We will be there.”

Aurens tried to smile in return, but failed miserably. His eyes were glistening with tears he was barely managing to hold back. He gave a jerky nod and swept from the room. Ali sank into a chair. He was trembling. What had happened to Aurens in Jerusalem? Was it the discovery that the English weren’t going to give the Arabs control? Did he truly blame himself that much for not knowing, not realizing?

Of course he did. Aurens always blamed himself for everything. He blamed himself for getting raped, for God’s sake.

Majid hesitantly entered the room, sitting down besides Ali. “What happened.”

Ali shook his head. “I do not even know where to begin.”

“Take your time.” As always, Majid was calm and patient. Ali took a deep breath.

“The English are not going to give us Arabia.”

Majid gave a bitter laugh. “That should not be so surprising.”

Ali shook his head. “No. But Aurens blames himself for not realizing it. For telling us it would happen and getting all of our hopes up.”

“Naturally.” Majid understood Aurens better than he let on.

“And now he will not even talk to me. Not truly. He is so…formal. For a moment he broke and was his normal self. He was so sorry about what happened. He nearly cried.” That reminded Ali and he rose, moving to where Aurens had stood and looking at the table and yes, there were droplets there, the tears that Aurens had shed. He rubbed at one with his fingertip, the proof of the Aurens that he knew and loved. “He is still in there, Majid. But his guilt will not let him be himself.” He was silent for a moment as he thought over all that had happened. “He offered me money.”

“Money?” Majid was taken aback. “For what?”

“For gathering the Harith. We are to take Damascus. He is authorized to pay all the tribes for their assistance, and he offered to pay us.” Ali could feel tears rising for the first time. “He should know I do not need it.”

Majid was on his feet, moving to Ali’s side. “He _does_ know.” His voice was gentle. “You said it yourself. He is not himself, Ali. He is trying to distance himself. His guilt is forcing him to.”

“But I do not _want_ him to distance himself. I do not need money, I need _him_.” 

As always, Majid knew what Ali needed, and pulled him close as the tears began to fall. Ali leaned into his friend, for once grateful that their current troops were so small and no one else was around to see him cry.

At last he pulled away, taking a deep breath. “Gather the men. We must be in Wadi Rum in two weeks.”

 

**~*~**

 

Ali heard nothing from Aurens during those two weeks, and he tried to put that knowledge out of his mind. He simply did as requested and worked with Majid to get everything ready. He was proud of the Harith, who came as requested, not because of money but because they believed in the Revolt and the promise of Damascus. Even the knowledge of Allenby’s broken promise (which was painful to tell them) didn’t stop them. If anything, it only spurred their resolve. Aurens promised to deliver them Damascus, to get them there first and help them keep it, and they believed in Aurens. It broke Ali’s heart just how much they believed in Aurens when Aurens didn’t believe in himself.

He sat with Auda, waiting for the Englishman to show up. Instead, it was a truck that came rolling up, and he felt an overwhelming hatred rising when he saw the American atop it. Bentley had his camera in hand, and immediately Auda was on his guard.

“No pictures!” he ordered. “You take no pictures of us!”

Bentley wasn’t bothered in the slightest. “It’s not for you, Sheik Auda, it’s for Major Lawrence. He doesn’t mind having his picture taken.” Then, his attention slid to Ali, and he pointedly added “he doesn’t mind at all.”

Ali did his best to ignore the words. Auda simply grumbled “well, there is only one Aurens.”

Ali ached at how true the words were. There was no one like Aurens, and never would be again. And unless he found a way to shatter this illusion of guilt that Aurens was suffering, Ali was going to lose him.

A group of riders was appearing in the distance. Ali’s heart skipped a beat at the white robed figure evident among them. But the American wasn’t done talking.

“Have you met Major Lawrence since he came back, Sherif?”

“Yes.” Ali had no time for this.

“Changed, hasn’t he.”

His answer was immediate. “No.” 

“Oh, I’d say he had. Different man, I’d say.” 

_Shut up, just shut up._

“What did that Turkish General _do_ to him in Dera’a?”

Ali felt a whirlwind of emotion: disgust at the memory, fear that Bentley knew _anything_ of the encounter, no matter how small, anger at the man for bringing it up. “He was the same man after Dera’a. The same man. Humbled.” For it was true. No matter how much Aurens had tried to act differently back in that cave, it had all been an act; he knew that now. He had been trying to push Ali away, to make a break. He thought he wasn’t good enough for Ali, wasn’t strong enough to lead. 

No, he had been the same after Dera’a. For the first time, Ali turned to look at Bentley. “What did the _English_ general do to him in Jerusalem?” That’s where everything had gone wrong.

Bentley shrugged. “Search me. Ask Aurens.”

That stung. “I did.”

“What did he say?”

The memory still hurt. “He laughed. He told me to gather the Harith here. He offered me money.” _God_ , how it hurt. Ali knew that Aurens hadn’t meant any of it, but it still hurt, it _ached_. He knew his Aurens was still in there, but this veneer, the way Aurens was trying to push him away….it was tearing him apart.

“Did you take it?”

“No. Many did.” He was done talking now. He rode off to meet Aurens and the men he was with. That was painful as well, knowing that the Englishman was willing to surround himself with so many others but not keep Ali at his side as he used to. The many troops were chanting his name now, a deafening chorus of _“Aurens! Aurens! Aurens!”_

Ali reached his side and was shocked when he saw the men who were riding with him. They were brigands, all of them, wanted men. He pulled his horse up alongside Aurens. “What is this??”

Aurens didn’t even deign to look at him. “This is my bodyguard.”

“There is not a man there without a price on his head!”

“There’s a price on my head, too.”

“But these are murderers! You know the sheiks will hang these men.” Still Aurens was not looking at him.

“These men are mine.” Why did none of this matter to him? 

“Aurens, these things know nothing of the Arab revolt!” He turned to the man closest to Aurens. “You! Ghitan of Aleppo!”

“Sherif?”

“Where do we ride?”

“Damascus, sherif.”

It was all he could do not to roll his eyes. “Aye, but for what?”

“Sherif, for Aurens!”

Oh yes, they had been well coached. It was even worse when he saw the small smile that the reply had brought to Aurens’ face. “You have _bought_ these things!” He couldn’t hide the contempt from his voice.

“I bought half the men here, Ali.”

That was true, and also a bit painful. The Arabs all used to ride simply for love of the cause. True, they took their loot as payment, which did somewhat invalidate Aurens’ statement, but there was no way Aurens would listen to that argument. “That is different.” He gestured to the men around Aurens. “These are not ordinary men!” But Aurens was done listening.

“I don’t want _ordinary_ men.” With that, he whipped his mount and rode off, leaving Ali behind him.

The words cut deep. Ordinary. That was all he was to Aurens now. Ordinary.

He shook his head. That didn’t matter now. He would stay by Aurens and help him through this. No matter what it took.

He didn’t realize just how difficult a job that would be.

Days later, they came across a village that had been absolutely decimated. Talaal immediately let out a cry at the sight—it had been his home. Ali knew at once that there was little hope of survivors. The village was still smoking, the ground strewn with bodies beyond counting. And the bodies themselves…they were mangled. These people hadn’t just been killed, they had been brutalized. 

He glanced at Aurens, and was taken aback by what he saw. The man had a feverish, almost frantic look on his face, and he was trembling. “Aurens?” There was no reply.

The Turks themselves weren’t too much farther ahead, moving much slower due to the loot they had taken from the village.

“No prisoners.”

Ali looked to Ghitan, not liking what he had just heard. Aurens had clearly heard the words as well. He was getting that frantic look again, and his breathing was becoming more rapid. 

“Damascus, Aurens.” Ali could feel his anxiety rising. But Aurens didn’t seem to have even heard him

Auda came up beside them, drawing his sword. Ali was beginning to get extremely nervous. This was going downhill very fast. He leaned closer to Aurens.

“Aurens. Not this. Go round.” His voice was pleading. “Damascus, Aurens. _Damascus_.”

“No prisoners.”

Ali was going to kill Ghitan, he was going to _kill_ him. But he didn’t turn from Aurens. The man was clearly warring within himself. His face was getting almost manic, and he was trembling.

A single man rode forth before the others. Talaal. Ali made one last appeal. “Aurens!” 

But Auda held up his hand to stop any interference. “This was Talaal’s village.”

Talaal charged the Turks, sword raised high, and they shot him down. He collapsed into the dust, dead, and that was it. Ali knew there would be no holding Aurens back now.

“No prisoners!” The cry was piercing, and so unlike Aurens that Ali’s heart ached, even as terror filled him at what was about to come. “ _No prisoners!_ ”

The war cry was echoed by the thousands of men as they surged forwards. Ali couldn’t be the only one against this, he couldn’t….though it certainly seemed that way. Where was Majid? “Oh God.” He pulled out his sword as he was swept forward into the fray. “God. God!”

The Turks didn’t stand a chance. Most of them were on foot, facing down an entire army, all of whom were mounted. An army at least twice their size.

Ali quickly lost sight of Aurens in the chaos. One thing was for certain, he was no longer on his camel; that white was all too easy to spot. Ali dismounted and began fighting his way through the crowd with only one thought in mind: find Aurens. He fought when he had to, but mostly he simply shoved his way through the warring bodies.

He spotted Aurens in the crowd, shooting madly. It seemed to take ages, but at last Ali was by his side. “Aurens! Enough.” But Aurens didn’t seem to hear him, simply fumbled frantically to reload his pistol. “Enough! Make them stop!”

That seemed to register, and Aurens turned. Ali at last got a truly good look at his face, and his entire body went ice cold. This wasn’t Aurens. Not his Aurens. His face was beyond the manic look of before. No, now it was an expression of almost….insanity. He looked almost mindless, as if he had checked out of his body and someone else had taken over, which made sense. Aurens, the real Aurens, hated killing. When he looked at Ali, it was almost as if he didn’t recognize him, and at the same time, a look of complete and utter terror. He backed away from Ali, then turned and fled, vanishing into the crowd.

Ali stared after him, at a complete loss for what to do. This was so far beyond anything he had been prepared for. Silently, he said a prayer to God. 

They needed it.

 

**~*~**

 

It was a long time before the killing ceased, and longer still before he found Aurens again. The carnage was like nothing he had ever seen. He knew it would not have been nearly so bad without these…..things….Aurens had hired. They had encouraged the madness.

At last he found Aurens, and for a moment, he wished he hadn’t. An immediate feeling of guilt overwhelmed him at the thought but this? This was not his Aurens. 

The man was leaning on a cart, barely supporting himself, and he was bathed in blood. That frantic energy was gone, but he was still trembling as he held the curved knife that Ali had given him back when he had brought them all out of the Nefud. Then Ali realized that Aurens was looking at his reflection in it, at the blood on his face, and that the look in his eyes was one of horror as he saw what he had done, what he had become. Maybe his Aurens was still in there after all.

He reached out and gently touched the man’s arm. Aurens turned to him, that face crimson with blood, and another wave of disgust, disappointment, filled Ali. He couldn’t bring himself to take Aurens’ hand. Not when they were surrounded by so many dead, massacred under Aurens’ orders. Not when the blood of the slain coated Aurens’ face, his skin. That pure white skin that Ali loved so much, tainted. 

Aurens followed Ali back to the camels, wordless the entire way. Ali silently handed Aurens a skin of water and a cloth to clean himself up. Normally he would do this himself but at the moment, he was just so conflicted. Taking the water back, he helped Aurens up on his camel and mounted his own, but he still couldn’t quite bring himself to look at the man. They sat in complete silence.

It was nighttime when that too-familiar voice came out of the darkness. 

“Hey, Major! Major Lawrence!”

Oh God, the American. Just who they needed right now.

But then Bentley saw the destruction and any trace of that usual chipper attitude vanished from his voice. “Jesus wept!” He surveyed the field, taking in all the damage that had been done. “Jesus _wept_.” 

Ali could feel his anger rising. He didn’t need this right now, not the judgement of this stupid man who was already prejudiced against them, especially not when Aurens was the one who had ordered the attack, not any one of the Arabs. “Does it surprise you, Mr. Bentley? Surely you know the Arabs are a barbarous people! Barbarous and cruel. Who but they?” He couldn’t help but look at Aurens, couldn’t keep the anger from his voice. “Who but they--” but the words caught in his throat. Even after all this, he couldn’t hate Aurens. Aurens didn’t look at him, didn’t move. 

Amazingly, Bentley seemed to understand that Aurens was to blame. “Oh, you rotten man.” He raised his camera. “Here. Let me take your rotten bloody picture. For the rotten bloody newspaper.”

His tone was one of disappointment and disgust, and Ali felt anger stirring. He may be upset with Aurens, but this man had no right to speak to Aurens this way. This man was nothing. He was an insignificant speck. Aurens….the _real_ Aurens….was everything.

_God_ , he prayed, _give us strength. Help him find himself, and help me give him what he needs._

They rejoined the troops, and he let Aurens ride ahead of him, watching the man’s slumped back disappear into the crowd of men. They would find their way through this.

They had to.

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You're gone from here_   
>  _Don't leave from here_   
>  _Don't leave me here_   
>  _I hate it here_   
>  _You're gone from here_   
>  _Don't leave me here_   
>  _I need you here_   
>  _I need to see you smile._
> 
> -Voltaire, 'Feathery Wings'


	26. Only Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand a whopping 28 page chapter of non-stop angst. 
> 
> There's probably only two chapters left! I'm thinking either the next chapter will be angst/happy ending and then there will be an epilogue, or there will be one more chapter, then the happy chapter, then the epilogue. So 2-3 chapters left. So few!
> 
> Continue to throw any prompts my way, and please review! Seriously. It means so much to me. 
> 
> Title comes from a Christina Perri song. Listen to it if you don't know it, it's lovely. Link is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8KWZJZ9YAk
> 
> LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, as always, this is for you! <3

Aurens had no idea how he would face Ali again. It was a question he turned over and over in his head the entire ride back from Jerusalem. They had not parted on the worst of terms—they would have, if not for that kiss. He had tried so hard to break with Ali, to make a clean cut so that the man could move on. Then he had kissed him. 

To be fair, Ali had been the one to initiate the kiss, but Aurens had kissed back. Of all the stupid….he cursed himself. And then he had told Ali he loved him. He hadn’t been able to help it. If he never saw Ali again, he wanted to leave him with that. 

But now here he was, returning to Ali’s side, and he was going to have to find a way to break him all over again. For if the trip to Jerusalem had proven anything, it was that he truly did not deserve Ali. How could he have been so blind, so stupid, not to have known the English would pull a trick like this treaty. To have given the Arabs hope…no, he did not deserve Ali. He just had to remain strong this time, and not give in to the love he felt. He had no idea how he would manage it.

At last Aurens reached Azrak castle. The mere sight of it made his heart ache. This place that had been a home to them….how he longed to simply go inside, to pull Ali into their room and into his arms. But he couldn’t. There was so much at stake here.

Majid greeted him at the door, having seen him coming. “Aurens.” He wasn’t able to hide the surprise on his face.

“Hello, Majid. Is Ali around?” Majid nodded, and Aurens watched him disappear down the hallway. He would bet good money that Ali was in their old room, and the ache returned. He shoved it aside, heading into the meeting room and dumping his pack on the table. It wasn’t long before he heard noises in the hallway. Ali. _Oh God, Ali._ Aurens felt panic rising. He couldn’t do this. Before the man reached the room, he spun away to face the window, unable to bear looking Ali in the face.

He could almost feel the hesitation when Ali was greeted by his back rather than his face, but it didn’t last long. “Aurens.” The happiness in that one word sent another wave of guilt through him.

“Ali.” He didn’t want to turn, he _couldn’t_. He couldn’t bear to see Ali’s face when he found out what the English had done, what _Aurens_ had done. 

_You’re being a coward. **You** did this to him. To all of them. Look him in the eye._

Taking a deep breath, Aurens turned. He regretted it immediately. Ali was as lovely as he remembered, that same beautiful man he had fallen in love with, and he looked so happy to see Aurens. The Englishman couldn’t handle it. Not when he had to do what he did. 

_Keep it together. Just be professional._

Ali moved closer. “I am glad you are back--” but Aurens interrupted. 

“Allenby is making his push on Damascus on the 16th. We have to get there before him and take it first.” 

He could see that Ali was hurt at the way he had interrupted, but he tried to ignore it, to stay as strong and businesslike as possible. But then the hurt vanished, and it was clear that the words themselves were sinking in. 

“Before him?” Ali’s voice was quiet. “Why before him?” 

Aurens was silent. He wouldn’t meet Ali’s gaze, he couldn’t. That seemed to be all the answer Ali needed. “They have no intention of giving us Arabia….do they.” 

The guilt Aurens felt was overpowering. He wanted to throw himself to his knees and beg for forgiveness. His eyes were burning with the first hot pinpricks of tears, and he desperately struggled to force them back.

"Aurens….” Ali moved closer. “…what happened in Jerusalem?” 

The words were like a smack to the face; Aurens stiffened. Then he let out a laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Nothing. Just the Sykes-Picot Treaty.” He was going to tell Ali everything anyway. Why he was dragging his feet he didn’t know. It was just so hard. He dreaded seeing the look in Ali’s eyes when he realized just how completely Aurens had let them all down. 

“The what?” 

He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. It outlined all the plans that the English and French had for Arabia after the war, the entire agreement. Allenby hadn’t authorized him to share the information, but he didn’t care; the Arabs deserved to know. Silently, he pushed it towards Ali, and the Harith picked it up with shaking hands. 

He tried to remain calm. The only way he could get through this was to keep all emotion out of it. Pretend he _had_ no emotions. He was nothing. Just a tool to be utilized. It was better that way. 

Then Ali finished reading. Wordlessly, he looked up from the paper, and Aurens felt his heart shatter. 

The cool façade of professionalism that Aurens had been wearing like a shield since he had returned from Jerusalem cracked. "I didn't know, Ali," he whispered brokenly. "Please, you have to believe me. I _didn't know_." If Ali didn’t believe him, he didn’t know how he would go on. 

Ali’s voice was soft and understanding and everything Aurens didn’t deserve. "I know you did not, Aurens." 

At those few words, the wave of relief that hit Aurens was so great that he nearly swayed on his feet. Then Ali reached for him as though to caress his cheek, to offer comfort. Immediately Aurens remembered himself and he snapped to attention, turning away. 

"Thank you." He had lost control for a moment. “I’m off to find Auda and the others.” 

“So soon?” Ali’s voice had a tone of barely concealed panic, and Aurens struggled to suppress his guilt. 

“I have to collect all the troops again. We cannot take Damascus with just this handful of men.” 

“So send out messengers. They will answer.” 

“I can’t. I must go myself.” Aurens still didn’t look at him. _If I look at him, I’ll break._ “This is important.” 

“You cannot even rest one night? You only just returned.”

Aurens shook his head. “It’s going to take a lot to get all the men returning, especially when Damascus offers no immediate reward, as the trains did. Allenby authorized me to offer money to each tribe.” He kept his gaze firmly averted. “I have money for you, if you wish it.” 

He knew the offer would hurt Ali like nothing else. To offer payment when he knew Ali would come with him anywhere, no matter what…. _God_ , that would hurt. Which was why he did it. He hated to hurt Ali, hated it more than anything. But he needed to put more distance between the two of them, and he was running out of ideas of how to do that. 

By the tone of Ali’s voice, he could tell that he had been right. “I do not want your money, Aurens. I will follow you anywhere. You know that.” 

At the words, he could hold back his tears no longer. One fell to the tabletop, Quickly, he turned away completely to face the window again. “Thank you.” Still, he couldn’t hide the obvious thickness that the tears brought to his voice. 

Ali stepped up behind him. “You do not need to thank me.” And then he laid his hands on Aurens shoulders. That was too much. Aurens couldn’t bear it. He shrugged the touch off, stepping away. 

“Don’t, Ali.” 

“Why?” 

“Just don’t.” He couldn’t say any more than that, for he had no explanation that Ali would accept. 

“Do not push me away, Aurens. I know you feel what I do.” 

Aurens said nothing. He couldn’t; he was trying too desperately to hold back his tears. Despite his best efforts, another escaped, falling to the tabletop. 

“Aurens--” 

If he heard any more, he would shatter. He stirred to action, his voice very unsteady. “I’m off to see Auda.” He shouldered the pack he had left on the table. “Meet me at Wadi Rum in two weeks’ time?” 

Ali managed a smile, nodding. “We will be there.” 

Aurens tried to smile in return, but failed miserably. He gave a jerky nod and swept from the room. He had barely made it out the front door before he burst into tears. 

What good was a life without Ali? Especially a life where he had to hurt Ali, to make the man think he hated him. 

Worthless. That’s what it was. 

Aurens shook himself. _Get yourself together._ He had a job to do. He had to go and gather the rest of the army. They had precious little time before they marched on Damascus. 

His life may be worth nothing, but Ali’s was worth everything. Aurens could still do some good with what life he had left. He could deliver them Damascus. 

He could do this for Ali. 

****~*~** **

Aurens was determined that, when next they met, he and Ali would be as strangers. It would make their final parting easier if they began to distance themselves now. So he hired himself a bodyguard to surround him on their journey. If he had others by his side, there would be no need for Ali, as there used to be. He didn’t want to talk to Ali, didn’t want to fall into those old familiar habits and grow so close again, only to be torn apart later. He had seen the hurt in Ali’s eyes when he made the offer of money and that was painful enough. Leaving after the war was done…..but he wouldn’t leave empty handed. He would give Ali Damascus. He _would_ do that. 

The look on Ali’s face when he saw the men Aurens had hired would have been amusing under other circumstances. He was so indignant. “What is this??” 

“This is my bodyguard.” 

“There is not a man there without a price on his head!” 

“There’s a price on my head, too.” Not that that had ever stopped him before. 

“But these are murderers! You know the sheiks will hang these men.” 

“These men are mine.” 

****

****

“Aurens, these things know nothing of the Arab revolt!” He turned to the man closest to Aurens. “You! Ghitan of Aleppo!” 

“Sherif?” 

“Where do we ride?” 

“Damascus, Sherif.” 

“Aye, but for what?” 

“Sherif, for Aurens!” Aurens couldn’t suppress a small smile, even though he knew it would drive Ali crazy. 

****

****

“You have bought these things!“ 

“I bought half the men here, Ali,” he pointed out. He could tell that this point grated on Ali. Still, he argued on. 

“That is different.” He gestured to the men around Aurens. “These are not ordinary men!” 

“I don’t want _ordinary_ men.” With that, he whipped his mount and rode off, leaving Ali behind him, his heart aching at the loss. 

****~*~** **

When they saw the carnage the Turks had caused at Talaal’s village, Aurens nearly broke. He looked at the destruction that had been wrought…..the people murdered, the buildings burned….and trembled with rage. He prayed they caught up with the men who did this. 

They did. 

The Turks were not too much further ahead, burdened with all the belongings they had stolen from the village. Aurens felt his blood boil at the sight of them. He was vaguely aware of Ali watching him anxiously. 

“No prisoners.” 

Ghitan’s voice was low, blood-thirsty. Aurens could feel his heartbeat increasing, his breathing becoming more rapid. 

“Damascus, Aurens.” Ali leaned closer. “Aurens. Not this. Go round.” His voice was pleading. “Damascus, Aurens. _Damascus_.” But Aurens heard Ali’s voice only as if in a dream. 

“No prisoners.” 

Aurens was at war with himself. He hated killing, he loathed it. But that part of himself that he despised more than anything, that part of him that had enjoyed killing Gasim, was struggling to break free. He was trembling with the effort. 

A single man rode forth before the others. Talaal. Ali made one last appeal. “Aurens!” 

But Auda held up his hand to stop any interference. “This was Talaal’s village.” 

Talaal charged the Turks, sword raised high, and they shot him down. He collapsed into the dust, dead, and that was it. Aurens broke. 

“No prisoners! _No prisoners!_ ” 

The men echoed the cry and then they were sweeping forward, crashing over the Turks in a wave. Aurens was only half aware of what was going on. That evil part of him had taken over and his true self was trapped inside, helpless to do anything but watch as he wildly killed anyone in his sight. 

Ali finally found him in the crowd. “Aurens! Enough.” But Aurens barely heard, simply fumbled with his pistol. “Enough! Make them stop!” 

That registered, and Aurens turned to Ali. He wasn’t in his right mind at all. Torn between two parts of himself, his true self and that evil part that he always tried to keep buried deep down, Aurens was going out of his mind. He stared at Ali with wild eyes wide with terror, almost not recognizing him in his confusion. He backed away from Ali, then turned and fled, vanishing into the crowd. 

****~*~** **

It was some time before Aurens came to himself again. He was covered in blood, his robes dirty and torn. He was exhausted, barely able to stand, draped against a cart for support. He could hear Ali calling him, but he made no reply. He was too distracted by his reflection in the dagger—the dagger Ali had given him. He remembered that day, back in Wadi Rum. The robes had been so pure and pristine, such an honor bestowed upon him. He remembered looking at himself in the dagger and seeing the way he looked in the keffiyeh and being so proud. 

Now here he was, dirty and scared and covered in the blood of so many men. Men who he had ordered executed. The shame overwhelmed him. 

He felt a gentle touch on his arm and turned. Ali. But if he had felt ashamed before, it was nothing on what he felt when he saw the look in Ali’s eyes. There was disgust there, and disappointment. If Aurens had been trying to distance Ali, he couldn’t have done a better job. Ali couldn’t even bring himself to touch Aurens as they walked back to the camels, didn’t even help him wash up as he normally would. 

Yes, Aurens thought he really might have lost Ali’s love for good this time. And even though it had been what he had been trying for, what he knew was necessary, _God_ did it hurt. He had never known such pain. 

Then that damned American showed up, exclaiming over the bodies. 

“Does it surprise you, Mr. Bentley?” Ali’s voice was angry and cold, and so unlike him that Aurens’ very soul ached. “Surely you know the Arabs are a barbarous people! Barbarous and cruel. Who but they?” He turned and looked very pointedly at Aurens. “Who but they--” but the words caught in his throat. 

Aurens didn’t look at him, didn’t move, didn’t say a word, even as the barbed words tore into his flesh and opened his wounds anew. He deserved all of that, and more. He deserved everything Ali could throw at him. When they rode on, he was all too aware of Ali holding back, letting Aurens ride ahead of him. That hurt almost as much as the words themselves. But he had wanted Ali to move on. If hating him was what it took, then Aurens could live with that. 

Aurens rode on, head hung low so no one would see the tears that fell. 

****~*~** **

“Aurens!” 

Aurens looked up. One of the scouts who had been sent riding ahead had returned. He had no idea how long it had been, but it was sometime in the early morning. He was positive he looked terrible, but at least he wasn’t crying any longer. Still, he wasn’t certain what sort of expression was on his face when the man came riding up and held out a bunch of grapes. 

“These were cut last night, Aurens! In Damascus!” The man thrust the bunch at him, showing him. “ _Damascus!_ ” 

For a moment he stared at the grapes, uncomprehending. Then: _Damascus_. A wave of relief hit him. They were nearly there. “Take them to Sherif Ali. Tell him….remind him….”  


What? What could he possibly have this man tell Ali? How to apologize, to explain, through another person, when he didn’t even know how to do it himself? 

He looked away. “Is Allenby in Damascus?” 

“Near.” 

That would have to do. “Tell Sherif Ali that.” Almost thoughtlessly, he popped one of the grapes into his mouth and immediately winced at the sourness. 

The man laughed at the reaction. “They are not ripe!” With that he rode off, presumably to find Ali. Aurens wondered if Ali would try one and have the same reaction he did. The thought almost made him smile, but too much had happened in the last twenty-four hours. With Ali hating him now, he didn’t know if he would ever smile again. 

****~*~** **

They reached the city before Allenby, and relief hit Aurens so hard that he was surprised he didn’t faint. Immediately, he went to work. So much needed to be done. Different tribes needed to be given charge of different places in town, that was certain. If everyone thought they weren’t being given equal control, there would be trouble…. 

Time passed unnoticed. When Ali took his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin. He wasn’t just caught by surprise, he was shocked. He had never expected Ali to want to touch him again. “Ali!” 

“Aurens, you must rest.” 

He simply stared, uncomprehending. Ali was speaking to him. He was speaking civilly. Did Ali not hate him? But now Ali was starting to look worried, probably at the lack of response. 

“Aurens?” 

He shook himself. “Yes?” 

“You have not stopped working since we got here. You must rest.” 

At those words, Aurens realized it had been over five hours, and the sun was setting. “…..oh.” 

Ali looked amused at the reaction. “You should get some sleep, my l—“ but he broke off, flushing. Aurens didn’t know if he had stopped because he no longer felt that way or because he thought Aurens didn’t want to hear the term, but either way, his heart ached. He forced a nod. 

“Yes. I will. I just have to finish up this last thing—“ but Ali pulled the paper from his grasp. “Ali!” 

“It will still be there in the morning.” 

Sighing, Aurens accepted the fact that he was not going to win this argument. “Fine.” Pushing back his chair, he rose. “I’ll sleep.” 

“Good.” They walked together in silence, both unsure what the other was thinking, unsure what to say. 

At last, Aurens spoke up. “Do you….” His voice was timid. “….do you have a room?” He immediately hated himself for asking. 

Ali seemed incredibly surprised, and uncertain. “I do. I am staying with Majid.” 

Immediately, Aurens filled with worried jealousy. Had Ali returned to Majid to help him through this difficult time? Were they together again? He cursed himself for even thinking it. 

“…unless….” Ali’s voice was hesitant. “….you wanted to…” 

“No.” He had to stop this before it started. If Ali asked, he would say yes. And he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t. He had been doing so well. He had been distant, he had been professional. _Then you went completely off the reservation_ , that tiny voice reminded him, and he winced inwardly. But he had thought it did the trick and made Ali hate him. Apparently not. And now he seemed in as much danger of ending up in Ali’s arms as ever. 

Ali had clearly expected that response, though he wasn’t happy with it. “Alright, then. Goodnight, Major Lawrence.” Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked off down the hallway, leaving Aurens alone, heart aching. 

Aurens walked outside onto the patio. He prayed that Feisal arrived soon and took over. The look in Ali’s eyes, the forced formality as he said ‘Major Lawrence’….his eyes filled with tears as the thought of it, and he sank onto a bench. He couldn’t handle much more of this. 

****~*~** **

“Aurens. Aurens!” 

Aurens blinked awake, immediately focusing on those brown eyes he loved so much gazing down at him with concern. He became aware that his back was incredibly sore. He quickly realized that he had fallen asleep on the patio bench. Wincing, he sat up. “What time is it?” 

“Early. Aurens, what are you doing out here?” 

He shrugged. He was in no mood to talk. 

“Aurens—“ 

“What happened to Major Lawrence?” Immediately, he regretted the words. Ali’s eyes narrowed. 

“Do not play games with me, Aurens. You are the one who has been acting so formal since you returned from Jerusalem. And now you are, what—mad that I called you Major?” 

Aurens said nothing, for Ali was right. That didn’t mean he wanted to admit it. He headed inside, but Ali was right behind him. 

“Aurens…” But Aurens didn’t stop walking. “Dammit, Aurens, listen to me!” Grabbing Aurens by the shoulder, Ali spun him about. Aurens stared at him, eyes wide. “Why must you be this way? Can we not go back to how we were before?” 

The despair in Ali’s voice broke Aurens’ heart, as did the emotion in those eyes. Somehow, he managed to shake his head. “No,” he whispered. He saw Ali’s face crumble, and he shattered. Still, he refused to waver. It took every ounce of resolve not to reach out, to touch Ali. “I’m sorry.” 

He thought he was going to have to push free, but Ali pulled away, voice very unsteady as he replied “as am I.” There were tears in his eyes. 

That was all Aurens could handle. He turned and fled, managing to make it to privacy before he broke down completely. 

****~*~** **

It was over an hour before he was disturbed. He was nearly out of tears when Majid entered the room. 

“You _idiot_.” 

“I’m really not in the mood, Majid.” 

“I do not care whether you are in the mood or not!” Majid sounded completely fed-up. “The two of you are being complete morons and I am sick to death of it!” 

The words caught Aurens by surprise and he looked up at Majid, startled. He hadn’t expected Ali to be included in the man’s frustration. Majid seemed to sense what he was thinking. “Yes, both of you. But mostly you.” 

“Don’t you have any work to do?” 

Majid ignored this comment, continuing. “Ali loves you, Aurens. He _loves_ you. And I know you love him, no matter how stupidly you are acting right now.” 

Aurens rose to his feet, shaking. Didn’t Majid understand how difficult this was? “And just what do you expect me to do?” 

“Stop all this nonsense. Stay here with us. With him.” 

“Here in Damascus.” 

“In Arabia, yes.” 

Aurens stared at Majid, then looked away. How badly he wanted to do just that. He and Ali had mentioned it once, then never again. Did Ali _want_ him to stay? He would wager the answer was yes. Did he want to stay? More than anything. 

Could he stay? 

He swallowed with some difficulty. “It’s not possible, Majid.” 

“Why. Because you blame yourself for the treaty, and for whatever happened back in Dera’a?” Aurens was struck yet again with surprise at just how much Majid caught on to. “Aurens, do not be a fool. You have something truly great here. Do not surrender it to misplaced guilt!” 

Aurens could feel the tears rising again. He cleared his throat. “I’ll see you at the meeting in an hour.” And he left the room before Majid could say another word. 

****~*~** **

Aurens hadn’t expected their first meeting to go smoothly, but it was going far worse than he had ever expected. The entire room seemed to be yelling simultaneously, if that were possible. Auda of course was in his element, on his feet and yelling right in Ali’s face. Ali was keeping hold of his self-control quite impressively, but Aurens could tell from the grim look on his face that it was taking all of his effort. 

All of Aurens’ yelling couldn’t cut through the clamor. Finally he rose to his feet and began to pound on the table with the butt of his pistol until all the noise ceased. 

“We here are neither Harith nor Howeitat, nor any other tribe but Arabs of the Arab Council, acting for Prince Feisal!” 

Auda pointed at Ali with a glare. “He insulted me!” 

It took all of Aurens’ efforts not to sigh. “Sherif Ali said that the telephones are in the care of the Howeitat and that the telephones have ceased to work. And that is true, Auda.” 

“They will not work because they are given no electricity. The electricity is in the care of the Harith!” He made a rude gesture at Ali, and that was the one step too far. Ali was on his feet. Aurens caught him by the shoulder. 

“If you answer,” he said softly, “there’ll be bloodshed.” 

Ali turned to him, eyes half incredulous, half angry. “ _You_ speak to me of bloodshed?” 

Aurens was all too quickly reminded of their encounter in the desert, of the way Ali had regarded him with disappointment and disgust, and shame filled him. He released Ali, looking away. 

“I ask pardon of Auda Abu Tayi.” 

Auda raised his eyebrows. “Humbly? Humbly, Harith?” 

“Yes, humbly.” Ali hated this, that was obvious from the dark look in his eye, but he was still doing it. And Aurens loved him for it. But he couldn’t think of that, he couldn’t. He forced the emotion down. 

“Why is there no electricity?” 

Majid rose. “I have been to that Electrical House, Aurens. There are three large…machines…” 

“He means generators!” a man called out. 

Everyone laughed, but as usual, Majid was not offended. He merely smiled. “So. One of them is burning. They are of an incredible size, but helpless.” 

“It is so of all machines,” another sheik said. 

“Let them burn,” another added. “What need of telephones?” 

The clamor rose again, a chorus of agreement. Aurens pounded on the table once more for attention. 

“The need is absolute!” 

“Then we need the English engineers,” Ali said to him. 

“No! Take English engineers and you take English government! Take—“ 

But two men burst in the door, one yelling “fire!” He was gasping for breath. “Fire has broken out! 

“Where?” 

“The Jinsibi District!” 

One man shrugged it off. “It is not a district that matters.” 

Aurens felt his frustration rising. Did these men understand nothing? “It will spread!” 

“Then in God’s name, use the fire brigade!” 

“We have tried, Aurens. There is no….force in the water.” 

Aurens was at the end of his tether. “Then you must carry it!” 

The way the man was looking at him, the affront on his face, one would think Aurens had asked him to bow down and kiss his boots. “The Rualla do not carry water!” 

Naturally, Auda had to make things worse by tossing out “What else are they good for?” 

There was another uproar, some laughing, the Rualla furious. Aurens was done. He rose, gesturing for people to follow, not knowing if any would. At the door, he was greeted with hundreds of men waving papers, petitions they wanted heard. There was no time for that now, no time at all. They had to get the damn fire put out. 

He struggled to find his way through them. “We will hear petitions this afternoon!” 

If there was still even a city this afternoon. 

****~*~** **

He had failed. 

All this time, so much planning, fighting, so much work….the entire war come to this. Just him, Auda, and Ali alone in the town hall while the rest of the men departed in darkness. 

It wasn’t even the fire. He had gotten the fire put out alright. No, in the end all it had come down to was the men being unable to work together and unwilling to try. If Feisal had been there, maybe he could have managed it, but Aurens….Aurens was nothing. He was no leader. Dera’a had shown him that and this? This had just proved it. He had promised them Damascus and he didn’t deliver. 

Still, he refused to leave nothing here for Feisal. He sat silently writing everything down, well aware of both Auda and Ali watching him. 

Auda’s hand suddenly snatched the paper. “Leave it, Aurens! Come with me.” 

“Come where?” Not that it mattered. If Aurens were to go anywhere of his choosing, it would be with Ali, and he couldn’t. 

“Back!” Auda pointed at Aurens. “I know your heart.” 

Aurens didn’t say a thing. Instead, he gently extracted the paper from Auda’s hand and returned his attention to it. 

“What is it? Is it this?” Auda gestured to the room, a mess with littered paper. “I tell you this is nothing.” 

Aurens went on writing. Ali simply sat watching, saying nothing but seeing everything. Auda spun as though to leave, but almost immediately turned back to Aurens. “Is it….the blood?” His voice became reassuring. “The desert has dried up more blood than you could think of.” 

Aurens’ voice was carefully blank; he raised one hand. “I pray I may never see the desert again. Hear me God.” 

Auda was clearly not convinced. “You will come. There is only the desert for you.” With that, he turned and left Aurens and Ali alone. 

The Englishman could feel those eyes on him. He looked up to see Ali still watching him, expressionless. Returning to his work, he asked “what about you, Ali?” 

“No.” His voice was very soft. “I shall stay here and learn politics.” 

Aurens hesitated in his writing, but did not look up. His mind was filled with memories of their many nights together, studying beneath the stars, huddled close beneath the blankets, kissing for wrong answers, for right answers, for any answers. He ached with the memory. “That’s a very low occupation.” 

“I had not thought of it when I met you.” The words were almost accusing. Ali rose to his feet, pacing to the door. He hesitated, looking at Aurens. For his part, Aurens was desperately trying to seem absorbed in his paper. He knew Ali was going to leave any minute and when that happened, he was going to cry. Ali was going to walk out that door and Aurens would never see him again. He didn’t know how he would bear it. 

“You have tried very hard to give us Damascus!” 

Aurens had to take a moment to get control over himself, to steady his voice. “…..it’s what I came for.” 

The response didn’t seem to content Ali, who began to leave without even saying goodbye. Aurens panicked. “And then—“ Ali turned to face him and the sight of that face nearly broke Aurens. 

_And then I met you. I came here to help the revolt, and then I met you, and everything changed. I fell in love with you, Ali. **God** , how I love you. I would give everything up if it meant you would be happy. I tried so hard to give you this. Oh **God** , why can’t I just make you happy??_

But all he said was “—it would be something….?” 

Ali seemed to sense there was much unsaid. “Yes.” He tried for a smile but didn’t quite manage it. “Much.” 

Aurens half-smiled back, and raised his hand in farewell. Ali gave a small bow and salaam, and he was gone. Gone out the door, the one and only chance in life for Aurens to ever be happy. 

_God_ , he prayed, _please let Ali find his happiness. Please._

With that, he laid his head down on the table and cried himself to sleep. 

****~*~** **

When the Colonel arrived the next day and told Aurens he had forgotten to help the men in the Turkish military hospital, he felt such an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. He was completely at the end of his tether. Without Ali, his strength had left him. But that wasn’t good enough. He had come here and seized the city in Feisal’s name; it was up to him to take care of all of it, including the hospital. 

When he saw the state of it, he nearly threw up. It was a disaster. Dead bodies lined up with the living, men with dirty wrappings, flies buzzing round. He found a jug and a tap and tried to fill it, but the water pressure still wasn’t working. 

A car rolled up filled with doctors and nurses. A medical officer marched into the hospital. “This is outrageous!” He came up to Aurens. “Outrageous!” 

Aurens began to laugh; he couldn’t help it. He had tried so hard, so very hard, to help, and it had all come crashing down. He was dimly aware that he was having a breakdown, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

The medical officer slapped him across the face hard enough to send him flying into the wall. “Filthy little wog.” 

Aurens simply lay crouched against the wall, laughing, but it felt much closer to tears. 

_Oh, Ali._

****~*~** **

It wasn’t long before Feisal arrived. God, how Aurens wished he had only gotten there sooner. But there was no point in that now. Now all he could do was hold his tongue and pray for release from service. 

“My friend Lawrence, if I may call him that—“ _my friend Lawrence_ ”—how many men will claim the right to use that phrase, how proudly!” 

Despite the use of the word “friend”, Aurens couldn’t help noticing that Feisal was still calling him “Lawrence” now, no longer “Aurens”. He supposed that was no one’s fault but his own. 

“He longs for the greenness of his native land. He pines for the gothic cottages of…Surrey…is it not? Already in imagination he catches trout and….all the activities of the English gentleman.” 

Allenby was clearly uncomfortable. “That’s me you’re describing, sir, not Colonel Lawrence.” 

It was too true. All Aurens wanted was to stay here in Arabia, to rush to Ali’s side and beg his forgiveness, fall at his knees and say how much he loved him, how desperately. But he couldn’t do that. He had to let Ali move on. 

Allenby’s eyes flicked to him, and he realized he had missed some vital bit of information. “You’re promoted Colonel.” 

He didn’t care. Why should he? “Yes.” His voice was soft and, try as he might, he couldn’t feign any interest as he asked “what for?” 

Feisal interjected. “Take the honor, Colonel. Be a little kind.” 

Allenby, on the other hand, had no time for Aurens or his questions. “As a Colonel, you’ll have a cabin to yourself on the boat home.” 

Well, that was one thing, anyway. “Then…thank you.” 

A heavy, awkward silence fell. Allenby didn’t seem to want to even look at Aurens. Still, he wanted him gone. “Well then….Godspeed.” 

But Feisal wasn’t done. “There is nothing further for a warrior here. We drive bargains.” 

Aurens looked at him, feeling real surprise stirring. Feisal was trying to comfort him. He had no idea why the man should wish to do so, after all the trouble he had caused, but that’s just what Feisal was doing. “Old men’s work,” he continued. “Young men make wars, and virtues of war are the virtues of young men: courage and hope for the future. And then old men make the peace, and the vices of peace are the vices of old men: mistrust and caution.” His voice was gentle. “It must be so.” 

Aurens didn’t know what to say. He wanted to thank Feisal, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. Wordlessly, he turned and headed to the door. Just as he was exiting, Feisal’s voice came again, almost too low to hear: “What I owe you is beyond evaluation.” 

The words went straight to Aurens’ heart. He felt the tears fill his eyes, burning. 

Feisal was grateful to him. The man was actually grateful to him, after all he had done wrong. Aurens couldn’t handle that, he couldn’t. 

He headed downstairs, knowing a car was waiting for him, and was accosted by the same medical officer who had slapped him the day before. “It’s Colonel Lawrence, isn’t it?” He managed a nod. “Well, may I shake your hand, sir?” Aurens didn’t get a chance to respond before the man was wringing his hand enthusiastically. “Just want to be able to say I’ve done it, sir.” 

Was he going out of his mind? This _was_ the same man, wasn’t it? He was about to turn away, but thought better of it, turning to the man again. 

“…..haven’t we met before?” 

The officer frowned. “Don’t think so sir.” The smile returned. “No, sir. I should have remembered that.” 

But now Aurens was positive. That frown was the same one he had seen yesterday. This was the man who had slapped him, who had called him a filthy wog. This idiot didn’t recognize him because he was in a British uniform and not his robes. The stupid prejudiced bastard. 

He sat silently in the car as they drove away from Damascus. He didn’t know the man driving, and even if he had, he didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

Up ahead, he spotted a file of Bedouin and his heart leapt in combined fear and excitement. Against his better judgement, he stood up to get a better look. Was Ali among them? Could he get one last look? 

But the man was nowhere to be seen. Aurens sank back into his seat in disappointment. 

“Well, sir.” The driver’s voice startled Aurens out of his stupor. “Going home!” 

“Mm?” 

“Home, sir!” 

Aurens said nothing. There was no way to explain, even had he wanted to, that England wasn’t home. Home was a small room in Azrak. Home was a tiny little tent, a blanket spread beneath the stars. Home was Ali. 

Aurens would never see his home again. 

****~tbc~** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I can hold my breath_  
>  _I can bite my tongue_  
>  _I can stay awake for days_  
>  _If that's what you want_  
>  _Be your number one_  
>   
> 
> _I can fake a smile_  
>  _I can force a laugh_  
>  _I can dance and play the part_  
>  _If that's what you ask_  
>  _Give you all I am_
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  _I can do it_  
>  _I can do it_
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  _I can turn it on_  
>  _Be a good machine_  
>  _I can hold the weight of worlds_  
>  _If that's what you need_  
>  _Be your everything_
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  _I can do it_  
>  _I can do it_  
>  _I'll get through it_
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  _I can take so much_  
>  _'Til I've had enough_
> 
>  
> 
>    
>  _'Cause I'm only human_  
>  _And I bleed when I fall down_  
>  _I'm only human_  
>  _And I crash and I break down_  
>  _Your words in my head, knives in my heart_  
>  _You build me up and then I fall apart_  
>  _'Cause I'm only human_
> 
>  
> 
> ~Christina Perri, 'Only Human'


	27. Goodbye Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yea, turns out there's one more angsty chapter before the happy ending. Otherwise it would have been crazy long, over thirty pages in Word. Sorry!
> 
> The title is from a Rocket Summer song. Here's the link to hear it: **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gB2rkodxxR0**
> 
> As always, LifeLover, alieanor, and brightsidest, who I haven't heard from in a while. Hope you're alright, lovely!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing! I love you all!

They reached the city before Allenby, and the relief on Aurens’ face was evident. Ali wanted nothing more than to pull the man aside, to have a moment alone after the horrible falling out on the way there, but he was afraid it would be unwelcome. Aurens had sent the rider back to him with the grapes, a clear peace offering, but he still didn’t think the Englishman was ready for more than the vague friendliness they’d had at Azrak.

He didn’t have a chance to speak to Aurens, anyway. The man worked like a madman non-stop, trying to make certain that all the jobs at Damascus were divided evenly. It made sense, but he was going to work himself to death. Ali did his best to help by organizing the Harith and dividing the work between them, but he knew he had to make Aurens rest before he broke down.

Even so, it was hours before he got a chance to confront the man. “Aurens.”

Aurens jumped at the touch to his shoulder, and Ali was surprised at the look of shock in those blue eyes. “Ali!”

“Aurens, you must rest.”

But Aurens made no reply, simply stared at Ali as though he couldn’t believe the man was talking to him. Ali felt overwhelming guilt. Had he been that cruel after the battle with the Turks? Aurens looked as though he thought Ali loathed him, as if he had never expected the Harith to speak to him again. “Aurens?”

That stirred a reply. “Yes?”

He was relieved at the response. “You have not stopped working since we got here. You must rest.”

Aurens looked surprised by the news. “…..oh.”

Ali couldn’t help but be amused. It was just like Aurens to get so caught up in his work that he didn’t even notice that hours had gone by. “You should get some sleep, my l—“ but he broke off, flushing. _My love_. He couldn’t call Aurens that right now. He didn’t know if Aurens would ever let him call him that again. How it hurt. 

Strangely enough, Aurens looked as though he were in pain as well, though Ali didn’t know if it were from the term or from the way Ali had stopped himself from using it. He nodded. 

“Yes. I will. I just have to finish up this last thing—“ but Ali pulled the paper from his grasp. “Ali!”

“It will still be there in the morning.”

Aurens sighed, but didn’t reach for the paper again. “Fine.” Pushing back his chair, he rose. “I’ll sleep.” 

“Good.” They walked together in silence, neither knowing what to say.

At last, Aurens spoke up. “Do you….” His voice was timid. “….do you have a room?” 

Ali was completely taken aback. “I do. I am staying with Majid.” Why was Aurens asking this? Did he….was there any chance he could possibly want to share a room? Ali’s voice was hesitant. “….unless you wanted to…”

“No.” The response was immediate, cutting off Ali’s question before he could finish it. 

Ali had expected that response, but that didn’t mean he was happy with it. He forced down the hurt he was feeling, affecting a formal air. “Alright, then. Goodnight, _Major Lawrence_.” Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked off down the hallway, trying to ignore the pain he was feeling, the tears that threatened to fall.

Majid was already in their room. He looked up questioningly at Ali. “Where have you been?”

“Trying to make Aurens get some rest.” Ali really didn’t want to talk about this, didn’t want to think about it.

“That sounds about right.” Majid was silent, watching Ali. He clearly wasn’t certain whether he should ask any more. “….has anything changed?”

Ali shrugged uncomfortably. “I do not know. There are moments when I can tell that he wishes to go back to how things were, but something is holding him back.”

Majid smiled reassuringly. “You will work it out.” He turned out the light.

Ali wasn’t so certain, but he tried to put the worries out of mind. They still had a lot of work ahead of them. Tomorrow was going to be a very long day indeed. He wouldn’t make it through if he was also worrying about his relationship with Aurens.

How he would _stop_ worrying was a different matter altogether.

“Majid?” His whisper was unnaturally loud in the dark, silent room.

“Mm?”

“What will I do if he leaves?” He was losing the battle against the tears, his voice becoming choked with emotion. 

“Oh, Ali.” Majid was at his side in an instant. “You must make him see past this ridiculous guilt he is feeling. We both will. Then he will stay.” 

“But I hurt him.”

That surprised Majid. “How did you hurt him?”

Through his tears, Ali explained what had happened after the battle, how he had looked at Aurens with barely disguised disgust, how he hadn’t been able to touch him, the way that he had hurled such pointed remarks at him. “I was cruel.” Majid was silent, processing. Ali struggled to catch his breath, to swallow down his tears. “And now he will feel even guiltier.” 

“Well then,” Majid gently tousled Ali’s hair in a way he had not done in years. “We will simply have to try harder to convince him, will we not?”

How did Majid always manage to make things seem so simple? Somehow, Ali managed a watery smile. “Yes. Thank you, my friend.”

“Always.” Majid returned to his own bed and was quickly asleep. Ali lingered longer, heart somewhat lightened as he thought of tomorrow. He would find Aurens first thing and this time he wouldn’t take no for an answer; he would _make_ the man talk with him. Together, they could work this out.

They had to. He couldn’t handle anything else.

 

**~*~**

 

He found Aurens sound asleep on one of the patio benches. What he was doing there, Ali had no idea.

“Aurens. Aurens!”

Those blue eyes blinked open, looking confused at his strange location. Wincing, he sat up. “What time is it?”

“Early. Aurens, what are you doing out here?” But Aurens only shrugged. Ali’s high hopes were rapidly falling. Aurens seemed in no mood to talk. “Aurens—“

“What happened to Major Lawrence?” The words were snide, but Aurens’ expression said he immediately regretted saying them. Even so, Ali’s eyes narrowed.

“Do not play games with me, Aurens. You are the one who has been acting so formal since you returned from Jerusalem. And now you are, what—mad that I called you Major?” He was quickly growing frustrated. He was trying so hard, and Aurens wasn’t trying at all. How could the man now get sarcastic with him, as if this was his fault? Didn’t Aurens see how hard he was trying, how much he wanted this to work? 

Aurens had no response. He simply turned away and headed inside, but Ali was right behind him.

“Aurens…” But Aurens didn’t stop walking. That was it. That was the last straw. “Dammit, Aurens, listen to me!” Grabbing Aurens by the shoulder, Ali spun him about. Aurens stared at him, eyes wide. Ali was desperate. “Why must you be this way? Can we not go back to how we were before?” He looked at Aurens, pleading in his eyes. _Please, Aurens. I love you._

The expression on Aurens’ face was equally despairing, and Ali knew he wanted to say yes, knew it just as surely as he knew that wasn’t the answer he was going to be given. “No.” The word was no more than a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

Something inside Ali died, along with his last hope. Somehow he managed to keep himself from breaking apart as he pulled away from Aurens. “As am I.”

It seemed as though Aurens was about to break down as well. He turned and fled, leaving Ali alone in the hallway. This time, Ali was grateful, for he could hold back his tears no longer. He walked back towards his room blindly, unable to see through the tears in his eyes, gaze on the ground before him so that no one would notice.

No one except Majid, who he passed by. “Ali?” Ali made no reply, only walked on. “Ali!” He caught up with Ali, grabbed him by the arm. “Ali, what is wrong?”

“Let me go.”

Immediately, Majid saw the tears and, not releasing his arm, gently guided him the rest of the way to their room. Once the door was shut, Ali let go and the tears flowed freely. Majid led him to the bed and sat beside him, wrapping both arms around him. “Ali, what happened?”

It was some time before Ali could answer, his tears were coming too hard. At last he managed “Aurens.” Expecting this answer, Majid simply waited for more. “I asked him….he said….” He struggled for breath. “He said we can never again be what we once were.”

There was a pause as Majid waited to see if Ali would say anything else. When he realized the man was done, he became dumbfounded. “And that was it? You let him walk away??”

Ali couldn’t believe Majid would ask such a question. “What else was I _supposed_ to do, Majid?”

“Chase him! Refuse to give up!” Majid seemed thoroughly exasperated. “For God’s sake, Ali! The two of you are in love!”

“Were,” Ali corrected. “He no longer loves me.”

“Do not be stupid, Ali,” Majid was cross. “You know that is not true.”

Ali was silent, for he _did_ know this. Everything about the way Aurens spoke, the way he looked at Ali, stated that he was still very much in love with him. “What do you expect me to do?”

“Hold on to him! Tell him how you feel! Do not just let him say something so asinine and walk away! Make him stay and talk it out!”

Ali’s eyes were filling with tears again. Majid saw them and sighed. “I am sorry. I am not mad at you, Ali. I just hate to see you so upset when you should not be in this situation to begin with. The two of you are meant for each other.”

“Tell that to him.”

“You know what? I think I will.” Majid rose to his feet.

“Majid? Majid!” But the man was already out the door.

Oh dear. Ali had a horrible feeling that Aurens was about to get an earful.

 _Aurens_. Ali’s heart ached. Had he truly lost the man forever? He couldn’t bear the thought of it. Life without Aurens….

A knock came on the door. He shook himself and dried his eyes before answering. “Yes?”

It was one of his men. “Ali, if you have any time, we could use your help before the meeting this afternoon?”

A distraction. That was exactly what he needed. He nodded. “I will be right there.”

The man left, and Ali closed the door, leaning back against it and shutting his eyes. He needed a moment to compose himself.

 _Aurens_ , he prayed silently, _please do not give up on us_.

There was nothing more he could do right now. Taking a deep breath, he headed out to help his men. It would be some time still until the meeting.

 

**~*~**

 

Things were going disastrously. Aurens was doing his very best to control the meeting, but it was pure chaos. Everyone seemed to be yelling simultaneously, if that were possible. This came naturally to Auda, who was right at home. He wasted no time in insulting Ali and his men, getting on his feet and screaming right in Ali’s face. Ali had thus far managed to keep control of himself, but it was straining him to do so. 

At last, Aurens rose to his feet and began to pound on the table with the butt of his pistol until all the noise ceased.

“We here are neither Harith nor Howeitat, nor any other tribe but Arabs of the Arab Council, acting for Prince Feisal!”

Auda pointed at Ali. “He insulted me!”

Ali glared, but said nothing. He could do this. He could behave. 

“Sherif Ali said that the telephones are in the care of the Howeitat and that the telephones have ceased to work. And that is true, Auda.”

“They will not work because they are given no electricity. The electricity is in the care of the Harith!” He made a rude gesture at Ali, and that was it. That was too far. Ali jumped to his feet, ready to dive at Auda, but Aurens caught him by the shoulder.

“If you answer,” he said softly, “there’ll be bloodshed.”

Ali couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He turned to Aurens, incredulous, angry. “ _You_ speak to me of bloodshed?” As soon as he said the words, he regretted them. His frustration and anger with Auda had brought them forth, not anything he felt for Aurens. But it was Aurens who they affected, Aurens who looked away, shame in his eyes, his hand falling away from Ali’s shoulder as though he didn’t think he even deserved to touch him. 

Ali wanted to stop the meeting, to take Aurens’ face in his hands and apologize, to whisper words of regret, of love. _I love you, Aurens. I am so sorry for how I behaved. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You had a moment of weakness. It can happen to anyone. Stop killing yourself over it. Why can you not see how wonderful you are?_

But there was no time for that now. There was so much at stake here: the entire Arab Nation. He couldn’t let it fall apart because Auda was offended.

“I ask pardon of Auda Abu Tayi.”

Auda raised his eyebrows. “Humbly? Humbly, Harith?”

“Yes, humbly.” _God_ , he hated apologizing to such an irritating man. But it had to be done.

Aurens was clearly grateful for the apology, though he said nothing, simply pushed on. “Why is there no electricity?”

Majid rose. “I have been to that Electrical House, Aurens. There are three large…machines…”

“He means generators!” a man called out.

Everyone laughed, but as usual, Majid was not offended. He merely smiled. “So. One of them is burning. They are of an incredible size, but helpless.”

“It is so of all machines,” another sheik said.

“Let them burn,” another added. “What need of telephones?”

The clamor rose again, a chorus of agreement. Aurens pounded on the table once more for attention.

“The need is absolute!”

“Then we need the English engineers,” Ali said to him. None of them were any good with machines of any kind.

“No! Take English engineers and you take English government!”

Aurens’ voice had an undercurrent of panic, and Ali could see just how desperate he was to make them understand, to make this all work out. He felt even worse about what he had said. Aurens was trying so hard to help them. Why couldn’t the man see, why couldn’t he understand how good he was? He wanted to take Aurens by the shoulders and shake him, to _force_ him to see, to understand just how wonderful a man he was, to understand how much Ali loved him. 

Two men burst in the door, one yelling “fire!” He was gasping for breath. “Fire has broken out!

“Where?” 

“The Jinsibi District!”

One man shrugged it off. “It is not a district that matters.”

Aurens was clearly beyond frustrated. “It will spread!”

“Then in God’s name, use the fire brigade!”

“We have tried, Aurens. There is no….force in the water.”

“Then you must carry it!”

Ali knew even before the answer came that it would be a refusal. The man looked horribly offended. “The Rualla do not carry water!”

Naturally, Auda had to make things worse by tossing out “What else are they good for?”

There was another uproar, some laughing, the Rualla furious. Aurens rose, gesturing for people to follow. Not many did. Ali was one of the few. They had to fight their way past hundreds of men waving petitions at Aurens, desperate to make themselves heard.

“We will hear petitions this afternoon!” The despair was evident in Aurens’ voice, despite how hard he was trying to hide it. Ali felt so terrible for him. He was trying so very hard to help them all, to give them the city he had promised, the dream of Damascus, and they were not making it easy. If they failed, it would not be Aurens’ fault but theirs, but he knew Aurens would still blame himself.

Ali prayed they did not fail.

 

**~*~**

 

Fail they did. 

So long spent fighting and planning and in the end all it had come down to was the men being unable to work together and unwilling to try. It was the fault of Ali and his people and their fault alone. But did Aurens accept that? Of course not.

Everyone had left except Ali, Aurens, and Auda, and still Aurens was at work, writing everything down to leave for Feisal. Ali watched him silently. He was certain now that there would be no convincing Aurens to stay with him. The Englishman had already been so very adamant that he could not stay, that he did not deserve to be here after all that had happened, all he had done, all of his supposed wrongs. Ali could not imagine how much he blamed himself for the loss of Damascus, how much greater the guilt piled high in his mind. No, Aurens would not stay.

He watched Auda talking with Aurens, trying to convince him to return to the desert, knowing it was a lost cause. Auda pointed at Aurens. “I know your heart.”

Ali wanted to laugh. Auda had no idea what was in Aurens’ heart. He would never know. He didn’t know what made Aurens work, how he thought, how he felt. 

Aurens had not replied to Auda, only continued writing. Ali simply sat watching, saying nothing but seeing everything. Auda spun as though to leave, but almost immediately turned back to Aurens. “Is it….the blood?” His voice became reassuring. “The desert has dried up more blood than you could think of.”

Ali wanted to scream. That would never reassure Aurens. How could Auda understand the way Aurens felt about killing? He couldn’t. He never would.  
Aurens’ voice was carefully blank; he raised one hand. “I pray I may never see the desert again. Hear me God.”

The words made Ali’s heart ache. It was true then. Aurens was going to leave and never return. He would never see his love again.

Auda was clearly not convinced. “You _will_ come. There is only the desert for you.” With that, he turned and left Aurens and Ali alone.

Ali sat silently watching Aurens. He knew he had to leave, and that once he did, that was it: that was the last he would ever see of Aurens. He had to go and yet he couldn’t bring himself to move. 

Aurens looked up to see Ali still watching him, expressionless. Returning to his work, he asked “what about you, Ali?”

“No.” His voice was very soft. “I shall stay here and learn politics.”

Politics. So many memories of Aurens teaching him. That silly little book they used, still safely tucked away in Ali’s saddlebag. The way they would exchange kisses for right answers, or wrong ones, depending on the day, on their mood. Nights spent beneath the stars, learning together. His heart throbbed with pain at the thought of it.

He saw Aurens hesitate in his writing and wondered if the man was remembering the same things. He didn’t look up from his paper, didn’t turn. “That’s a very low occupation.” 

Ali ached. “I had not thought of it when I met you.” The words were almost accusing, he could not help it. Aurens had started him down this path and now he was leaving Ali here alone. He rose to his feet, pacing to the door, then hesitated, looking at Aurens. For his part, Aurens was desperately trying to seem absorbed in his paper, but not doing a very good job of it. Was he as upset as Ali was? Did he regret leaving? Would he miss Ali as much as Ali would miss him? 

“You have tried very hard to give us Damascus!”

“…..it’s what I came for.”

That was not the response Ali wanted. He didn’t _want_ Aurens to have come back for Damascus, he wanted it to have been for him. _Return for me, stay for me. Stay **with me**._ He couldn’t bear it anymore. Turning away, he began to head out the door, but was stopped by Aurens’ voice.

“And then—“ 

Ali turned to Aurens and the sight of that face sent a pang through him. Aurens’ face was such a strange combination of emotions: panic, desperation, pleading. Love. 

But all he said was “—it would be something….?”

There was so much unsaid in those few words. “Yes.” Ali tried for a smile but didn’t quite manage it. “Much.”

Aurens half-smiled back, and raised his hand in farewell. Ali gave a small bow and salaam, and he was gone. Gone out the door, away from the only person he could ever love.

He headed outside into the darkness, struggling to hold back his tears. He had to get out of there, had to find Majid. He knew the man wasn’t too far off. He wouldn’t have left Ali alone.

Then Auda stepped out of the shadows and grasped him by the arm. He was too surprised to pull away, and terrified that Auda had seen his tears. 

“He is your friend?” But there were so many undertones in that one word, _‘friend’_ , so much meaning layered in it.

Ali set off down the walkway, averting his face to hide his tears. “Take your hand away.”

Auda ignored him. “You love him.”

The words made Ali’s heart ache. He knew that Auda knew about him and Aurens. For a long time there had been nothing but suspicions, but as time went on and Aurens grew bolder and more open with his affections, it left little doubt as to the nature of their relationship. Auda knew they had been a couple. 

But Ali couldn’t contain his emotion any longer. “No, I fear him.” And some part of him did. It scared him how much hatred Aurens felt for himself. He didn’t understand it, he _couldn’t_. Aurens was just so good, so pure. How could anyone so truly good, someone who had so much love for the people and the world around him, think so terribly of himself? Ali didn’t understand, he _couldn’t_ understand, and it frightened him a little.

Auda peered into his face. “Then why do you weep?”

There was no point in arguing; it was very clear that he was crying. Ali struggled to find the words. “If _I_ fear him, who love him….how must he fear himself, who hates himself?” 

For Aurens truly did hate himself. It made Ali ache to his very soul. He would give anything to take that pain away, but he couldn’t. He had tried and tried, and still he failed. He simply didn’t know how. 

He realized that Auda was still watching him and all the frustration of being unable to do anything for Aurens, the person he loved beyond all others, came pouring out.

“Take your hand away!” He shouted, and he wrenched himself free, drawing his dagger. “Howeitat!”

Auda barely moved to avoid the blow. If anything, he seemed amused by the reaction. “Ohhh. So you are not yet entirely politician.”

Ali glanced towards the building where Aurens still sat. “Not yet.”

“Well, these are new tricks, and I am an old dog. And Allah be thanked.”

Ali didn’t want to hear any of this. He didn’t care about it. He sheathed his dagger and began to walk away. But Auda wasn’t done.

“I’ll tell thee what, though. Being an ‘Arab’ will be thornier than thou suppose—Harith!”

He was unable to help sparing Auda a last glance before vanishing into the darkness. He needed to get away from this place. Feisal would surely want him back, but he could leave until Aurens was gone. Certainly Feisal would understand.

Majid was waiting for him not too far down the road. “Well, Ali?” 

Ali tried to speak, but no words would come. He was aware of hysterics rising in him, tears burning his eyes, and was immediately brought back to that day outside of Dera’a when Aurens first left. He had been shocked then to experience such tears. He hadn’t truly cried since he was a child. It had taken Aurens to bring such deep emotion out of him. Aurens had been the first person he had ever truly loved. It would figure Aurens would also be the first person he would ever lose, too.

 

**~tbc~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT: I make no commentary on who is at fault for not succeeding in taking Damascus. Ali blames himself just as Aurens blames himself. That’s all.**
> 
> Just walk away  
> Gather your thoughts for the second wave  
> of this argument on this epic changing day  
> It's crazy to think that an hour ago all things were great  
> But we stand both proud, both wrong and right  
> Throwing cheap shots in this stubborn fight  
> And our lives are so intertwined in one  
> And we're just so stuck in this moment its clear that we're coming undone
> 
> And you see it's hard for me to breathe  
> when I get all worked up with these feelings  
> And I don't know exactly how it is  
> that we can be so mad we consider to not exist  
> And we both know there's so much love clenched within our fists
> 
> So hey now, maybe we're just being stupid  
> Hey, maybe we're being dumb  
> So hey now, maybe it's time that we stopped and we realize that like a flag in the wind we are one  
> And how at first it's made so pure and lovely  
> But in battle can be torn to shreds  
> But with time and with patience and love and affection  
> can be fixed with needle and thread  
> Because I love you and you love me  
> And nothing will make this leave  
> So remember me.
> 
> ~Rocket Summer, 'Goodbye Waves and Driveways'


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A few very important notes:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I had 'Seven Pillars' published in this chapter. Obviously that is VERY different than real life, but it suited the events of this story, so yea.  
> I use several quotes from it, all of them which were about a Sherif Ali ibn el Hussein, who I believe was the inspiration for the Ali of the film. I think it will be incredibly obvious why.  
> I did my best to follow the details of the Paris Peace Conference, which I looked up online, but didn't get into too much detail, for I am not a politician and could not follow it as well as I would like.
> 
> Please forgive me for the timeline discrepency of the book and the conference. It just suited my needs so well.
> 
> The lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from a Colbie Caillat song. I put them at the start because the song is sad and the majority of the chapter is happy, but it fit too perfectly the mood at the start to pass up. Here's the link to the song itself: **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfxP4ORIIOY**
> 
> There should be just one chapter left, a bit of Aurens' pov and the happy epilogue. If you have any prompts, continue to throw them my way!
> 
> LifeLover, alienor, brightsidest, you guys know I love you.

_I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night_  
_I miss the way we sleep_  
_Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile_  
_I miss the way we breathe_

_I see your blue eyes every time I close mine_  
_You make it hard to see_  
_where I belong to when I'm not around you_  
_It's like I'm not with me_

_And now I miss everything about you_  
_I can't believe it; I still want you_  
_After all the things we've been through_  
_I miss everything about you._

Ali worked as hard as he could for Feisal, burying himself in his work to keep himself distracted from the pain of living a life without Aurens. He was well aware of the looks everyone was giving him, particularly Majid. The fact that the rest of the men were beginning to look at him with worry should probably have had him concerned, but he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t. _If I stop, I’ll break_.

Everyone was extremely careful not to discuss Aurens in front of Ali. Now and then he would hear the name whispered and it would send a pang to his heart. He barely slept, and when he did, his dreams were haunted by vision of a fair haired, blue eyed man, whispering words of love, a man who vanished as soon as Ali reached for him. There were always tears on his pillow when he woke.

“Ali, you cannot keep going like this!” Majid was nearly at his breaking point. “I cannot watch you fall apart this way! You cannot expect me to just sit here and watch you die slowly from over exhaustion!”

Ali felt a wave of guilt. He put a hand on Majid’s shoulder. “I am sorry. I will try harder.”

After that, he ate more, and managed to get a bit more sleep and little by little, things improved, if only ever so slightly. He still may as well have been dead for all he cared, for what was life without Aurens?

Days began to pass by in a haze, a never-ending cycle of work and forcing himself to get enough food and sleep to survive. Majid tried to lift his spirits and he did his very best to appear happier, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. He didn’t know that he would ever truly be able to smile again.

Then a book showed up. At first Ali paid it no mind, but the men were being so secretive about it, huddled over it and casting furtive glances in his direction as they whispered. Then he caught the word ‘Aurens’.

“What do you have there?”

“Nothing.”

But he was heading over and they couldn’t hide it any longer. Reluctantly, they showed him the cover, and his heart skipped a beat. _‘Seven Pillars of Wisdom’_ by T.E. Lawrence. “What is this?”

“It is by Aurens. About his time here.”

His heart was pounding. So this was what Aurens had been writing all that time, that writing he was so secretive about and refused to let Ali read. Taking the book, Ali opened it and flipped through, scanning the pages to when Aurens first arrived in Arabia. But….nothing. No mention of their encounter at the well. He felt a wave of disappointment, which he told himself was silly. He had not behaved very well in that situation; why would he want it immortalized in print? But he knew what was truly upsetting him was simply that Aurens hadn’t mentioned him at all. That hurt. Was he really so unimportant now? Had Aurens forgotten him completely? 

Ali put the book out of his mind. Let the men read it if they liked. He had other things to do. He threw himself back into his work with everything he had. 

It was January when Feisal was invited to the Paris Peace Conference. For the first time since Aurens left, Ali actually felt a stirring of excitement. This was a very big thing for Arabia to be involved in. 

Feisal was extremely pleased. “I would like you to come with me, Ali.”

Ali felt incredibly honored to be asked, though he supposed it shouldn’t be surprising. He was their chief politician. He opened his mouth to answer that yes, of course he would come….and was stopped with a sudden thought. “…….will Aure—Colonel Lawrence be there?” 

He could swear he saw a combined look of amusement and pity cross Feisal’s face at the way he broke off from ‘Aurens’. “Yes, Ali, he will. He is acting as interpreter for us.”

Ali felt such an overwhelming mix of emotions: longing, fear, desire….love. Such love. But he couldn’t go through this again, he couldn’t. He was shaking his head. “No. I am sorry. I cannot.” He left the room, hearing Feisal call his name but not turning back. 

He sat in his room, trembling. Aurens. To see Aurens again. He shook his head. It was too much to think of. He couldn’t even begin to process it. How he longed to go. But if Aurens should turn him away again….

The door opened and Majid entered. “I take it Feisal asked you about Paris.”

He looked up at Majid, shaking his head. “I cannot go, Majid. I cannot face him again.”

Majid sighed and sank down onto the bed beside him. “Ali…”

“I cannot.”

“Ali.” It was then that Ali noticed that Majid had a book in his hand. Aurens’ book. He held it up. “Did you see how he wrote of you in his book?”

That got Ali’s attention. “He wrote of me?” How had he missed it?

Majid looked as though he could not believe Ali’s stupidity. It was an expression Ali was used to after their many years of friendship. “Ali….” Shaking his head, he handed over the book, already opened, and pointed to a page. “Read.”

Ali took the book in hand, eyes scanning the page, trying to control the racing of his heart. But it was impossible not to feel too eager, especially as he read the words.

There—his name: Ali ibn el Kharish. _“The youthful and attractive Harith Sherif.”_ Ali could not believe the words, eyes doubling back to reread them, picking out the words _“physically splendid”_ amongst the rest in the paragraph, even as he huffed a laugh when it called him _“impertinent and headstrong.”_ Even so, he couldn't help reading the words yet again. _“Youthful and attractive”_ ….

Ali realized that Majid was watching him, smiling, and he flushed. “So?” he asked defensively.

“You do not think that says quite a bit?”

Ali shrugged uncomfortably. “Maybe. He also calls me impertinent and headstrong.” 

“You _are_.” Ali glared, but Majid only laughed. “Ali, is it in Aurens to mince words?”

Ali had to admit that it was not. Still: “Since when are you his big defender? You always told me to be careful of my feelings. I would not think a few favorable words would change that.”

“Ali…” Majid flipped through the book, then thrust it before Ali. “He did it twice.” Ali looked up at Majid, confused. “You got two introductions, Ali, and both of them read like romance novels.”

The words sank in slowly, and Ali took the book in hand. _“The greatest asset of Feisal’s cause in this work up North was Sherif Ali ibn el Kharish.”_ Majid was right; it did read as though Ali was being introduced for the first time, not a mere chapter or so before. _“The mixed natures in him made of his face and body powerful pleadings, carnal perhaps, except in so far as they were transfused by character. No one could see him without the desire to see him again; especially when he smiled, as he did rarely, with both mouth and eyes at once. His beauty was a conscious weapon. He dressed spotlessly, all in black, and he studied gesture.”_

Ali was vaguely aware that his heart was racing; he read on.

_“Fortune had added physical perfection and unusual grace, but these qualities were only the just expression of his powers. They made obvious the pluck which never yielded, which would have let him be cut to pieces, holding on. His pride broke out in his war-cry, ‘I am of the Harith’; while the huge eyes emphasized the frozen dignity which was his ideal carriage, and to which he was always striving to still himself. But as ever the bubbling laugh would shriek out of him unawares; and the youth, boyish or girlish, of him, the fire and deviltry would break through his night like a sunrise.”_

Ali’s hands were trembling; he quickly set the book down on the table, hoping Majid hadn’t noticed. “….and?” he managed, but his voice was not nearly as strong as he would like.

“Ali, do not be a fool. You are many things, but not an idiot. I know you are upset about Aurens leaving, and rightly so, but this….” Majid grabbed the book from the table and stabbed a finger at the page. “This could not be more blatant. I know that I told you to be careful, but this….this takes away all need. Do you know what it must have taken for him to publish such words in a book for anyone to read? Homosexuality is not legal in his country, nor do they turn a blind eye to it the way they do here.”

Ali had to concede the point. But Majid wasn’t done. “Also, this…” He flipped through a few more pages and, very serious this time, handed the book to Ali. Scanning the words, Ali’s eyes widened. Dera’a. Aurens had written of Dera’a. Ali forgot that Majid was even there as he devoured the words. He was shocked. The courage it must have taken to tell all of this in a book so many would be reading….tears filled Ali’s eyes at the reminder of just how broken Aurens had been that night. 

“Ali.”

Ali’s attention snapped up, startled at the reminder that Majid was in the room. The man was regarding him softly. “Did you know?”

Ali’s eyes were burning with tears; somehow he managed a nod. “Yes,” he whispered. Majid put an arm around him. Grateful for the comfort, he leaned into Majid. He felt as though he was going to really break down in tears. “He is so strong.”

Ever supportive, Majid didn’t judge. “He is.” After a moment, he spoke up hesitantly, as if he wasn’t certain he should share this last bit of information. “He also wrote about what happened when he left for Jerusalem. Between you two, I mean.”

Ali’s heart stopped. “He….you mean….” But he didn’t wait for Majid to show him, simply grabbed the book and pulled it back to him, flipping through the pages. 

_“He and I took affectionate leave of one another. Ali gave me half of his wardrobe and we kissed.”_

_We kissed._

He felt like he was in a fog. Aurens had written in his book that they had kissed. He had straight out written that they had kissed. “I….what?”

Majid huffed a laugh. “After that reaction, I’m almost afraid to show you the final bit.” And he turned the book to the front page, pointing to the dedication. This time, Ali read eagerly.

_To S.A._  
_I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands_  
_And wrote my will across the sky in stars_  
_To earn you Freedom, the seven pillared worthy house,_  
_That your eyes might be shining for me_  
_When we came._

S.A. Sherif Ali? Did he dare to hope….? Ali turned to Majid, eyes wide with disbelief. Majid couldn’t help but laugh.

“Maybe we are now rethinking our trip to the Peace Conference?” he teased. Somehow Ali managed a dumb nod.

“But I…..how do I talk to him after everything that happened?” They hadn’t ended on the best of terms. He would never forget the night they had parted in Damascus, the tears burning his eyes, blurring the moon from view.

Majid smiled. “If anyone can figure it out, it is you.”

Ali felt that so familiar overwhelming sense of gratitude towards his friend. He pulled Majid close, embracing him. “Thank you, my friend.”

Majid just laughed. “Go, you fool. Tell Feisal you will go with him.”

Smiling, Ali did as he was told, practically stumbling over his feet in his hurry through the hallways. Feisal was still in the meeting room, going over some papers. He didn’t look surprised to see Ali. 

“I will go,” he said breathlessly. “I will go to Paris.”

 

**~*~**

 

Paris was unlike anything Ali had ever seen before, or could have imagined. Aurens had once described England to him and he had done his best to imagine it, but it was hard to conjure up an image when he had no basis for comparison. He thought Paris might be fairly similar, but still, he didn’t know. How could he?

He wasn’t certain how he felt about it. It was both wonderful and disgusting. The architecture was beautiful, the houses lovely to look at, but the air….it was so thick with the exhaust of all the cars driving by. It didn’t seem to bother the French, but they lived with it every day. They didn’t have the experience of the open plains of Arabia. Walking down the streets, there were times when he felt almost trapped by the buildings, the cars driving past. It was all so close, so narrow. He couldn’t imagine living like this day to day. He thought of Aurens telling him of the English countryside, the open plains, and didn’t know why anyone would choose a city home over a life such as that. Did France have countryside like England did? He didn’t know.

When it was time for the conference itself, Ali could feel panic setting in. He would see Aurens any minute. Was Aurens thinking of him? Was he feeling nervous as well?

“Aurens.”

Ali jumped at Feisal’s voice, whirling around, and there he was. Aurens. He was as beautiful as Ali remembered, though he was back in British uniform, which Ali immediately hated. Aurens didn’t belong in those clothes. He deserved better. The British had never appreciated him, never treated him as he deserved. He also looked haggard, as though he had been working too hard. That was nothing new. 

“Hello, Prince Feisal.” Then those beautiful blue eyes slid to Ali, and Aurens gave him a shy smile. “Sherif Ali.”

Ali nearly melted in the face of that smile. “Just Ali, Aurens. Please. Or is it Colonel Lawrence?’ His heart pounded as he waited for an answer. But Aurens’ face had lit up at the correction and he shook his head.

“Just Aurens, please.” His face was aglow, some of that exhaustion ebbing away. Ali couldn’t take his eyes away. He was so very, very glad that Majid had talked him into coming.

Majid cleared his throat and Ali jumped. He realized that the man was watching them with some amusement. He sort of wanted to glare at his friend for interrupting them but he was too damn happy and too grateful to his friend. Majid simply grinned. “Hello, Aurens.”

“Hello, Majid.”

“I have something for you.” Majid reached into his satchel and pulled out a keffiyeh. “I thought you might wish to wear it, since you are standing with us.”

Aurens looked surprised. “You….really?” He turned to Feisal. “Is it permitted? I mean, after all that has happened?”

“You mean after the way you have been working to help my people?” Feisal seemed amused by the question. “Yes, Aurens, it is permitted.”

Aurens flushed. “I’ve failed miserably.”

“And yet you are still trying.” Feisal smiled. “Thank you.”

Aurens had no response. He was now blushing all the way to the tips of his ears. God, Ali had missed that. Majid held out the keffiyeh. “Ali, maybe you would like to help him?”

Yet again Ali wanted to glare, but he really did want nothing more than to help. Taking the keffiyeh, he turned to Aurens. “May I?”

Aurens nodded, that small, shy smile on his face once more. It was beyond endearing. “Please.”

Gently, Ali wrapped the cloth around Aurens’ head, tying the agal in place. “There.” 

Aurens was staring at Ali, and there was something in his eyes that the Harith couldn’t quite read. If he dared, he would almost call it love. “….how do I look?” Aurens managed at last. 

Ali smiled. “Very handsome.”

He hadn’t thought it possible for the man to turn redder, but apparently it was. Aurens fish mouthed for a moment, fumbling for words and finding none.

“I believe it is time for us to go in?” Feisal sounded amused.

Ali flushed. “Yes, my lord.”

Together, the four men headed inside. Ali was now ready to face whatever trouble was thrown their way. Aurens was back. With Aurens back, nothing could stop him. With Aurens at his side, he was invincible.

 

**~*~**

 

Under normal circumstances, the conference would have been too much to handle. It _had_ been frustrating. No one wanted to listen to the Arabs. They had barely gotten to come at all, and most of that was due to Aurens. They were considered unimportant, especially because they were supposedly now to be split up and given to the French and English. 

But it couldn’t be completely frustrating when Aurens was so desperately pushing for their independence. It was both heart-warming and entertaining, the former because he was trying so very hard on their behalf, and the latter because he would just not shut up, not matter how many times he was ordered to do so.

By the end of the first day they hadn’t accomplished much, but Aurens had succeeded in making their voices heard. The other countries knew that the Arabs were there and were not going to be easily silenced. That at least was something.

It was late, the sky dark. Ali could feel his stomach rumbling. Majid clearly heard it. “You are hungry, Ali?”

“Yes.”

“Did you wish to get some food?”

That sounded ridiculously good right now. He nodded. Majid turned to Aurens. “Would you like to get dinner, Aurens?”

The Englishman looked somewhat surprised to be invited, but pleased. “That would be nice.”

Majid clapped his hands together. “Wonderful! You two have fun. Ali, I will see you back at the hotel later.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving the two men staring after him, dumfounded.

“Did he….did he just set us up?” Aurens didn’t sound as though he could believe it. Ali, on the other hand, had lived too long with Majid to be surprised by much. He sighed.

“Yes. He did.” Uncertain, he looked to Aurens. “You do not have to come if you do not wish to.”

“No!” Aurens sounded almost panicked. “I mean, yes. I mean I want to.”

Ali stared at Aurens, then burst into laughter at the fumbling reply. Aurens glared. “Shut up.”

“No. You are ridiculous.”

“Are we going to dinner or not?”

Ali smiled. “I would love to.”

 

**~*~**

 

They had found a small café, mostly deserted. It was nice and private, and far from prying eyes. Ali was glad. He wanted Aurens all to himself.

The first few minutes were incredibly awkward, neither man knowing what to say, how to break the ice.

“So,” Ali began at last. “How have you been, Aurens?”

“Miserable.”

The answer caught Ali completely by surprise. He looked at Aurens. The Englishman’s face was sorrowful, guilty.

“Ali, I never should have left you.” His voice was a mere whisper. “I felt so guilty, so horrible about all that had happened, all I had done.”

“You did nothing--” Ali began, but Aurens didn’t let him finish.

“I did some things. When Allenby assured me that they weren’t interested in Arabia, I had my suspicions they were lying. I didn’t believe them, but I told you anyway.”

“Aurens.” Ali spoke gently, patiently. “Neither did I.”

That got Aurens’ attention, his gaze snapping up, surprised. Ali smiled softly. “I was not ever fully convinced. I do not know that any of us were. You have no reason to blame yourself for that.”

Aurens seemed somewhat mollified, but then he continued. “And the way I led that massacre on the way to Damascus—“

But no, Ali was not going to let him have this one, either. “Aurens, you had a breakdown. It happens. Honestly, I am surprised it did not happen sooner, after all that had happened to you.” Still, he could see that the guilt remained. “Aurens…” he began to reach out, wanting to caress Aurens’ cheek, but stopped himself. He didn’t know if the touch would be allowed. 

Then, to his shock, Aurens reached out and, taking Ali’s hand, placed it to his cheek. Ali stared at him in surprise. Aurens said nothing, merely turned into Ali’s hand, kissing his palm. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m _so sorry_ for everything I said to you. I was trying to push you away. I didn’t think I deserved you. I still don’t. I wanted you to move on and I thought the only way that could happen was if you hated me.” He couldn’t help a small laugh, but it was sad, self- deprecating. “I don’t know how you don’t.”

But Ali was shaking his head. “I never could. Aurens, you deserve me. You deserve all the good things in this world. You are pure, and lovely, and the kindest person I know. Someday I will make you see that.” He hesitated, uncertain. “If you will give me the chance.”

An expression of relief, of wonder, broke over Aurens’ face. “I will.” He hesitated as if still unsure. “…if you’ll still have me.”

Ali couldn’t have stopped himself if he had tried. He captured Aurens’ mouth in a kiss. “Nothing could make me leave you now. _Nothing_.”

Aurens’ face was aglow. “I love you, Ali. So very much.”

“I love you, Aurens.” He felt like he would die from so much happiness. “More than anything in the world.”

 

**~*~**

 

The next two days of the conference had gone only slightly better than the first. Aurens had continued to argue their case fervently, and made a bit more headway each day. Ali was certain that they would never win completely, but it seemed likely that they could at least end up with a better deal than they would originally have gotten. And he had Aurens’ love again. That was everything.

The second evening, Aurens had walked him to his hotel and kissed him goodnight. They’d hidden in the shadows so as not to attract attention, for this was Europe, and unforgiving, but Ali didn’t care, for Aurens was kissing him. Aurens still loved him. So what if they had to hide? Aurens _loved him_.

The third day of the conference, returning from dinner, he had tried to pull Aurens into the shadows for a kiss, but Aurens had refused. Ali looked at him, a question in his eyes. Aurens simply smiled. “Aren’t you going to invite me up?”

Ali’s heart began pounding. “Do you _want_ me to invite you up?”

Aurens simply took Ali’s hand and led him into the hotel. That was all the invitation Ali needed, and he nearly dragged Aurens the rest of the way up to his room.

The instant the bedroom door shut behind them, he pressed Aurens up against it and they were kissing desperately. It had been too long, too many months. They hadn’t kissed, truly kissed, since before Dera’a. 

Quickly they found their way to the bed, discarding clothes as they went: keffiyehs, robes, shoes. Ali was careful not to push Aurens for more than kissing, or to even try to take his pants off. He was certain that after what had happened in Dera’a, the Englishman would want to take things slow. He was going to let Aurens take all the initiative, just as he had their first time around.

Aurens seemed to be grateful for this, hands roving over Ali’s bare chest as they kissed. Unconsciously, his hips rocked against Ali’s. “ _Ali_.”

Okay, so maybe Aurens wanted a _little_ bit more. Ali gently tugged at the waistband of his pants. “Do you want these off, my love?”

Aurens bit his lip as he thought about it, then nodded. Ali flicked the buttons open, once again thinking how much he hated the English uniform. He would get Aurens in some robes again, just wait. Quickly, Aurens wriggled out of the pants, kicking them aside before going to work on Ali’s pants. He didn’t even bother pulling them all the way off, simply tugging them down just far enough. Laughing, Ali kicked them the rest of the way off, kissing Aurens.

“Impatient,” he chided. Aurens only kissed him.

“Yup.” He made no sign of moving, though, of pulling Ali atop him as they always did, simply settled atop the man once more. Ali wasn’t going to push. Instead, he took Aurens’ waist in hand and gently guided him into position, one leg slotting between his own.

“Like this.”

Immediately Aurens rocked against him, their shafts sliding together, and Ali groaned. He had missed this. Not nearly so much as Aurens himself. He could have been content with never having such physicality, any physicality, again, so long as he had Aurens, but God, _this_. Feeling Aurens’ body against his? This was perfection. “Yes, Aurens,” he whispered. “Just like that.”

Aurens rutted against him again, and again, hips finding a rhythm. Ali’s hands traced lightly up and down his back. He could feel the raised marks of the scars that the beating had left on Aurens’ flesh. He wanted to take him and kiss each and every one, tell him how beautiful he was. Someday. When Aurens was ready.

Aurens whimpered. “ _Ali_.”

Ali could feel it too, that wonderful pressure building. “I know, Aurens.” He kissed the man, a hand cupping his face. “Let go. Come for me, my love.”

The endearment seemed to do it, for Aurens cried out as he came. Hearing his name on Aurens’ lips, feeling the heat spatter against his belly, and Ali came as well. “Aurens. Oh, Aurens.” He was kissing the man, trailing kisses all over his face. His lips, his cheeks, his forehead….kissing each closed eyelid. “I love you so much.”

Aurens’ breath was coming heavily. He opened his eyes to gaze down at Ali, and those blue eyes were filled with such love that Ali wanted to cry. “I love you, Ali.”

Ali wanted to ask Aurens if he would come back with him, to return to Arabia. He nearly did, but he bit his tongue. It was not the time. Not when Aurens was caught up in his emotions. He wanted Aurens to be calm and fully in control of all his senses when he answered. No, Ali would ask tomorrow.

Tonight it was enough just to hold Aurens in his arms. 

 

**~*~**

 

Aurens was furious. “Those _idiots!_ ” He slammed the door.

Ali had expected this. “Aurens, you must calm down.”

“How can I??”

Ali could understand Aurens’ frustrations. Despite the Englishman’s best efforts, Feisal had not been given full control of Arabia. And Aurens had worked so long and so hard. He had even provided the Conference with a map he had personally drawn up, a map which suggested state boundaries based on tribe sensitivities rather than the imperial interests. But the councils would never understand this; they couldn’t. They hadn’t been out there. They didn’t know how the tribes interacted, how important territories were to them. So in the end, Arabia was divided as the councils saw fit. Feisal was appointed king of what was now Iraq, and his brother king of what had become Jordan. That was something, at least, but Aurens could not see it. He was too bitterly disappointed in what he considered his personal failure.

“Aurens.” Ali took him by the shoulders, forcing Aurens to look at him. “You must try to calm down. No, we did not achieve everything we wanted. But do you not see how much you helped us? Without you, we may not even have achieved this much. We might not have even been given a seat at the conference.”

Aurens was clearly not convinced, but he was flushing at the compliment. “Feisal is responsible for most of it. You’re giving me far too much credit.”

“And you are giving yourself far too little. As always.” At that, Aurens couldn’t help but smile, despite his best efforts. Ali kissed him. “Come to bed,” he wheedled.

The smile grew. “No objections there.”

They began disrobing. Aurens shook his head as he discarded his jacket. “You know, after this, I don’t know how I can ever return to England.”

Ali’s heartbeat seemed to stop. That was just the opener he was looking for. It was even better than he had hoped. It seemed as if Aurens were _waiting_ for Ali to ask him, _hoping_ he would. “Funny you should say such a thing.” He tried to keep his voice as casual as possible, but he didn’t think he was succeeding.

Aurens crawled onto the bed beside him. “Oh?” If Ali was failing at any attempt to seem casual, Aurens was doing even worse. Yes, Ali would bet his life that Aurens wanted to be asked back to Arabia. He was no longer scared to ask.

“I was hoping you would like to return to Arabia with me.” He smiled. “Come home with me, Aurens. Stay with me?”

At the words, Aurens’ face broke into the biggest, most lovely smile. Then he was kissing Ali with everything he had. “Yes!”

Ali’s heart leapt with joy. “Yes?”

“Yes!”

Ali pulled Aurens into his arms and into a kiss. He didn’t know that he had ever been so happy in his life. Aurens was coming home with him, home to stay. “I love you so much,” he managed in between kisses.

“I love you too, Ali.” Aurens was cupping Ali’s face in his hands. “You are my life. My everything.” The words made Ali melt. “I can’t believe I almost let you go. There would have been nothing for me without you.”

Ali put his fingertips to Aurens’ lips, hushing him. “Do not think of that, Aurens. Put it behind you. I am here now, and I am never letting you go.”

Aurens smiled again, his face aglow. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Ali smiled. “Existed. You are perfect.”

The Englishman burst into laughter. “If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s perfect.”

“Mm…you are right. You worry too much about everything that is not your fault to be perfect.”

“Hey!” Laughing, Aurens swatted Ali’s shoulder. “Don’t be a brat.”

“Mm…” Ali hummed, leaning in to brush Aurens’ lips in a soft kiss. “But you like it when I am a brat.” 

Aurens shivered at the undercurrent of heat in Ali’s voice. “….Ali…”

“Yes, my love?” The Harith began to place kisses along the column of Aurens’ throat, that pale flesh he loved.

“…..make love to me?”

For a moment, Ali was certain he had heard wrong. He looked up at Aurens with eyes wide with surprise. “….you…..are you sure?”

Aurens nodded. “Very sure.”

Ali studied his face for a moment, searching, but Aurens certainly looked positive. He smiled. “Alright, my love.” He moved to shift Aurens beneath him and immediately the man panicked.

“No!” Aurens shot up. Ali pulled away, startled and concerned. Aurens flushed. “I can’t…..I can’t be pinned down. It’s too similar to….”

Ali understood immediately. It was too much like the rape. Aurens didn’t want to be on his back just yet, feeling so vulnerable. That was easily fixable. “Well, then.” He stroked Aurens’ cheek, soothing the worries. “How about we put you on top?”

Aurens looked up in surprise. “You….you can do that?”

Ali laughed. “Oh yes, Aurens. You can do many….many….things.” He punctuated each word with a kiss.”

A bit of that familiar old heat had come into Aurens’ eyes. “Oh really?” His smile had taken on that wicked edge that Ali remembered so well, that he adored. Shifting, he rolled over so he loomed over Ali, pinning him to the bed. Leaning their foreheads together, he smiled down at Ali. “Show me.”

 

**~tbc~**


	29. Don't Let Me Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulders_  
>  _Don't you know the hardest part is over?_  
>  _Let it in, let your clarity define you_  
>  _In the end, we will only just remember how it feels_  
>   
> 
> _Let it slide; let your troubles fall behind you_  
>  _Let it shine until you feel it all around you_  
>  _And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to_  
>  _We'll get by_  
>  _It's the heart that really matters in the end_
> 
>    
>  _Our lives are made in these small hours_  
>  _These little wonders. these twists and turns of fate_  
>  _Time falls away but these small hours still remain_
> 
>    
>  _All of my regret will wash away some how_  
>  _But I can not forget the way I feel right now_
> 
>  
> 
> ~Rob Thomas, 'Little Wonders'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I love you guys, for you get two fluff chapters in a row. This is Aurens' pov on the last chapter's events, plus the epilogue, and that's all she wrote, folks! I hope it lives up to expectations! Please, please, PLEASE review! It's the last chapter and I'd love to hear from you more than anything!
> 
> I had to include two songs for this chapter, because 'Little Wonders' perfectly describes for me how the two of them come together and put the past behind them, but I wanted to give you the song that the story took it's title from, so that's in the closing note. 'Little Wonders' is here: **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpSYDmYZgkA**  
>  'Don't Let Me Fall' is here: **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8gNxzrJ4mk**
> 
> As always, toss more prompts my way and I'll do my best to write them for you.
> 
> LifeLover, brightsidest, alienor, and everyone who has begun leaving me reviews, I adore you!

Aurens was eternally grateful for his private cabin on the trip home, for he didn’t think he could bear interacting with another human being. He barely even left his bed, and ate nothing, simply lay curled in a ball, sobbing into his pillow.

Leaving Ali had been the right thing to do, he told himself again and again. Ali deserved the world, deserved someone who could stand by his side and help him turn Arabia into everything it could be. Aurens had already proven a complete failure at that.

Yes, leaving Ali had been the right thing to do.

So why did his heart hurt so very much? 

 

**~*~**

 

All Aurens wanted to do was to go….where? He didn’t have a home; not a real home. Home was with Ali. Go somewhere secluded, hide away and try to forget about everything, forget all the ways he had failed. But that wasn’t possible. He had been asked to work at the Foreign Office.

At first he balked. More government work was the last thing he wanted. But then he realized that this was it: this was a way he could still help Ali, help Feisal and all of the Arabs he had failed. If they had someone on the inside, a voice to speak for them, maybe it would help.

There was certainly no way that Aurens could win them Arabia; not all of it. But there was a chance he would get them a better deal than they had right now.

He could do this. 

Aurens worked tirelessly every day and long into the night. There were many times that he fell asleep at his desk and was awoken the next morning by his fellow workers. He knew they were concerned about him, but he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t. If this was all he could do for Ali now, he wasn’t going to give up, wasn’t going to rest until he saw it finished.

He drew up a map to present at the Paris Peace Conference, a map which suggested different borders for Arabia, borders based on tribe sensitivities rather than the imperial interests that currently divided them. He doubted it would do any good, but he intended to push it through with everything he had.

It was only days after sending the conference invitation to Feisal that a response arrived, written, surprisingly, by Majid. Aurens tore it open, eyes scanning it eagerly, and joy filled him. Feisal was coming. Then a handful of words at the bottom of the page caught his eye and his heart stopped. 

_Myself and Ali will be attending as well._

Aurens couldn’t breathe. Ali, coming here. Ali. His hands began to shake as he read the rest of the words.

_PS- we read your book. I believe Ali (or is it S.A?) found it very interesting._  
_~Majid_

Aurens couldn’t cope. He barely made it to the bathroom before he threw up. Sinking to the floor, he leaned against the wall, face damp with perspiration. He was trembling.

Ali had read his book. He knew everything. He knew how much Aurens still loved him. And now he was coming here. Did that mean….did Aurens dare to hope….

He kicked himself internally. He was supposed to be letting Ali move on.

_But if he still wants you…._

Aurens buried his face in his hands. He knew if Ali returned now, still in love with him, he would never be able to resist. He still loved Ali. _God_ , how he loved him. The mere thought of Ali made his heart, his soul, his entire being ache with longing. But he had meant for Ali to move on.

_Don’t you think that should be his decision?_

It was hard to argue with that point. If Ali wanted him…. _loved_ him….who was Aurens to say he was wrong? When it came down to it, wasn’t it horribly wrong of him to have made the decision for both of them in the first place? With that thought came a whole new wave of guilt. He had just been trying to do what was best for Ali, but in the end all he had done was hurt the man.

If Ali still loved him, it was a miracle.

But if he did….

If he did, there was no way Aurens was going to turn him away. He didn’t think he could if he tried. He _needed_ Ali, needed him like he needed the air to breathe. Ali completed him.

Aurens rose, returning to the other room and looking at the calendar on the wall. It was only the eighth.

The conference could not come soon enough.

 

**~*~**

 

Finally it was the first day of the conference, and Aurens was going out of his mind with nerves. He stood outside the building, fidgeting uncomfortably in his British uniform. How he loathed the thing. His eyes scanned the crowd, searching everywhere for Ali. At last, he saw the three men in the crowd, and his heart began beating faster. As always, Ali was dressed all in black, spotless. He still hadn’t noticed Aurens, but Feisal did, and greeted him with a smile. “Aurens.”

At that one word, Ali jumped and spun about, brown eyes wide. Aurens blushed under that gaze. It had been too long, and so much had happened. “Hello, Prince Feisal.” He looked to Ali, smiling somewhat shyly. He still wasn’t sure exactly where they stood, despite Majid’s hinting. “Sherif Ali.”

“Just Ali, Aurens. Please.” Aurens’ heart leapt. _Just Ali_. Then Ali _did_ still care, at least somewhat. “Or is it Colonel Lawrence?’” 

“Just Aurens, please.” He could feel his strength returning, the exhaustion of all the past months ebbing away in the face of Ali’s smile.

Majid cleared his throat and Aurens remembered they were not alone. “Hello, Aurens.”

“Hello, Majid.” Despite wishing so badly for a moment alone with Ali, he was very glad to see the man. He had missed Majid as well, his quick wit and jokes, even the obnoxious ones.

“I have something for you.” Majid reached into his satchel and pulled out a keffiyeh. “I thought you might wish to wear it, since you are standing with us.”

Aurens was surprised. “You….really?” He turned to Feisal. “Is it permitted? I mean, after all that has happened?”

“You mean after the way you have been working to help my people?” Feisal seemed amused by the question. “Yes, Aurens, it is permitted.”

Aurens flushed with guilt. “I’ve failed miserably.”

“And yet you are still trying.” Feisal smiled. “Thank you.”

Aurens had no response. He knew he was now blushing all the way to the tips of his ears in that way he hated. It was so humiliating.

Majid held out the keffiyeh. “Ali, maybe you would like to help him?”

Oh God, did Aurens want that. Ali took the keffiyeh and turned to him. “May I?”

Aurens nodded, that small, shy smile returning. _God_ , he needed to stop; it was embarrassing. “Please.”

Gently, Ali wrapped the cloth around Aurens’ head, tying the agal in place. “There.” 

Aurens couldn’t take his eyes off of Ali. He still couldn’t fully believe the Harith was there. He had seen the man so often in his sleep, always waking to disappointment and an aching heart. This seemed like nothing more than yet another dream. “….how do I look?” he managed at last. 

Ali smiled. “Very handsome.”

He hadn’t thought it possible to blush more than he was, but apparently he could. He fumbled for words and found none. 

Luckily, Feisal saved him. “I believe it is time for us to go in?” He sounded amused.

Ali flushed, and Aurens was pleased that he was no longer the only one. “Yes, my lord.”

They headed inside together. For the first time in months, Aurens no longer felt alone. Ali was back. And this time, Aurens wasn’t going to give him up without a fight.

 

**~*~**

 

Things had gone about as well as Aurens had expected, though not nearly as well as he would have liked. No one wanted to listen to the Arabs, especially not the French, who had too much to lose. There had been many times when Aurens had been told to shut up, but refused. He was going to make their voices heard, no matter the cost. 

Several times it happened, he had heard a muffled snicker and been astounded that it had come not from Majid but Ali. In a way, he supposed that made sense. Ali _would_ be amused by Aurens refusing to shut up. Still, it had made it hard for him resist smiling. Ali cared for him, that was becoming clearer and clearer. But was it enough to take him back?

Either way, first Aurens had to find a way to make amends.

It was late now, and they hadn’t had dinner. Aurens could hear Ali’s stomach growling. Clearly Majid did as well. “You are hungry, Ali?”

“Yes.”

“Did you wish to get some food?” Ali nodded. Majid turned to Aurens. “Would you like to get dinner, Aurens?”

Aurens was surprised to be asked. Surprised, but incredibly happy. “That would be nice.”

Majid clapped his hands together. “Wonderful! You two have fun. Ali, I will see you back at the hotel later.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving the two men staring after him, dumfounded.

“Did he….did he just set us up?” Aurens couldn’t quite believe it. Ali, on the other hand, didn’t seem surprised at all. He sighed.

“Yes. He did.” Uncertain, he looked to Aurens. “You do not have to come if you do not wish to.”

“No!” Aurens almost panicked. “I mean, yes. I mean I want to.” He fumbled for words.

Ali stared at Aurens, then burst into laughter. Aurens scowled. “Shut up.”

“No. You are ridiculous.”

Aurens simply glared at him, but there was no anger in it, and Ali clearly knew it. “Are we going to dinner or not?”

Ali smiled. “I would love to.”

They wandered down the street until they found a small café, mostly deserted. It was nice and private, which was just what Aurens wanted. Paris was so different from Arabia. If they were just having dinner, it would be one thing, but he intended to tell Ali everything: how much he regretted leaving, how sorry he was…how very much he loved him. And in Paris, that just would not fly. Privacy was a necessity. 

The first few minutes were incredibly awkward, neither man knowing what to say, how to break the ice.

“So,” Ali began at last. “How have you been, Aurens?”

“Miserable.”

The answer obviously caught Ali completely by surprise; he looked shocked. But it couldn’t have been more truthful.

“Ali, I never should have left you.” Aurens’ voice was a mere whisper. “I felt so guilty, so horrible about all that had happened, all I had done.”

“You did nothing--” Ali began, but Aurens didn’t let him finish. He had to get this out, had to let Ali know everything that had happened, all the myriad ways he had messed up. He had to make amends.

“I did some things. When Allenby assured me that they weren’t interested in Arabia, I had my suspicions they were lying. I didn’t believe them, but I told you anyway.”

“Aurens.” Ali spoke gently, patiently. “Neither did I.”

That got Aurens’ attention, his gaze snapping up, surprised. Ali smiled softly. “I was not ever fully convinced. I do not know that any of us were. You have no reason to blame yourself for that.”

Aurens was somewhat mollified, but there was so much more, so much he had done wrong. “And the way I led that massacre on the way to Damascus—“

But no, Ali interrupted again. “Aurens, you had a breakdown. It happens. Honestly, I am surprised it did not happen sooner, after all that had happened to you.” 

Aurens was unconvinced. He had seen the bodies there, so many men killed on his orders, the blood on his hands. And the way that Ali had _looked_ at him….

But Ali was looking at him now with nothing but love in his eyes. Clearly any ill feelings he had ever had about what had happened had vanished long ago. “Aurens…” he began to reach out as if to caress Aurens’ cheek, but stopped short, as though didn’t know if the touch would be allowed.

Aurens’ heart skipped a beat. It was true, then. Ali forgave him. Ali _loved_ him. There was no way he was going to deny that love, not when he still loved Ali with everything he had. Not when he had never _stopped_ loving Ali. He had almost lost this once, almost given it up out of some misplaced thought that he knew what was best for Ali. Well now it was time to let Ali decide what was best for himself.

He reached out and, taking Ali’s hand, placed it to his cheek. Ali stared at him in surprise. Aurens merely turned into Ali’s hand, kissing his palm. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m _so sorry_ for everything I said to you. I was trying to push you away. I didn’t think I deserved you. I still don’t. I wanted you to move on and I thought the only way that could happen was if you hated me.” He couldn’t help a small laugh, but it was sad, self-deprecating. “I don’t know how you don’t.”

But Ali was shaking his head. “I never could. Aurens, you deserve me. You deserve all the good things in this world. You are pure, and lovely, and the kindest person I know. Someday I will make you see that.” Aurens was melting. He couldn’t find it in him to believe the words, but the fact that Ali did was everything. “If you will give me the chance.”

Aurens felt a wave of relief flow over him. “I will.” He hesitated, still unsure. “…if you’ll still have me.”

Ali gave no verbal answer, simply dove across the table and captured Aurens’ mouth in a kiss. “Nothing could make me leave you now. _Nothing_.”

An overwhelming joy filled him. “I love you, Ali. So very much.”

“I love you, Aurens.” Ali’s face was alight, that beautiful smile that Aurens adored. “More than anything in the world.”

**~*~**

The next two days of the conference had gone only slightly better than the first. Aurens had continued to argue their case fervently, and made a bit more headway each day. He had always known they would never win completely, but he was starting to think they may achieve a better deal than they had hoped. And he had Ali’s love again. That was more than he ever thought he would have.

The second evening, he walked Ali to his hotel and kissed him goodnight. They’d had to conceal themselves in the shadows, but what did it matter? Ali was back in his life, and Aurens was _never_ letting him leave again.

The third day of the conference, returning from dinner, Ali had tried to pull him into the shadows again, but Aurens wasn’t having it. Ali looked at him, a question in his eyes. Aurens simply smiled. “Aren’t you going to invite me up?”

Ali stared at him. “Do you _want_ me to invite you up?”

Aurens simply took Ali’s hand and led him into the hotel. Apparently that was all the invitation Ali needed, and he nearly dragged Aurens the rest of the way up to his room.

The instant the bedroom door shut behind them, he pressed Aurens up against it and they were kissing desperately. It had been too long, too many months. They hadn’t kissed, truly kissed, since before Dera’a.

Quickly they found their way to the bed, discarding clothing as they went. Ali was careful not to push Aurens for more than kissing, or to even try to take his pants off. Aurens melted. He knew that Ali was aware that, after what had happened at Dera’a, Aurens would need to go slowly, and Ali was more than willing to give him this. _God_ , did he love the man.

Aurens had missed this: the feel of Ali against him, all that beautiful tanned skin exposed for his hands to trail over, to touch as they pleased. Unconsciously, his hips rocked against Ali’s. “ _Ali_.”

Ali gently tugged at the waistband of his pants. “Do you want these off, my love?”

Aurens bit his lip as he thought about it. He still often had nightmares about Dera’a. He hadn’t worried too much about it because he had never expected to have sex again. Ali was the only person he had ever loved, and would ever love. But now Ali was back, and he fully intended to sleep with Ali again, so he had to figure this out. Was this moving too fast? Could he handle this? 

It didn’t take much debating.

Yes. This was Ali. Ali, who was so careful with him, who always asked before touching him anywhere new, before removing any article of clothing. Ali, who always let him take the initiative. Ali, who always stopped if he said to. If there was anyone he was comfortable with, it was Ali. He nodded.

Ali flicked the buttons open, and quickly Aurens wriggled out of the pants, kicking them aside before going to work on Ali’s. He didn’t even bother pulling them all the way off, simply tugging them down just far enough. Laughing, Ali kicked them the rest of the way off, kissing Aurens.

“Impatient,” he chided. Aurens only kissed him.

“Yup.” He didn’t move, though, simply settled atop the man once more. He wasn’t ready yet to have Ali atop him. It was too close to the rape, to being pinned down by those soldiers. Even though Ali was nothing like them, he just wasn’t ready.

But Ali was Ali, and didn’t push. _God_ , he was so perfect. He simply took Aurens’ waist in hand and gently guided him into position, one leg slotting between his own.

“Like this.”

Aurens was grateful for the instruction, for they had never done this before. Ali was always atop him. He followed Ali’s guidance and rocked against him, their shafts sliding together, and was pleased with the groan he coaxed out of Ali. Oh, how he had missed this. Being with Ali, in every way possible. Making Ali feel good.

“Yes, Aurens,” Ali whispered. “Just like that.”

Aurens rutted against him again, and again, hips finding a rhythm. Ali’s hands traced lightly up and down his back, and he shivered. He still wasn’t comfortable with being fully naked, knowing that the marks from those men and that horrible beating were there for all to see. But he knew Ali would never judge him for them, that Ali would find him beautiful no matter what. Even now, Ali didn’t shy away from the scars; his fingers danced over them lightly, almost lovingly. _You are beautiful_ , he silently said. _I love you._

Aurens whimpered. “ _Ali_.”

Ali could clearly feel it as well. “I know, Aurens.” He kissed Aurens, a hand cupping his face. “Let go. Come for me, my love.”

The endearment was what did it more than anything. _My love_. How Aurens had missed those words. He had never thought to hear them again. He cried Ali’s name as he came, only dimly aware of Ali following him shortly afterwards. Then Ali was kissing him, trailing kisses all over his face. His lips, his cheeks, his forehead, even each closed eyelid. “I love you so much.”

Aurens’ breath was coming heavily. He opened his eyes to gaze down at Ali, this man he loved more than life itself. “I love you, Ali.” He stroked the thick dark hair that he adored and wondered what would happen when the conference was done. Ali was going to go home again. How could Aurens bear it?

He couldn’t. He knew that now. Without Ali, his life was nothing.

_Go with him_.

That tiny voice was back, whispering in his ear, and this time, he didn’t even try to ignore it. Could he do it? Could he return to Arabia with Ali? He certainly _wanted_ to. God, the thought of leaving England, of just abandoning it all and returning to Arabia to have a life with Ali, a life where no one would judge them for being together. A life where they could have a home, almost like…

_Like what? A marriage?_

He huffed a laugh at the thought, but he knew it was exactly what he wanted. Maybe they could never have a true marriage, with a ceremony, but what he wanted was a life with Ali where they lived as husbands. In Arabia, it could be possible.

Ali had clearly heard the laugh. “What is it, my love?” He sounded amused.

Aurens shook his head. “Nothing.” Leaning up, he gave Ali a kiss. “Get some sleep. We have another long day tomorrow.”

Ali seemed unconvinced, but he gave Aurens another kiss and settled in for the night. It wasn’t long before his breathing evened and he fell asleep. Aurens was awake for quite a while longer, thinking of the two of them, and Arabia, and how the hell he was going to broach the topic.

Well, he’d better figure it out fast.

_I’ve only got one more day_.

**~*~**

Aurens was furious. “Those _idiots!_ ” He slammed the door.

“Aurens, you must calm down.”

“How can I??” Despite his best efforts, how long and hard he had worked, Feisal had not been given full control of Araba. Even the map he had made hadn’t convinced the councils to change the borders. They would never understand Arabia. They hadn’t been out there. They didn’t know how the tribes interacted, how important territories were to them. So in the end, Arabia was divided as they saw fit. Feisal was appointed king of what was now Iraq, and his brother king of what had become Jordan. It was so much less than he had hoped for.

“Aurens.” Ali took him by the shoulders, forcing Aurens to look at him. “You must try to calm down. No, we did not achieve everything we wanted. But do you not see how much you helped us? Without you, we may not even have achieved this much. We might not have even been given a seat at the conference.”

Aurens wasn’t convinced, but he still couldn’t help flushing at the compliment. “Feisal is responsible for most of it. You’re giving me far too much credit.”

“And you are giving yourself far too little. As always.” At that, Aurens couldn’t help but smile, despite his best efforts. Ali kissed him. “Come to bed,” he wheedled.

The smile grew. “No objections there.”

They began disrobing. Aurens was beginning to feel nerves stirring. If he was going to find a way to bring up returning to Arabia, it had to be now. “You know, after this, I don’t know how I can ever return to England.” There. Not nearly as casual as he would have hoped, but it was a start.

There was silence, and for a moment he worried that either Ali didn’t understand his meaning or was trying to find a way to tell him that no, he didn’t want Aurens back. When he spoke up, Aurens was relieved. “Funny you should say such a thing.” He was clearly trying to sound casual and failing, and Aurens felt a wave of amusement, and then hope hit him. Did Ali _want_ him to come?

He crawled onto the bed beside Ali. “Oh?”

Ali turned to face him. “I was hoping you would like to return to Arabia with me.” He smiled, voice soft. “Come home with me, Aurens. Stay with me?”

At the words, Aurens’ heart began pounding; his face broke into such a huge smile that his cheeks hurt. Then he was kissing Ali with everything he had. “Yes!”

Ali looked overjoyed. “Yes?”

“Yes!”

Ali pulled Aurens into his arms and into a kiss. “I love you so much,” he managed in between kisses.

“I love you too, Ali.” Aurens cupped Ali’s face in his hands. “You are my life. My everything.” He still couldn’t believe they had found their way back here after all of his mistakes, all their stumbles since Dera’a. “I can’t believe I almost let you go. There would have been nothing for me without you.”

Ali put his fingertips to Aurens’ lips, hushing him. “Do not think of that, Aurens. Put it behind you. I am here now, and I am never letting you go.”

Aurens felt such an overwhelming sense of gratitude, of love. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

The Harith smiled. “Existed. You are perfect.”

Aurens burst into laughter. “If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s perfect.”

“Mm…you are right. You worry too much about everything that is not your fault to be perfect.”

“Hey!” Laughing, Aurens swatted Ali’s shoulder. “Don’t be a brat.”

“Mm…” Ali hummed, leaning in to brush Aurens’ lips in a soft kiss. “But you like it when I am a brat.”

Aurens shivered at the undercurrent of heat in Ali’s voice, that tone he knew so well, the one that always got under his skin and drove him wild with desire. “….Ali…”

“Yes, my love?” The Harith began to place kisses along the column of Aurens’ throat. They were soft, fluttering things, lingering just long enough to tease and make him want more, _so_ much more.

“…..make love to me?”

Ali looked up at Aurens with eyes wide with surprise. “….you…..are you sure?”

Aurens nodded. “Very sure.”

Ali studied his face for a moment, clearly searching for any sign of uncertainty, but finding none, he smiled. “Alright, my love.” He moved to shift Aurens beneath him, as usual. Immediately Aurens flashed back to that room in Dera’a, being pushed to the floor, a man forcing his way inside him, and he panicked.

“No!” He shot up. Ali pulled away, startled and concerned. Aurens flushed. “I can’t…..I can’t be pinned down. It’s too similar to….”

He felt horrible. He shouldn’t have a problem with this, not when it was Ali. Ali was nothing like those men. But he shouldn’t have been worried, for Ali was Ali, and as always, he understood, without needing to be told any more, without being offended. “Well, then.” Ali stroked Aurens’ cheek, soothing the worries. “How about we put you on top?”

Aurens was completely surprised. “You….you can do that?” He was struck yet again with how very little he knew about sex. But they had all the time in the world for him to learn.

Ali only laughed, happy with the response. “Oh yes, Aurens. You can do many….many….things.” He punctuated each word with a kiss.”

A bit of that familiar old heat had begun to unfurl in Aurens’ belly. “Oh really?” Shifting, he rolled over, pinning Ali to the bed. Leaning their foreheads together, he smiled down at Ali. “Show me.”

[ ](https://smg.photobucket.com/user/el_snicket/media/sHOW_zpsysrq5axx.png.html)

**~*~**

It was an incredibly hot day. Aurens was grateful for the breeze that rifled through the trees outside, bringing a bit of relief. It had been three years since they had returned to Arabia. Three wonderful years, and they had made the most of every minute. They had settled in Iraq, not far from Feisal’s headquarters, for Ali had become his top advisor. Feisal had offered Aurens a position as well, but for the time being, Aurens wanted nothing more to do with politics of any kind. He had assured Feisal that should he need any help, he would be there, but otherwise, he preferred to stay at home.

And what a home it was. It was nothing fancy, just a modest cottage, but it was everything Aurens could ever have wished for. Small and simple, with fig trees outside that were always full of delicious fruit come the springtime. He had taught himself to bake, a process of trial and error, and Ali being extremely patient and very kind about eating his many botched recipes. But by now he had gotten very good at it.

He leaned back against the house and, closing his eyes, took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent coming from the fig trees. The fruit was almost at its ripest. Nearly ready to be picked and made into jam. Suddenly came the sensation of fingers running through his hair, and he smiled. “Hello.”

“Hello, my love.” Ali leaned in and kissed his cheek. “How are you?”

“Just fine.” Unsatisfied, he stole a kiss on the lips. “You’re home early.”

Ali shrugged. “Feisal was done for the day and told me to get home to my husband.”

“He did not say that!” Aurens could not believe Feisal would use such a word. While he fully considered Ali his husband, they were not married; not legally.

“He most certainly did.” Ali laughed in the face of Aurens’ disbelief. “Majid has not stopped bandying the term about since we returned here. I think the others are beginning to take to it.” Ali shook his head, though he was clearly trying to hide his amusement. “He is a great nuisance.”

Naturally. Majid took great pleasure in teasing them. He always had. “Of course he is.”

Ali rolled his eyes. “Of course he is.” For the first time, he glanced around him. “Where are the boys?”

Aurens gave a small jerk of his chin to gesture. “Out back. They were playing by the brook.”

About a year after moving into their house, two boys had been found, abandoned on the limits of the city. They were no more than three years old and had no names, at least none that they could remember. Ali and Aurens had taken them in immediately, and with that, their family was complete.

Suddenly, a huge crash came from inside. Ali glanced at the house and back to Aurens, a brow arched. “Out back? You are certain?”

Aurens sighed. “They were SUPPOSED to be. God, how do two such tiny people get up to so much trouble?”

Ali only laughed. “What did you expect, naming them as you did?”

That brought a smile to Aurens’ face, even as he shook his head, going into the house. “Daud! Farraj!’”

The first thing that greeted them was a smashed jar of fig jam. Clearly the boys had been attempting to break into the reserve that Aurens had kept hidden, trying to make it last until the new fruit was ready to can. Unfortunately, he kept it high up, and despite the chair the boys had pushed over to reach the hiding place, they were still too tiny to get a good grasp on it. It had slipped through their fingers and smashed on the floor, spattering jam and glass everywhere.

Aurens glanced from the mess to Ali, who shrugged at him. “ _You_ named them.”

Aurens stared at Ali, half disbelief, half amusement. “Are you suggesting that by merely naming them as I did, I made them naughty?” Ali shrugged again, and Aurens shook his head. “Brat. Besides, you agreed to the names.”

“You still thought of them.”

Aurens heaved a sigh, but he couldn’t hide the smile on his face. Raising his voice, he called out again. “Daud! Farraj!”

Two small boys emerged with meekly contrite expressions which barely hid the mischief in their eyes, and once more Aurens was struck with the reminder of the boys he had known, just as he had been when he and Ali had first seen these two boys, struck so hard that his heart ached. He smiled as he thought of all the similarities between the four, the Daud and Farraj he had led through the revolt and these two little boys before him. They were so alike, such little troublemakers. The Daud and Farraj he had known would be pleased with their successors.

He leaned forward to speak to them, trying keep as serious a face as possible. “What did I tell you about the jam?”

“Not to touch it,” Daud mumbled.

“That’s right. See what happened? Now it’s all gone.” He sensed the reaction from Ali, who knew that there was more jam still hidden away. There was no way he was letting the boys know that, though. It would be a while still before they could can more jam, and longer still before that jam was ready. He wasn’t risking another accident and depriving the boys completely.

But now the two of them were now looking so sad that his heart melted. He reached out and tousled their hair. “Hey.” Two pairs of nearly identical brown eyes looked up at him. “Go get cleaned up. You’re all sticky. And maybe if you’re _really_ good, I’ll make something special for dessert, okay?”

At that, their faces lit up, and they flew from the room. Ali laughed as he watched. Aurens turned to him, smiling.

“You are evil, you know.”

“Me?” Aurens feigned surprise, for he was fairly certain to what Ali was referring.

“Yes, you.” Ali was careful to keep his voice low. “You know very well that you have more jam hidden away in our room.”

“Mm…I _do_ know that.” Aurens slid his arms around Ali’s neck. “You know what else I know?”

“What.” The smile on Ali’s face was echoed in his voice, a happiness that filled Aurens’ heart with bliss.

“That I am hopelessly in love with you.”

The joy that lit up Ali’s face was as blinding as the sun; hands cupping Aurens’ face, he pulled the man into a deep, hungry kiss. “I love you too, Aurens,” he whispered. “More than life itself.”

Aurens knew exactly how he felt. Those few months without Ali had been meaningless. He had existed only for the work he had been doing for the Paris Peace Conference. He didn’t know what would have happened when it had all been over. In all likelihood, he would have died. He hadn’t been getting nearly enough food or sleep during his work, and he’d had a purpose then. Facing a life without Ali? What point was there then? No, he was certain he would have given up completely, wasted away.

But there was no point in looking back, not when Ali was here, in his arms. Not when they had a house together, a family, in a country where they were accepted. They had made a home here, and God help the person who tried to interfere.

Ali stroked Aurens’ cheek, sensing his distraction. “Are you still with me, Aurens?” He sounded amused.

Aurens caught Ali’s hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it. “ _Always_.”

He stroked Ali’s cheek, taking in the softness of that smile, those beautiful brown eyes he had fallen in love with. _I have you now, and I’m never letting go_.

_Never again._

**~fin~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after, forever and eternity. I hope you enjoyed it! Again, leave me any prompt ideas, for I will dearly miss this piece.  
> PS- fig jam is the bomb.  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Underneath the moon, underneath the stars_  
>  _Here's a little heart for you_  
>  _Up above the world, up above it all_  
>  _Here's a hand to hold on to_
> 
>    
>  _But if I should break, if I should fall away_  
>  _What am I to do?_  
>  _I need someone to take a little of the weight_  
>  _Or I'll fall through_
> 
>    
>  _Take a little time, walk a little line_  
>  _Got the balance right_  
>  _Give a little love, give me just enough_  
>  _So that I can hang on tight_
> 
>    
>  _We will be alright_  
>  _I'll be by your side; I won't let you down_  
>  _But I gotta know no matter how things go_  
>  _That you will be around_
> 
>    
>  _You're just the one that I've been waiting for_  
>  _I'll give you all that I have to give and more_  
>  _But don't let me fall_
> 
>  
> 
> _You'll be the one that I'll love forever more_  
>  _I'll be here holding you high above it all_  
>  _But don't let me fall_
> 
>  
> 
> ~Lenka, 'Don't Let Me Fall'


	30. Chapter 30

So there is new artwork by the same amazing artist up in the last chapter! Also, many of you requested spin-off pieces related to this story, and I've already written a few. So go check them out! Also, if you want to keep informed of any additional updates, for there will probably be quite a few more, subscribe to the piece!

Here is the link to the artist who did the amazing artwork: https://www.instagram.com/verushka146/


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